Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Ben
“ S o, when do you think that you’re going to break the news to the girls?”
Hallie and I are sitting side-by-side at a metal table in front of The Potato Patch, our favorite place to eat at the park. Their cheese fries are legendary. We have been eating them here all our lives, and we have a giant pile in front of us right now. I think this is my favorite day. Being here with Hallie as adults, in the place where we ran wild as kids, is more fun than I have had in a long time. I think she feels it too. Her face is flushed, her green eyes bright and happy. She hasn’t stopped smiling since we got here, and every time she flashes that wide grin at me, it makes my chest tighten. As we ran from ride to ride, laughing like teenagers, I almost told her I love her at least four times. I swallowed the words down because she’s not ready for them yet. I have to keep reminding myself that even though I’ve had eleven years to come to terms with my feelings, hers are new. She needs more time, and I want to give it to her. I want to do this right. I want a lifetime together, so I remind myself to calm the fuck down and wait a little longer. It will be worth it.
Hallie licks cheese sauce from her fingers and considers my question. “I’ll be in the office tomorrow, and you know me. My instinct is to put off any kind of confrontation. But if I don’t do it first thing tomorrow, I’m going to spend the day drowning in anxiety. I won’t be able to focus on any of the client files Jules wants to get through, and they’ll know something is wrong. Also, I’m a shit liar. So…I guess tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow is as good a time as any. And think about how good you’ll feel once it’s all out in the open.”
“I mean, yeah, unless I’m dead because Jules hulked out and killed me when she heard the news. Which might be better than the alternative, which is her doing that scary, freeze-you-out thing that she does so well.” Hallie looks down at her hands, hiding what I’m sure is a face lined in concern.
The way she says that makes me think that the freeze-out is what she’s most worried about. Hallie’s biggest fear is that the people she loves and depends on will abandon her if she speaks her mind and rocks the boat. And changing the entire makeup of their law firm five months before they open for business is a serious rocking of their boat. I shift to straddle the bench and lift her chin with two fingers until she’s looking at me. Her eyes meet mine, and the worry written all over her face just about kills me.
“Hallie, things between you and Jules are going to be fine. Will she be mad? Yeah, she probably will be. I know that scares you. It’s okay to be scared. But a whole life is a long fucking time, and none of us get through it without pissing off someone at some point. People who love each other can fight and disagree and work through it. I know Jules better than I know myself. Just like there is nothing you could ever say to me that would change even an ounce of the way I feel about you, nothing you say to Jules will make her turn her back on you. You’re stuck with both of us. Taking over Charlie’s adoption practice is your dream. You and Charlie hammered out a solid plan to make it work for everyone. So do it tomorrow. Go in and tell them. Whatever happens, we will deal with it. Together.”
She takes a deep breath and some of the worry on her face disappears. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Know exactly what I’m thinking even when I’m not sure I do.”
“Hal, I’ve known you my whole life. I’ve had feelings for you for more than a third of that time. I pay attention to you. How you feel and what you think matters to me more than anything. You matter to me more than anything.”
“Okay. Tomorrow it is. I’m doing the thing tomorrow. Sunday, I have dinner with my family. If I’m telling Jules tomorrow, I might as well tell my parents at dinner since they’ll probably hear about it from your parents. Will you come with me to dinner?”
She looks as excited about telling her family as I look on my way to the dentist. But the fact that she is taking these steps makes me prouder of her than I thought possible. My girl is finding her brave. I take her hand and bring it to my lips, kissing her knuckles. Her sharp intake of breath has me grinning.
“Proud of you, Hal. And definitely yes to dinner. But before we get to all that, there’s still more of tonight, and we haven’t nearly done these cheese fries justice. Bet I can eat more of them than you.”
“Ooh, those are fighting words. You’re on, Benji.”
And we dive in, my heart practically bursting with love for this woman.