Chapter 20
TWENTY
FENRIR
PRESENT
Heat swells in the room. Smoke fills my lungs. She screams. And even though I know it isn’t real—can’t be because I’ve been here before, done this so many times—I can’t wake myself from the dream. I can’t pull myself from this hell that replays every time I close my eyes.
It’s a rookie mistake that happens every now and then: I fall asleep. Proper sleep. Not just the thing I do when I close my eyes and try to rest, but the deep sleep that pulls me under and seems intent on tormenting me with the past, playing it over and over until I beg the flames to devour me.
But then I wake, bolting upright in the chair by the bed, hands gripping the armrests, my breath fast and tight.
Glancing around the room, I try to steady my breathing by focusing on the furniture.
The double bed. The large set of oak drawers.
My duffel bag I haven’t unpacked. My boots sitting neatly by the door.
After convincing myself the room isn’t on fire and I’m not going to burn to death, I head to the en suite to shower.
Five minutes later, I return to the bedroom, changing into a fresh black T-shirt and combats before pulling on my work boots and lacing them tightly. Opening the door, I then step onto the landing and immediately know something isn’t right.
The air is too quiet, too still. The walls are watching me as if they know something I don’t.
Bouncing down the stairs, I flick my damp hair out of my eyes as I reach the foyer. Hayami’s boots sit on the mat, the material dark from where they’ve got wet. She’s been outside. When? Where to?
Then I notice Willa’s boots are missing.
Fuck.
I head straight for the sitting room, where Hayami is perched on the window seat, book in her hand. As soon as she sees me, she puts her book down, which is not a good sign.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I scan the room. “Where’s Willa?”
Hayami swings her legs off the window seat and places her hands on her knees. She’s the picture of peace, which I find all the more unnerving.
“I need you to promise that you’ll stay calm.” Her voice is low and level. My hackles rise.
“What?” A water droplet from my hair trickles down the back of my neck.
“Promise me.” She glares at me, and I know by the severity of her words that she means them. I’m not going to get anywhere unless I play the good dog and obey.
“Okay.” My teeth grind against the word, my mind racing with all the possible things she could be about to tell me, my imagination playing out the worst.
“There’s a problem with Marta and the baby, so I sent Willa away.”
“You did what?” I swear my teeth crack.
“I drove her to the airport and drove back here,” Hayami says, but the words don’t reach me, like a bullet that’s missed the target board completely.
I try to switch my brain into gear as she keeps talking.
“She needs to be with her family right now, not stuck here babysitting me from a nonexistent threat.”
Fuck.
Dragging my hand down my face, I open my mouth, ready to unleash every reason she shouldn’t have done what she’s just done, but Hayami puts her finger in the air, halting my deluge of profanities.
“You promised you’d stay calm.”
“That was before I learned you sent the only other bodyguard we have away. And not only that, but you also drove her to the airport, which means you drove back by yourself.” I can’t hide the snarl of my words, the anger blistering over my skin at how foolish, how reckless she’s been.
“And I’m still alive. Would you look at that!” She flaps her arms out as if readying to twirl, and I want to scream at her.
“This isn’t a fucking joke, Hayami.”
“I’m not laughing.”
I can feel the vein in the side of my neck pulsating.
What was she fucking thinking?
“Okay, you made it back alive and unharmed, but how exactly do you expect me to watch you every single hour of the day?” We were stretched at two of us, but now?
“I don’t need watching. Today proved that. I’m perfectly safe.”
“Today, maybe. But what happens if someone finds out where you are? What then?”
“Then you’ll deal with them like you always do. Besides, you told me you don’t sleep.”
“I need to rest, Hayami. I can’t be on alert all the time. I need to shower. I need time to reset.”
“And you can. You’re making a very big deal out of this.” She scoffs at me as if I’m some minor irritant.
“Only last night you were telling me what your father would do to us all if you ran away. What do you think he’s going to do when he finds out you sent Willa home?”
She bites her lip, the first sign of her being scared by what she’s done.
“He won’t know. She’ll only be a few days, and then she’ll be back here. No one will be any the wiser.”
“Except me.” I hold her gaze as if throwing down a gauntlet.
“Except you,” she replies, throwing down her own. She’s questioning my loyalty. Where does it lie? Here, with her, or out there, with her father?
“You want me to lie for you?” I ask.
She folds her arms. “Yes, I do.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because Marta needs her wife. Willa needs to be with her family. She won’t miss the birth of her child because my father is such a tyrant that he sends a bodyguard into the middle of nowhere to protect his fucking investment when her wife is about to give birth.
I won’t be the reason Willa doesn’t get the chance to see her child arrive in this world.
I can’t bear the thought of Marta having to go through whatever she’s going through alone because, according to my father, my life is more important.
That’s why I’m asking you to lie for me.
And if you have any ounce of humanity inside that fucking chest of yours, then you’ll do as I ask. ”
Her words are heavy, hanging in the air as if she’s testing me to see just how much of me is human and how much of me is the beast she thinks I am.
Fuck.
All the fight runs from my body, because who am I kidding? I will lie for her. I’ll do as she asks. Not because I’m human. Not because it’s the right thing to do. Not because I have any ounce of moral fibre in my being.
No.
I’ll lie for her because I’d do anything for her.
Anything.
Dropping onto the edge of the sofa, I clench my fists, massaging my knuckles.
“You should have spoken to me first” is all I manage.
“And let you talk me out of it? No.” She shakes her head. “It’s done. I got back safe. End of story.”
As much as it annoys me, she’s right. There’s no point going over the things she’s already done. Right now, we need to think about moving forwards.
“So, how is this going to work?”
Hayami’s shoulders drop, seemingly happy she’s won the battle.
“You report to Markus like normal. You tell him everything is fine. I got Willa to leave her work phone here, so as far as they’re concerned, she’s still here in the house with us. We can send some messages from her phone and answer anything Markus sends her.”
“And what about watching you?” I ask.
“I don’t need watching.”
“It’s enough that you have me lying for you. I won’t disregard my duties. Even more so now that I’m on my own.”
“You’re not on your own,” she says, taking a step forwards. “I’m here, and I can help to keep myself safe. I’m not a complete idiot.”
“Do you know how to look for traps? Do you know how to scan a room for tripwire? Do you know how to look for pressure pads that’ll detonate a bomb? Do you know how to fire a gun?”
I’m hoping this’ll hit home, but I know Hayami better than that. All she does is fold her arms and glare at me.
“No, but you can teach me. We’ve got nothing else better to do up here, and I’m a very good student.”
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I consider this. It’s not a bad idea. She’s more than capable of holding her own. I know this due to the number of times I’ve had to restrain her, the times she’s managed to run from me, and the times she’s fought back.
It’s not ideal, of course. I don’t want her to have to defend herself at all. This is my job, what I’m here to do. But I can’t be heroic about this now that I’m on my own.
“Okay. But I watch you still during the night. You’re at your most vulnerable when you’re asleep, as you can’t alert me, and if someone is going to come for you, then the cover of darkness is the most likely time.”
“When will you sleep?” She tilts her head to the side, and I swear she almost looks concerned.
“I’ll grab a few hours here and there during the day, but only when you’re in one room and you’re going to stay there. I can fashion something that’ll alert me if anyone opens a door or a window.”
She rolls her eyes, all compassion gone. She doesn’t take any of this seriously, but I have to. Not only because it’s my job, but because I can’t let anything happen to her. I can’t go through that kind of pain again.