Chapter 34
Edinburgh always looked wonderful, even in the rain. The dark stone of the city, and the castle watching over it all from its seat in the centre, was never anything less than magical.
The last hour of the journey had passed rapidly, as they talked about Bear’s business plan and Skye’s nerves about her parents, stemming from her fractured relationship with her father. Now, her car chugged through the centre, and she enjoyed the scenic route they were taking. That conversation had returned to gentler topics probably contributed to the fact her fight-or-flight response was calming down. That, and once again feeling at one in Bear’s company.
‘It must have been amazing growing up in the middle of the city,’ said Skye, who roughly knew her way through the one-way system towards the New Town. ‘Although I imagined you guys in a glassy conceptual number out towards the Firth, with a pied-à-terre here.’
‘Same,’ said Bear. ‘But they bought the house when I was a baby. It needed a lot of work and Mum wanted a project on maternity leave. I think they planned to sell, but the draw of the city proved too much.’
‘You seem so at home in the countryside.’
‘Aye, well, we did have a place by the water too. It’s got quite a lot of glass.’ Bear gave a sheepish smile.
‘I knew it! I can see it now — all space and light. Bet it has soft-close kitchen cupboards too.’ She gave him a light poke in the arm, and he gave one back.
She stopped at a zebra crossing, and turned to look at Bear, who was looking down, a smile on his face.
‘Yeah. It’s beautiful. I’d love to show it to you. I hate to brag, but it was nominated for a national award.’
‘Best use of soft-close cupboards in a Scottish kitchen overlooking the Firth of Forth?’
‘Something like that, though I think the use of light and space swung it.’
She gave another poke, and he gave her two more in return.
The people crossing the road reached the pavement, and Skye pulled away. She could sense Bear grinning, and she allowed herself a chuckle as he gave directions for the last mile. It felt like they were back to the way they were. No, better than that. It felt like the way they ought to be — happy together — and Skye’s veins fizzed.
They pulled up in a Georgian crescent, the terraced houses tall and imposing. Skye, not immune to property porn when it presented itself, allowed herself to drool over the perfect proportions of the buildings.
‘This is where I leave you,’ she said.
‘Are you going to be OK?’ Bear put a hand on her shoulder, and Skye felt her body bend towards him.
‘Is Iron Bru that colour naturally? It’s doubtful, but there’s a very slim chance.’
She pulled the key from the ignition, and looked over to the houses. She wondered if Bear’s flat was in the one with the soft pink door. It reminded her of the colour of the bathroom walls in her own, tiny flat, which wasn’t too far from here. She did miss it, even if there was plenty about the city that she hadn’t pined for over the last month. If everything went wrong with her parents, she could drown her sorrows in a bar with Houda, then run back there, hole up for the rest of the night under her quilt, before heading back to Eastercraig on Saturday, for one last weekend.
Bear turned to her. ‘Give me a ring if you want backup.’ He sounded sincere.
‘Likewise,’ she replied.
Bear leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Skye closed her eyes, wishing he’d gone an inch or two further to the left.
‘And you’ll call me to let me know it’s all OK?’
‘I’m going to have tea with my parents,’ said Skye. ‘I’m not going in for major surgery.’
That said, major surgery would be preferable. She felt a pang of guilt, knowing how messed up that was. Sure, not everyone had good relationships with family, but wasn’t it what people aspired to? Close-knit, comforting, forgiving, phone-calling parents, perhaps a supportive sibling or cousin. Thank heavens she’d had Uncle Hugh.
‘You’re acting as if it is. You’ve been saying no to sweets for the last hour, like you’re about to have anaesthetic.’
Skye swivelled in her seat, and looked straight at Bear, wanting to search his eyes for signs he was telling the truth as he answered her next question. ‘Can I call you? Really? Even if it goes horribly wrong?’
He leaned back towards her, the proximity causing her breathing to turn shallow. ‘Of course. If you need to. I’d like you to. Skye, did something else happen with you and your parents that you feel they’ll never forgive you for? Or your dad, at least.’
Skye giggled, a maniacal one which brought a tear to one eye. Then the other. With a careful thumb Bear wiped a tear that had rolled down to her jaw. But if anyone was going to understand her, it was Bear, wasn’t it? And if she was going to tell anyone about it, she wanted it to be him.
‘This was the third thing I didn’t get round to telling you earlier. The Event To End All Events.’ There was a tremor in her voice. ‘I didn’t stop attending protests, even after the car incident. I just took the train instead, or hitched lifts with people I met through online noticeboards. My parents tried to keep a close watch on me, but I was well-versed in sneaking out and couldn’t care less about the consequences. Anyway, at one protest, a huge one, I threw a brick through a window,’ she said, half-laughing, half-weeping.
The thought of it sent waves of anxiety through her, trying to pull her under. As her heart began to pound, she wondered if she was about to have another panic attack.
‘You what?’
‘You heard me,’ Skye wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘It was an oil exploration company’s building. It was bad, I knew it, but the energy in the protest was turning from peaceful to angry, and I got caught up in it. Other people were doing it too. A guy had the bricks in his backpack, and handed them out. So I took one and just hurled it at the building.
‘With my brick, the window shattered completely. For a second it was electrifying. Then a young woman with a lanyard round her neck came out, a red mark on her cheek from being hit by the brick, blood all down her face, dripping on to her white shirt. She pulled a shard of glass from her wrist, which was also bleeding, and then fainted on the street in front of us. The exhilaration turned to horror. I was appalled at myself.
‘I might have hated that company, but now I look back and realize how scary it must have been for people working there, especially that woman, and feel such shame for putting them through that.’
‘Did you get charged?’
Skye hung her head. ‘No. I was never caught. The police began to swarm. An older guy I was with was throwing things too, and took the blame; he said I was too young for a criminal record. I ran. The police asked for witnesses, though, and it was all over the news. But I never owned up. The guilt from it, and for him taking the rap, has followed me my whole life.
‘I could have ended up going to court. Honestly. I should have done. The whole episode scared me out of my wits.’
‘Does anyone else know?’
‘My parents,’ said Skye.
When she had got home that day, pale and shaking, she told her mum, then confessed to her father. He had gone white with anger, but said he wouldn’t tell anyone, that the onus was on Skye to confess. She never had. Another rip in the already weak fabric of their relationship, and she hated that her parents had ended up complicit in this hideous secret, and the shame that came with it.
Skye wondered if she had gone too far, telling Bear all this. She felt her throat thicken, the air sticking as she breathed in.
‘Do you think I’m a terrible person, now you’ve heard the whole story? Like a hurricane I tore up everything in my path, been literally destructive. Ever since, I’ve tried to shed any connection to this person who caused so much devastation.’
With dread, she turned in her seat to face Bear. He was looking into the footwell, focusing on a speck of dirt. Skye felt her stomach dip, but after a second he shook his head.
‘No. I don’t. Not at all. It was stupid, dangerous, reckless, but not premeditated. And you were a kid, Skye. Really, I kinda think you’re brave to have told me.’ He straightened up and looked her in the eye.
Skye exhaled. ‘I’d understand if you’d rather I didn’t call you when I’m done at my parents’ place though. Not everyone wants to hang out with a someone who ought to have done time.’
‘I’ll take that risk,’ said Bear. ‘I’ll answer.’
Skye threw her arms around Bear. He wrapped her in a hug, and pulled her closer towards him, and Skye buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in the woods-y pine smell of his jacket.
Bear didn’t pull away, he only held her tighter against his chest.
‘You’re going to be OK,’ he said, softly in her ear. ‘You already are OK.’
‘I’m not sure I am,’ said Skye. ‘I’m a royal mess.’
‘Only you think that. Nobody else does. I don’t.’
Skye pulled back and looked away, praying she could staunch the tears threatening to burst forth. It would be like a dam breaking. She would drown them both.
He rested his hand on her shoulder, patiently waiting for her to raise her eyes to meet — and then hold — his gaze. The sincerity, and the concern in his eyes. ‘I’ll talk to you later. I promise. If you promise to call me.’
‘Promise,’ whispered Skye.