Chapter 45
FORTY-FIVE
FENRIR
PRESENT
“My beast.”
Those two little words unhinge me.
Hayami looks at me and then down at my torso.
“Can I touch them?”
She’s referring to my scars. Apart from the ones on my face when she’d held my head earlier, she managed to avoid touching the ones that run down the side of my body whilst I fucked her.
I’m not sure if she intentionally avoided them, but even so, the fact that she’s asked for permission shows she knows how sensitive I am about them.
“Why would you want to?”
“Because I find them beautiful. I know that must sound strange because they were made by something terrible, something that hurt you and took your family from you, but they’re part of you, which makes them yours. And I find everything about you fascinating.”
The thought of anyone touching my scars sets me on edge. Anyone but her.
Holding her hand, I place it on my chest before letting go. She keeps it there, smoothing her fingers over the gnarled skin.
Her other hand joins in, tracing my burned flesh, exploring the knotted surface. I don’t feel her fingers—the nerve damage means I have very little sensitivity left. But inside, I feel her touch; it goes deeper than the surface of my broken skin.
She kneels, reaching up to follow the scarring onto my face before cupping my head in her hands.
“Has anyone ever touched them?”
“No. Only you.”
She nods, seeming pleased with this as she kisses me gently on the lips before moving her mouth over my scars.
Her lips stroke them, caress them, her tongue carefully licking over the skin as if she’s trying to heal my flesh with her mouth.
I don’t feel the tingle of her tongue. I feel something else.
That she wants to touch the worst part of me, wants to taste it, wants to be near is so amazing that I can’t look away.
“I’m scared,” Hayami says, pulling back from me.
For a second, I think she’s referring to the strange goings-on that have been happening, but she cocks her head to one side.
“I’m scared about what happens when we leave this house.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that, as long as we’re here, we can do this. I can touch you. I can kiss you. We can fuck. We can be this way. But when we leave…?”
I push her hair from her face. “When we leave here, you won’t want me anymore.”
“That’s not true,” she says.
As much as I want to believe her, she’s only saying this because I’m here now. I’ve just given her what she’s wanted for so long. She thinks I’m the only man who can give her this. And as much as I’d like to think she’s right, she’ll change her mind the minute we leave this place.
“Let’s not worry about anything else. Right now, it’s just you and me and this house.”
“I don’t ever want to leave this house,” she says as she rests her head on my chest. “As long as you’re here, I don’t ever want to leave.”
As I sink into her embrace, reality checks in.
Will she feel the same after she reads Junko’s journal?
Because I have to let her read it. I know this now.
We can’t remain in this house any longer without Hayami knowing the truth about what stalks these walls.
But I’m torn between keeping her here and setting her free.
What if I can’t do either?