CHAPTER 14
After tucking the kids in, I speed cleaned my bedroom, picking up fallen clothes I’d been stepping over for days and shoving them into my closet. I hastily made my bed too, glancing around for anything else out of place. Anything else that might’ve given Jamie a bad impression.
It wasn’t the first time he’d been in my room, of course—I could thank Dalton dumping me for Jamie’s first soirée into my bedroom, when he’d come over to try to cheer me up—but still. I felt strangely nervous, probably because of everything we had to say.
I paced in front of my bedroom window, rehearsing. I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish, I’d say. You’re the most selfless person I know, and the one time you make your own choice, I was a brat about it. I’m the worst best friend, and I’m sorry.
A soft ting glanced off my window, and I whirled on it, finding Jamie standing by the tree below. He had a few stones from the garden in his palm, but dropped them at the sight of me. I hurried to push up the windowpane, leaning out. “Hi,” I whispered down to him.
Jamie still wore the same clothes he’d had on earlier today, a sweatshirt and jeans, and even from here, I could see the night breeze stir his dark hair. “Hi,” he whispered back.
I gestured to the tree. “Climb up.”
Jamie did not move. “Are you kidding?”
“Uh, no?” The tree wasn’t too big, but it was way closer to the house than it should’ve been. It was one of those things Mom repeatedly put off taking care of over the years. The limbs didn’t brush the siding, but they came close. “It’s strong enough to hold you.”
“I think you’re overestimating my athletic ability, Daze.”
“I don’t want you waking the kids.” I’d barely gotten Theo to close his eyes. “Dalton could climb it just fine, but if you can’t, I get it.”
Jamie’s laser glare cut through the dark. “You did not just compare me to him,” he muttered, reaching up and grabbing hold of the lowest branch. “Unfortunately, I am highly susceptible to the art of reverse psychology. You suck.”
I pressed my lips together to fight my smirk. “You’ve seen through my master plan.”
Jamie muttered something more, and I rested my forearms on the windowsill, watching my best friend climb.
He did look pretty awkward doing it, hooking his long limbs around branches.
He had more of an advantage over Dalton—he was taller and thinner, which meant he could reach up to branches Dalton couldn’t and put his weight on ones that wouldn’t have held Dalton.
Jamie got onto a limb parallel with my window, the glow of my bedroom lights illuminating his face. His lips were pressed together in concentration, and he nudged his glasses up with a knuckle. “Now what?” he asked, looking skeptically at the gap from the tree limb to my window. “Jump?”
“Dalton always got through the window just fine.”
That irked him further. “If I die trying to be like Dalton Giovanni, I’m going to come back and haunt you.” Jamie’s foot slipped on the tree bark, the limb bobbing violently, and he let out a strangled curse. “Daisy Carmichael.”
I laughed, leaning further against the sill. “You’re saying my name like it’s a swear word.”
“At the moment, it is.”
I stretched my hand out to him. The limb he crouched on was so close that my fingers brushed his T-shirt, and I pinched the fabric of it. “I won’t let you fall.”
“Oh, sure, that makes me feel so much better.”
“I have more muscles than you.”
He let out an offended scoff. “Take your sweater off and then we’ll see.”
Then Jamie’s eyes zipped to mine, and so much of the whites of his were visible as what he said hit him.
I opened my mouth, but he beat me to it. “Shut up.”
“If you’re going to talk about me taking my clothes off, you’re not allowed in my bedroom.”
“Just—shut up.” Jamie reached over and wrapped his hand around the window. His ears were flushed bright red. “Move, or I’ll squish you.”
Laughing, I obeyed, taking a step back. He stretched his leg out, hooking it through the window before hauling himself through.
I held my hand out for him to steady himself, but his foot caught on the edge of the windowsill as he pulled himself inside.
Jamie all but fell into me, the sudden weight knocking me off my feet.
We hit the ground hard, my hand still gripping his, Jamie’s legs tangling with mine as the floor vibrated.
Jamie pulled back a little, eyes wide. “Are you—”
“Shh!” I gripped his hand, and my other hand latched onto his waist, keeping him still against me.
I strained to hear any sliver of sound outside of my room.
Please, don’t let that wake up Theo, I thought desperately, holding my breath.
Or Ivy or Junie or Penn. Please, don’t let anyone have heard that.
Seconds ticked by, and I heard nothing. No floorboards shifting, no doors opening. I let out a little breath of relief.
When I looked up at him again, I found Jamie’s eyes screwed shut.
His body was stiff as if he were bracing for another fall.
His free arm was pressed on the ground at my side, holding most of his weight off me, and he trembled a little with the effort.
My hand slipped at his side, bunching in the material of his hoodie, while my other hand still gripped his.
My lungs ached as I held my breath. Jamie.
Almost as if he heard me think his name, his eyes blinked open, immediately locking onto mine. “Sorry,” he whispered, the word a delicate glance across my skin.
I swallowed hard, letting go of him completely. “I don’t think they heard anything. We can… get up.”
Jamie sucked in a breath, all but launching off me. “I can’t believe I just climbed a tree for you,” he muttered, helping me stand without looking me in the eye. “I do so many stupid things for you, you know that?”
I dropped my hand. “Like fake dating me?”
“No.” His expression was serious. “That’s not stupid.”
I walked over to my bed and sat on the edge, drawing my knees to my chest. Now that he was here, I suddenly wanted to talk about nothing. Nonsense. Things that didn’t matter. Not college or Dalton or the massive fight that we’d left each other on.
Jamie wordlessly came over and sat down beside me, the mattress dipping under his weight.
He sat close enough that I could smell the scent of the detergent on his clothes—Jamie didn’t wear cologne—but far enough away that our shoulders didn’t brush.
He angled slightly toward me, but his eyes were on the floor in front of us.
“Why was Dalton at the club earlier?” Jamie asked, and I could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to sound nonchalant. “You guys played together?”
“He practically forced his way into our match,” I said, and annoyance lit through me once more. To be honest, even just the thought of Dalton after how he’d acted today irked me. “I don’t know why people are doing that lately. It’s not an open invitation.”
“Why was he holding your hand?”
“He wasn’t. He was holding my wrist to keep me from slapping him.” I sucked in a breath, thinking about my sketchbook on my desk. “Jamie, about Dalton—”
“You’re my best friend,” Jamie said, keeping his voice quiet as his long fingers traced the seams of his jeans. “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. I don’t want to fight with you—about anything. About Dalton, about NYU—”
“I’m sorry.” The two words shook. I stared at the same spot on the floor, hugging my knees tighter.
I thought about which conversation I wanted to tackle first and decided on the most important one.
“I’m sorry for being so upset about college.
Columbia is Ivy League. Jamie, that’s huge.
And I’ve been the worst best friend ever, not being more excited for you about it. ”
My eyes were already starting to sting as I thought about all the times I’d thrown digs at Jamie here and there these past few weeks, like a toddler throwing a tantrum over not getting something she wanted.
And since I couldn’t be upset about NYU waitlisting me—because that was too large a pill to try and choke down—I let myself be mad at Jamie for not making the choice I would’ve.
I cleared my throat against the sudden tightness, but it didn’t help.
“I guess it just felt like another door closing on a dream, you know?” I went on, blinking against the burn in my eyes.
“I thought I could just live through you. That you could live my dream for me. Because it was one thing for me to give up on NYU, but it hurt even more to think… we both gave up on it. But you didn’t give up; you just have a different dream.
And I should’ve told you sooner, but I am proud that you got into Columbia.
I’m really, really proud of you, Jamie.”
He didn’t reply for a long moment, long enough that I looked over at him and found that his own eyes had grown watery.
My heart cracked at the sight. Jamie was sort of an easy crier, but knowing the reason for the sudden show of emotion stung me.
His fingers still dug into his jeans, and I wanted to reach out, but something held me back.
“I should’ve told you about Columbia,” Jamie eventually said, along with a soft sniff.
“As soon as I accepted their offer, I should’ve told you.
It just… It wrecked me. To know that I’d made a choice that would disappoint you left me wrecked.
” Jamie gave a sharp, hitching breath. “Columbia is amazing, yeah, but even if I hadn’t gotten in there—I still wouldn’t have gone to NYU. ”
“What? Why not?”
Jamie looked over, his eyes soft and sad. A tiny little tear slipped down his cheek. “How could I live our dream without you there with me?”
The pressure in my throat tightened to the point that it choked me. I dropped my arms around my knees and leaned into Jamie, pressing my temple against his shoulder. He shifted immediately, stretching his arm around me and hugging me close.
“I wouldn’t want to be at NYU without you,” he went on. “I think it’d kill me.”