Chapter 44
FORTY-FOUR
HAYAMI
PRESENT
Storming out of the en suite, I follow him into the bedroom, where he turns and faces me. I can’t read him. I have no clue about his thoughts, but I’ll be damned if he’s going to get the last word.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I say, folding my arms over the towel I’ve tucked around my body.
“You tell me,” he replies. It should sound condescending, but he doesn’t look smug, more inquisitive.
“Okay, I admit, I watched you in the shower this morning, okay? There, I’ve said it, owned up, confessed to being a pervert. But you were the one poking me in the back with your fucking hard-on.”
I wait for him to grin, to acknowledge that he’s made me confess, but he doesn’t. Instead, he just stares at me until he speaks.
“And whose fault was my hard-on?” There’s no joke intended.
“I don’t know. Some dirty dream you were having? Some woman you’ve left behind? Your last lay? How the hell would I know?”
“There’s only one woman who gets me hard, Hayami.”
I want to say, “Lucky her,” but his gaze is so intense, I can almost feel it touching my skin.
One woman.
Was he thinking about this woman whilst I was grinding myself against him? God, I feel so embarrassed—until he takes a step forwards and something clicks.
One woman.
Me?
I’m about to ask, because I can’t stand this pressure.
“You.”
He says it, throws it out into the room like a fucking bomb, and I think my body is going to explode.
Fuck.
I’m lost now. I don’t understand. I thought he just tolerated me. I thought he saw me as a job and nothing more. But no. What he’s saying is that I make him hard, that he must think about me in the way I think about him. And right now, I don’t know what the hell to do with this.
It’s not hearts and roses; it’s not a declaration of any kind of feelings other than carnal lust, a basic reaction that most hot-blooded people have when they find someone attractive.
I need to remember this. He’s also been cooped up in this house for days with no sleep and no sexual outlet.
Of course I gave him a hard-on this morning.
Then the poor guy tried to take care of it, and I thought I’d sit back and watch the show.
“I didn’t know,” I stammer. “I shouldn’t have watched you. And I know that’s why you came and watched me just then, to get even. So, we’re even now.”
“We aren’t,” he says, still no smirk at playing me like this.
“Why not?” I shift my weight from one foot to the other.
“Because you watched me masturbating. I watched you take a shower. That isn’t the same.”
My cheeks heat, and I hope to God he doesn’t see the redness that must be spreading across my face.
“So, Hayami, how are we going to even out the balance?”
Oh my God.
My whole aim for the past six months has been to have sex, to be rid of my virgin status. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, but now that it’s here, I’ve frozen.
Is that what Fenrir is doing? Offering to solve my little problem?
If he is, then all my fucking Christmases have come at once, because I’d sell my soul for this man to kiss me, let alone fuck me.
Maybe it’s the reason I can’t move, can’t think, because I actually want this.
The other guys were just a means to an end, a way of getting what I needed.
But this? This is different. He is different, and now I feel like a little kid wanting to play with the older, cool kid.
“You want to get yourself off whilst I touch myself, is that it?” I swallow hard, wishing I felt as brave as my words, but this is unknown territory for me. All I have to go on is the smutty books I’ve been reading for the past few years.
Now he smirks, and I want to slap him. This is the part he chooses to laugh at?
“If only it were that simple,” he says at last, and I can’t stand it any longer.
“What, then? What do you want? Are you offering to help me out here, be the one who’s going to take my virginity? Do you want to fuck me?”
He clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth, and my heart sinks when he says, “No, Hayami, I don’t want to fuck you.”
I want the room to swallow me whole.
I’m such a fucking idiot. Way out of my depth. He must hate me. Really fucking hate me, and he’s chosen now to reveal his true feelings: that he despises me and thinks I’m just some rich spoiled bitch who has tantrums because she can’t get her own way.
But before I can charge at him, I note the darkness in his eyes, the way he’s staring at me like he wants to devour me…
the step he takes towards me, which makes the rest of the room disappear as he says, “I want you, Hayami. I want to taste every bit of you, touch every inch of you, worship every part of you until I don’t know who I am anymore.
I want to consume you until all you can feel is me, inside your head, between your legs, and on every word you utter.
I want to devastate you, ruin you, blind you with such pleasure that all you see is me.
But I know if we do this, I won’t be happy with just one fuck.
Once won’t be enough. I’ll want more. So much more, and I’m not sure if that’s what you want.
So, I’m asking you now, is this what you want? ”
Heat pools between my legs, and my chest swells with the breath I’ve been holding.
I want to worship you.
I want to ruin you.
All this time. All this time, I didn’t know.
Once won’t be enough.
He’s asking me. Giving me the choice. Is this what I want?
Without thinking, without hesitating, I drop the towel.
* * *
FENRIR
Fear. That’s what I felt after I told her what I want. Gut-wrenching fear that she’d walk away. Laugh in my face. Spit at me. Tell me this isn’t what she wants, because how could she? How could anyone want such a monstrous person?
But when she drops that fucking towel, my heart erupts, and I have to hold myself back.
This will be her first time.
I have to remember this. Six months of fantasies are clawing to get out, but I have to take it slow.
I will take it slow. Just this once.
* * *
HAYAMI
There’s a second where he doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, just stares at my naked body. Even after his declaration, I have a moment where I think this could be a trick, a stupid game, a way of humiliating me. Then he looks me in the eye and I see it—the hunger, the need—and I’m shaking.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I nod, afraid of what words might spill from my mouth.
“Show me.”
What? I don’t know what he means, and he must see my panic, as he says, “Show me you’re ready.”
My pulse pounds in my ears as I register what he wants me to do. Taking a deep breath, I slip my hand down my stomach and then between my legs. Slowly, I push two fingers inside myself. I’m wet, warm, ready.
I bring them out and show them to him.
He eyes them carefully and then tuts.
“You’re not ready, Hayami. This is your first time, and you saw the size of me this morning. I won’t be responsible for ripping you to shreds. Come here.” He beckons me with the crook of his finger, and without thinking, I move towards him as he sits on the edge of the bed.
His head is level with my stomach, so close I can feel his breath against my skin.
“Place your foot on the bed.” He pats the side of the bed next to him.
I do as I’m told, lifting my leg and placing my foot on the bed. I should be feeling shy, embarrassed even, but desire engulfs these emotions to the point where he could ask me to get on my knees and beg, and I would.
With both hands, he grips my waist and pulls me towards him.
Slowly, so fucking slowly, he runs his thumb down my stomach and continues until it reaches my pussy. He stops for a brief second.
It’s agony, and I have to stop my hips from involuntarily thrusting towards him. That is until he slides his thumb down and over my clit, and something explodes behind my eyes.
Oh my God.
No one has ever touched me here. No one. And it feels like magic. It feels like I’m under a spell. It feels like nothing else matters as long as he keeps touching me.
I bite my lip as he lightly circles my clit before dipping his thumb inside me. He was right. I wasn’t nearly wet enough for him. But I am now as his thumb slides in and out of me, his finger now toying with my clit as my breath catches in my throat.
He’s gentle, the pressure so light it only makes me want it more. My head spins, my fists clench, and I think I’m going to come, but then he pulls his hand away.
What the fuck?
I panic. Is this the part where he pulls back and tells me this was all a joke? When he laughs in my face and says this was all to humiliate me?
And just when I think this is all too good to be true, he pulls my hips towards his face and his tongue does one long lap of my pussy.
The leg I’m standing on buckles.
Holy fuck.
I’ve read about this in so many books, but nothing could have prepared me for what it feels like.
Fuck!
Sparks ignite in my pussy and travel through my body as I grip his hair and push his face into me.
It’s animalistic. It’s brutal. And I can’t get enough.
His tongue laps at me, flicks my sensitive spot, and then dips inside me, and the whole room melts away. His hand squeezes my bottom as the other guides my hips forwards, and I think I’m going to pass out.
My leg wobbles.
“Fuck, I can’t stand,” I say through ragged breaths.
Fenrir pulls back and I’m bereft, devastated that he’s stopped, taken away my pleasure when it was building so fucking high.
He grabs my waist and twists me onto the bed, then takes hold of both my ankles.
He stares at me for a second, appearing to take in my splayed legs, my heavy breathing, and flushed cheeks, before kneeling and placing my legs over his shoulders.
Picking up where he left off, his tongue flicks over my clit. My back arches as he slides two fingers inside me, and I grab his hair and hold his face still as the first orgasm anyone has ever given me shatters through my body.