Chapter 48
LEONORE
Ican’t sit still.
Every time I try, my body rejects the suggestion. My legs refuse to stop moving. My hands refuse to stop wringing. My mind refuses to stop cycling through the same reel of horrors on a loop, and I think it might actually drive me insane.
I pace the length of the living room. From the fireplace to the windows to the kitchen island and back again.
I checked on Larissa ten minutes ago. She hasn’t moved. She’s still starfished across the bed, blissfully unaware of what is happening.
I continue to pace, biting my thumbnail and praying for Silas to come home with Nessa.
The clock on the mantel reads 12:47 a.m. Silas left less than thirty minutes ago. He’ll be at the warehouse by now.
He’ll find Nessa.
And everything will be okay.
Standing at the fireplace, I press my palms flat against the stone mantel and try to steady my pounding heart through deep breaths. In and hold. Release and hold.
But it doesn’t work.
Nothing works.
The fear pounding through my veins isn’t anxiety. It’s not a ghost or a memory. It’s real danger. Somewhere out there in the dark, Konstantin has my best friend, and no amount of breathing exercises will change that. Especially when the only way I know how to channel this is bloody violence.
“You’re going to wear a path in that rug if you keep going.”
I look up. Gia stands in the archway, wrapped in a dressing gown and wearing slippers.
She’s holding a mug of something steaming.
It feels very different meeting her under these circumstances, when last time I saw her she was inspecting me at my workplace.
I guess she was right, though, to come and visit me, and I wonder, with what I’m putting their family through, if she disapproves of his choice.
“I can’t sleep,” I admit.
“I can see that.” She sets the mug on the side table.
More tea. “Lotti has retired for the evening, and Alexis has finally fallen asleep. She was excited about meeting Larissa, but I told her she had to wait until morning.” A small smile touches her lips, and I can tell she adores her daughter.
“I’ve made up the other guest bedroom for myself.
Both Lotti and I will be just down the hall from Larissa.
You should try to rest. Even if it’s just lying down with your eyes closed. ”
“I can’t.”
She seems to be studying me, and I’m surprised by her clinical calm in this situation. Then again, it reminds me very much of Silas. I’m usually the same, but I can’t just take the edge off this bad feeling in my stomach.
“Silas will handle this,” she says, taking the corner of the couch.
I resume pacing because standing still is unbearable.
“He’s out there. Right now. And Nessa is…
” My voice breaks. For years, I didn’t spill my secrets, but now it feels like it’s all spilling out.
“This is all my fault. Nessa is hurt because of me. Because of my past. She didn’t ask for this, and she doesn’t deserve it, and now she’s paying for it while I’m standing here in this luxurious house with this beautiful fire unable to do a goddamn thing about it. ”
She’s quiet for a moment before she says, “When my husband died in a motorcycle accident, I felt helpless as well.” My stomach drops, and I can’t help but look at her.
She’s staring at the floor as if revisiting memories long forgotten.
The firewood crackles. “I lost myself in the darkness. It felt like I’d lost everything when I’d been so used to controlling everything.
” She looks up at me pointedly. “Silas certainly can’t bring back the dead, but he was there for me.
Reliable and strong. He’s always been like that, and he will bring down an army for those he loves.
That protection now includes you, Leonore Graves. You are a part of this family now.”
A lump forms in my throat, and I can’t help but look away. “I’ve brought nothing but danger to your family. How can you accept me so easily?”
A dark laugh rumbles through her. “This family naturally draws in danger. And though I have sympathy for you and your friend, I’m also grateful that Silas has found you.
He’s changed over these few months, and I know it’s because of you.
If anything, it makes me worry a little less for him.
You’ve given him something to live for besides order and obligation. ”
My mouth goes dry as a tumble of emotions runs through me. “I’m not who you think I am.”
She arches an eyebrow. “No? And who do you assume I think you are? It’s irrelevant.
We all have our secrets.” She looks haunted as she says it, as if she has her own, and I wonder if even Silas knows of them.
“But if your heart is genuine, if you’re willing to go this far to protect your friend, then Silas has chosen correctly. ”
“What if he’s hurt because of me?” My voice cracks, and she watches me carefully before facing the fireplace.
“I’ve harbored those same feelings my entire life because of how deeply he cares and protects me, but he comes through every time.
My brother is viewed as a monster to some, but he is still just a man.
He still bleeds, and he still cares. Neither of us can change who he is, and I wouldn’t want to either.
Living in what-ifs will drive you mad.” She seems to be thinking about something.
“I would know. I was bedridden because of mine. Or you can put your faith in the fact that Silas has never failed to finish what he has set out to do.”
I stop pacing and look at her, grateful for the sincerity of a woman I barely know, but suspect will become a huge part of my life.
“Then why does it feel like I can’t breathe and my guilt is eating me up inside?
” I’ve never shown someone this side of me.
The fact that I don’t have all the answers or full control of the situation, but there’s a wisdom to Gia that suggests she’d see through the bullshit anyway.
“That is fear, and it is a liar. It will tell you all sorts of terrible stories to keep you up at night.” She rises and crosses to where I’m standing and places both hands on my shoulders. “Silas has got this.”
I want to believe her. But I can’t help but feel like this is going to end badly.
“Try to rest,” she says again, giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze. “I’m going to turn in, but I’m a light sleeper. Wake me if you need anything at all. Even if it’s just company.”
She gives me one more soft smile before turning away and walking toward the hallway. She disappears from the room, leaving me alone with the fire and the shadows and the relentless thump, thump, thump of my heart against my rib cage.
I pick up the mug of chamomile tea and carry it to the window. Outside, the grounds are well lit by the security lights, but I don’t feel any comfort.
I press my forehead against the cold glass.
“Please bring her home,” I whisper.
Letting out a shaky breath, I silently vow to never let anything come between Nessa and me again.
Which is the exact moment the lights go out, and everything is plunged into darkness. The only light comes from the orange glow of the embers in the fireplace.
I freeze as dread funnels through me. It starts in my gut and spreads outward through my limbs until every hair on my body stands on end.
I strain to listen for anything out of place. But the only sound is the crackle of the flames in the fireplace and the roar of my pounding heart in my ears.
Something is wrong.
Darkness presses against the window, and the shadows don’t feel empty.
Like something is watching.
And then, from somewhere in the shadows behind me, I hear it.
“Hello, Antonia.”
Ice slides down my spine.
Konstantin.
I hear his cold, cruel laugh, and my knees go weak, but my grip on the mug tightens.
“Did you miss me?”