Chapter 30 Violet
Chapter Thirty
VIOLET
The guilt eats at me, worse than I’d ever have thought.
After all, I know I’m doing the right thing.
I sit in the back of the cab as we wait at the lights in Manhattan. The USB and burner phone I swiped from Cade—it’s amazing all the stuff he has—are in my hands. He thinks I’m with Lia, but after going for a walk and heading to his place, I…I came to a conclusion.
I have to act.
Without him, without Macy. I can’t get her into trouble, besides…what if Cade has somehow gone to her, and told her not to help me?
What am I thinking? He doesn’t need to physically go to her. He’s The Ghost. He could reach out anonymously, hack her, threaten her if he wanted. Because while he’s not the kind of guy who threatens women, he’s got it in him. He can be scary. And he wields great power through his skills.
And he’d threaten anyone if it was to keep me safe.
Anyone at all.
I take a breath, a little warm in my coat. But no way was I leaving his place in what I’m wearing. On my wrist is the get into the club card…the bracelet.
All I need to do is get in, talk to Thomas about training to work in the club. My excuse is legit, too. I’m a student. I’ve got debts, and no one’s paying those off other than me.
I know I can do this.
I can plant the USB. Listening around corners and absorbing information when others talk in front of me is a skill that’s handy in the political world. I just never knew it could be handy elsewhere. At least not in this way.
And add in some videos on top of the information I got by listening to Cade…turns out YouTube can really teach you everything.
I’m confident I can do this.
We pull up half a block away, because I intend to walk the rest of the way.
I pay the driver and then I get out, standing on the pavement in the night air, making myself breathe slow and steady.
Thing is, I did think of going to Cade, telling him I’m not really a toy or a thing to control. Tell him I’m going to do this no matter what he says.
But again, he’s got a dark side he plays with in his fantasies, but it’s a side that knows all kinds of criminals, the kind that ends up getting me kidnapped by the Russian mafia. Okay, that was Isaac’s fault, I guess, but Cade is entrenched with that stuff.
He’s The goddamned Ghost.
He’s not afraid to pull punches.
While I wouldn’t put it past him scaring anyone into not helping me, I also wouldn’t put it past him tying me up and leaving me somewhere. He could say no in that very physical, very definite way.
It’s much better to just do this and then seek forgiveness after.
I’m not going to seek permission again.
Why should I? I’m an adult, for crying out loud.
Adrenaline and righteousness pump through me, and it’s enough to both give me the right kind of edge I need and drive to ask Thomas.
If he’s in.
He will be. I’m betting he’s always there, at least for a few minutes. I get the feeling that club is his baby. It brings him prestige.
It’s clearly early when I arrive at the nondescript door. The hostess tonight is in tight shiny silver and with white-blonde hair and sky-high purple vamp shoes.
My lace and silk negligee, which isn’t really the right thing to wear but it’s in baby doll-pink, and my gold-heeled slides give me a bedroom look that I have a feeling Thomas is going to like.
It was all I could come up with from the purchases I made with Lia that day, that was both sexy, young, and romantic in a way. I’d bought it to wear with Cade.
But for the club, it’s something a little different, it hints more than exposes, titillates with the youthful femininity.
It’s something I realized I wanted to torment Cade in, tease him by pretending to be just eighteen, virginal, a small fantasy of mine I didn’t even know I had until I’d looked at my outfits tonight.
And that only hit me because I thought it’d make me stand out.
Appeal to men like Thomas, who I suspect likes them young.
His eyes the night we came here were on me, yes, but they were on all the women who looked my age or a little younger.
I swallow down the lump of guilt as I show the hostess my bracelet. She just raises a brow, and I put my name down, and then I go in.
After handing in my coat to the coat check, I look around.
There aren’t many people here yet. At least on this floor, and I go up to the bar.
“Try our newest plum cocktail. It’s divine.” The blond bartender in leather pants winks. “No one’s really here yet. Not the watchers, anyway. Or are you here to play.”
His gaze drops to the bracelet.
“A drink?” I was going to say no, but I change my mind. “I’d like that, thanks.”
“Sure thing, pretty thing.”
And as he pours one, heavy on the Calvados, I ask, “Do you know if Mr. Allistair is around?”
He smirks now, and holds up a finger, making a call on a black phone behind the bar.
Two minutes later, Thomas comes out from where his office is, dressed in a suit, and his eyes lock on me. He takes me in slowly, lasciviously, and then he makes a grand gesture of looking around for Cade.
My blush is real. But it’s not one of flattery. Inside, a queasiness rocks me, and I have to tell myself this is the only option I have.
I offer him a small smile. “He’s not here.”
His eyes light up with a greed I’ve never seen before. It’s gluttony and avarice but on me, and for the flesh. Like it’s commodity. And something he wants to own. Not any flesh… Mine.
Somehow, I hide the hot revulsion that rises in me like bile.
“Well now, you’re the last person I expected to show here. Alone.” His tone drips with innuendo. “Craig said you were looking for me? I’m hoping that’s a good thing…”
“Yes,” I say, leaving it ambiguous in its meaning. “I was hoping you could find time in your busy evening for me.”
“Really?”
“I…I’d like to speak to you.”
Thomas steps closer, crowding me, and I’m enveloped in a cloud of oud and spice that cloys. “Fuck, you’re pretty. And sweet. You look soft, untouched. I know you’re not, but even looking untouched does things to a man. Did you know that?”
“You flatter me.”
“Do I? Good. But it’s the truth.” He moves even closer. “Talk? It’s too noisy here, don’t you think? My private rooms might be more comfortable.” His hand comes down to my waist, but I shake my head.
“That sounds…” I stop. “Actually, Mr. Allistair, I wanted to speak to you about a job.”
“Really?” Now he frowns. But the avarice changes to one I’m more familiar with. Money, power, the game of gain for him. “I see. Come and sit.”
He leads me to a booth and before he sits, a scantily clad girl in leather comes up and places a highball of what looks like whiskey or bourbon down. Then he motions to me to take the seat next to him.
I pretend to misunderstand and scoot onto the other side of the booth. It’s small, but I see why he chose it. It’s both out of the way and where the person sitting can survey a great deal of the space, including the entrance.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Why do you need a job?” His gaze drops to the decolletage of my lingerie. “Money?”
I think about it, my ready answer, the one I prepared on my tongue, but something stops me. He’s going to want more than that.
A job for money or a job because I’m into this and curious…
Veering to one or the other seems wrong. But both together, money needs and curiosity merging? In another world, maybe one where I hadn’t ever met Cade, I could see that.
Not doing it, but thinking about it.
I look at him and take a sip, then I clutch my glass. “No, not like you think. I’m a student, and while I’ve got scholarships, I have debt, but…no…” I take a breath. “It was going to be my excuse, but I don’t think I can lie to you.”
“Good girl,” he says softly. “Don’t ever lie to me. What is the other drive? The real catalyst? You can tell me. You can tell me anything.”
And I’m glad I chose to veer slightly to the left. Even if his tone makes me want to puke.
“I do need money, but…” I breathe in and let the words rush out. “It’s really because the club is all I think about. I can’t help it. I have fantasies, a lot of them and…and I want to be somewhere like this.”
“Sex?”
“Maybe.”
He studies me for long moments. “You don’t sound so sure.”
My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, and I’m having a hard time answering that. But he ends up making it easy.
“It’s okay if you’re not, or if you don’t.
A lot of girls fuck. Some like to suck cock or lick cunt.
” He shrugs. “Others like pain and to be humiliated. And some like to watch, and others to make money. Of course, there are those like you. The special ones, young, mostly untouched, who aren’t sure. ”
Heat rises in my flesh, and he smiles slowly, his hand curling around his drink. He doesn’t touch me again, at least not right now, but he doesn’t have to. I can feel his touch everywhere, just from him looking, and it makes me want to bathe in bleach.
“See? That’s worth a lot of money. More than that, it brings people back. Your pretty blush, the natural submissiveness. But there’s a streak of backbone, too. Tell me, what does Cade think about this?”
I swallow and take a swallow of the drink that tastes like fall with a honeyed kick.
“Because—Violet, that’s your name?”
“Yes, Violet,” I say, mouth dry.
“Violet. Because Cade isn’t the type to share you. I don’t think that’s something he wants to do.”
I force myself to scoff. “He doesn’t own me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I lean forward. “I want to do this, so I’m going to. If you let me, that is.”
“I’m impressed you want to stretch your wings. I like a natural submissive who’s smart enough to realize the man she’s with might be the wrong one. You want to experiment and you’re happy to rock your little boat to do so. This is the thing I live for,” he says.
“Oh,” I whisper. “I’m glad.”
“I’m happy to see how it goes, Violet.”
“So, I’m in?” I ask.
He smiles. It’s full of oil, and it makes my skin crawl, but I don’t move as he scoots around the side of the booth to be closer to me. He puts a hand high on my thigh and squeezes. “We’ll see. You’ll need special training.”
Panic flutters. “Of course.”
“Personal special training. I’m happy to—”
“Thomas!”
I look up, a wave of relief passing through me.
Macy. Thank fuck.
Irritated, he glances at her. His hand stays on my thigh. “You shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t you be at the training center?”
She nods and waves a small booklet. “I forgot my training notes. I always use this with newbies.”
“Take it, go, I’ll be along in a while.” Thomas stares her down.
But she stares right back, wide eyed, innocent. “Is she joining the crew?”
“You have a problem with that?” Thomas asks.
“No, I…” Macy looks down. “No. Is she coming tonight for training?”
He looks from her to me to her again. “I think she will be, I’ll take her.”
“I’ll wait then and go with you. If she’s new, then she won’t want to miss a thing.” She looks at me. “Will you?”
Allistair watches the exchange closely.
“No. I won’t.”
Inside, I’m shaking.
I think Macy just saved me from Thomas’s brand of training.
And as we finish our drinks and head out, I cling to the fact I know I’m doing the right thing.