Chapter 36
Thirty-Six
The front door swings open, and a gust of cold air whirls through the house. Voices cut through the quiet. Mason. Ivy. They must’ve shared a ride from the airport.
“Hello? Syd?” Mason calls out, his voice carrying that tone I know so well. Expecting. Entitled.
The moment Mason sees James walking beside me, his face goes rigid. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Ivy steps forward and pastes on a bright smile.
“Dad invited James. He was worried about some house project and needed someone he trusted to check it out.” She smiles, soft and inviting. “And of course Dad thought of James.”
“Why are you still here? If everything is fine.” Mason’s anger coils tighter.
“Gary wanted me to stick around until he got back. Their flight was canceled, and they can’t get in until tomorrow.” James folds his arms across his chest, meeting Mason’s eyes.
“And when did you arrive, Syd?” Mason’s careful tone tries to hide what’s behind those words.
“Anna and I got in yesterday,” I reply with the basic facts because I don’t owe him anything more.
“James,” Ivy’s voice purrs. “Would you mind helping me with my bags?”
He drops his gaze as though he needs a moment to collect himself. When his eyes lift, I see the shift—the contrite smile. The pleasantness meant to convey friendship, a boundary. “Sure. After we eat.” He heads to the kitchen without looking back.
I clutch at the pieces of him still fresh on my skin, trying to hold onto what we had in the sunroom, but we both know the rules. The dance. The careful distance. Everything we’ve promised is now neatly folded beneath polite smiles and measured words.
Ivy stands there for half a second, processing the way he politely distances himself—despite the years they spent together, despite the engagement—before she follows him into the kitchen. I can’t make out the quiet murmuring that follows.
“Is Anna napping?” Mason grabs his bag, tone softening.
“Yeah. She should be up soon.”
He hesitates, searching for words he’s never been good at finding. “Can we talk later?”
“Yes, after she’s asleep tonight,” I nod, and he walks off toward the guest room. A long, slow exhale finally escapes me, but the quiet doesn’t last long.
Ivy’s voice shatters my solitude, loud and so un-Ivy-like: “James, I’m only asking for another chance. We were so good together. We can be that again.”
I take a few steps closer when I hear James’s deep timbre.
He isn’t harsh, but there’s finality in his tone.
“I didn’t come here for that, Ivy. I don’t want to hurt you again, but we’re not getting back together.
You are great. Beautiful. Kind. And someone’s going to be lucky to fall in love with you. But it’s not me.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with me?” Ivy takes slow, gasping breaths.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he says gently. “That’s the truth. The problem was never you.”
I hear her breathing, shaky, uneven. The kind of breath you take when the ground beneath you has started to shift.
James waits, giving her a minute. When he speaks next, it’s quieter. Regret coats every word. “I made a lot of mistakes when we were together. But the worst of them was letting things go on when I already knew. I should have been honest a long time ago.”
“I don’t understand. We were supposed to get married.” Her voice is soft, broken. “This isn’t the first time we’ve broken up and gotten back together. After that first Christmas here, we barely spoke for months, then came back from it. Why not now?”
James exhales. Loudly. I imagine he’s running his hands through his hair in that pause.
“This isn’t like that, Ivy. I never told you the full truth about why my parents separated. My dad hurt my mom. Not just emotionally. It was... more than that… and I vowed to never be like him. But by dragging this out, by not being honest with you sooner, I hurt you anyway.”
He pauses again, swallowing hard. Ivy’s quiet cries pick up.
“I’m sorry, Ivy. You didn’t deserve any of this.”
I step away, not wanting to hear any more. His painful words and her devastation after all this time pull at my chest. Guilt knots there. The damage left in our wake. The hurt. The fallout. And the family I’ve loved for so long is caught in the crosshairs.
Wetness slides down my cheek, and I search outside through the setting sun. Two birds cut across the orange sky, wings steady despite the wind, flying toward something I can’t see but somehow trust is there. Together they’re going where they’re meant to be.
Before long, Ivy escapes from the kitchen, face in her hands, and runs up the stairs.
I walk into the kitchen where James is leaning against the countertop, rubbing his jaw.
When he sees me, he gives me a sad, quick smile.
I want to go over and comfort him, but I know I can’t.
Not right now. Instead of wrapping my arms around him, I open my phone and select a song.
The soft, familiar notes hum through the speakers.
John Legend’s voice, warm and soulful, fills the quiet.
James’s eyes pin me in place, and I sink against the fridge, never looking away. As we’ve done so many times when words failed or too many eyes were watching, the lyrics say everything.
“Thank you,” he mouths.
I nod, fold my hands over my heart, and let the words carry our vows to each other. Because All of Me is ready for more.
“What do you think about ordering pizza?” His tone is soft, still caught in Ivy’s pain. He opens the drawer where Margaret keeps the takeout menus. “Pretty sure we’re headed into the most awkward dinner of our lives.”
And somehow, I laugh. The tension slips from my shoulders.
I shake my head, smiling at this beautiful man I get to call mine. I reach for the menu, our fingers brushing briefly. “We’ll need wine. A lot of it.”
“Already on it.” He pulls a bottle of Pinot Noir from the rack. “I have a feeling this is going to be a long night.”
***
Later, after I tuck Anna into bed, I curl up beside her, listening to the rise and fall of her breath, steadying myself for the conversation ahead. Her voice whispers through the dark. “Mama, I loved today. Will Unca J play again?”
The innocent question hits with a gentle ache. Tomorrow. The day after. Every day, if I have my way.
“Yes, Bug. I think he will.” I brush a curl from her cheek and slip out to find Mason.
It’s time to finish this once and for all.
He’s on the back deck, hunched over the fire pit with a glass of whiskey, his gaze lost in the flames.
He’s resisted more than I expected. I knew he’d push back, but not this hard, not for this long.
The late-night texts and pleas to try again.
Dinners to talk things through. Contesting the divorce.
Even showing up for Anna in ways he never had before—taking her on fun outings, giving her his time when they were together.
He’s now decided parenting is worth showing up for, or maybe he’s trying a new manipulation tactic.
I sit down beside him, wrapping my arms around myself, and tilt my head to the stars scattered across the onyx sky.
“It’s beautiful out here. I always forget how quiet this place is compared to D.C.” Mason’s voice barely carries over the crackle of the fire.
“That’s always been the appeal,” I say, though the quiet here was only another space filled with silence between us.
But no amount of beauty can disguise the truth.
This place—home to so many holidays, the place where I fell in love with his family and with someone else—isn’t where I belong anymore.
“Mason, I think we need to talk about the future.”
The fire cracks loudly, a sharp punctuation in the cold air.
“Is this when you tell me you’re moving home?” His words sound hopeful, but when I look over at him, he knows what’s coming.
“No. We aren’t getting back together.”
“Do I get a say in this? In my own marriage?”
“Please don’t do this. Just sign the divorce papers. We haven’t been good for a long time. I know you’ve felt it too.”
“Syd, we promised forever.” He inhales deeply and exhales even slower. But no amount of breathing hides the edge in his voice.
“We’ve had this conversation so many times. We’ve changed. And I can’t ignore that anymore.” My own voice sharpens. I hope he hears the conviction and stops.
“I can do better. I will.”
“You deserve better, too. I’m not in love with you. I wouldn’t trade our years together or Anna for anything. But we both deserve better than this.”
My thumb brushes over my bare ring finger. Instead of feeling empty, it feels whole.
“So this is it?” His eyes shine with unshed tears. Tears I’ve never seen from him.
“We have Anna,” I speak in a tone you’d use when trying not to provoke a wild animal. “I hope we can be good co-parents. She deserves that. We can give her a steady, loving life even if we aren’t together.”
We sit side by side, staring out at the night, two people who once promised forever, now facing the quiet of an ending.
“Can we tell your family tomorrow, once everyone’s here?” I ask.
“Are you with him?” His eyes narrow.
“This isn’t about anyone else, Mason.” I pause, making sure he’s hearing the truth I’m giving him. “It’s about me. About what I need for myself.”
Mason stares at me. His jaw tightens. Whatever vulnerability cracked through earlier slams shut. Without a word, he walks inside.
A weight lifts from my chest, and a lightness I hadn’t realized I’d been missing takes its place. It’s like I’ve been carrying the burden of a thousand unspoken words, and finally they’re out.
Stars gleam above the mountaintops. I stay outside long after my fingers go numb, my nose running from the cold. I stare at the stars, no longer needing them to guide me or make wishes upon them. This time, the stars don’t have to tell me who I am.