Chapter 22
Just like that, my head was spinning. Did I really mean that little to him?
Was I really going to be forever cast aside in public as a ‘friend’?
I really didn’t understand him. He was always surprising me, but this…
well, this was a surprise he could shove up his arse sideways.
This was not how I wanted to be treated.
I said nothing as he drove me home. I said nothing as I walked into my house and he followed, and I said nothing as I made a coffee.
“Are you going to spit it out or not?” he sneered.
“Just your ‘friend’, am I?” I snapped back.
“Really? What would you have me tell him, Ellis? Did you want me to tell him, ‘Hi, this is the guy I like to stick my dick in. Yes, I’m a raging homo’?”
I couldn’t believe he was talking to me like that.
I couldn’t believe he didn’t think I was someone worth having more respect for.
I felt like his dirty little secret. Suddenly, everything we had was seedy and dirty and cheap.
I was disgusted with him and with myself for falling for someone who would ever treat me like that.
“In those words? No, not exactly what I was expecting, but how about something as simple as ‘he’s my boyfriend’? Or is having a boyfriend beneath you?”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus Christ, Ellis. That’s not what this is. I’m not ashamed of you, I’m just a fucking private person, okay? I have a high-profile company. I’m a high-profile person. You know this.”
Really? That was a good reason for this in his book? “So, fucking what, Aiden? I don’t see the problem with people knowing you’re gay. Jesus, that’s why you were always seen with women, isn’t it? You’re in the fucking closet. Does your family even know?”
“Ellis,” he pleaded, and tried to reach out for me.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” I pulled away from him.
“It’s not like that. My family know I’m gay. My mum, my dad, my sister, they all know, and they have no objections to me being what I am.”
I scoffed. “No objections? You make it sound like some dangerous hobby that you’ve taken up and they’ve had to approve of.”
“Jesus, what the fuck do you want me to say, Ellis? I’m sorry, but I really don’t understand why you need to make this such a big thing!” He was pacing like he did in a business meeting when he was under pressure. Good! I needed him to understand what this meant to me.
“Because it is a big fucking thing to me, okay? Do you never wonder why the only parent I talk about isn’t even mine?
Do you never wonder why it’s just me and Sylvie?
I’ll tell you, shall I? Baxter is Tim’s name.
I took it to finally cut all ties with the mother and father that thought I was a disgusting abomination and wouldn’t even speak to me after I came out to them.
My mother told me I was fucking dead to her, and my father beat the living shit out of me and told me he clearly wasn’t my real father, because he would never have a queer kid.
I was fucking sixteen years old, Aiden. So, yes, being treated like your dirty fucking secret makes me feel just like they did when I was a kid. ”
He looked like I had slapped him in the face. “I didn’t know,” he murmured.
“Yeah, well, why the fuck would you? It’s not like we’ve been dating that long, and I have enough baggage around me already without dumping more at your door.”
His hand went to my arm and then dropped back down to his side.
“I am not publicly gay. It’s something my father thought would be better for the business.
He didn’t think people would be respectful or pleasant, and he suggested I just didn’t tell people.
But I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve been out publicly with someone the way I have with you.
And when that old client approached me, I panicked, and I just said you were my friend. ”
“Yeah, well, if you’re the best kind of friend I can get then I need a better fucking class of friend.” I didn’t mean to sound so much like an asshole, but fear, self-loathing, and embarrassment poured out of me. “You made me feel like nothing, Aiden.”
He shook his head. “No. Jesus, no, Ellis. You are not nothing to me.”
“I can’t deal with this right now. You need to leave.”
“Ellis!”
I shook my head. “No, Aiden. I can’t. Fuck you. I’m worth so much more than that shit.”
He hung his head in defeat. He didn’t utter another word, and he walked out the front door, got in his car, and was gone.
My legs gave up and I sank to my knees, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t bear the thought of facing him again after this. I couldn't believe he had dismissed me so completely after everything.
What if this was it? What if it was over? I stayed on the kitchen floor and let all the emotions I had kept in for everything pour out. I was hurt by my parents, hurt by Tim's loss, and now hurt by such a rejection from Aiden.