Chapter 10
“So sex toys, huh?” said Alex, giving me a knowing look.
I grabbed my friend by the arm, dragged her into my storefront, locked the door, and flipped the Open sign to Back Soon.
I didn’t get much walk-in traffic, but I wasn’t taking a chance with being overheard.
It was why I’d asked Alex to meet there instead of going out for the lunch I so desperately wanted.
Thank goodness I hadn’t gotten around to hiring an assistant yet.
“My, aren’t you in a hurry.” Alex grinned at me, clearly enjoying my discomfort. “Don’t worry. I brought a wide variety.” She set an innocuous-looking tote on my desk alongside a bag from the restaurant around the corner.
“What is that?” I asked, uncertain whether I meant the tote or the deli bag.
I’d been so busy with the Essex project; I hadn’t managed more than a protein bar and coffee hours ago when my day started.
That I’d prioritized meeting Alex to talk about Jake’s proposition/request/sex toy command—I wasn’t sure what to call it—over food showed how off-kilter he’d thrown me.
“This is a muffuletta and kettle cooked chips.” She opened the deli bag and started pulling out waxed paper-wrapped packages. “You need to fortify yourself for this kind of sex talk, and the power bars you normally eat won’t cut it.”
I made sure I ate. Real food, not just bars and diet stuff. I’d had slightly less than a full-blown eating disorder in college, and I’d been careful ever since. I kept to a schedule whenever possible and had eating alarms as guardrails on my phone to make sure I didn’t go too long without food.
“You’re the best.” I handed Alex a seltzer from the small refrigerator built into the cabinets that ran along one wall of my office and took another for myself.
“I’m hungry.” Even after all these years I was careful with the words I used, acknowledging my appetite without ever saying I was starving.
Starving myself could feel seductive if I let it. I was careful not to let it.
I didn’t bother to hide my groan of pleasure as I unwrapped the muffaletta and inhaled the spicy meat and pickled giardiniera scent.
“That’s a good start.” Alex waved at me with what looked like a purple torpedo as long as her hand.
“What in the name of all that’s holy is that?” I set down the sandwich I’d only moments before been ready to offer my undying love and stared at the things my friend was unpacking from her bag.
“It’s a butt plug.” She laid the purple monster next to three other more normal-sized plugs.
“For what? A sasquatch? That’s a butt plug.” I pointed to a relatively small chrome tear-shaped toy with a pink heart-shaped jewel on the base. “I don’t know what that is,” I motioned to the purple thing. “But I know where you shouldn’t put it.”
I picked up my sandwich and took a fortifying bite. Alex was right; this conversation was going to require more sustenance than my normal lunch salad provided.
“This is a princess plug.” She held the chrome toy by its jeweled base.
“These are anal trainers.” She motioned to the reasonably sized—if reasonable was a word you could use when talking about anal trainers—black plugs lined up in a graduated row before picking up the purple one with her other hand.
“This is the Giant Destroyer. You work up to this one.”
“It looks like it ate all the other ones.” I took another bite of the muffuletta and tried to relax my eyebrows. They’d hit my hairline when she waved the Destroyer around. “You can put that one back in the bag.”
“It can be a bit intimidating. It’s not really my thing, but some people like pushing themselves to the edge.”
“The edge of what?” My voice had taken on a frantic tone. I sucked in a breath and redirected my attention back to my friend’s face. “Never mind. Forget I asked.”
“If you’re going to do it, you’ve got to be able to talk about it. To ask questions, right?” She mercifully tucked the purple monster back into her tote bag.
“I guess. Yes.” It shouldn’t be this difficult to talk about sex toys.
I had more than one vibrator, and I considered myself fairly flexible when it came to sex.
The whole reason we were having the conversation was because my friends-with-benefits guy—a man whose relationship with me consisted of carefully negotiated sex and who I’d already let spank me—wanted to play with some sex toys and asked me to bring him the ones that interested me.
But when I’d thought about sex toys, I’d imagined fur-lined handcuffs and maybe one of those heart-shaped paddles—9 ⒈／⒉ Weeks stuff not purple Destroyer dungeon-level stuff.
I should have known, given Alex’s specialty, I’d get an extensive education. In butt plugs. Lord.
“Is there something in particular you’re interested in? These can be fun.” She slid a string of beads out of a velvet bag.
Ranging from small gumball to Everlasting Gobstopper size, the beads were black with a matte finish that made me curious to touch them to see if they were as soft as they looked. I pushed my sandwich to the side, silently promising myself I’d finish it later, and wiped my fingertips on the napkin.
“Gimme,” I said, holding out my hand.
Alex was right. If I couldn’t get comfortable with the idea, I wouldn’t be able to do it, and I wanted to do it. Not just because I was curious—I was—but because it was the first thing Jake asked me for. I liked the idea of pleasing him, even if we weren’t in an actual relationship.
Alex dropped the string of beads onto my palm.
The silicone surface was exactly as soft as I’d expected, but I hadn’t expected them to move.
I fought back the similarities to a middle school visit to a reptile farm when one of the handlers placed a snake in my hand.
The balls didn’t vibrate exactly, but they moved.
Every time my hand shifted, something inside them rolled, making them feel alive.
“They have an internal free weight that moves every time you move. It’s more subtle than a vibrator, but the unexpectedness can feel amazing when they’re inside you.” Alex took a bite of her sandwich and chewed, watching as I rolled the beads around in my hand.
“Where do you put them?” I asked, pretty sure I knew the answer but not wanting to leave anything to chance.
“They’re anal beads,” Alex said around a mouthful of muffaletta.
“You can put them in or even better have your partner put them in one at a time, preferably during oral. Vaginal penetration while you’re wearing them is spectacular.
The feeling of fullness combined with the way the beads move is out of this world.
Even better if your partner pulls them out as you orgasm. ”
The beads warmed in my palm, and the longer I held them, the less threatening they seemed.
Definitely friendlier than the other options.
The image of Jake behind me, moving inside me while the beads…
moved inside me, made me flush. Followed right on the heels of the surprising desire to try it was the image of him pulling the beads out, and what might happen.
I was sure there were ways to prepare for that kind of thing, but I didn’t want to have that conversation with Alex.
Maybe in a dark corner of the internet on my laptop after work, but not over lunch.
“Do you have anything that doesn’t go in your butt?”
“Of course. Lots of things.” She rummaged in her sex toy treasure tote and pulled out a clear plastic organizer like the ones people used for beads. Or fishing tackle. “If you like nipple play, these can be lots of fun.”
“Who doesn’t like nipple play?” I watched as she flipped open one of the compartments and pulled out clamps bearing a surprising similarity to binder clips and thumbscrews, realizing we might have a different definition of play.
“These are butterfly clamps.” She squeezed the sides of the clamp, showing the way they opened to grasp the intended part. “Some people get off on the bite of pain from the clamps when you tug on the chain.” She let the chain dangle over her finger, a wicked-looking clamp attached to each end.
I had no trouble picturing the clamps tugging on imaginary nipples. Or even not so imaginary ones—Jake’s strong hand grasping a chain that hung between my breasts. It would be sexy and exotic. Body jewelry without the permanent piercing bits.
“Taking them off can be even more intense. That sudden rush of blood back to the nipple made even better if your lover soothes them with his mouth.”
Her gaze went slight glassy for a moment, and I wondered how much of her knowledge came from before Erik and how much of it was with him.
I also might be in the wrong job. I didn’t have the patience to write books, and I never could have handled individual clients the way Alex did before she met her husband.
But I could see the appeal of the research.
I doubted I got that blissed-out expression looking at flooring samples and paint chips.
“What else is in the box?”