Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
HAYAMI
PRESENT
The heat from the fire burns my back, but it’s nothing compared to the shame I felt when I opened my eyes astride Fenrir, or the shame I feel now knowing I’m going to have to explain why I wanted to kill myself.
Why my life isn’t worth living, and why I’ve been behaving the way I have for the past six months.
It’s time to tell him.
I pull at a loose thread on my cardigan, my head swirling as I try to coax out what needs to be said.
“The day you found me in the pool was the day after I’d had a meeting with my father.” The words feel sticky, like they don’t want to be said, but I know I have to do this. He needs to know. “I knew it was something important because he called me into his office.”
Fenrir watches me carefully, his silence pulling more from me than any question ever could.
“He was behind his desk, his fingers steepled, his gaze making my skin itch. I felt like I was five years old and was being scolded for breaking a priceless vase or stealing cake from the kitchen.” I wrap my arms around myself, the heat from the fire suddenly disappearing.
“He told me I’d be married by my twenty-first birthday. That he was arranging it.”
Fenrir doesn’t flinch. But I know he’s listening—really listening.
“I asked him what he meant—if I’d heard him wrong. And then he told me there’ll be an auction. That I’ll be one of several women, and that he’s set a price for me.” I shake my head, bile rising along with the words. “He said my ‘beauty and purity’ would make me the most valuable.”
The fire suddenly feels too far away, the cold creeping up my arms.
“I couldn’t even respond at first. I just sat there, numb. And then I asked him, ‘My purity?’ Because—what the hell, right?” I glance down at my hands. “That’s when he said he pays my bodyguards not just to protect me… but to keep me untouched.”
I can barely say the words. My voice cracks around them.
“He said purity adds value. That it makes me more desirable for the men who’ll be bidding. He called them buyers, not suitors. Not husbands. Buyers.”
I let out a slow breath. “There’s a whole schedule already planned—events, meetings. All of it just for these men to assess me like I’m some asset. A fucking product.”
I look back at Fenrir, my voice low, almost a whisper. “And that’s why I was in the pool that day. Because for the first time in my life, I truly understood what it meant to be owned. And I didn’t want to be.”
I’m his daughter.
His flesh and blood.
And he’s selling me to the highest bidder to keep his empire running.
“And do you know what stung the most?” I ask Fenrir, not waiting for him to answer because right now, he looks like speaking would hurt. “Just before I left his office, he told me not to fuck this up.”
My eyes lift to meet Fenrir’s once again. He hasn’t moved. I don’t think he’s even breathing. There’s a heat to his skin that I’m sure has nothing to do with the fire, as he looks to be seething, as if his anger is simmering on the surface.
“As you know, I don’t like to bow out of a fight, and his parting words felt like a red rag to a bull.
So, I thought about how I could fight him, how I could make sure I wasn’t sold like a piece of meat to a guy I’d never met before and would have to live the rest of my life with.
Even after my father’s death, I’d still be shackled to this life, to a man I don’t love, to a man I didn’t choose.
To a man who thought it was okay to buy his wife and her fortune. To a man just like my father.”
Fenrir blinks. “So, you chose death.”
I hold his gaze. “I chose death.”
* * *
FENRIR
My jaw clenches so tightly I’m surprised my teeth haven’t shattered. It’s a good job we’re hundreds of miles away from Barrett Devall. If not, I’d hunt him down and put a fucking bullet right between his eyes.
I can’t promise I won’t the next time I see him, because this is unbelievable.
Although, it isn’t. It’s exactly the kind of thing a man like Barrett Devall would do—is doing.
He’s a powerful man, and powerful men don’t get to where they are without doing some downright ugly things, some of which I’ve done for him myself.
But Hayami is his daughter, his flesh and blood, his legacy. Why would he do this to her? Why would he auction off her body, her life, her soul?
I’ve seen evil. Smelled it. Felt the lick of it upon my skin. But that man…. Fuck. That man is on another fucking level.
“I thought death was the only way out. But then you saved me, and my father employed you as my bodyguard. Probably to keep me in line. I knew no one believed me when I said I was just floating in the water, and I know my father upped my security and alerted all the staff that I was to be put on suicide watch, so I had to come up with another plan. Some other way to get back at him.”
Something clicks in my head.
“That’s why you’ve been so calm about being here, because you’ve got away from him, away from whatever he’s planning.”
She nods. “The break has done me good. If I’m not there, I can’t be paraded around dance floors for prospective buyers whilst thinking up ways to stop my father.”
“Something other than killing yourself?”
“I did have a backup plan after I realised death wasn’t the answer, but it was… stupid.” She squints and wrinkles her nose, which, although it makes her look cute, infuriates me.
“You’re a lot of things, Hayami, but stupid isn’t one of them.”
“Okay, reckless, then.” She refolds her legs and runs her finger over the top of her glass.
“I’ve been trying to get rid of my purity.
” She says the word as if it’s a swear. Before the pieces can fully fall into place, she continues.
“My father said I was worth more because I was still pure, and that he’s made sure I’ve been unable to sully myself.
So I thought the only way to fight back would be to actually sully myself. ”
Purity. The word burrows under my skin until it latches on, realisation dawning on me.
“You’re a virgin?”
She bites her bottom lip, and her cheeks flush. I’m unsure if this has anything to do with the heat from the fire or the question I’ve just asked, but I take it as her answer.
“You wanted to lose your virginity to spite your father?” I say, her plan unravelling before me.
“More than that.” Her eyes snap up to mine, that fire I’ve seen so many times back with a vengeance.
“I wanted to get fucked. I wanted to be defiled. I wanted to ruin myself for whoever bought me. I wanted to know that I’d been touched by so many hands that I would lie there on my wedding night and laugh in the fucking face of whoever bought me, thinking I was this pure virgin when in fact I’d been fucked every which way because that was my choice.
My decision. I wanted to have control over one fucking thing in my life.
There was no way my father was controlling my sex life. No fucking way.”
Then it hits me.
“That’s why you wanted to go to the sex club. Why you kept coming on to those men.”
“Yes.” She lowers her head.
“Hey, don’t look away from me.”
She looks up. “You must think I’m desperate.”
My heart pounds, my pulse thundering in my ears.
“I think you’re very brave to stand up for yourself against a man like your father. You have more fight in you than some of the Hellhounds. I believe you’re capable of so much more, and I’m furious that your father thinks he can take this all away from you.”
She tuts, waving my words away. I imagine no one’s ever told her this.
“And I’m sorry I foiled your plan. If I’d have known….” I can’t finish that sentence.
“You’d have what?” Hayami presses. “You’d have helped me? You’d have let me fuck those guys?”
“Probably not,” I admit, “because a toilet cubicle is no place to lose your virginity, and those guys were the scum of the earth. But maybe I wouldn’t have gone so…”
She smiles as I struggle to find the right word. “OTT?” she offers. I roll my eyes but nod in agreement before she adds, “Maybe the gun in the guy’s mouth was a bit much.”
“Not by my count.”
She tips her head to the side. “Why do you always lose it when I’m with a guy?”
“I don’t,” I snap.
“Yes, you do. There was that guy in Mojo’s who tried to kiss me, and you marched over and kicked over his stool and told him that if he ever so much as breathed near me again, you’d ram your fist down his throat. You always lose your shit when any guy so much as even looks at me.”
I swallow hard. “That ball you went to, the first night I escorted you, you told me not to let anyone touch you. I took it as a hard rule, meaning anyone.”
Her face darkens. “That ball was the first function I attended where there’d be potential buyers. I absolutely did not want any of them even looking at me.”
I nod. It makes sense.
“But all others were fair game?”
“Not with you around they weren’t.” She raises her eyebrows.
“I could say the same about you,” I point out. “You always lose your shit when I’m trying to stop you from making a huge mistake.”
“This hasn’t been about a milestone, about remembering the most amazing first night of my life.
That train has already left. Fuck, it never even pulled into the station.
I’ll never have the magical first time like everyone else does.
My father made sure of that. This has always been an operation, a job that needs doing, and it doesn’t matter with who, just so long as it’s done. ”
“I understand your motivation, but do you really want to give your virginity to someone like those guys? They don’t deserve it.”
“Then who does?”
I grind my teeth. “Someone who respects you. Someone who views you as more than just a trophy fuck. Someone who’ll treat you the way you deserve, who will give you what you need, not just take what they want.”
The flames flicker behind her, taunting me, but I push them aside.
“And where the hell am I supposed to find someone like that? In one of my books? Because that’s the kind of man you’re talking about—a fictional man.
And although I’ve learned a lot from reading romance, the one thing they’ve taught me is that men like that don’t exist. Otherwise, why would books get written about them? ”
I have no comeback to that, because she’s wrong. They do exist.
Hayami’s phone beeps from the side. She picks it up and reads the text before looking at me. “It’s from Willa.”
Great. She needs to get back here, as I’m struggling to man this show on my own, and a second opinion would be great right now as to what the fuck is going on here.
But more importantly, I don’t trust myself alone with Hayami anymore.
She’s too vulnerable. We both are. We’re getting too close, and if the opportunity arises, I know I won’t be able to stop myself.
I’m only human. And honestly, I want her too much.
I have no restraint where Hayami is concerned.
“What does it say?”
“Her plane’s been grounded. They’ve suspended all flights indefinitely due to the storm.” Her eyes meet mine. “Looks like we’re on our own.”