Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
ROWAN
B ear placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze, the weight of it grounding me for the briefest of seconds.
The room reeked of motor oil, leather, and the scent of a thousand bad decisions.
His concern washed over me, his presence meant to comfort me, but all it did was pull me deeper into my own dark void.
Scout had spent the last six hours attempting to hack into John’s phone to track their location. It had been a useless effort—as useless as me.
Now he was attempting to track down Snake’s location.
All I could do was stare at Sadie’s phone on my desk, the screen blank, as if mocking my helplessness. I needed it to ring, to beep, to give me a goddamn sign that wherever she was, she was alive. Still fucking breathing the same air as me.
The emptiness in the room pressed against my chest, squeezing my ribs, until the only thing left to choke on was the rot that had become my life. Even the dim glow of the desk lamp couldn’t touch the darkness crawling inside me .
The hours had slipped by, and the sickening realisation had crept in that without Sadie Cooper, I was nothing but a hollow wreck.
She’d torn her way back into my life, upending everything. Before her, I never thought much about what kind of man I was, or even the kind I wanted to be. I didn’t need to. The club owned me, and that had been enough.
Before Sadie, I’d been rolling through each reckless day, never minding who I left broken in my wake.
The ink on my skin and the roar of my bike were all I had to immerse myself in this world.
But then she was back, storming in and trampling over the shitty foundation I’d laid down, and suddenly I was alive again.
Every second with her was like breathing fresh air into my stagnant lungs.
Now she was missing, and the thought of losing the air I breathed was gutting me from the inside out. Even Bear could see I was practically bleeding all over the stained carpet.
Maybe I wasn’t enough for her. Maybe I’d never be. What the fuck could I offer her besides the broken parts of myself? All I’d ever known was war. She deserved something cleaner, and I didn’t have that in me.
But I knew one thing. I was going to do whatever it took to keep her.
I’d chase her to the edge of hell and back if that’s what it took to prove I was all in.
I was willing to give her everything I had, even if that meant giving up the only life I’d ever known.
For her, I’d have handed my patch in right then.
Left for good. I’d have walked into the desert with no water if she asked me to.
Logan got to love her as her best friend, but I was going to love her like she was the last fucking woman on earth—how a man should love his woman.
“We’ll find her,” Bear said, his voice low, but sure. Like he could speak it into being. He dropped into the leather chair opposite my desk and leaned back with a confidence I wished I had. “Scout’s going to come up with the location soon.”
“You don’t know that,” I muttered, my voice hoarse.
But I needed to believe him, needed something to hold on to.
I dragged a hand down my face. Even that felt too much. My mind was spiralling out of control, dragging me to places I didn’t want to go. It was bubbling up inside me, all the pain, all the shit I thought I’d buried for good. Instead, it had just been festering for years.
I’d kept the pain of my brother’s death shoved so deep down.
That way I didn’t have to admit what was too fucking obvious—he hadn’t wanted to be here any longer.
He’d gotten in so deep within the club, and I didn’t even know it.
My old man had hidden it from me, Logan had hidden it from me, and now Sadie was paying the price for my ignorance.
She could have been lying in a ditch somewhere, calling my name, reaching for me, wondering where the hell I was. I never imagined this type of pain could ever exist.
A shuttering sob ripped through me like I was being stabbed repeatedly, and I buried my face in my hands, letting out a hoarse cry that bordered on feral.
“I can’t fucking lose her, man.” Choked breaths strangled my words.
Pain knotted in my gut, panic layering itself tight around my chest. Each inhale felt like breathing in glass.
“If something happens. If she gets hurt or kill—” I couldn’t finish that sentence. There weren’t words for my worst fears.
“Not going to,” Bear said, his words vibrating around my skull. “We’re going to get her back.”
I shook my head, pressing the heels of my palms to my eyes.
“You can’t promise that.” My voice came out pathetic, broken, like roadkill that had been baking in the sun.
“This is all because of me. The night I kissed her here, I told her she’d be safe.
That I’d protect her. Now look at me, sobbing into my hands like a fucking coward. ” The confession burned in my throat.
Bear leaned forward in the chair, pressing his elbows to his knees. He fixed me with a steady look, one that came from the depths of his loyalty. “I know you love her, man. But she needs you right now. Get your head in the right place. That’s how you get her back.”
Bear was right. I swiped at the traitorous tears that had tracked down my face. Sadie needed me strong, not falling apart. Squaring my shoulders, I forced myself to breathe, forced my head to clear. This was no time to lose it. Not with her life on the line.
Bear lifted an eyebrow, concern evident on his face. “You good?”
I nodded. “I’m good.”
The door to the office crashed open and Scout skidded in, panting like he’d just raced across the entire town.
He held up a piece of paper, waving it around in his hand. “Found her. Iron received a text from Nicky about five minutes ago. He’s with Snake. I’ve got an address.”
“That’s a boy,” Bear said, shoving up from the chair and slapping Scout hard on the back. “Knew you’d be good for something one day.”
“We’ll get her back, VP,” Scout said, handing me the address with a confidence that was more than I could muster. “You’ve got to let me shoot Snake first, though.”
Bear slapped the back of his head. “I’ll shoot you if you don’t shut your trap.”
Scout cleared his throat. “Sorry, VP.”
The words blurred before me as I stared at the piece of paper. She wasn’t far, only an hour’s drive at most. Snake’s work, no doubt. He wanted me. Wanted to be found.
My fingers curled tight around the paper before I shoved the chair back and stood. “Right,” I said. “We need to be ready. We don’t know what we’re walking into, but Snake’s got Nicky involved. He could have more.”
Bear and Scout both nodded, already expecting what needed to be done.
“Got it,” Bear said, hovering in the doorway. “I’ll pack the van with what we’ve got.”
The rush of activity left me swaying on my feet. We had a lead, and I had to believe in it. To trust that Sadie was strong enough to hold on until we got to her.
Bear and Scout darted out of the room, leaving me alone, but not in silence. The ticking clock in my chest was still too loud. I rolled my head over my shoulders, the crack of bone loosening up my tense muscles.
This was it. I was going to cut the head off that fucking snake, and then I was going to love Sadie with everything I had left.
With that, I left the office behind me in search of weapons.
On my way out of the clubhouse, a full duffel bag in hand, I found Iron sitting at the bar, a bottle of whiskey in his hands, now three-quarters full, and going fast. I was done with whatever games he wanted to play, and I couldn’t care any less if he wanted my patch.
Sadie was all that mattered, and I’d give it up willingly.
“Rowan.” Iron patted the stool beside him. “Sit with me for a moment.”
I scoffed. “You’re kidding right? I don’t have time?—”
“It’ll only take a minute.” His tone left no room for argument, yet there was no animosity in his stare, just pure tiredness. I knew that look all too well. It was a look that held no expectations. Iron had no more fight left in him. “You owe me that much.”
I clenched my jaw so hard pain shot through my skull. I didn’t owe him shit, but I was willing to entertain him one last time.
“Make it quick.” With a grunt, I dumped the duffel bag at my feet with a thud and dropped onto the stool beside him.
“I know you need to do whatever you need to, to keep Sadie safe, son.” He looked at me then, eyes red-rimmed and hollowed out as though his soul was on its way out.
“I’m done fighting. I’m too old, too sick, and there’s not enough time in the world for me to make up for all the shit I’ve done.
” He lifted the bottle to his cracked lips and took a long swig, wincing.
He swiped a hand over his mouth. “I owe you one—for Logan. So I get it. You’ll need to take Nicky from me.
For the part he’s played in all of this bullshit. ”
My eyebrows shot up, my disbelief over his callousness warring with my need for vengeance. “You can’t mean that.” Even as the words left my mouth, I knew he did. “He’s?—”
Iron held up a hand, stopping me and my thoughts from spinning out of control.
“Let me finish. I’ve never been a good father.
Being a criminal, that’s what I’m good at.
Love, not so much. That boy of mine doesn’t know when to stop.
Don’t know if it’s the fact he didn’t get enough love as a child or whatever, but he should be locked up.
Dead would be best for everyone else around him. You hear what I’m saying, son?”
I swallowed hard. Iron was giving me permission to murder his own flesh and blood. Seemed to be a lot of that going around at that moment. Family meant nothing to the men I’d grown up around.
For me, family was everything. Especially when you’ve crawled your way out of the fucking black hole to make one your own .
“I hear you.” My jaw clenched, but I didn’t look away.
I wanted to. I wanted to run, but the weight of what he was giving me pinned me in place.
“Good.” Iron stood, and shrugged off his cut, the action was slow, deliberate. He was shedding the skin he’d worn for too long. It was now as wrinkled and stained as he was, but those stains could be cleaned, unlike the ones marking his insides.
He gripped onto it for a moment, his gnarled fingers sinking into the worn leather as he stared at the Ridge Riders patch on the back. After all those years of fighting and clawing his way to the top, Iron was fucking done.
Then he held it out to me, hand shaking. A peace offering—the only way Iron knew how. “This should have been yours years ago.” He sniffed, like he had nothing left to give, and patted me on the shoulder. “Take care, Rowan.”
Whiskey bottle dangling from his fingers, he shuffled towards the door. It creaked on its hinges, then slammed shut behind him, the echo hanging in the silence he left behind.
I stared after his invisible shadow, its scent still lingering in the walls, in the floors. That part of the broken old man who’d taught me everything I never wanted to be would always be a mark on this place. And yet . . . a part of me still wished he’d turned back.
I hadn’t wanted the patch. But now? I didn’t just want it. I needed it—if only to carry Sadie out of the wreckage myself.
A bike engine revved just outside, the rumble vibrating through the thin walls of what was still standing of the clubhouse. There wasn’t much left but the brick and mortar when the soul of the place had already died and was now rotting beneath our boots.
My grip tightened around Iron’s cut, the scent of his cologne and years of destruction clinging to it with the blood that had seeped into the leather. I’d never thought Iron would give up the club. Never thought he’d give it up to me, not in a million fucking years.
Bear rushed in, pausing as his eyes dropped to the vest in my hand. He nodded as if he knew exactly what had transpired. “We’re packed. You ready?”
“Yep.” I dumped Iron’s cut on the bar and stalked out of the clubhouse after Bear, duffel bag in hand once again.
My desperation was a throbbing pulse in my chest. If Snake or Nicky had hurt Sadie, had touched a single hair on her head, I was going to do whatever it took to make their deaths slow and painful.
Jasmine stood in the yard beside Scout as he waited on his bike, arms crossed over his chest.
She swiped at the tears tracking down her pink cheeks. “Make sure you bring her back, Ro. I mean it.”
I tilted my chin down. “You have my word.”
My word meant more now than it ever had. If I failed Sadie, I’d have to carry that weight every day I walked this earth. And I wasn’t sure I could.
I swung a leg over my bike and kicked the engine to life.
Bear pulled up beside me just as Jasmine stepped up to Scout and grabbed his face in her hands, pressing her lips to his.
He gripped the back of her head with a desperation that echoed my own.
The image of them, of their rawness, burned into me.
“Come back to me,” she said, pulling away slightly, her hands still cupping his face.
He nodded, the most serious I’d ever seen him.
I glanced between the two of them—his arms still wrapped around her, her eyes clenched like she couldn’t bear to let him go—and the weight of it hit harder than I expected.
Sadie was important to them, too. I wasn’t the only one who’d lose something if Snake and Nicky finished what they thought they’d started.
“You ready?” I said, dragging my gaze from the yard. The wind had died. The only sound was our engines ticking and gravel crunching under boots. “Because this ends bloody.”
Bear and Scout nodded in unison, no words needed.