19. Ryker
19
Ryker
O ver my fucking dead body will she find someone else to teach her how to be submissive. There is zero chance I’ll be letting that happen. But before I let her in on that revelation, I need to know why she wants this.
“Why do you want this so bad?” My voice is deeper now, and I think my heart just skipped a beat. Her eyes move back to the floor, but before she can speak, I stop her. “You’ll look at me when you speak to me.”
Shifting her eyes back up to meet mine, she wets her lips, visibly swallows and I can see the vulnerability written all over her face.
“My whole life, I’ve given everything I have to people around me. All I do is put everyone’s needs ahead of my own, especially mom’s. So much so that sometimes, I forget to take care of myself. I run myself ragged, I’m always on the go and I’m tired. I’m also emotionally deficient. I never got to be a teenager, which meant I grew up so fast that I never really lived my life, when that should have been my only job. Sexually, all I do is have one night stands, and my search for someone to take charge in the bedroom, which is precisely what almost got me assaulted. I want to know how to do things safely. I want to know how it feels to let someone take the lead, even outside of the bedroom. I want to rid myself of the pressure that’s literally been building all my life. Something has to change, and this is what I believe will help me do that. I have to try.”
Fuck.
I had no idea.
“Tell me more,” I press.
“Mom fell and hit her head. She has a lot of doctor appointments she needs help getting to and she can’t drive because her head is all messed up. She needs my help–a lot. I have no clue where my brother even is, not that he’d help me if I did. None of that is going to go away if you do this for me, but maybe it would allow me to breathe a little. As for everyone else, it’s not one thing specifically. But any time someone needs something, it’s like I can’t say no.”
I was so sure I was the wrong person to help her. I’ve even listed the reasons why it shouldn’t be me, but maybe I am the man for the job. If she really wants this, I know I can help relieve that pressure. I see other things though, that she clearly doesn’t, like her very apparent body image issues, and maybe that’s just another reason I should help her.
One thing’s for certain, I can’t let her go to someone else and she’s already proven that her decision making capabilities are questionable, at best. I look in her eyes and see the sincerity in them. I guess we’re doing this.
“You’re crazy if you think I’ll allow you to find someone else,” I growl. “Not. Happening.”
“But–”
“I’m not done,” I pause for effect. “I was in the process of telling you, it will be me that’ll be helping you learn how to be submissive. Although, I do have a suspicion that it already comes more naturally to you than you realize.”
Her eyes light up as her lips turn into an excited smile as the reality of what I’m saying sets in. The joy on her face is beautiful and it makes me want to give her everything if it means I can see it more.
“Really? Oh my god. Thank you. Where do we start?” Finally, there’s a sparkle in her eyes that I don’t think I’ve ever seen.
“Hold your horses. I’ll get to that. Before we do this, I need you to know that I can be a very controlling man. I expect obedience. You’ll choose a safe word that I expect you to use if you need to and open communication–that goes both ways–is important in a relationship like this. I can’t do my job if I don’t know what you’re thinking and feeling. I’ll afford you the same respect. Understood?”
She nods, but I need to hear her say it. “Use your words, Arabella.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“I also don’t do this halfway. You’re not strictly a scene partner, so this will be a 24/7 thing. The more you experience, the more you’ll learn. If you’re ok with that, you should address me as Sir from this point forward.”
Her chest is heaving now, and I can tell she’s aroused. Believe me sweet girl–me too. My cock is half hard just thinking about doing this with her and I haven’t even touched her, but I need to make it clear that it’s a line we can’t cross. “If you still want to do this with me, I think it’s best we keep things non-sexual.”
“That, I don’t understand.”
Of course she doesn’t, and I’m honestly not sure I do either, because I want nothing more than to lay her out on this very floor and show her exactly how I would own her body.
“Many people engage in power exchange dynamics without a sexual component. If you agree, you’ll see it’s possible. There’s a lot we can do that doesn’t involve that particular kind of intimacy.” That particular kind of intimacy? God, I’m annoying myself at this point. It’s like I’m incapable of calling it what it is–fucking. Like if I say it, I’ll end up doing it.
I watch her facial expressions shift and change, like she’s at war with two different sides of herself and contemplating the weight of what I’ve laid before her.
“This would be a good time to tell me what you’re thinking.”
We sit in slightly uncomfortable silence until she speaks, “I–never really considered the possibility of having one without the other. I thought they went together, so I assumed sex would be on the table like everything else. But I’ll take you however I can get you–I mean, I want this and I trust you more than anyone else to show me all the things.”
Fucking hell, I half expected taking sex off the table would cause her to change her mind, but she’s steadfast in her decision.
Standing, I approach her and lean down level with her ear, and order, “On your knees.”
Heat creeps up her cheeks as she slides down the cushion, landing on her knees at my feet as I stand over her. I let her sit there for a couple of minutes, before speaking again. “We start with you eating your fucking breakfast.”
Taking a deep breath, she responds, “Yes, Sir.” Then she stands and does as she’s told.
“Good girl.”