Chapter 27 #2
“Disappointed,” I say, slower now. “Sad? And honestly? Humiliated, for you.”
That makes her flinch.
“I didn’t plan it,” she says quickly, like that changes anything. “It just … happened. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Leonore.”
My stare sharpens.
“You keep saying that like it matters,” I cut in. “Like the how somehow erases the fact that you did it. With him.”
Her mouth parts, but nothing comes out fast enough.
“And you didn’t just not tell me,” I continue, voice dropping, hands clenched tight where they rest on the Formica tabletop.
“You hid it. After everything you said about him. After everything you knew I went through because of him. You know what a piece of shit he is. If he cheated once, he’ll do it again. ”
“He won’t. He won’t do that to me.” It’s a sharp blade to my chest. Nessa is such a big believer in love, but it blinds her to a fault.
And no matter how many times I tell her that it won’t work, or she shouldn’t be putting her all into something where they’re not even giving her half the effort, she just doesn’t listen. And truth be told, I’m over it.
I never thought those words would enter my head, but I am.
I’m over protecting her because when all of these guys end up breaking her heart, which all of them have, I’m the one who’s always there, picking up the pieces.
I think she’s standing on her own feet again, really supporting herself and Larissa, but then she does things like this.
She knows what a piece of shit Ben is. Yet again, she is putting on her blinders and completely ignoring all the red flags.
Why?
He may have told her what she wants to hear? I really do hope that one day she finds what she’s looking for, but I know for certainty it’s not going to be in Ben.
That man only cares for one person, and that is himself. Nessa has a child that she also has to think about in this scenario, and Ben does not like children. I don’t care for Ben, and I won’t fight over him, but I do care about Larissa.
“What about Larissa?” I ask her.
“What about her?” She sounds shocked, and it grates on my nerves.
“He hates kids, Nessa. You know this.”
“Larissa won’t be an issue.”
Icy tension runs through my veins. “I never said that she would be an issue. Ben is the issue,” I remind her.
She becomes flustered and blurts out, “He told me he loves me.”
I can’t help but gawk at her in disbelief.
I might’ve given Tori a second chance for being young and dumb.
But Nessa and I have gone down this path too many times, and I just can’t keep walking down this same path with her.
As soon as she becomes attached to someone, everyone else becomes irrelevant.
“I love you,” I say gently. And I mean it. But love can be toxic in multiple forms.
“I know,” she replies quickly. “I love you too.”
There’s expectation in her voice, like this is the part where things go back to normal.
But I don’t let it.
“I need you to listen to me,” I say, firmer now, her teary eyes snapping to me. “This can’t keep happening.”
Her brow furrows slightly.
“I’m not doing this anymore, Nessa,” I continue. “Not being pulled in when things go wrong. Not finding out after the fact. Not being the one who’s expected to fix the fallout.”
Silence settles between us.
“I can’t be part of that cycle with you anymore. Not when you’re so okay with hurting me as long as you’re happy.”
Her face shifts, confusion turning to something more unsettled. “Leo—”
“I’m still here for Larissa,” I cut in immediately. “That doesn’t change. If she needs me, she gets me. Call me; I’ll always come for her.”
Opening up my purse, I grab an envelope labeled Larissa on the front of, and I slide it over to Nessa. She looks at it confused because normally I don’t write on them at all; I just hand her money.
Even though I want distance from her, it doesn’t mean I want distance from Larissa.
I love her like she’s my own. It’s not her fault that her mother gets blinded by love.
All I can do is hope that Larissa doesn’t follow in her footsteps.
I watch her as she glumly looks at the envelope.
We are two completely different people, and I always thought that’s what kept our friendship going for so long.
But maybe that’s what’s tearing us apart as well.
The only thing we had in common was we had no one but each other.
And while I have grown to accept that, I don’t think Nessa ever will.
Even though she’s created her own family, she’s still searching for something more.
I won’t be able to help her in that respect.
No matter what I do, it’s never enough. It’s time I focus solely on me.
“But you and I,” I say quietly, meeting her eyes, “we need space. A lot of it. For a while.”
“What if I need you?” she asks quietly.
“You won’t. You’ll have Ben,” I say, standing and putting some money on the table to cover our food. She watches me do so without a word or even bothering to fight for me. Smiling down at her, I turn and walk out. Not even looking back as I get in the car and head home.
My chest aches. I just walked away from the one person I’ve ever truly loved. Not that I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. I will. I know that without a doubt.
But I have enough of my own shit to deal with, and it’s okay to prioritize myself.