Chapter 18 #2
Suyin visibly sagged with relief. She looked at the fire, and he could tell she was fighting to slow her breathing and regain calm. He watched as her fear dissipated, only to be replaced with hot anger.
He stared into the flames beside her. Neither of them spoke for a time.
“Note to self,” she muttered through gritted teeth, “Murmur can’t take a fucking joke.”
He wanted to tell her that he was the Necromancer, and of course he didn’t take jokes, and it was her mistake to be foolish enough to provoke him. What had she expected?
But he didn’t say that. He didn’t say anything at all.
Instead, he climbed to his feet, and he saw her tense. He’d made her jumpy around him again. Wasn’t that what he’d wanted?
He crossed the room to a dusty old cabinet in the corner, but her voice stopped him. “Are we done, then?”
He turned back. There was no sign of that softness in her eyes he’d seen only minutes ago. Instead, there was a burning indignation that was all too familiar. She was angry with him, but she wasn’t leaving either. Her desire for knowledge superseded her wounded pride.
Yet another thing he begrudgingly respected about her.
“No,” he replied. “Unless you want to be.”
She glared at him and said nothing. But she didn’t leave, which he supposed was answer enough.
Turning back to the cabinet, he opened the door and swept the cobwebs and dust aside, taking out a crystal decanter full of amber liquid. There were several cups too, but they were so covered in grime, it would take considerable scrubbing to make them usable.
He returned to Suyin and sat again beside her, holding out the bottle. A peace offering of sorts, though he would never admit it.
Her eyes narrowed, but she took it, grimacing at the filth on the outside. “What is this?”
“Alcohol.”
She frowned. “Why are you giving me alcohol?”
“To drink.” At her deepening look of confusion, he admitted, “You were frightened. And I suppose I feel somewhat … remorseful for being the cause of it. This will settle your nerves.”
She ground her teeth. “You feel somewhat remorseful for using your creepy dead ghost army to scare the shit out of me. What a touching apology.”
He turned away. Admitting to remorse was as far as he was willing to go. Really, she was lucky he’d given her that much.
She sighed like she knew it too. “You’re an asshole. Why I’m even bothering with you is a goddamn mystery.”
It was Murmur’s turn to grind his teeth. It seemed she hadn’t learned her lesson after being frightened by his “ghost army,” after all. He was starting to think she never would. And he wasn’t sure he wanted her to.
“Why does this bottle look like it came from a mummy’s crypt?” she asked.
He glanced back. She was turning the grimy decanter over in her hands, studying it closely.
“That cabinet was here long before I arrived,” he explained. “I don’t think Paimon consumed alcohol often. It’s likely been here for a century or so.”
She uncorked the top and sniffed it. “Are you sure it’s not poison?”
“These were Paimon’s private chambers before they were mine. She wouldn’t have kept poison here. But I’ll take the first sip, if you’d rather.”
“I like to live dangerously,” Suyin said with a shrug, and then she took a swig.
And coughed.
“F-fuck,” she wheezed. “That’s strong as hell.” She took another sip and coughed again. And then she held the bottle out to him.
He shook his head.
“Come on. Live a little.”
“I prefer not to consume mind-altering substances. My mind is altered enough already.”
He’d never understood humanity’s fixation with alcohol. They voluntarily drank poison and enjoyed the way their brains slowly shut down. It was absurd.
“Just one sip,” Suyin pressed. “You scared the piss out of me for no reason. You owe me.”
He glared at her. And then he snatched the bottle out of her hand and took a sizable gulp. And coughed several times. “That’s awful.”
She laughed.
Fool that he was, his guilt lessened at the sound. He hadn’t scared her so badly she wouldn’t laugh in his presence anymore. That was good.
He took one more sip of the foul fire juice for the sole reason that Suyin wanted him to and it made her laugh. Then, with a grimace, he passed it back. “Don’t ask me to drink any more of that.”
She laughed again and took another swig herself. Silence fell for several moments as they stared at the fire. The alcohol sent warm relaxation trickling through his blood, making him aware of the tension in his muscles and giving him a chance to relax them. It was … pleasant.
“You took over Paimon’s lair recently, right?” Suyin asked, setting the decanter down on her other side. He nodded. “So you haven’t been here that long.”
“Correct.”
“Weird.”
“Why?”
“I just have this image of you hiding away in this tower for centuries. Moving doesn’t fit in with the picture.” She looked around the library. “So you brought all these books from your old place?”
“I did.”
“That’s a lot of shit.”
“It’s not like I did it myself. What’s the point of having minions if you can’t make them do menial tasks? I kept a close eye on them. Anyone that disobeyed ended up on the tower spikes.”
“How many people are up there?” she said, grimacing.
“A few.” He smiled. “I think those spikes are my favorite part about my new lair. It’s very convenient, and the demons are terrified of it.”
She looked mildly disturbed but said no more. “I’m surprised you let them touch your precious books at all.”
“They didn’t touch them directly. They were carefully packaged first. No one but me touches them.”
“And me,” she reminded him with a smirk.
“Evidence my sanity has slipped.”
“Oh, I think you’ve got plenty of evidence of that already.”
He rolled his eyes.
“What was your old lair like?”
“Small. Empty. Quiet.” He missed that quiet.
“Empty? You didn’t have gargoyle minions running around everywhere?”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
She shrugged. “I’m curious about how an evil demon in Hell lives his life.”
He decided to indulge her. Maybe it was because he was enjoying the distraction. Maybe it was because he still felt guilty for terrorizing her. Maybe it was because of the alcohol he’d consumed. “I didn’t have legions. I was one of the few demons in the Order of Thrones without them.”
“What exactly do you mean by ‘legions’?”
“Armies of lesser demon soldiers. They serve a master or mistress and go to war on their behalf to claim new territory or protect what they have.”
“Why didn’t you have them before?”
“I prefer to work alone, and my souls are formidable enough. My boundary wards were powerful enough to keep intruders out, and my territory was small enough that it wasn’t particularly interesting to invaders.
I don’t trust others easily, and I can’t stand incompetence.
Lesser demons are some of the most dimwitted creatures in existence. ”
“So why’d you come here then? Why go to all the trouble of taking over the lair and all the stupid demons in it if you didn’t want the responsibility?”
“Because of my plan. I needed a more secure place to perform my experiments and weather the coming storm. If my spell is successful, the High King of Hell will lose the primary source of his power. The most powerful demons in Hell actually uphold the stability of the realm. When Belial defected, the entire mountain range surrounding his territory sank into a crevasse that appeared in the landscape. Lucifer’s fall will wreak even greater havoc. ”
Suyin’s eyes widened, and he could practically see her sharp mind racing as she digested that information. “And why do you think you’ll be safer here?”
“My old lair was perched on a cliff on the edge of the Abysmal Sea. I enjoyed the view, but if there were an earthquake, the entire structure could fall into the waves.”
“What makes this one safer?”
“The tunnels.” His lips curved slightly.
“There is a network of tunnels deep in the bedrock beneath this structure, created by gorath larvae. I’ve explored them at length, and I still haven’t managed to map them completely.
Even if the entire castle fell, there would always be an escape route underground. ”
“I’m guessing I don’t want to know what gorath larvae are.”
“Probably not,” he agreed, thinking of the centipede-like monsters and their slimy, membranous offspring.
“Well, damn,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve thought of everything.”
“I’ve certainly tried.”
When Suyin didn’t continue her interrogation immediately, he took the opportunity to relax further against the sofa and stretch out his legs. Relax. When was the last time he’d allowed himself such an indulgence? He couldn’t even remember.
He shouldn’t be allowing it now, but something about this moment of truce between him and Suyin seemed precious. He was reluctant to end it by returning to his never-ending cycle of work.
Never-ending. That was what it was, wasn’t it?
Even if he survived and all his schemes went according to plan, he would still be locked in his tower, working on some impossible task. Because if he completed this objective, he would just find another, even more difficult one to strive for.
He would do it because if he stopped, if he allowed himself to rest for even one moment, the emptiness would seep in. The lack of purpose would reveal the gaping hole inside his mind that had been steadily growing for centuries.
That abyss scared him most of all. Possibly even more than the vision of his death. At least death would be something outside his control, something he had no choice in. That pit of emptiness was something else, something he guessed had come from the evolution of his soul.
He knew he had a soul, but he’d never thought much about how he’d gotten it. Gamigin had explained how demons evolved, developing emotional intelligence and moral compasses, and the soul grew with them during that process.
But Murmur didn’t think he had much emotional intelligence—he was pretty cold and lacking empathy—and his sense of right and wrong was warped as well. He didn’t give a fuck about anyone except himself, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. So where had his soul come from?
Maybe the answers lay in the empty pit of darkness in his mind. But he feared that if he gave in and explored it, he might fall into some mire of despair that he’d never climb out of.
If he lost what gave his life meaning now, what would he have?
Reaching over Suyin’s lap, he turned the page of the book and tapped the next section with a claw. “Read this. Tell me when you’re done, and then I’ll explain it.”
“It’s gonna take me a minute,” Suyin replied, already concentrating on the page of text. “You have the worst handwriting I’ve ever seen.”
“The effort it takes to decipher it will ensure you have a higher rate of retention.”
She grumbled something about him making her life difficult, but he didn’t bother listening.
Instead, in a rare moment, he dropped his head back onto the sofa cushion behind him and closed his eyes.
He felt Suyin glance at him, but he ignored her.
As much as he was able, that was. He seemed to always be aware of her and where she was in the room, even when he pretended not to be.
It annoyed him. Where was his simple solitude? Why was he even thinking about this now? He certainly wouldn’t have allowed himself this idle moment before she’d come along.
He had assured her that he wasn’t manipulatable, but they both knew she had done just that, and he didn’t even care anymore.
He hated that he didn’t hate her. He hated that he didn’t mind giving her what she wanted. He hated that she had the power to make him change his mind and bend his rules. He wanted to punish her for it, but then he hated the idea of her hating him again.
She might pretend she still did, but he knew she didn’t. She was curious about him, that much was obvious. She was also hungry for knowledge and willing to overlook almost anything to get it. That was something he could relate to.
They were both using each other to achieve some aim, and that was a relationship he understood. Her motives were similar to his own, and thus, he was able to lower his guard with her in a way he never had with another.
So when his body suddenly felt heavy, he gave into the urge to relax. He didn’t sleep. He just let his mind go blank and the tension in his muscles slacken, while his little witch kept reading at his side.