30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Lina
T he sun is out, giving this typically chilly winter morning a nice warm breeze. Avery and I caught an early Pilates class. The back of my legs burn as we walk the block and a half down the street to grab a coffee from a local cafe.
“What’s the update with you and Captain Hernandez?” She smirks.
My upper lip curls up at the mention of Carter. “Umm, everything is good.”
“Are you still sleeping with him?”
I think about how to answer her question because whenever I give one, there will definitely be a follow-up. I focus on the cars driving by as we pass the small shops on the street.
“Lina.”
“Yes.” I pause, sliding my aviators down to my eyes. “We’re still sleeping together.”
Avery stops walking just as her hand clutches the side of my arm. “And?”
I shrug. “And what?”
“How long are you going to keep doing it?” she presses. We both start walking again.
Rubbing my lips together, I feel pressure to put a name or label on Carter and me. I don’t have one. “I’m not really sure.”
She lifts her sunglasses. “What do you mean?”
“What’s with the twenty questions this morning?” I joke, opening the door to the coffee shop.
“Sorry.” Avery laughs. “I see the way you two look at each other.”
“And that is?” I smile at her as we approach the counter. We order our drinks, then step off to the side to wait for them.
“Before you two even hooked up, it was obvious you were into each other. Now that you have, it’s like a billboard written on your face that there’s way more than just simple sex.”
I flip my hair around, pretending to ignore her.
She grins, nodding her head. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Giggles bubble inside my chest as I try to hold back my feelings. “Fine. Okay?”
Avery grabs our cups from the pickup counter and hands me the vanilla latte. “Fine, what ?”
I know what she’s getting at. She wants me to admit that I have deeper feelings for Carter. But I can’t. The second I let those words leave my mouth, they’ll take on a life of their own. The simple yet truthful admission will make it that much more real, and I can’t let my mind go there. Keeping them buried prevents me from acknowledging them, allowing me to go on living in my delusional state.
I exhale. “I like him. That’s it.”
“And?” She sips her drink.
I hold the door as we leave the cafe. Avery and I are walking back toward the Pilates studio, where our cars are parked.
“He makes me happy. ”
She wrinkles her nose while bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I knew it.”
“Whatever. You knew nothing,” I say.
“I can’t believe your dad’s best friend is the guy that’s finally going to throw out Lina, the Ice Queen.”
I cock my head to the side, ready to send her a snarky comeback, but I can’t think of one. She’s right.
Her eyes suddenly grow wide. “Are you going to tell your dad?”
“Tell him what?” I cross one arm at my chest, holding my cup in the other.
“About you and Carter.”
“What about you and the dentist?” I turn the conversation on her. Avery has been wasting her time with that guy for a year. Bailey and Piper won’t say it to her face, but I will.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she dismisses.
“Oh, you don’t want to talk about your lackluster love life, but I have to talk about my complicated one?” I retort, throwing a hand on my hip.
“I know he isn’t the one for me,” Avery admits, her expression falling.
My heart hurts for her. “I’m sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”
She shrugs. “It’s okay. We can drop it if you want.”
“No, we can talk about it.” I swing an arm around her. “It’s tricky with Carter and me because of his friendship with my dad.”
The night Carter joined my dad, his girlfriend, and me at dinner, it went better than I thought it would. Carter and I drove over there together, so it was an easy excuse to tell my dad he would take me back to my place. He spent the night with me that night, too. We didn’t even have sex. We slept the entire night intertwined in each other’s limbs, and it was fantastically glorious.
It was nice having dinner with my dad and Carter. It almost takes the awkwardness out of having the man you’re dating meet your father. They already like each other anyway. What am I thinking? Carter isn’t my boyfriend. I shouldn’t want to be with him.
But then why does my heart stop every time he looks at me? And why do my thoughts become silenced every time he speaks? His very presence calms me, and soothing an anxious, energetic person is not easy.
Avery and I pass back by the studio and quickly wave at two of the instructors as they stand at the doors, greeting the people as they arrive. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“I get it. You don’t want your dad to know. But what if this develops into something more?”
She brings up valid concerns, but I refuse to entertain them. I squeeze my eyes shut. Thinking about not seeing Carter anymore is something I can’t imagine right now.
“I don’t know, Avery.”
She frowns and rubs the side of my arm. “It’s coming like a freight train, isn’t it?”
Swallowing hard, I dart my eyes around the busy street. Then I bring them back to Avery, and without saying another word, she knows exactly how I’m feeling. The types of emotions that can’t be put into words .
“I have lunch with him today, too,” I tell her, remembering that my dad asked me to have lunch with him after my outburst at the restaurant with his new girlfriend a few weeks ago.
“Who? Carter?”
“No, my dad,” I say as we approach our cars in the parking lot outside the Pilates studio.
Avery nods her head. “Oh, okay.”
“I think it’s just me and him this time.”
“That’s good. You said last time that it didn’t end well.”
“Well, that’s because Bristol was there too. I ended up walking out.” I rest my hip against the side of my jeep with both of my hands clutching my coffee.
“Sorry about that. Look at it this way, if your dad ever does find out about you and Carter, it’s not like he has much say, you know?”
“What do you mean? They’ve been friends for like twenty years,” I argue. I would never forgive myself if what Carter and I are doing ruins the friendship he has with my dad.
“I get that, but your dad wasn’t in your life, and he needs to tread lightly if he wants you to continue welcoming him into it.” Avery taps the button to unlock her white BMW.
“Absolutely. It wouldn’t be me I’d worry about as much as it would be his relationship with Carter,” I say.
“Men do not hold grudges or stay mad at each other for very long. I’m sure he’d get over it.” She holds one finger in the air between us. “After the initial shock dies down.”
“I don’t even want to think about any of that right now,” I whimper, circling my temples.
Avery opens her car door and props her arm against the top of it. “You might have to at some point. I’ve got to run. Good luck with your dad.”
I blow her a quick kiss, then climb up the step into my pink jeep. “Later.”
When I get home, I only have enough time to take a quick shower before I have to meet my dad for lunch.
Heading down the stairs, I spot Zoe in the kitchen, huffing under her breath while rummaging through the cabinets.
“Hey, can I help you find anything?” I ask while heading toward her.
She jumps off the counter with a scowl on her face. “Mom said she brought over those vegan protein bars I like, but I can’t find them anywhere.”
“We have some protein bars in the pantry.” I point to the cracked door to the left of the sink.
She arches an eyebrow. “I can’t eat yours. They have coconut flakes in them.”
“You’re such a baby. I’ll stop by the store and pick some up for you when I get done having lunch with my dad.”
“Are you going to tell him you’re boning his best friend?” she asks as if inquiring about the weather.
“I really love you living here and being in my business twenty-four seven.” I respond sarcastically. “And no, we’re just going to hang out and visit with each other.”
“Cool. Don’t forget my bars,” she says, heading upstairs to her room.
I arrive at the restaurant before my dad and sit in silence for a short time before he gets there. After a quick hello, I dive right into what’s been on my mind, wasting no time.
“I’m sorry about how I stormed off last time we met for lunch.” I offer my dad a heartfelt apology. Bristol could be a very nice person, but I have no interest in getting to know her yet.
“I understand. Thank you for the apology.” My dad nods his head. “It was better last time with Jag, right?”
Carter. Everything is better with him. “Yeah.”
“That’s a step forward, right?” my dad asks in a more upbeat voice.
I nod. “The last few years that we’ve been in each other’s lives haven’t been the easiest.”
“You could say that.” He smiles, making light of a tough situation.
“I didn’t realize how hard this has probably been for you too.” I twist my hair. It feels good to finally lay all this out for him. I hope that after our conversation, we’re both on the same page regarding expectations of each other.
“It has.” My dad crosses a bent leg over the other. “I want to be in your life however you’ll have me, Lina.”
I smile warmly. “I know, Dad. I appreciate it so much.”
He quickly glances away as I can see tears pooling in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I left you. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there when you were growing up.”
My chest tightens. I remain silent, letting my dad get this out. I’m sure he’s wanted to for some time.
“I was young and poor. I never would have been able to provide for you and your mother, being barely sixteen years old and with no real future. I knew the only way I could change my situation was to join the service as soon as I was old enough. I needed the opportunities, and more importantly, I needed the skills that I did eventually gain.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. I never want my dad to be sad, but it feels refreshing to hear this from him. “I know and I’m sorry things turned out the way they did.”
He rubs the stubble on his chin and continues, “Your grandparents had just come into money, and they were determined to keep me away from you. To them, I was nothing and definitely not someone who could take care of their daughter and granddaughter. It was no secret they’d be able to provide you with a better life than I ever could.”
I make circles on my temples. “Why did you stay away so long?”
“I thought it would be better to remove myself completely. The thought of you missing me, hurt. But I guess I thought you wouldn’t be able to miss something you never had,” he confesses.
Wow. My dad’s words hit me in the gut. I can’t imagine how hard that decision was for him to make at such a young age. I would have rather had him in my life, and for a while, I did hold some resentment toward him. But now, hearing his side, I understand the sacrifices he made for me—and they were out of love for his daughter.
My eyes and nose leak, causing me to sniff a few times before responding. “I did miss you.”
“I’m sorry.” He slouches back against the chair. “I tried to make the best decision I could with the information I had at the time.”
I can be upset with my dad forever, or I can choose to move on. We’ll never have the father-daughter relationship that both of us would have wanted, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have something new. I love my dad, and he never not loved me, he did what he felt like he had to do.
I wipe my nose with a cloth napkin. “I understand, Dad. I do.”
“Can we just continue to build our relationship?” His brow furrows as he’s not sure of my response.
I smile, nodding. “Of course.”
He stands and quickly walks over to my side of the table with his arms open. I rise from my chair as my dad pulls me in for a hug before I have the chance to meet him around the other side.
“Thank you.” He squeezes me tightly. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I tell him, patting his back.
He pulls away a second later, wiping his puffy eyes. “Okay, so now that’s out of the way—”
I take his change in demeanor and joking tone as a way to slip in something about Carter. I need to prep him in case he ever finds out about us. I don’t know what the future holds with Carter and me, but I would never want my dad to find out after the fact and feel betrayed. Especially if we’ve moved on from whatever it is we’ve been doing lately.
When my dad is comfortably back in his seat, I take a sip of water before I now lay it out for him. “Okay, Dad, but this means you don’t have to get my approval for every woman you date.”
He gives me a lopsided grin. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you be with who you want, and I’ll meet them if and when it becomes serious,” I explain, “and same for me too.”
His eyebrows snap together. “Of course. I would never think about interfering in any relationships you might have.”
“I know, I’m just making sure we cover all our bases. I am a grown woman, and I don’t want you to try to meddle or get involved. Mom learned her lesson a long time ago.”
“I completely get what you’re saying.” He chuckles, then places a hand on his chest. “Lina, I’m just grateful that you’re willing to let me have a relationship with you. I promise to respect your privacy as an adult.”
I squint my eyes at him. “Are you sure?”
“Unless he’s a fucking douche—”
“Dad,” I interject before he has the chance to keep going.
He waves the server over. “I get it. Respect your privacy.”
“Thank you.” I put a finger in the air. “And the girlfriend thing?”
My dad slowly closes his blue eyes, then opens them again. “I can do that. But you have to promise me that you’ll give them a chance.”
“Only if it’s serious.”
“Alright. Only if it’s serious.”
Laughter bubbles inside my chest at how easy this conversion is going. If only it was that simple with my mother. “Look at us?” I snicker.
He grins, showing his bright white teeth. “Is this what healthy family relationships are like?”
“I wouldn’t know, but it seems like it.”
“I wouldn’t know either!” he quips, laughing. “But we can change that.”
After my dad and I ordered our food, we talked more about his time in the Navy. I’m looking forward to having more personal time with my dad, getting to know him better, and navigating this new normal with him .
I think I’ve made it through the entire meal without mentioning Carter before my dad glances up at me while he’s signing the check. “So, it was nice hanging out with you and Carter the last week for dinner. He’s a good guy. I’m glad you got him and not some single pilot who wants more than just a partner for an event.”
“Yeah.” I swallow hard.