58. Ryker
58
Ryker
“ H ere, drink this,” I order, handing her the cold glass of water. I carried her to bed once we finished, since I’m pretty sure her legs weren’t going to do the job of holding her up. “I’m gonna grab something to clean you up. Are you cold?”
“A little,” she admits.
I have a feeling she reached some level of sub-space, based on the dazed out, hazy look on her face.
“My body is buzzing and I feel shaky, almost like I’m drunk,” she explains. There’s a lilt in her voice that wasn’t there before. A quiet calm. “My brain feels clear, but also fuzzy. I don’t understand how that’s possible.”
“I think you’re experiencing some kind of subspace.”
“How would you… or I know?”
“We wouldn’t. It’s different for everyone, but the far off spaced out look on your face, right now? I just have a feeling that’s what yours looks like.”
I wet the soft cloth with warm water and wring it out. “Spread your legs, sweet girl. Once Daddy’s done cleaning you up, I’ll get you a warm blanket.”
Swiping the cloth through her red, swollen folds, I clean my girl with a care and precision I’ve never used with anyone else. When I finish, I cover her as promised.
“I love you too,” I confess.
When she told me she loved me, it had my heart pounding so hard in my chest, I feared it would break right through. My mind is still spinning a hundred miles an hour at her admission and I don’t remember the last time I told someone, that wasn’t family or Hayes, that I loved them. Come to think of it, I never have.
I lay on the bed and pull her to me, resting her head on my bare chest. I’m grateful her breathing has leveled, but I need to push her to talk about this before she scares herself into shutting down and puts all those concrete walls around her heart back up. We just worked real hard to tear them down, I’d rather she not take the steps backward.
“Hey,” I grab hold of her chin and direct her eyes to mine. “Look at me.”
She does, but I can see the tears already starting to form. The last thing I want to do is make her cry. Well, at least not this way.
“I said, I love you too, Bella.” I’m pretty sure I’ve loved her for a while now, but I was afraid of what that would mean for us. There’s still stuff we need to figure out.
“Do you mean it?” Her words are spoken so softly, I can barely hear them.
“I wouldn’t say the words if I didn’t. I promise you that.” Her shoulders relax a little as my words take hold. “I haven’t said them to a partner–ever.”
“I believe you,” she says in a quiet, unsure voice. “I didn’t mean to tell you like that. I think I’ve been feeling it for a while now. I don’t know. Something changed in me tonight and I needed to get the words out.”
Tugging her tighter into my chest, I place a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, baby. I felt it, too.”
If I could, I’d freeze time and stay in this room, in this moment, with her forever. I’d shelter her from everything that threatens her, emotional or otherwise, if it was possible. Unfortunately, I know life doesn’t work that way. We’ll eventually have to leave this bubble we've created, and go back to our lives.
“Did you mean the other thing ?” she asks.
“Sweet girl, you’re going to have to be more specific. I said a lot of things tonight.”
She clears her throat, like she needs to work up to saying the words.
“Did you mean it when you said you wanted to get me pregnant?”
Okay, we’re doing this. I half expected she was too out of it to even register that I said it, but the short answer is, “Yes.”
“I didn’t think I wanted kids,” she explains. “I was always afraid I’d be a bad mother, and didn’t think it would be worth the risk. Children deserve love.”
Is she really saying she doesn’t think she can give children love? Of course she is. The sole parent that raised her was a piss poor example of a loving mother. “If you think you’d be anything but an amazing mother, you’re fucking mistaken. Any man would be lucky to have kids with you, but I do hope that man might be me… one day.”
“So if I got pregnant tonight, you’d be happy? You wouldn’t feel trapped? You’re so much more experienced in everything.” Is that her way of saying I’m old? “I guess I never considered it as a possibility, because I figured you wouldn’t want them at your age.” Yep. She’s calling me old.
“I get it, I’m old. No need to keep rubbing it in,” I joke as I poke her in the side, eliciting a giggle. “I wanted kids once, a long time ago, but it just never happened. Then Hayes and I built Gravity, and I’ve been married to my job ever since. It wasn’t until you came along, that the thought even crossed my mind. It started, because I was worried you’d want them when I didn’t. That escalated into not wanting to lose you, which then resulted in me imagining the process of knocking you up. You get the gist.”
“Yeah. I think I do.” She lets out a long, slow yawn before I glance down to see she’s already passed out. I don’t sleep. Instead, I lie awake, imagining what a future might look like, with Bella by my side.
I let her sleep for a bit, but it’s time to go home. I want to tuck her into my bed and hold her until… well, forever. I’d carry her if I wasn’t so exhausted myself. I’m not even close to being new, but that amount of intense topping will have an effect on even the most experienced Dom, and I’m spent. Emotionally and physically.
She’s still nestled in the crook of my neck as I sweep the side of my index finger, lightly against her cheek. “Wake up, sweet girl. It’s time to go home.”
All I get in return are sleepy whines and groans. I’ll take that as she doesn’t want to move. Me either.
“I know you want to sleep, baby. So do I, but we need to do that at home, where we can be more comfortable.”
She doesn’t budge.
Jesus, she’s fucking out cold. Time to test out my stern daddy voice. “Arabella Olivia Bradley! Get. Up. Now.”
She stirs next to me, lifting her head to shoot me a tired, expressionless glare. Fuck, she’s adorable. “I don’t like it when you use my full name, you know.”
“Then, wake up so we can go and maybe I won’t have to use it again,” I grin while pointing to the corner of the room. “Your clothes are in that bag over there. Behave, or I’ll make you walk to the car just like this, bed head and all.”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Oh, wouldn’t I? I seem to remember I had you crawling in here on your hands and knees with your bare cunt on display for the entire club earlier. You think I’d have a problem with you walking out in lingerie and messy hair?” I can’t stop the chuckle that escapes me at the thought. I’m unsure if I’m happy or not, that she moves.
“Why am I so tired?”
“You’re probably dropping. Being tired is pretty common, especially after an intense scene like that. You should feel good as new after a good night's sleep.”
Her mouth opens in a wide yawn. Do not imagine your cock in her mouth right now. “Okay, Daddy. I’m dressed. Let’s go.”
Now I’m full on laughing. “Your hoodie is backwards. Come here.” She wobbles towards me and I change my mind. “You know what, nevermind. It’s fine the way it is. Stay by my side and hold on to me while we head to the car, in case you feel unsteady.”
Less than a minute after we’re in the car, she’s asleep again. Every red light we stop at on the way home, I can’t help but stare at her. She’s so breathtaking, it hurts and that beauty is more than physical. She’s just as beautiful on the inside, too.
Thankfully, by the time we’re pulling into the parking garage, she’s rousing. “Hey sweet, girl. Sleep well?”
“Mmhmm. I’m ready to get in bed so we can snuggle, though,” she says mid-yawn with a suspiciously flirtatious eyebrow raise.
“I hate to break it to you, but there will be no sexy cuddles tonight. Only sleep.”
“You’re telling me you’d turn all this down? I bet that third leg you have down there wouldn’t.” Did she just wink at me? I’m addicted to this playful side of her.
“Oh, he’ll be interested,” I assure her. “There just won’t be much he can do about it after the workout you gave him tonight.”
She actually laughs. A full belly laugh and I wish she could see herself how I see her, because she’s magnificent. I don’t know how I’ve lived this much of my life without her in it. It’s because of her , I’m alive for the first time.
Arabella
I’ve never been more ready to sleep. In fact, I could sleep for a week and still not be fully rested. He was right. I was not prepared, mentally or emotionally, for what he had planned. But I loved every second of it.
I don’t know that I’ve ever felt so seen as when Ryker looks at me like he's seeing straight into my soul. He makes me feel beautiful, despite my curves and imperfections. He makes me feel like I’m enough while also making me want to be a better person.
Kicking off my shoes, and pulling my clothes off, piece by piece, dropping them like crumbs on the way to the bedroom, my thoughts drift to my mother. I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore and I don’t know if I can wait until her birthday, despite my original plan. Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow.
“Are you really going to leave that trail of clothes crumbs from the door to the bed? You know I don’t need the clues, right? I can find you just fine.”
“Sorry, Daddy,” I whine. “I’m just so tired. I’ll pick them up tomorrow. I promise.”
“Damn right, you will. Now, get in,” he orders, tapping the bed he’s already in, somehow.
Crawling in beside him, I nuzzle tightly into his chest. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, my sweet girl.”
We lay there for a few minutes, and I’m already drifting off to sleep, when I hear something.
“Did you hear that?” I smack his chest to wake him. “I think there's someone at the door.”