Chapter 30
Skye’s fingers flew across the keyboard at lightning speed, as she tried her hardest to put Bear out of her mind. She needed to create distractions so as not to dwell on the night before; so alongside learning how to work the diary, she told Chloe she could update the website for them.
That morning, she had already been up when her phone had beeped, bearing a message from Chloe.
Hi, Skye! The earlier the better for going over cover duties. Will crash before long and Angus can drive me in first thing. Chloe x
‘Thank the Lord he could ferry me down. I was utterly steaming last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m still over the limit,’ Chloe had groaned when she let the pair of them into the surgery at 8 a.m.
Skye had spent the night fretting, her mind noisy with overcrowded voices, and had been up since dawn with them jabbering around in her head without cease. The text from Chloe had come as a welcome relief, and Skye had hopped on her bike, and cycled into town.
After twenty minutes, it was clear Chloe’s initial burst of energy was wearing off. She had taken up residence on one of the armchairs, resembling a ragdoll devoid of its stuffing.
‘When did you last take a paracetamol?’ asked Skye, looking over the diary, which wasn’t too unlike the calendar set-up at her law firm. She snuck a glance above the screen, to make sure Chloe hadn’t hit the floor.
‘An hour ago. And I had some ibuprofen. I think I need an espresso. A triple.’
Skye grimaced. ‘I’d go easy if I were you,’ she advised, scooting the chair around the desk. Working at her law firm meant engaging with the drinking culture on a regular basis, and Skye had suffered many a hangover that had to be shed while desk bound. ‘Your heart’ll race and you’ll feel terrible all over again. When someone else gets here, I’ll nip to the chemist and get you some rehydration powder, which does work. They open in about ten minutes.’
Chloe made a noise which sounded like ‘uuuuuurgh’ and closed her eyes.
Skye shimmied the chair back and flicked her eyes to the PC. She minimized the diary, and went back to the website, where she was adding a news page which Chloe could easily update.
‘Paolo was a bit funny with me last night.’ Skye tried to sound casual as she clicked her way around the screen. ‘I’m worried I did something to upset him. He’s been chilly with me since I moved in with Hamish. Do you think he’s offended that I ditched his place and moved into Glenalmond?’
‘Oh, now this I can gather my faculties for,’ Chloe said, albeit with some effort. ‘Ah, and here is Paolo himself. Let’s ask him. Horse’s mouth and all that.’
‘No need for that,’ Skye squeaked, leaping up. ‘We can ignore it for—’
‘Paolo?’ said Chloe, genuinely seeming to have perked up, as if she’d had a caffeine injection.
‘You made it then, Chloe?’ said Paolo. ‘Oh, good morning, Skye. I thought you were in later.’
Where he had practically chirped like a happy chick to Chloe, on seeing Skye his tone flattened. The wisdom of offering to cover Chloe, and therefore spend an entire day in his company suddenly felt like a very foolish idea indeed.
‘Change of plan,’ Skye explained, looking at Chloe as if she was about to launch a grenade.
‘Paolo,’ said Chloe, with the superior tone of someone who is in possession of significant knowledge. ‘You can drop the grumpy act. There is nothing going on between Hamish and Skye.’
She swept her arm theatrically to point at Skye, who felt her eyes pop out of her head.
‘Between me and who?’ Skye asked. She was glad she wasn’t holding her cup of tea. If she had been, she would have thrown it over herself, and it was way too early for third degree burns.
‘But—’ Paolo turned and stared at Chloe, then looked back to Skye, confused. ‘ What? ’
‘Did you think . . .’ Skye blinked. ‘You thought me and Hamish were . . . But that’s totally crackers.’
‘But you and him. All cosy and touchy-feely and living together.’
‘He’s my friend. We’ve known each other since we were teenagers,’ said Skye. ‘Why on earth would I . . . ?’
Chloe let out a throaty chuckle.
‘How do you know all this?’ Paolo narrowed his eyes at Chloe. ‘And why are you only telling us now? Have you been sitting on this for ages, watching me get worked up?’
Chloe smiled beatifically. ‘I vaguely remember trying to say this last night. Are you going to tell him, Skye, or am I?’
Skye hesitated, which was a mistake, because Chloe rolled her eyes and said: ‘I saw her holding hands with Bear.’
Paolo spun back to Skye. ‘You and Bear ?’
Skye’s breath hitched, the truth catching in her throat. ‘There is no me and Bear.’
It was pretty final, being invited back to his B&B, only to reject him. Bear’s pride was likely wounded.
‘Wait. I’m confused,’ said Chloe. ‘The air was burning with passion between you last night.’
‘It’s a wonder you could tell anything, Chlo, the state you were in,’ Paolo interjected.
‘Exactly,’ said Chloe. ‘The tension was so great that only a complete idiot could have missed it. I could actually see it.’
Paolo raised his eyebrows at Skye. ‘What happened then?’
She caught a breath, her heart aching from her confession, and looked at Chloe and Paolo. ‘Before I tell you, Paolo, I ought to apologize. I never meant to cause any upset with you and Hamish. Quite the opposite.’
‘Water under the bridge,’ said Paolo. The easy demeanour he’d had the first time they met had returned, to Skye’s joy. It was simply about Hamish? ‘Think nothing more of it. Or we can revisit later. But the Bear thing? If you want to tell us, that is.’
She told Paolo and Chloe what had happened. How she had been getting closer and closer to Bear, how he had made his move and how she had panicked and thrown it all back at him. How she had then gone back to Glenalmond feeling like she was falling apart all over again.
‘But I don’t understand,’ said Paolo. ‘Why didn’t you go back with him? I mean, if you like him and he likes you. I’m all for taking things slowly, but if it feels right you can grab the bull by the horns, or the Bear by the ears, or . . .’
Skye shook her head. ‘Bear’s a great guy. Yes, he came off all cold when we first met him, but he’s not like that at all. He’s lovely. And more than that, I’ve felt a genuine connection to him. But―’ she drew a breath — ‘he deserves better. It’s as easy as that.’
Paolo looked at her, puzzled. ‘What are you talking about? You’re a catch.’
‘A moment ago you hated my guts,’ Skye reminded him.
‘Yeah, but that was before it turned out I was making assumptions based on nothing. Now I know you’re not making moves on Hamish, I can go back to thinking you’re not half bad.’
His words hit home. ‘And half bad is the problem. You know when I moved in with you, I hinted at all the trouble I’d been in. Chloe mentioned it last night. You referred to me as being mischievous, reminding me that all those times I used to come here, it was because I’d screwed up. Because I was in a real state. Hurricane Skye.
‘And look where I am now. Back in Eastercraig. Only three weeks ago I puked on your shoes, Paolo. That is not the behaviour of a woman who’s got her shit together . . . I mean . . . I thought I’d left that messed up stuff in the past, but it turns out I’m still prone to doing stupid things. I’ve made so many crap decisions in this life that I’ll be reincarnated as a bird poo in the next one.’
Skye sat down, slumped back in the chair, and reclined so she was looking at the ceiling, not wanting to make eye contact with the other two.
‘I don’t think you can come back as something that isn’t technically alive,’ Chloe piped up. ‘All the same, nobody can have done anything that bad. And what’s past is past, isn’t it?’
Skye sighed. ‘I don’t know if it is past. I don’t think the present is right either. All I know is that I don’t think I should be with someone as nice as Bear. Not for life, and therefore not for one night either. I don’t want to muck anyone about, especially Bear.
‘Bear’s a consenting adult,’ said Paolo. ‘I’m sure he could have handled whatever might have happened like a grown-up.’
‘Pshhh,’ Skye said. ‘It doesn’t matter. It would have been a mistake.’
‘You were holding hands,’ protested Chloe. ‘It was sweet and tender and . . .’
‘Chloe is a romantic,’ Paolo interrupted her. ‘And while I’m inclined to be a realist, Bear doesn’t look like the type to race into things without due consideration.’
‘No offence, but Chloe doesn’t look like the type to drink all the cocktails on a work night? You can never judge a book by its cover,’ said Skye. ‘Not that I think you’re wrong about Bear, by the way. But that makes us chalk and cheese. He’s well-rounded. He knows himself. I can’t stop ballsing up. I did when I was younger, and I’ve been doing plenty more recently.’
‘We all make mistakes,’ said Chloe. ‘Like I did by consuming my body weight in cocktails last night.’
It didn’t come close to what Skye was talking about.
‘Bear has been so open with me. Those brooding eyes make him look fierce, but underneath he’s this amazing person, full of passion. And he knows who is his, and where he’s headed. I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I think he deserves more than that. I can only drag him down with my scruples about my own career, and my own choices. And my past choices.’
‘Hurricane Skye?’ said Paolo.
‘Not the bits like the rainbow hair, the drinking, the raving, but the very worst bits of her.’ Skye puffed out her cheeks. ‘I try to tell myself it was a silly phase, that I was so confused back then. And pursuing this career at Tilling and Browne felt like atonement. Thing is, while at times I’ve loved it, I’m worried it’s not the job for me.’
‘Och Skye,’ said Chloe. ‘You poor thing.’
Skye hesitated. ‘It doesn’t matter. Bringing Bear into my life would be extra havoc. And he really doesn’t deserve all that I bring right now. God, why do I still feel like such a screw-up?’
‘I can assure you, you’re not.’ Chloe came and sat next to her.
Paolo nodded. ‘You’re a qualified lawyer, Skye, with friends and family who love you. Whatever worries you have, you’re doing fine.’
Skye gave a wiggle of her head. ‘Maybe. Can we move on to something else? Something less dispiriting?’
Paolo gave Skye a sympathetic look, and the slightest of nods, before he turned to Chloe. Skye breathed an inner sigh of relief that he’d realized it was time to change the subject.
‘Let’s examine what happened with you, Chlo,’ he said. ‘Did you spike your own punch? Or did you have pre-drinks at the pub? There was a nice-looking rhubarb gin and tonic I spotted the other week.’
The mere thought of more alcohol clearly agreed with Chloe as much as the remaining alcohol in her system. She’d gone a shade of green. ‘I had another wee spat with Fiona. She seems to think the building work, and all the chaos it’s generating, is down to me. I wasn’t the one who came up with the idea — it was Angus and Greg, but I think because I moved over to the farm at the same time she associates it all with me.’
‘She’s probably worrying about your moving in too,’ said Paolo. ‘She had lived there with the boys for ages, doing all the farm jobs, looking after Angus.’
‘She’s known me forever,’ Chloe protested. ‘And she knows how much I love Angus. I’m not the enemy. And I work here, it’s not like I’ve made her redundant. There’s tons to do up at Auchintraid that I can’t manage.’
‘What if she’s feeling sidelined?’ Skye suggested. ‘Greg went off into the world, but she got to mother Angus, you know, make him supper, bake him cakes. You know all those clichés about mothers and their sons. And now you’ve come along and are doing all those things instead?’
Paolo nodded. ‘Yeah. She might have moaned about having to look after him, but both of them living in that farmhouse together was a huge part of her life.’
‘And I suppose she feels like she’s being shunted into a granny annex,’ said Chloe.
‘You’re not about to make her one . . . are you?’ said Paolo, looking at her suspiciously.
‘No!’ shrieked Chloe. ‘I’m not about to make her a granny. This sickness is genuinely all margaritas. But she was the one who suggested moving out, to give us more space. So when the boys came up with the plans, one idea was to convert a building for her to be in.’
‘It’s one thing deciding you’re going to do something, and another thing entirely as to whether it all works out,’ Skye offered.
It was one of life’s truths that it was so much simpler to try to solve someone else’s problems than it was your own.
‘Confront it head on,’ said Paolo. ‘Go and talk to her. Get it over with.’
‘I don’t want to confront anything head on,’ said Chloe. ‘I already feel like I’ve confronted a truck head on. I’ve never felt this bad.’
‘Not today,’ said Skye. ‘I don’t recommend a difficult conversation when you’re hungover. But don’t let problems linger. They only get worse the longer you leave them.’
She could do with taking a dose of her own medicine. Where was a spoonful of sugar when you needed one?
‘Do it tomorrow, when you’re feeling better,’ Paolo said, placing a gentle hand on Chloe’s shoulder.
Chloe let out a low moan.
‘You know what,’ said Skye. ‘Why don’t I cover you today and tomorrow. There was a cancellation of a guided hiking day up at the castle because of the weather, and I’m sure Hamish would let me off.’