Chapter 36
Iglanced at my watch and gave up on the book I’d been trying to read. Escapist fiction wasn’t going to do it for me; I might as well go downstairs to my studio and make some progress on the Benson designs.
For all I knew, Jake could be onstage right that moment with the dog I might never get a chance to meet.
When I made the connection between Julianna and my pet-loving client, she’d put me on the guest list for the Crescent City Canines event.
She’d even reached out before the RSVP deadline to invite me again personally.
I’d been tempted. She’d let slip that Jake would be speaking.
Casually enough for me to be sure it was a deliberate attempt to entice me to attend.
I wanted to. The need to see him again made my chest ache, but I couldn’t be the one to make the next move.
Not out of some misguided attempt to protect myself from emotional pain—not seeing Jake hurt already—but because I’d made the last offer.
I apologized and told him I wanted to try.
As much as I hated it, Charlotte was right.
I couldn’t go into a relationship wishing Jake was different or assuming I could change him if I just hung in there long enough.
If we were going to be anything to each other again, he was going to have to take the next step.
No matter what happened, being with Jake had taught me important things about myself. I was a better version of myself because of the time we’d spent together.
I opened the back door to my studio and crossed the room to my sample cabinet.
Even with the doors I could shut on any disorder, I’d never let it get too unruly, but Claire had the cabinet organized to within an inch of its life.
She’d even put the last samples I’d been using for the Benson project in trays so I could pick up where I’d left off.
I couldn’t believe I’d ever made do without her.
That was one of the things I learned from being with Jake.
It felt good to have someone take care of me and even better not to have to hide myself from someone I loved.
I didn’t need to keep the doors closed on my messy parts with Jake.
He saw and accepted all of it, even the gross messy bits.
That’s what I wanted from a partner, and now that I knew that, I couldn’t accept anything less.
I spread the samples out on my worktable and pulled up the design brief on my tablet.
As I read my notes from our initial consult—typed now because Claire really was an angel—the choices became clear.
I slid the cherry molding next to the wedgwood paint chip and the two upholstery swatches, only wavering for a moment before setting everything on top of the marble tile.
I slid a grout sample out of its case, set it on the tile with the rest of my choices, and stepped back to get a different perspective.
It was perfect. The Bensons were going to love it.
I could picture the finished space in my head, and it looked like the kind of space my clients would thrive in.
It’s funny how that worked. This thing I’d been wrestling with for days suddenly became clear, the solution so obvious it was hard to understand why I hadn’t seen it in the beginning.
I placed my final selections back on the tray and entered the specifications into the client’s file.
I left a note for Claire to schedule a consultation with the clients for me to present the options.
Loading my arms with the rest of the wood and fabric samples, I went to the cabinet to put everything back in its place.
A knock at the door pulled me away from my thoughts.
I hadn’t bothered to flip the Open sign, but the lights must have made someone decide to take a chance.
I crossed the room ready to tell whoever it was I was closed and saw Jake standing at the door holding a mangled bouquet in one hand and a leash connected to a very eager dog in the other.
My hand shook as I turned the latch and opened the door. The dog, sensing his opportunity to make new friends, jumped and planted his paws on my jeans.
“Hello,” I said, focusing my attention on the dog trying to climb me like a tree and not on the man who owned my heart.
“Brick, get down!” Jake yanked on the leash, and the dog reluctantly returned to his side. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him. As you can see from the flowers, he’s used up all his good dog behavior for the day.”
Before I could tell him it was okay or ask why he’d come, he smiled at me, and I froze, lost in the feeling of Jake in front of me. In my space, opening a door I’d been terrified would stay closed.
“I didn’t want to take the time to drop him at home.” He took in a breath, pausing as if going over a well-rehearsed line in his head. “Because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to…”
“…Start as soon as possible,” we finished the quote together.
“Old-school rom-com,” I said, moving closer to Jake. “Nice.”
“It’s true.” He scanned my face for a moment, giving me a chance to move away if I wanted. “I’m so sorry I pulled back. I shouldn’t have given up so quickly.”
“It’s okay.” The hurt I’d been feeling began to melt.
I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around Jake’s neck. His smile blinded me for the fraction of a second it took before he put his arms around me, covering my mouth with a kiss. I gave in to the kiss—gave in to him. Standing in the circle of Jake’s arms, my whole world became clear.
This. I wanted this.
Mangled flowers, the dog pawing at my thigh for attention, and the man who saw me for exactly who I was and wanted me because of it, not in spite of it.
I didn’t have to hide a thing from Jake.
I’d never be too much for him, which meant I’d never have to play small again.
To squeeze myself into someone’s image of me.
I broke the kiss, desperate to explain it to him. Searching his face, I grasped for the words to tell him what he meant to me, what I wanted for us. There was an us. I couldn’t stop smiling if I tried, and there was no reason to try.
“I love you.” I had more words in mind but those three were the most important. Those three meant we had a chance to build a life together.
“I love you, too,” he said, kissing me one more time before turning his attention to the dog trying to crawl between us.
“Brick, would you knock it off. Sit down.” He pitched the command low, and the dog reluctantly complied, his butt barely skimming the ground.
“I’m sorry.” He pushed the hair out of his eyes and blew out a frustrated breath while the dog vibrated at our feet. “He’s a work in progress.”
“He’s in good company; so am I.” I let go of Jake just long enough to drop to my knees beside the dog and give in to exuberant puppy kisses.
If he was always going to be this excited to see me, I’d find a way to make my peace with dog hair and anything else he needed. It could give me insight into how to design functional spaces for pet parents.
“Come on.” I took Jake’s hand and got to my feet. “I want to show you something.” I flipped the lock closed and tugged his hand, leading him and the dog toward the back of the studio and the door to my apartment.
“Are you sure?” Jake glanced from me to the dog at his feet. “He can be a lot.”
“One more thing we have in common.” I leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, fighting the urge—for now—to melt into his arms when I got close to him.
I led them through the studio and up the narrow set of stairs to my apartment. The dog stayed glued to Jake’s thigh, but I could tell everything about the new space made him nervous. He relaxed slightly when I opened the door at the top of the stairs, and we stepped into the living area.
“This is beautiful.” Jake glanced around, taking in the details of the space with his laser focus. “It looks like you if you were a room. That doesn’t make any sense, does it? I only meant it’s lovely too.”
“It makes perfect sense to me, and it’s high praise.” I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. “I’m sorry I never brought you here before. I was hoping we could spend some time here together. The three of us.” I took a step toward the couch and the custom dog bed spread out at the bottom.
“You got him a bed?”
The wonder in his voice thrilled and hurt at the same time.
I loved how much the simple gesture seemed to please him and hated that the idea of me making space for him in my home seemed so unexpected.
I knew we’d never reached the level of sharing drawers in each other’s homes, but it still felt wildly imbalanced, because it was.
He’d opened everything to me, and I‘d kept myself and my space walled away from him.
Choosing to buy the dog bed was a small symbol that meant so much more.
I wanted to let Jake and his dog all the way into my life.
“I hoped you guys would want to spend some time here with me. I thought it would be easier if he had his own things. I was going to get him food and some toys and treats, but I know people can be picky about those kind of things, and I didn’t want to overstep.”
The last word barely made it out of my mouth before Jake pulled me into his arms and covered my lips with his kiss.
“I love you so much.” He pulled me tight against him, as if he couldn’t bear to let me go.
The dog had taken the opportunity to collapse onto the bed I’d gotten for him. As if he was exactly where he belonged.
Because he was. We all were.