Chapter 57 #2
“I’m not sure how that’ll work,” Markus begins, but my mum is ready, as if she’s been thinking about this for longer than the twenty minutes since I killed my father.
“That’s my concern and not for you to worry about.” She looks sharply at Markus, then softens a little. “Barrett’s death will send shock waves through the city. People will be stunned. And what better time for us to declare peace and an end to the bloodshed and the corruption?”
“What about the Castros?” Markus asks.
“The Castros will be happy that Barrett is dead. They’ll take it as a win, even if it wasn’t at their hands. Hopefully, once they realise we’re no longer a threat to them, they’ll leave us alone. But right now, they aren’t my main concern. My daughter is the priority.”
The room is silent, everyone probably wondering where we go from here, because as long as we’ve all been alive, we’ve only known one thing—my father’s reign.
What this new future will look like is anyone’s guess, but it’ll be a hell of a lot different from what my own looked like earlier tonight when I had held a gun to my head.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to change my clothes,” I announce, shrugging the blanket off and pulling out of my mum’s embrace.
I stand, and she looks at me with such concern, her eyes the clearest I’ve ever seen them. “Do you want me to come with you?” she asks, but Fenrir steps in.
“I’ll go with her.” It isn’t a question, and my mum sees his hand move to my lower back, sees me lean into him, and she smiles. She knows. She sees it. She understands that this man is my world, and I am his.
Markus nods at Fenrir as if giving his blessing as we exit the room.
* * *
FENRIR
We make our way to the Jeep, our eyes avoiding the covered body of Barrett Devall in the entranceway, Hayami gripping my hand like it’s the only thing tethering her to this new reality.
We don’t talk as I pull her bag from the car and bring it back inside the house.
The silence accompanies us up the stairs and waits patiently as we enter the master bedroom, where we’d been prepared to take our lives in each other’s arms.
I’ve been on the brink of death; I know the feeling of having cheated it. But Hayami? I’m not sure how close she’s come, how tight death’s grip was on her before I pulled her back from the depths of the water. And this time?
As I place her bag on the floor, Hayami flops onto the bed. I kneel before her. “Talk to me,” I say.
She shakes her head.
“Don’t give me the silent treatment. You have to talk, have to let it out; otherwise, it’ll destroy you. You just killed your father,” I begin, but her eyes dart to mine.
“It’s not that. I have no memory of that. All I saw was Noa coming towards me, and then it was her feelings, her thoughts. I didn’t consciously raise my hand. I didn’t actively pull the trigger. It was her. She was inside me. I felt her pain, her sorrow, her hurt, but then it changed.
“I’m not sure what she did, or how she managed to interfere with what I saw, because the only thing I saw was you.
You filled my head, and that’s all I can remember until I heard her voice in my mind telling me it was done, that I was free now.
Then the room came back into focus, and I saw my father on the floor. ”
She gulps. I let her gather her thoughts, rubbing gentle circles on her thighs.
“I have no memory of shooting him, no recollection of pulling that trigger. I didn’t see him get hit, didn’t see him fall.
But when I did come back and I saw him lying on the ground, the blood spreading over his chest, all I felt was relief.
” A tear rolls down her cheek. “I’m glad.
Happy. Fucking ecstatic that he’s dead, because everything will be different now.
Noa’s given me a chance, given me a life that wasn’t mine, and not just me but my mum and you and Willa. She’s saved us all.”
Placing my finger under her chin, I gaze at her, relieved she has no memory of what happened, that Noa had the foresight to protect Hayami from something that could have scarred her for life.
“I’m glad you see it that way, the way it is—an evil man eradicated from this world. But he was your father.”
“He was my father by blood and DNA. Those things don’t make a dad.”
I let out a sigh, hopeful that my rational Hayami is still operating the controls. But we aren’t out of the woods yet, because there’s another topic to tackle.
“Hayami,” I start, treading carefully. But she knows what I’m about to say, must feel it in the air, because there’s no escaping what we were about to do in this room.
“I can’t help thinking about what would have happened if Noa hadn’t made that noise downstairs.
That must have been her, right? She had to have been stopping us.
She knew what was coming, somehow knew he was on his way.
Even if she didn’t, she made that noise to stop us.
But what if she’d been too late? What if I’d pulled the trigger?
What if you’d pulled it before I did? What if—”
I press my finger over her lips.
“What if I hadn’t got out of that burning building?
What if my sister hadn’t died, and I’d never come to work for your father?
What if your mother hadn’t got pregnant with you when she did?
What if we’d have set off down the mountain and been hit by an avalanche?
What if? What if? What if?” I repeat. “I could go on forever, giving you all the what-ifs, but all it’d do is drive you to madness, and I think you’ve already been there. ”
She laughs. It’s small, hardly a laugh at all, but it’s something.
“So, promise me this.” I take her head in my hands. “Stop thinking about the what-ifs and think about the what now. Where do we go from here?”
Her eyes soften as I stroke the side of her cheek with my thumb.
“I don’t care where we go, just as long as it’s together.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me to her lips.
I kiss her passionately, desperately, as if her breath is the only thing keeping me alive.
Because there’s one thing I’ve noticed: The dark shadow surrounding her doesn’t appear as dark anymore.
In fact, it’s almost gone. And when I went to the Jeep to pick up her bag, I checked my own reflection in the mirror, and my shadow has also faded.
I’ve always thought it cloaks the people who’ve come close to death, but I wonder now if it remains, hovering and waiting, until it can fully take you as it knows that death’s near, that you cheated it once but won’t do so again.
For now, it’s gone for good. It’ll return, of that I’m sure, but not now. Not for a long time.
Deep down, I know she might change her mind when we leave this place, when she starts to live the life she should’ve always been able to live. But I take my own advice and stop worrying about the what-ifs.
All I need to know is that she’s here now with me, and that’s where she wants to be.