Chapter Twenty-Three #2
His gaze enveloped her, and his lips were so close.
Too close. She could kiss him now and he her, but she held still, frozen and unable to do anything but look upon him and his scar.
She lifted her hand to it, as she had longed to do, tracing her index finger along the raised edges.
He shuddered and closed his eyes as she moved to where it disappeared under his cravat.
Did she dare tell him what was truly in her heart?
That he was her prince, not Dolph. She mustered up the courage to risk everything: her heart, their friendship, her business, her future.
She reached for the lapels of his jacket and pulled herself closer, so close she could smell the leather and musk of his scent that always sent a pooling heat to her gut like an arrow sluicing through the air.
‘And what if I said I also was not sorry?’ she began, a tremble in her voice. ‘That I have thought about what it would be like to kiss you again…’ Her breath hitched in her chest. ‘To be your betrothed.’
‘Do not say such things to me,’ he said, covering his hands over her own and trying to pull away.
‘How are my words any different from your own?’ she challenged.
‘I cannot marry you despite how much I…’ he replied. His words faltered as he studied her lips and squeezed her hands that he gripped so tightly. ‘How can I make you understand? I do not deserve you, and I know I will not make you happy,’ he admitted, his voice aching with pain.
‘That simply isn’t true,’ she replied, emotion clogging her throat.
She gained courage and said the words she had felt in her heart, but dared not give voice to.
‘If you could only let go of the past, we could have a beautiful future with one another. We could continue to heal all the broken parts of us…together.’
Silence fluttered between them, and for a moment she felt hope that he would say yes, and that they had both dared reach for what they wanted. But as the moment passed, his grasp loosened, and the corner of his lip lifted in another sneer.
‘And what does Dolph say about this?’ he replied. ‘Surely your affections have not jumped from him to me so quickly? Even for a woman who adores romance such as yourself.’ The cruelty of it cut her. She flinched and pulled back.
He chuckled darkly and stepped away, scrubbing a hand through his hair. ‘As I thought. Go to him. He is a far finer catch than I. With me, you would have nothing.’
He was pushing her away, becoming the beast once more to protect himself, like she had seen several times before. Well, she would not have it. He would not push her away, at least not without a fight. She leaned closer to him, studying the bright flecks of gold in his irises.
‘And what if I told you my relationship with Dolph is one of friendship only, agreed to this morning so that I could come here and tell you that I love you.’ She held his gaze and waited.
His jaw and shoulders tightened, and a cold distance rebounded in the space between them.
She shivered. He leaned closer, his lips almost touching hers as he almost seemed to growl the words, ‘Then, I would say you are a fool, Miss Granger. I will not marry you. I will not agree to a love match. Ever. Let us leave this as our last exchange and forget every word and touch shared between us. Now go.’
The pain and shock in her gaze from his cruelty as she stood frozen, staring up at him in disbelief, was almost too much for Lucas to bear, but he had to end this magnetic connection between them.
And the only way to do that was with this one last brutal cut.
A wound to end all doubt. He was a fool to think they could ever be friends.
Not after he had tasted her. Not after he’d longed every day and night to kiss her, hold her and make love to every inch of her skin.
He simply could not allow her to love him and throw away her life in pursuit of an uncertain future with him.
Pushing her away was a kindness, just like it had been for Miss Grey.
He loved Ophelia and needed to protect her…from himself. He was an anchor that could drown her, and she was far too beautiful and magical to pull under. She deserved to shine.
‘Go!’ he said again when she would not move.
The edge of the word broke from the pain tearing through him, and he prayed she would not be able to discern it from his tone.
For if he could have been more of a man, less broken, less of everything he was and risked more, risked everything, then they could have loved one another and set the world on fire.
Passion brightened her eyes, and she held his gaze, unrelenting and knowing.
‘There are many things you are, Lord Worthing, but I never once thought you a coward…until now.’ Tears welled and fell from her cheeks before she lifted her skirts and turned from him.
She left the parlour, slamming the door behind her.
He commanded himself not to call out or chase after her as he listened to her leaving him.
He could not allow himself to love her and ruin her beautiful life.
He couldn’t. For he loved her too much, more than his own happiness, more than anything else in the world, and he wouldn’t let her accept anything less than the happily ever after she deserved with a far better man than he.
It didn’t matter that he would dream about her for the rest of his life or wonder what future they could have had. He couldn’t trust that he would be good enough for her, with all the demons he still carried with him, and he wasn’t willing to risk her happiness.
If there was one thing he knew to be true, it was that she had a better chance to achieve all the things she longed for in her life if he wasn’t a part of it. He just wished he didn’t already suspect he’d made the biggest mistake of his life…