38. Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Lina
I gave myself a couple of good pep talks, cleaned up my face, and moved on with packing for my trip. My sister popped her head in my room a few times, reminding me of how ridiculous this whole thing is and that I should give in and call Carter.
I spent the entire night lying awake in my bed. Staring at the ceiling, I flipped through all the reasons why I’m not the type of girl with whom men stay.
I avoided my friends as long as I could before we’d all be stuck in close quarters for the next two hours as we travel to Cancun. I knew I would only be able to fend them off for a short time before they cornered me. And that’s exactly what happened. I thought I’d be a lot stronger, but as soon as I saw the somber look on Bailey’s face, I lost it.
She slides a comforting arm around me. “I’m sorry, babe.”
Staring down at my hands, I pick at my newly manicured nails. Self-care did not make me feel as good as it usually does. “It’s my fault.”
“No.” She pauses, shaking her head slowly. “It’s not.”
“I came on to him that night in Seattle.” Tears began to pool under my eyelids. “I knew we’d never be together, and I did it anyway.”
Bailey slides the cardboard sleeve up and down on her coffee. “Something in your gut was telling you to go to him. Don’t discount that.”
I wipe my nose with a tissue. “A masochist. That’s what I am.”
“That is completely insane. You’re only human, Lina.”
“How else can you explain it?”
She scratches her nose, pondering for a moment. “I can’t, but love isn’t something we can explain. It’s a feeling.”
I roll my eyes.
“You don’t believe in love. I get it.” Bailey cocks her head to the side. “Maybe you should start?”
I scan the room, my panic growing.
“Piper thought that about her and Jack,” she points out. “And look at them now.”
Angrily, I step away, holding her eye contact. “Piper and I are different. People don’t fall in love and live happily ever after like you think they do.” I yank my bag and wheel it away, leaving Bailey standing in the crew lounge alone. Not everyone had their first experience with love and sex, being sexually assaulted. I was used. And guys continued to treat me like that as I grew up. How would I know or expect anything different?
Powerwalking through the terminal, I head right for the plane. I’m sure she’ll be upset about how I snapped at her. She knows I love her and that I’ll apologize eventually.
“Hi, babe. How are you feeling?” Avery greets me as soon as I enter the cabin.
“Fine.” My voice trembles.
“Where’s Bailey? ”
“She’s probably right behind me.” I sigh, throwing my head into my hands. “I snapped at her.”
Avery finishes restocking the pretzel bags and then walks over to me. “I know this is hard for you. And I am so sorry. I wish you’d let us help.”
“It’s just who I am.” I step onto one of the aisle seats, swing my leg up, and into the empty overhead compartments. Flipping my body, I lay on my back with one leg dangling off the side.
Avery brings a gentle hand to my forehead to push the loose hairs away from my face. “We always help each other. That’s what we do. We’re sisters, Lina.”
I see Bailey walk up behind Avery. “I’m so sorry, B.”
“Don’t be.” She frowns, tears pooling in her eyes. “I know this is difficult for you. You’re always so confident and in control. It probably feels a bit scary.”
Avery slips her hand into mine. “It’s okay to let your feelings out, and it’s okay to let yourself be vulnerable.”
Tipping my head up, I stare at the dull white top on the inside of the luggage space. A tear falls from the corner of my eye, landing on the top of Avery’s black, shiny high heel. “I’m so fucking in love with that man.”
“Hey, ladies. I hate to break up this sweet yet sickening moment, but we’re starting to board,” another attendant on our flight crew reminds us.
“When we get to Cancun tonight, let’s grab some margaritas, Facetime with Piper, and have a good cry session, okay?” Avery suggests with a slightly optimistic expression.
I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in a tight breath from my constricted lungs. They’re trying to help, and damn, I appreciate it.
“I don’t like crying.”
“We know. It doesn’t make you weak. And we both know that’s why you’re fighting it,” Bailey argues.
Inhaling deeply, I move on with my job’s regular tasks, feeling more antsy and restrained than I have in the last few months. I wonder if I’ve received any emails back about the flight schools I applied to. Carter pushed me to inquire about the ones he felt were the best. I haven’t even told anyone but Piper.
Straightening my skirt, I bury all the sadness and despair. I’m an independent and strong woman. I’ve had to quit men who I’ve had feelings for in the past. I can easily do it again.
Even in the safety of my head, I know that’s not true. Why does it seem impossible to walk away from him? Carter runs deep. He’s the other half of my whole. His energy whirls inside me like chaotic water, somehow finding the way it’s supposed to go— leading back to him .
We only have a few minutes before the passengers start boarding the plane, and I’m standing in the middle of a Boeing 747 cabin, rethinking my entire existence. I need to try to call him when we land. And if he doesn’t answer, I’ll keep trying until he does. He needs to know how I feel.
When everyone has boarded the plane, the flight crew and I begin our typical tasks—the same mundane checklist that leaves me unsatisfied and searching for more. I can’t explain the surge in energy pulsing through me, directing me into the cockpit. Maybe I am finally ready to move into a new role.
Carter believes in me. Why aren’t I believing in myself?
Two hours later, we’re preparing to land in Cancun for the night.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking …”
My heart stills. My limbs lock in place. I know that voice! But the person it belongs to was not scheduled to pilot our trip today. With my eyes wide, I drag them along the aisles until I reach the back of the plane. Avery’s large smile leaves her mouth open in shock. Bailey is frozen in place with the bucket of snacks resting on her hip. Her eyebrows pinch together, and her cheeks turn red.
“I want to let you all know you’re on a very special flight today …” he goes on. I hear the low hum of chatter from the passengers while they whip their heads around, looking for someone who might know what’s going on.
“I’m Captain Hernandez and the woman I’m madly in love with is one of your incredible flight attendants today.”
My lungs push out a breath, forcing a cough. Oh my god . What is he doing?
Avery’s hands fly up to her face while Bailey’s eyes now bulge from their sockets. Rendered speechless, my throat runs dry. Suddenly, thirty rows of curious passengers start glancing between my friends on one end of the plane and me in the middle.
“Her name is Lina, and she’s the beautiful blonde with a tenacious attitude and eyes that could melt any heart. I’m going to need your help …”
I blush as my eyes fill with tears. Rows of people smile warmly as they listen to Carter proclaim his love for me. Burying my head in my hands, I don’t know what to think.
“See, Lina was recently accepted into flight school and will soon be on her way to piloting her own plane. ”
I don’t know if I’ve been accepted yet. How would he know that? Unless he has another friend who owes him a favor. Oh, Carter.
The sound of his voice is now clearer. I instantly lift my head and see him standing at the front of the plane with the microphone of our PA system up to his mouth. Every bone and muscle in my body liquifies. Silence surrounds the cabin. I smile at the love of my life and all his perfection.
Carter’s amber eyes blaze so bright, I can see them from here. “You can’t quit me, baby.”
A collective “ahh” buzzes through the cabin.
Staring at him from down the aisle, I shake my head. “I’m not going to.”
A smile grows across the bone structure of his chin that I’ve come to memorize so well. In a black long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans, Carter drops the microphone. The entire cabin, filled with passengers, falls silent as I wait in anticipation as he walks toward me.
Watching him through watery eyes, I melt as soon as his strong arms slide around my waist, pulling me in. The instant we connect, a sea of applause erupts.
Covering my face with one hand, I wrap a shaky arm around Carter’s back.
His nose is buried into the crook of my neck. “I love you.”
“I’m not the girl men want to keep around. I’m the one they have fun with.”
“Because you’ve always been mine.”
I sniff as my nose runs. “I don’t deserve you. ”
“Yes, you do, baby. There’s beauty beneath the sorrow, and you don’t have to live with this pain forever.” Carter puts a comforting hand on my cheek. “Be with me.”
Everything I want, everything I’ve hoped for—everything I never thought I’d get, is standing in front of me. Heavily breathing, I can barely form words.
Carter clears his throat, and his voice cracks when he speaks, “You are my endgame. There is nothing else in this life I want more than you.”
I rub my lips together, staring into the endless pools of his eyes while he speaks. “Oh, Carter.”
“Be. With. Me,” he repeats, drawing out each word in a gentle beg.
Trembling, I open my mouth to speak as a salty tear rolls across the seam of my lips. “Okay.”
His eyebrows knit. “Yeah?”
Nodding vigorously, I give him an answer with my whole heart. No second thoughts, no fear. “Yes.”
Carter’s chest rises as he takes in a sharp breath. He smiles, but before he can speak, I capture his mouth with mine. Everything goes silent around me. I know the passengers are cheering for us, but nothing is audible.
“I love you so fucking much,” I murmur into his lips. Carter is the only thing that exists in my world.
He breaks our kiss to rest his forehead against mine. “I breathe for you, Lina. I have since the moment I saw you.”
“How did you know I’d be on this flight?” I ask, closing my eyes and letting myself live in this moment. “And how did you know about the pilot’s school? ”
“I called in a favor.” The side of his mouth quirks up. “For both.”
I’m not even surprised.
As the passengers deplane, we’re peppered with compliments, well wishes, and kind words. Bailey and Avery insisted I cancel plans with them tonight and spend it with Carter—which was what I planned to do anyway. They fought over who was going to call Piper to give her an update about what happened. We ended up quickly Facetiming.
Carter drops the luggage in the entryway of our hotel room.
Swinging my arms around his neck, I stare into his eyes. “I need to tell you something.”
He cocks his head to the side with a slightly worried look on his face. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, then take a few steps back, preparing myself to unload everything that has been on my mind the last few days. “You are my person, Carter Hernandez, and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I rest a finger on his lips, hushing him. “I need to get this out.” With a smile, he nods. “You are more important to me than anyone ever has been. I have let something that happened to me when I was young control my life for far too long, and I’m not letting it any longer.”
Carter’s arm snakes underneath my hair before his fingers comb through it. “I know it was tough, and I’m so sorry you had to go through it. I’m sorry that Brian wasn’t around for you growing up, and now you’re worried I’ll leave you for the same life he left you for, but that isn’t going to happen. I am a man, and I know what I want. And what I want is you. Nothing is going to keep me from you, Lina.”
The muscles in my stomach tighten. “I trust you. I trust us. And I know I will be safe with you.”
“We’re going to be us forever. And I’m staying in Phoenix,” he states, bringing his lips down to mine in a deep and passionate kiss.
I barely pull back enough space to rub my nose against his. “Can forever start right now?”
Fuck all my trauma, my issues with my parents, and my insecurities. Nothing is going to prevent me from giving myself to this man any longer.
I deserve my happy beginning, too.