Chapter 20
Ten minutes later, they reached the burn, the hills turning a warm bronze in the low evening light. The water was dark, gurgling, bubbles forming as the water wove round corners. Stones lined the bottom, the odd one breaking the surface. On balance, it wasn’t quite as inviting as the sea, or a gentle pool, and Skye hesitated.
Bear, however, sat down next to the river, and started taking off his shoes and rolling up his trousers. ‘I really fancy a paddle.’
Skye tried to stop her eyes from roving over his strong calves. She nodded. ‘Me too. Although I might as well clamber in as is.’
‘Why not take your trousers off?’ Bear said, then he flushed properly, the first time Skye had seen him do so. ‘Christ. That sounded . . . I meant in a totally innocent way. Because you’re already— Och, jeez.’
Skye let out a cackle, a really unattractive hag-like noise. Bear put his face in his hands but she could tell he was laughing too.
‘I was thinking it was a shame I hadn’t brought my swimmers,’ Skye said, wiping a stray tear of laughter from her cheek.
‘If you want, I’ll do the same. My trousers, I mean.’
‘Feel free to take your top off too,’ said Skye, regaining some control. ‘Don’t hold back on my account.’
‘Fine,’ said Bear, as if this was a challenge. ‘I’ll go first, shall I?’
Skye nodded. Bear unbuttoned his trousers, and dropped them to the floor. Skye, under the guise of ensuring he was keeping up his side of the bargain, looked right at him and gave a satisfied nod. He didn’t need to know she was appraising him at the same time. Not that she was objectifying him. She was merely appreciating the fact he was a stand-out example of the human form.
The new knowledge of what was under his clothes was causing her to melt a little, though. Had Bear not been looking right at her, Skye would have been fanning her face furiously to cool herself down.
‘You’re up, Edmonds,’ he said. ‘Keks off.’
The reciprocal stage of the operation was enough to stop her from spiralling any further. What a relief she was wearing sensible black pants. Nothing white that would go see-through in the water, or lacy, which was basically see-through in the first place. She peeled off quickly, tamping down a peal of nervous giggles that was rising inside her at the thought of being barely clothed in front of him. She held the anxiety back, trying to look blasé about the whole thing.
‘I might keep my T-shirt on,’ she said, shivering. ‘But like I said, you’re free to abandon yours.’
‘Well, seeing as this has turned into a tit-for-tat situation, I’ll keep my tats under wraps, ta.’
‘You’ve got tatts?’
Bear laughed. ‘No. I was trying not to say “tits”.’
‘I didn’t think you were the crude type.’ Skye grinned. ‘Ready to go in? It’s going to be chilly.’
Bear gave her a look, then Skye watched him clench his jaw, trying not to screw up his face as he dipped a big toe in. Knowing there was light flirting to be had in gentle provocation, she quietly inhaled and took two decisive steps off the bank, ending up ankle deep.
‘Wow,’ she gasped, looking over her shoulder at Bear. ‘Pretty fresh.’
Bear gave an unbothered look. ‘I don’t feel the need to assert my masculinity by diving into a freezing stream. I’m content to edge in, toe by toe.’
She held her arms out to balance, and took a couple more steps, until she was in up to her knees. It was icy, but Skye felt it was cleansing both inside and out. The burn wasn’t deep enough to swim in, and the bed was stony, but if she could have submerged herself up to her neck she would have.
Instead, she settled for splashing some of the water on her face. Bear, who was now ankle deep, did the same.
‘Do you think we could drink this?’ he asked.
Skye shrugged. ‘Hamish seems to think it’s OK, although I’m not sure I would before boiling it. But it starts up there on the estate, so it’s not as if it’s got sewage being dumped in it.’
‘Is there fishing?’
‘Further down. I can ask Hamish if you want to have go. About the fishing in the river, that is, not drinking it.’
Bear shook his head. ‘Nah. Not my thing. Yours?’
Skye laughed. ‘Can you imagine me, corporate bod and all-round city type, in a pair of waders trying to land a trout?’
‘Sure I can. I find it easier to picture you in waders than in a suit.’
Skye did feel happy in her outdoor gear, tramping about in the borrowed wax jacket Hamish had lent her in case it rained. Two weeks ago, she had been in her fitted blazer with its nipped-in waist. It was very flattering, but like Britain leaving the Schengen Zone, it restricted her freedom of movement.
Internally, Skye groaned. The more she considered it, the signs had been there all along, right down to the fact her work wardrobe was screaming at her that she wasn’t comfortable. At least she had put some of her piercings back in this week. It helped her feel a bit more ‘her’.
She turned her attention back to Bear. ‘Really?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows.
Bear moved his hands towards where his pockets would be, then appeared to remember he wasn’t wearing any. He settled them on his hips. ‘You seem very at ease in the Highlands. You know, at one with your surroundings.’
‘Communing with nature, wasn’t it,’ Skye said, reminding him of his words the other night.
Their eyes locked for a moment and Skye felt her pulse start to race. If she was feeling more confident about herself right now, she would flick her hair and give her most dazzling smile, but she wasn’t. She was in a river, in her pants, feeling like someone was looking into her soul. She looked down, and turned, ready to take another step.
There was an enormous splash. Skye, completely shocked, thought for a moment it was something like a stag bounding into the river or the world’s largest salmon leaping upstream. But it had been her, she soon surmised, goosebumps forming all over her body.
Bear waded over, and helped haul her up. ‘Spoke too soon.’
‘What are you talking about? I meant to do this. I’m feeling so at one with nature, I wanted to immerse myself in it,’ Skye quipped.
‘Is that it?’ Bear smirked. And yet, Skye realized, her heart beating again, he still hadn’t let go of her hand, or taken his eyes off her.
He led her over to a boulder, three of which acted as stepping stones across the middle of the burn. They sat down on it, skin touching. Skye waited for the adrenaline to wear off, but realized it was still rushing through her body.
‘Stay here for a second,’ said Bear.
He got up and walked back over the stones to the bank of the river. Skye watched him go through the rucksack and pull out the thermos of hot tea she had brought. Yes, a bottle of beer on a warm summer’s night went down a treat, but after going arse first into a chilly river, something warming would be nice. He then bent down, and Skye saw that he was reaching for his jumper.
Bear returned, and handed her the knit. Gratefully, she pulled it on, her heart rate gradually slowing. ‘Thanks,’ she said, as he poured out the tea. ‘You’re a gent.’
‘Doing my best,’ said Bear, now pouring them both cups of milky tea and handing one to Skye.
He took a sip of his, and Skye, watching him out of the corner of her eye, pressed her cup to her lips and started to drink.
He looked over at her, and all of a sudden Skye felt lighter than air, as if she could float off into the sky like an escaped helium balloon.
It was a good thing Bear had chosen to sit on the next boulder along, because if he had been next to her Skye might have been tempted to lean in, run her fingers through his hair, take his T-shirt in her fists and pull him close.
In the event, she did no such thing. She simply let the moment hold, wondering if Bear felt it too.
* * *
Eventually, as the sun had fallen behind the glen, draping the scene in front of them in pale shadow, they pulled their trousers back on. Had she not been freezing, Skye would have been reluctant to end the evening.
Instead, her teeth chattering, she agreed to Bear driving the quad back. She held on to the back, trying to stop herself from overtly breathing in the scent of his neck. He smelled faintly of pine, woodsy and delicious.
They pulled up on the gravel, and Skye hopped down, pulling her helmet off. Bear climbed off the front, did the same, and handed her the keys. They leaned up against the quad, edging closer so their hips touched.
‘I enjoyed that,’ he said, mussing his blond hair back up.
‘You not driven one before?’ Skye asked.
‘Oh, what? You mean this thing?’ He patted the bike behind them.
Skye tilted her head to one side. ‘Yeah. What were you talking about?’
Bear met her eyes. ‘This evening. I had a great night. I have to go back to Edinburgh for work next week, but perhaps we could do this again? Meet up, I mean. You could show me more of Eastercraig. Turns out there’s lots to like about it.’
He scratched his head, a half-smile on his lips. Skye looked down at the ground. She could feel a haze envelop them, hiding them from the rest of the world.
‘We could do that,’ said Skye, glancing up at him, the air around her seeming to hum with anticipation. ‘I’ve had the best time. And thank you for saving me.’
‘You didn’t need saving,’ said Bear.
‘Then thank you for hot tea and your jumper, and your helping hands pulling me back up again.’
Strong hands, at the end of strong arms, which Skye would happily let him wrap around her, and pull her closer.
‘Then I’ll call you. We can set it up,’ said Bear. ‘Shame I’m not back sooner.’
They’d moved nearer to each other somehow, without Skye realizing. She could count the freckles on his cheek she was so close. Were they about to . . . ? She felt blood surge through her veins.
If she just leaned in a little closer. She could feel his breath tickling her neck.
Bear’s face was barely a centimetre from hers. ‘I feel like I can talk to you about things, and you get it.’
‘Same,’ Skye said. The white lie tripping off her tongue as she realized how she had hardly revealed her own problems, those from her present or her past. But would she? She had told him about Will . . . kind of. But the rest of it? She couldn’t. Bear knew himself. Skye didn’t know how to reconcile past Skye with present Skye. She didn’t know how to work out which one, if either, was really her.
With a ripple of panic, she realized how dishonest she was being. It did feel like dishonesty, not telling Bear more.
‘Talking to you is so easy,’ Bear continued. ‘There are things I find hard to think about, let alone say aloud, but today I didn’t find that at all.’
‘I’m glad,’ Skye managed. The ripple of panic grew larger, cutting off the words, leaving her unable to say more.
‘You OK?’ Bear frowned. ‘You look far away.’
Skye nodded. ‘Fine. Totally fine.’
She closed her eyes to stop her head from spinning. Her lungs felt constrained, unable to take in enough oxygen. With an effort, she slowed her breathing down and concentrated on the sound she made as she inhaled and exhaled.
A tiny line appeared on Bear’s brow. ‘Sure?’
Inside she felt torn in two by the desire to spend more time with Bear, and the knowledge that she was hardly in the right place to do so given she was hardly out of her relationship with Will. And what had he said at the blackhouse about being wary about starting new relationships? He wasn’t in the right place either.
Registering the concern in his voice, Skye blinked, her head clearing, and put on her most convincing tone. ‘Yes. Call me.’
She felt in control once more, although disappointment and shame coursed through her. She wondered how much he knew of what she was feeling?
They said their goodbyes, and Skye waved him off, watching as his car bounced down the drive and disappeared. A guttural groan escaped her mouth as she turned and walked over to the castle. How could she have let her anxiety escalate out of control like that?
Hamish appeared on the doorstep, closely followed by Wolfie, who padded over to Skye and leaned against her.
‘Saw you from an upstairs window,’ he said, in a mock casual tone.
‘Did you now?’ Skye scratched Wolfie between the ears.
‘Skye, you guys were saying goodbye for way longer than necessary. You’re wearing his jumper. Don’t tell me nothing happened.’
‘It didn’t. I promise.’
It hadn’t. And Skye had decided Bear deserved better. As much as she felt sparks so strong between them they could set the heather ablaze, he deserved more than her.
She felt a shiver down her spine, unsure if it was her thoughts or her cold, wet clothes.
‘Can we go inside?’ she said to Hamish. ‘This jumper is the only fully dry thing I’m wearing.’