Chapter 24
Hayleigh
It’s been a week since I messaged Thea about girls' day, and two days since I messaged her my address. She read that message but hasn’t responded, and now I’m worried she won’t show.
With Lacey heavily pregnant and me quitting my job, we decided that a day of relaxation in my new home, with some good food and pampering, was the best option rather than going out.
I’m nervous about them seeing my home. Will they like it?
Will they think I’m being stupid doing it up while living here?
What about when they find out I’ve quit my job?
Nerves churn in my gut when there’s a knock at the door. One person is standing behind the frosted, stained glass window, and my brow furrows as to who it could be. When I open the door, my stomach drops, and my heart frantically claws at my insides.
Sylvia Winters, Pete’s mother, stands on the other side of my front door. My new home, my home away from the Winters family and everything they did and somehow she knows where I live.
She stares at me with those cold and calculating eyes of hers. “It’s rude to keep a lady on the doorstep, Hayleigh.”
The Hayleigh from a few months ago would have cowered and stood to attention, but not the Hayleigh today. My heart might be racing, but I stand up a little straighter and stare right through her. “I don’t see a lady on my doorstep, Sylvia, I see a viper, and you’re not welcome here. Please leave.”
Her face turns an ugly shade of red, her mouth twists, and she grips the handbag on her shoulder a little tighter. “You never deserved my boy. You drove him to do what he did. You’re worthless, and you’ll never amount to anything.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, a trick I used as a child to stop myself from crying; it does nothing to show emotion to these types of women. I don’t bother giving her an answer; I stand firm at my door.
She huffs, practically sticking her nose in the air. “You’re a rude, selfish little bitch. I’ll be sure to ruin your family, better still, I’ll make sure that snivelling younger sister of yours–”
She’s cut off when May Peterson rounds the corner with fury in her eyes. She storms down my garden path, right up to Sylvia. “I suggest you leave. This is private property, and you’re not welcome here.”
Sylvia opens her mouth to respond, but May crosses her arms and narrows her eyes. Sylvia cuts her gaze to me before storming back off, and I let out a huff of breath as my heart hammers in my chest.
May throws her a dirty look, and once she’s gone, she turns to me, uncrossing her arms, and she smiles. “Can I come in?”
I step back and open the door. “Of course.” Nerves flutter deep in my stomach because maybe May is here to warn me off, Nate. Perhaps she doesn’t think I deserve him, and I’m no good.
Maybe she’s right. My breakfast threatens to make an appearance, and my hands tighten on the door frame to steady myself.
I walk into the living room and don’t know what to do with myself. Like an idiot, I jerk my thumb towards the kitchen. “I’ll make us some tea.” Then, like the coward I am, I scurry off and hide away, making tea, wishing all the while for the girls to get here and distract me.
I wind myself up more and more as I think of what May could want with me. I pat myself down. I don’t have my phone with me, so I can’t even ask Nate if he knows.
“Hayleigh, sweetheart, there will be nothing left of that tea if you don’t stop stirring.”
I whirl around at the sound of May’s voice. She stands there, smiling kindly at me, and all of a sudden, everything gets a bit too much, and I burst into tears. May rushes forward, enveloping me in her arms.
She gently strokes the back of my hair. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re safe. Let it all out. I’m here, and I’ve got you.” She guides me to the living room and onto the couch, tea forgotten. She lets me cry until my tears dry up.
It feels so foreign to me to be embraced by a motherly figure, to have her tell me that it’s okay.
I’ve been so used to hiding my real emotions for so long that I don’t know how I’m supposed to act.
As a kid, my mother would tell me to stop crying, not to show emotion because emotion is weakness, and people thrive off that.
If I got upset in front of Pete and we were alone, he would look at me in disgust, as if I had personally offended him with my tears.
He was always so good at playing the right character for the right situation that I couldn’t distinguish what an act was or what was reality.
May cups my cheek as I realise I’ve been daydreaming again. I offer her a grateful smile. “Sorry, May. I zoned out then. I’m so sorry for crying.”
She clucks her tongue. “I’ll have none of that, thank you very much. Don’t ever apologise for your feelings, Hayleigh. They’re completely valid, and you feel what you feel.”
I offer her a slight nod. “That was Pete’s mother.”
She purses her lips. “Oh, believe me, I know who that wretched woman is. I’ll call Clive, our lawyer, later on; she won’t be bothering you again.” May pats my knee and stands, picking up her discarded coat from the sofa.
I stand with her and gently grab hold of her hand, stopping her. “Wait, May. What do you mean? Who’s Clive? I don’t want to cause your family any more trouble than I already have.”
May stops in her tracks, her shoulders dropping, eyes full of kindness and what seems like sadness.
She holds both my hands in her own as she says.
“Oh, sweetheart. They did such a number on you. No one, and I mean no one, holds you responsible or blames you for anything that horrible man did. You were engaged to someone you were sure loved you.” She searches my eyes before carrying on.
“To move forward with our lives, we must learn to accept our past. We can’t change it; we can wish it were different, and maybe we wish certain things hadn’t happened, but they did, and we have to accept that.
Your past doesn’t define you, but it sure as hell plays a part in how you grow; it’s up to you on how you do that. ”
“You mean, I can either let Pete weigh me down and stay living in the what ifs, or I accept that it happened and make sure it doesn’t again? It’s really that simple?”
May rocks her head from side to side, smiling. “Well, simple isn’t a word I’d use to work through something traumatic, but in a nutshell, yes. Don’t let him win. I just came to see how you were.” She kisses the side of my cheek as her arms wrap around me.
“Why don’t you stay?”
May shakes her head slightly and smiles. “I will next time.” Then she’s gone.
Before the girls get here, I quickly grab my phone and fire off a text to Nate.
Me
Can you please bring that letter over to mine tonight, once the girls have left?
I don’t have to wait long for bubbles to appear.
Nate
Of course, I will
Nate
I miss you
My smile stretches wide across my face.
Me
I miss you too xx *heart eyes emoji*
The doorbell rings, and my heart rate spikes, but then the unmistakable chatter and laughter from my girls reaches my ears, my shoulders relax, and I let out a breath.
I need to get a grip. I walk to the door and see the silhouettes of my friends, but when I open it, I can’t help but feel a flood of emotion as Thea stands with them.
She offers me a small, awkward wave. “Hope I’m still invited.”
I let out a loud laugh, through sheer disbelief and relief that she’s here.
Emmy links her arm through Thea’s. “I’m looking forward to all the tales of a bratty Hayleigh.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, very funny. Come on in, I’ll give you the grand tour.” I step aside as my friends and sister walk through my door.
Suddenly, I’m hyper aware of everything that needs to be done here. Do they like it? Do they think I’m stupid for buying this place? Will Thea tell me I need to pack up and go back home with her?
Emmy’s head pops around the door frame, her brow cocked.
“You do realise I can hear you thinking from in there?” She throws her thumb behind her.
“We’re so proud of you. We love this home you have, and we’re here for you.
” She holds out her hand, and I realise this is one of those moments that May talked about.
So I take my best friend's hand.
**********
I have not laughed the way I did tonight in a long time.
It felt so freeing to let everything out and share all my worries with my friends.
Daisy promised she would work through more meditation sessions, Lacey promised to kick Sylvia’s backside once she has the baby, and Emmy told me that we may not be sisters by blood, but we are by choice.
Then there’s Thea.
I stand back, as she says goodbye to my friends, embracing each of them as if she’s known them her whole life—Thea, who has never been one for hugs and kisses.
Growing up, I was so jealous of the attention my mother and father would give her.
The opportunities she had, and the way they were always so proud of her, but never of me.
Now I see it for what it truly was. She was trapped, as much as I was, only she didn’t have the guidance of her granddad, who told her to fight back and showed her there was another way.
It’s another thing that’s been holding me back, the resentment in myself for failing her, for failing to take her away or stay and fight for her.
Tonight, she fit right in, like a puzzle piece that we never knew was missing. If only I could get her to stay.
She shuts the door behind our friends, and when she turns round, her smile drops, and so does my stomach because this feels like a goodbye I’m not ready for.
She rushes forward and throws her arms around me, holding me tight. I gently stroke the back of her hair as I whisper. “Are you okay?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to leave.”
“Then don’t. Stay with me, I have the room.”
She pulls back from our hug, drying her eyes, sounding defeated, she says. “I can’t, Hayleigh. You know that.”
I cross my arms, trying to hold my temper at our parents. “I know you can, Thea.” I take a deep breath and relax my arms. “I don’t want to push you, but just know that when you’re ready, I’ll be here for you.”
I hug her once more, pouring into it every ounce of love that I have in the hopes that somehow she knows she has a home here, if she wants it.
**********
Thea left an hour ago, the house seems empty now that I’m alone, empty but not in a bad way. In a way that I’ve never felt before. These walls are my safe haven, a place of my own. My home.
Someone knocks at the door, and goosebumps prick my skin once more, but then I remember I asked Nate to come by with the letter I had given him all those months ago.
I answer the door to his smiling face, and instantly, I’m safe again. He strides forward and wraps his arms around me, murmuring into my neck. “My mum called. She told me about what happened earlier. Are you okay?”
I squeeze him back, thankful he’s here. “I’m okay. Did you bring it?”
He holds up the sealed envelope, and I take it from him, my hand shaking the whole time. My feet move, and before I know it, I’m in my back garden, walking towards the outside seating area where a steel bin for burning logs sits.
Taking a seat on the outside sofa, I hold the envelope in my hands as tears fall down my cheeks. Nate takes a seat beside me, his quiet strength seeping into my bones.
I look at him, sitting there so calmly. “I’m not crying for Pete.”
He nods slowly, raising a brow, and asks me. “No?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t hate him either; I don’t feel anything for him anymore. Does that make me a bad person?”
“No, it doesn’t, Hayleigh. You don’t have a bad bone in your body.”
I look down at the envelope. Maybe some people would want the closure; they would want to know what it says. Is it an apology or an admission of guilt, maybe? Whatever it is, I don’t want it.
So I stand up with it clasped in my hand, and I turn to face Nate, holding it up.
“This doesn’t matter to me. Not anymore.
I don’t care what he’s written; I don’t want to waste energy on him anymore, on anyone who doesn’t respect and support me.
You taught me that, Nate, you and your family and Emmy, Lacey and Daisy. ”
He stands up with me, his hands move to my hips, and he dips down, his eyes searching mine. "I support you with whatever it is you want to do, Hayleigh. I always have and I always will.”
A genuine smile blooms across my face. “I choose you, Nate.” Then I move from his grasp and pick up the lighter I keep outside. The flame flickers to life, licking away at the corner of the envelope, and once it catches, I throw it into the steel bin.
We take a seat, Nate’s arm around me as the last of Pete’s words drift off on embers into the night sky.
I feel weightless.
I feel free.