66. Ryker
66
Ryker
W alking through the doors of Gravity after almost two months off is surreal. I decided taking time off to wallow in my own self-pity was a good idea and now I’m not sure it was long enough. I feel her absence everywhere I turn, and it’s no different inside these walls. She left her mark on everything she touched.
I know this was my decision, but there’s a part of me that still regrets it. It stings.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to move on without her, but I have to try.
Or at least pretend to try.
Fake it ‘til I make it.
“Hey, Ryker,” Roxie calls. Hayes said she’s been a life saver in my absence. I should promote her or at least give her a large raise. She’s certainly earned it and I’m not even talking about just this instance. She’s always got my back and the bar couldn’t be safer than it is in her hands.
“Roxie,” I nod in response. “You’ve been holding down the fort since I’ve been gone and I’m not going to get in your way. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”
“You got it, boss. It’s good to have you back.” I can hear the pity in her voice, and it irritates me. I didn’t announce what was going on between Bella and I, but I didn’t do anything to hide it either. I know she knows the basics, and honestly, I wish she didn’t. Maybe then she’d stop looking at me like I lost someone and we’re at a funeral where no one knows the right thing to say.
Although, I did lose someone and I’m definitely grieving. I have an Arabella sized hole in my life and my heart. I don’t think I can fill it.
She’s irreplaceable. I feel like I failed her, but I wanted her to see her worth and I thought showing her was enough.
Clearly, I was wrong.
I drop down into the chair behind my desk and open the bottom drawer to pull out my stashed bottle of top shelf whiskey. Pouring myself two fingers, I take a slow sip and savor the burn as it slides down my throat.
“It’s about time you showed your face again.” I look up to see Hayes leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed. “It was starting to feel like I was running this place alone.”
“Fuck right off. I’m sure Roxie did a better job than I ever did.”
“You’re right about that,” he jokes. “But I didn’t go into business with Roxie. I went into business with my best friend.”
He’s right. I’ve been a shit business partner and an even shittier best friend. “Sorry. I’m back now, for good. But I’m going to promote Roxie to Manager. She deserves it.”
“Hey, whatever you want to do. The bar is your baby.” He regards me for a minute and his eyebrows scrunch together, telling me he’s got more to say, but isn’t sure if he should.
“Say what you want to say. I can see it on your face.”
“I don’t have anything to say.” Lies .
I quirk a brow and shoot him a knowing look.
“Fine. Have you talked to her?”
“Why?”
He throws his hands up in surrender. “I’m just curious. I’ve known you for a long time, and I’ve never seen you so depressed over a girl. It’s fucking weird.”
“It didn’t work out. She’s moving on with her life and I’m trying to move on with mine.” I don’t even believe my own lies. “And she’s not a girl. She’s a grown fucking woman.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t try to keep the conversation going. I’m not in the mood. I’d rather sit here and think about the girl that I pushed away, wondering where she is and what she’s doing. I imagine her happy because thinking about her this way is better than not thinking about her at all.