Chapter 24 #2
I’ve been avoiding Jaxon, coming and going at odd hours, so I don’t have to face the harsh reality of our situation—to face him.
I only remember splinters of what happened the other night, but it’s enough to make me want to hide away forever. Waking up in Jaxon’s bed with his warm body wrapped around mine felt so right, but I couldn’t let myself stay.
If I had, I would’ve fallen victim to his charm like I always do.
I would’ve given in to our connection without considering the implications.
I would’ve let myself fall, then suffer the consequences when we break.
I can’t have another painful memory to add to the tattered tapestry of my meager existence.
As much as I’d love to belong to someone, I don’t have the capacity to heal us both, and it’s clear neither of us is ready to bear the other’s burdens. I won’t add Jaxon to my extensive list of failures.
Our jagged edges don’t fit together.
In another lifetime, one where I could find some way to fix what’s been broken, where our pasts weren’t buried beneath the rubble, maybe then we could be together.
I make it all the way back to the barn, stopping beside the fence to watch Copper gallop alongside the blond-ish one I think is named Phoenix. To have that kind of freedom must be so liberating.
The sound of footsteps on gravel catches my attention, and I lock eyes with Jaxon across the small road that separates us. My breath catches in my throat; I’m hyperaware of the distance between us. I stand frozen on the spot, torn between the instinct to run to him or run from him.
Jaxon makes the decision for me, closing the distance in four measured steps. My walls crumble the moment he reaches me. I was fooling myself to think I could ever resist him.
Jaxon
Two days, nine hours, and seventeen minutes: that’s how long it’s been since I set eyes on Callie Cooper.
She had every right to make that choice for herself—to decide my damage was too much for us to overcome—but I’ll be damned if she’s going to disappear like that.
She slipped out of my bed long before the first light of dawn, leaving nothing but the outline of her body on my sheets and her sweet scent lingering in the air.
I stopped by the big house to drop off some paperwork for Pops to sign, and I’m just about to head back home when I spot her walking along the fence with her shoes in her hands, oblivious to the fact that she’s being watched.
It takes less than five seconds to decide I’m done playing this game of cat and mouse. I’ve given her space, hoping time and distance would bring her back to me, but she’s stubborn as hell. If I don’t take matters into my own hands, she’ll be lost to me forever.
I move toward her. At that same moment, she turns. Did she somehow get more goddamn beautiful in the time we’ve been apart?
I make it across the road in a few short strides. “What exactly was your plan? Live in my house, sleep eight goddamn feet away from me, leave your fucking scent everywhere. Tempt me. Tease me. But never let me have you again?”
“Jax—” My name is little more than a breathy sigh.
“Before you give me some bullshit excuses, you’re going to listen to me, Callie Cooper.” I grip her hips and walk her backward until she’s pressed up against the side of the barn.
“I don’t get attached to people. I don’t let myself want anyone. So why do I want you so goddamn bad?” There’s an unexpected edge of desperation in my voice. “What is it about you? What spell did you cast to make me fucking need you this way? To make me burn for you?”
Her fists curl in my shirt, instinctively drawing us closer. “Why?”
“Why do I want you?”
She nods. “I don’t understand.”
“You don’t see what I see. You don’t see the woman who built an entire life from scraps. Someone who’s so used to making herself invisible, she doesn’t know how to let herself be seen.”
“If you knew…”
“I don’t give a fuck about your past. I care about the woman standing in front of me right now.”
I need her to believe me, but it’s clear that a lifetime of pain has made her wary. I can see it in her eyes—she’s endured more hardship than any one person should have to bear. I wish I could carry it for her.
“I wouldn’t exist if not for my past, and neither would you,” she says.
“Maybe not, but it led us here. Do you want me, Callie? Be honest.” I cradle her face in my rough palms. “I’ll know if you’re lying.”
“Yes. Yes, I want—”
I surge forward and claim the last word for myself, our lips meeting in a violent collision. The kiss is so filled with pent-up longing, she nearly loses her footing. I catch her around the waist and heft her up my body, so her legs wrap around me.
My teeth scrape over her bottom lip, and a whimper slips free.
I chuckle against her mouth and pull away. “If we don’t stop now, I’ll fuck you up against this barn, and that’s not how I wanted to take you for the first time.”
“Rain check?” she asks playfully.
“Dirty girl.”
Setting her back on her feet, I wrap my arms around her from behind and rest my chin on her head as we stare out at the sunset in contented silence.
A few pretty words and one scorching kiss won’t magically erase the barriers between us, I know that, but I owe it to both of us to make an effort.
Callie deserves to know what it feels like to have a home and people who love her.
I can give her that. I want nothing in exchange except for the peace she gives me without even trying.
She tilts her head to look at me. “Will… you tell me about Ryan someday?”
Apart from my family and Ryan’s parents, I've never told this story before, but Callie smooths my hard edges and makes me want to open up. Surrounded by her comforting warmth, I find the strength to speak. I tell her everything about the accident, leaving out only the most gruesome details.
When I’m done, she turns into me and presses a soft kiss against my neck. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I miss him,” I confess. “Sometimes I wish it had been me.”
It’s an unsettling admission—one I hadn't fully grasped the truth of until now.
Her soft hand slides across my beard, and she brings my gaze to hers. “He would want you to keep living.”
A spark of defensiveness ignites, and I look away. “You didn't know him.”
“He was your best friend. I don't have to know him to know he was a good man,” she says.
“One of the best men I've ever known. I envied him in a lot of ways. He had big dreams for his life.”
“You didn’t?"
“No. I was just starting to figure it out when I lost him. Once he was gone, none of it seemed to matter anymore.”
“And now?”
“Now it's all I can do to wake up in the morning.
But you... you make it easier. I wake up every day in anticipation of you—of your smile and your laugh.
My first thought in the morning is, how am I gonna make Callie smile today?
And when you do, god, how it lights up my entire world.
I cherish each one, no matter how small, because I know how precious they are.
I used to lie awake for hours, fearing the nightmares.
Now, I'd gladly suffer through each one just to get on the other side of them so I can hold you again.”
Just when I think I've said too much, she takes my face in her hands and kisses me softly. Slowly. Reverently.
“Thank you,” she murmurs. “For telling me about him. For trusting me.”
“I’m sorry I tried to push you,” I whisper against her neck. “I’ll wait. As long as you need me to.”
“What if I’m never ready?”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to wait forever.” I press a kiss to her cheek and sway to a song that’s only playing in my head. “Can I take you somewhere?”
“That sounds ominous.”
For the first time since that night at the bar, I laugh. “Just trust me. I just have to make a quick stop at home first.”
Callie
With one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my thigh, Jax drives us down an unfamiliar winding road over hills and through a wooded area. After what feels like an eternity, we come to a stop in an open swath of land under the shade of an old oak tree.
“Where are we?” I ask as he lays out a blanket on the grass.
“This is where we’re building the sanctuary.” He points down the road to a massive brick building with two large tanks on the side. It looks like it’s been there for decades. “That’s the distillery.”
“Wow. It’s a lot bigger than I expected.”
“That’s—”
I press my finger to his lips and finish his sentence for him. “What she said.”
“You always think the worst of me, Callie baby,” he murmurs. “I was going to say that’s what I said the first time I saw it. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
I scoff. “I don’t believe you.”
With a deep chuckle, he threads his fingers through mine, picks up the cat carrier, and walks us over to the blanket. Turns out the quick stop at home was so he could bring Atticus along for the adventure. Those two seem to have formed some sort of strange bond when I wasn’t looking.
He holds up my hand and nods toward the ground. “After you, m’lady.”
I set down my tote bag and lower myself onto the blanket. Jaxon places Atty next to me and positions himself behind me.
I open the carrier, and Atticus flops beside us dramatically. I run my hand through his long tufts of fur. “Good boy.”
Jaxon shifts uncomfortably and clears his throat. “Read, if you want. Or just sit here with me and enjoy the quiet for a while.”
“And then what?”
“I have four days of missin’ you to make up for. I don’t care what we do, as long as you’re with me.” He presses his lips to my temple as I find my bookmark and open my book.
I relax into Jaxon, letting his warmth spread through me. His hands never leave my body, always stroking some part of me—my arms, my cheeks, my hands.
After a few chapters, I glance up at Jaxon, studying his serene expression. “Aren’t you bored?”