Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Hallie
T he rest of our two weeks at the lake pass in a blur of bonfires, lake swims, time with my friends, and nights spent with Ben in one of our beds, wrapped up in each other. I thought I’d had good sex before, but it turns out I didn’t know what I was talking about. I had no idea sex could be like this, but now that I’ve had it, I can’t get enough.
Which is why, after driving home from the lake in my car with Julie, dropping her off, and then coming home and unpacking, I pick up my phone. I turn it over in my hands while I consider texting Ben. It feels weird. Like, I should be able to spend a night alone, right? I like being alone most of the time.
But then my mind wanders to all our late nights at the lake, our time after everyone else had gone to sleep. Having all the good sex and eating all the snacks and talking for hours about nothing and everything. I think about Ben filling up my water cup every night without me having to ask and knowing how I wanted my coffee every morning in that weirdly clairvoyant way of his. And how he was always touching me in some way—his hand on my back or his arm around my shoulders or stopping to drop a kiss on my head whenever he walked past me.
Ben has been a part of my life in one way or another since I was born, and I thought we knew everything there was to know about each other. But for the past two weeks, it was like I was getting to know him for the first time. It was a time out of time where we didn’t have anything to do or anywhere to be. Where I took a break from my angst over potentially upending my entire personal and professional life and my constant worry over where I fit in with my friends and family.
Instead, Ben and I learned every inch of each other’s bodies and whispered secrets across our pillows. My feelings for him grew frighteningly fast. I may not always be sure of my place with everyone else in my life, but it’s clear to me after these last two weeks that the place I absolutely fit is with him. Being around Ben makes my heart feel like it’s too big for my chest. Like I could do anything or be anything as long as he is with me. He makes me want to open myself up and tell him every thought in my head, secure in the belief that he is a soft place for me to lay my secrets.
A knock on the door jolts me out of my reverie. I open it and Ben is there, leaning on my door frame, a take-out bag in his hand, a smile on his face, and his blue eyes sparkling.
“Hey, Hal. I missed your face, so I brought dinner. Figured your refrigerator was as empty as mine.”
“How are you even real?” I mutter.
He just smirks at me from his perch against my door frame, wearing athletic shorts, a white T-shirt, and a backwards baseball hat and looking hot as fuck. I suddenly have the wild urge to run my tongue over every inch of his body. I grab the take-out bag from his hand and put it on the floor. Then I pull him inside, shove the door closed, and reach up and wrap my hands around his neck, fastening my mouth to his. He wastes no time gripping my hips and tugging me even closer. I break the kiss and drop my hands to push his shorts and underwear down, so they drop to the floor together. Ben’s already hard cock springs up against his stomach and my mouth waters.
“I need to taste you, I just…need to.”
He steps out of his clothes and kicks them away, then looks at me. His body is ridiculous. The cut muscles of his abs and the deep V pointing straight down to his cock make me want to run my hands over every inch of him. Whatever Ben sees on my face has his eyes darkening and his cock twitching against his stomach. He reaches behind him and pulls his shirt off, tossing it to the ground along with his hat. Then he gives me a sexy grin.
“Well, then get on your knees, Hallie girl.”
Still shocked and aroused by his uncharacteristic dominance, I am instantly damp between my legs. I drop to my knees in front of him and pump his hard length twice before leaning forward and swirling my tongue around him, licking up the drop of precum already beading on his tip. His salty taste explodes in my mouth, and it is like a shot straight to my clit. I wrap one hand around his base and slide down his cock, taking as much of him into my mouth as I can. I drift the other hand up his thigh and around to his ass, gripping as I suck.
“Fuck,” Ben mutters, gathering my hair up, guiding me with a firm grip as I bob my head up and down, taking him a little deeper every time. When he bumps the back of my throat and I gag around him, he lets out a throaty groan and then reaches down and pulls me to my feet.
“No. Nope. No. As much as I love having you choke on my cock, and god, Hallie, I fucking do, I want to come inside of you, right where I belong. I haven’t been there nearly enough.”
My rational brain still tries to square the Ben I have known all my life with the confident, dirty talking man in front of me. But wherever this part of Ben was buried, I am all the way here for it.
“Well, then do it, Benji.”
“You got it, Hallie girl.” Ben slams his mouth to mine, curling his tongue around mine while he pushes my shorts and underwear down my legs. He pulls back long enough to tear my shirt over my head and then dives right back in, his kiss rough and needy and so damn hot. Ben walks us backward into the living room until the back of my knees hit the couch. Then, he spins us and falls back into it, pulling me down on top of him, his mouth never leaving mine as he runs his hands over my ass. His fingers drift down my crease as he pushes one of his knees between mine, nudging my legs apart and dipping his fingers inside me while he groans.
“You are fucking drenched for me, Hallie.”
I lift my head and smirk at him. “Sucking your cock turns me all the way on.”
His eyes turn feral, and he brings his mouth back to mine as he plunges two fingers inside of me. He curls them up into my g-spot while his thumb flicks my clit, and I see stars.
I manage to moan out, “Ben, fuck,” before he rolls his thumb over my clit again and curls his fingers back up. My back arches, trying to grind down harder on his finger. To get closer. To do fucking anything to ease the ache between my legs while Ben pushes me closer and closer to the brink. He keeps playing with my clit just enough to hold me on the edge but not enough to throw me over, and it’s making me wild with need.
“Ben, please,” I gasp out.
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need to come. Now.”
“Then give it to me, Hallie. Come. Now.” He curls his fingers again and increases the pressure on my clit, and I go off like a rocket. My legs shake, and my eyes snap closed as Ben fucks me with his fingers. As my orgasm rolls through me, Ben strokes me through it. When the pleasure finally ebbs, I bring my mouth to his. He locks his arms around me, and it is all teeth and tongues and wild, frenzied need. I feel Ben’s hard cock between us, and I push myself up enough to grasp it and give it a long stroke, rubbing my thumb over the head.
Ben grabs my hand and pulls it away from his cock. He lifts it to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. The sweet gesture after the scorching hot moment we just shared has my heart rolling over in my chest.
“As much as I love your hands on me, the only place I’m coming is inside you.” He pushes me up so that I’m straddling his hips, before slicking one of his thumbs over my oversensitive clit and sliding his hands up my stomach. Palming my breasts, he rolls my nipples between his fingers in a way that has me gasping and moving my hips, looking for friction, even though I just came all over his hand two minutes ago. I swear, I am insatiable when it comes to this man.
He gives me a wicked grin.
“Ride me, Hallie girl.”
My entire body comes alive. I lift up, grasping his cock with one hand and positioning myself over it. Then I sink down slowly, both of us groaning as I take all of him inside of me. I freeze for a second, letting my body adjust to him, eyes closing at the delicious feeling of being so full.
“Eyes on me, Hallie. Always on me.” I open my eyes and meet his. They are full of need and desire, and the heat in them spurs me on. I lift up and then sink back down again, rolling my hips so that my clit hits Ben’s pelvis. He rolls my nipples again, and I moan at the electricity that pulses through me. Not able to take it slow anymore, I lift all the way up until just his tip is inside me, and I grind hard back down.
“Fuck yes, Hallie,” Ben grits out. “Don’t fucking stop.”
As if I could. I ride him hard, grinding him deep inside me while he moves his hands over every inch of my body.
“God, it’s so good, Ben.” And it is. My entire body is lit up.
“It’s about to get better.” Ben brings one of his hands down, circling my clit with his thumb while he fucks up into me. The combination of his thumb on my clit and his cock hitting just the right spot has me climbing higher and higher until I detonate around him.
“Fuck, Hallie. You feel so fucking good. I’ve never…” Ben doesn’t finish his sentence. He just keeps fucking me from below, chasing his own orgasm as mine continues to roll through me. His thrusts lose their rhythm as he gets closer, and then he groans out, “Fuck, I’m coming!”
He spills his release inside me as I collapse on his chest, and we ride out the last of our orgasms. We’re both sweaty and breathing hard, our hearts thundering against each other. Ben drifts his hands up and down my back and presses his lips to my hair, my temple, my forehead. It amazes me that even after outstanding, explosive sex, when he is still literally inside me, this sweet moment makes my chest ache. It’s the most baffling combination, and I don’t hate it.
I lift my head to look at Ben. He smiles and cups my face in both of his hands. He brings his mouth to mine in one more long, slow kiss that makes my head spin, then sits up with me on top of him, leaning in and kissing my nose.
“What do you say to a shower then cold Chinese food right on this couch where you just fucked my brains out?”
I grin at him. “I’d say that is exactly what I need in my life right now.”
Wrapping his arms around me, Ben pushes up to standing.
“You can put me down, you know.”
“Nah, you just did all the work, Hallie girl. Let me take care of you now.”
And take care of me he does. Ben carries me straight to the shower, where he washes my hair and every single inch of my body. He wraps me in one towel and dries my hair with another. Then he sets me on my bed and digs through my drawers for my softest shorts and my favorite hoodie. Every time I protest and tell him I can do it myself, he leans in and kisses the protest right out of my mouth.
After we’re both dressed, he deposits me on the couch and covers me with a blanket before disappearing to the kitchen and coming back with a glass of water, a Diet Pepsi, and a can of seltzer, which he puts on the coffee table right in front of me. Then he disappears again to get the food. I had two orgasms and am now clean, warm, properly hydrated, and about to be fed. I should have gotten myself a relationship a long time ago if this is how they go.
But then Ben walks in—clad in only his low-slung athletic shorts, carrying a loaded plate for me—and I think maybe I never had a real relationship before because I was waiting for Ben.
We eat in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before I blurt out, “I’m meeting with Charlie Callahan tomorrow.”
I emailed Charlie while we were at the lake like Ben suggested, the night of the bonfire. He got back to me and told me that he had something he wanted to discuss with me too, so we set up a meeting for my first full day back in the office. And ugh. Just thinking of going back to the office has my stomach knotting up with the anxiety that was largely absent during our two weeks at the lake.
“That’s great, Hal, but what’s that face?” Damn this man for being able to read me so well.
“I just… I guess I’m nervous about going back into the office tomorrow. I know Jules has a zillion lists of things we need to do, and she wants to jump right back in. But now that I’ve let myself think a little about what it would be like to practice the kind of law I’m passionate about full time, it’s all I want, and I don’t even know how I can do it yet. I know that’s what the meeting with Charlie is about, but the thought of going to the office and pretending that I still want the same thing as Jules, Molly, and Emma is overwhelming.”
Ben takes my now empty plate from my hand and puts it on the coffee table with his, before reaching over and crushing me in a bear hug. He holds on for an extra minute, whispering, “I’m so proud of you, Hal,” in my ear before letting go.
“Proud of me for what? For being a hot mess who can’t even be honest with her best friends?”
“No, proud of you for telling me what’s on your mind. I know that opening up isn’t always easy for you, and I want you to know I see that. I’ll never take for granted it’s me you’re opening up to.”
Well, hell. My eyes start to water up. I wonder if that’s going to happen for the rest of my life whenever Ben says something that makes me realize how well he knows me and how clearly he sees me. And wow, my brain seems to have gotten too far over its skis because the rest of my life? No clue where that came from. But in this moment, I can really see it. I can see us coming home from work every day and having dinner together. Sitting on the couch like this and talking about our days and telling each other what we’re thinking and feeling safe enough to do it. And maybe it’s too soon, but that picture warms me from the inside out. For one wild second, I want it more than I have ever wanted anything.
Ben glides his thumb over my cheek and catches one rogue tear that managed to spill out, then puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and let out a deep breath.
“What time is your meeting with Charlie tomorrow?”
“Eight-thirty. I told Jules I’m meeting with him about a case he wants me to take on. Which could be true, actually. He said he’s been wanting to talk to me about something, too.”
“Good. So go meet with him, call me after and tell me all about it, and then go to work and do whatever jobs Jules assigns you. Then, after work, I hope you’ll let me take you on a date.”
“A date? Seriously?”
“Seriously. We’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now, but since we were at the lake, we haven’t had a chance to be together in real life. I want that. Let me pick you up and take you out and hold your hand and be with you out in the world. Please?”
“Yes. Take me on a date and let’s be together out in the world. I want that, too.”
Ben puts a finger under my chin and tips my head up so he can kiss me. The kiss is long and deep, and it makes my head spin. We break apart and stare at each other before Ben leans in again and lays his lips on my forehead for a long minute before he tucks me back into his side.
Once my brain starts working again, something occurs to me.
“Hey, you know, I’m not the only one with big career decisions on the horizon. Have you thought more about talking to your dad about the Stonegate deal?”
He didn’t talk much about the deal at the lake. He just told me that he told his mom, and his mom told him to talk to his dad. But Ben has been hesitant to have that conversation for reasons he still hasn’t told me.
Ben shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable. “I know I should.”
“So, what’s stopping you?”
He lets me go and turns around so we’re facing each other. “I feel…inadequate when I talk to my dad about my bar.”
I don’t say anything, knowing there’s more. Ben looks down at his hands and takes a deep breath before continuing.
“You know what my dad does. He’s this big real estate developer who does huge deals and makes millions, and I own a bar in my hometown. And it’s not that I want his life. I like being a bar owner on the South Side, watching the neighborhood grow and change around me. I love that I have regular customers, and I know them and their families and all their drink orders. I love watching the college kids come flooding back every fall and being the place where they study and eat and date and have fun. And I love running a business with my best friend in the city where I grew up. I am living exactly the life I want. It’s not a huge life. My name isn’t on buildings, and unless I take this damn deal, my business will never make millions. And whenever I talk to my dad, I feel like it’s not enough.”
I squeeze his hand, feeling a rush of affection for the Pittsburgh boy I have known my whole life who grew up into this sweet, lovely, amazing man.
“Ben, did you hear yourself? Your bar and your friends and the city where you grew up? You are living the life you want. What we are to each other now might be changing, but don’t forget I have known you your entire life. I know how happy your bar makes you. What you’re doing is real and special and important. It is what you were born to do. If you don’t want to take the Stonegate deal, then don’t. What you’re doing is more than enough. It’s perfect. Talk to your dad. Do it tomorrow before you go to the bar. He loves you. I promise you, he only wants you to be happy. And so do I. You are my favorite person, Ben.”
I shift on the couch, so I’m straddling his lap, and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms circle my waist, and he buries his face in my hair. We both hold on tight, breathing each other in.
“You’re my favorite person too, Hallie girl.”