Chapter 46 #2
“Iryana, wait,” he said softly. “Are things really going to be like this between us?”
She closed her eyes tightly. “Does it make sense any other way? We will barely see each other, and my family wouldn’t understand.
I doubt most of the 18th would support it.
I don’t want to make this harder for you.
And,” she added softly, almost teasingly, “you don’t have to forgive me just because I saved your life. ”
He watched her, eyes weighing her.
“I know I have responsibilities here,” Pyetar agreed, “and I have to do what I promised I would. But I never wanted this, and I plan to step down at the first opportunity I have.”
He rubbed at his jaw and stared at the floor as if frustrated he couldn’t find the words.
Iryana felt trapped between emotion and reason.
“That will take years, Pyetar.”
“I know.” He groaned and sank into the chair, dropping his head into his hands. “I almost miss when my brother was alive, because at least we spent time together.”
“Time we almost exclusively spent pushing each other away.”
“Except for those few moments when we didn’t.” His voice was rough, and there was heat in his eyes when he looked up at her.
Iryana swallowed. She thought about those times a lot too.
He turned his gaze back to his hands. “I think about you. Constantly. Every time I have to make a decision, I wonder what you would say and wish I could talk to you about it. You’re smarter than all my captains combined.
” He chuckled dryly. “And I keep looking for you when I walk around the fort, like I did when you were here. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, and then I am just filled with disappointment when I remember that you’re not here anymore. ”
Iryana wrapped her arms around herself, her breath shaky. What could she say to something like that? How much she missed him and hated the way things had to be?
Yet how could any of that change? She wanted it to, but what good could focusing on it do?
“I’m heir to a guardian clan,” she reminded him. “You’re the general of the 18th. My family hates the military. Especially the 18th. You’ve been our enemy for years.”
And she couldn’t disappoint them.
“Even after many in the 18th helped oust Karvek? Now that we’re allies?”
“It’s gotten a lot better, Pyetar. And I am sure it will improve as we work together. But they’re being stubborn.” Iryana shrugged. “We may be allies now, but the kind of history our people have doesn’t disappear overnight.”
In truth, a lot of her fear came from the thought of Pyetar changing his mind. Realizing she wasn’t enough. Or Iryana constantly feeling like she wasn’t enough.
Pyetar sighed. “There is a lot of respect for you here; you won the challenge after all. But…”
“But?” she demanded he finish. Say it out loud.
“But,” he hesitated, sad blue eyes meeting hers. “There is a lot of resentment too, and still plenty of anger at the settlement for keeping the brigades outside their borders.”
“It will take all our energy to keep both sides of this alliance cooperative,” Iryana summed up.
Pyetar was silent for a while, hands rubbing his knees. “We will have to meet occasionally for the sake of the alliance and working together. To work out the logistics. The First clearly intends you to fill that role.”
“Yes, but…” she wasn’t sure where he was going with that.
“Perhaps when we’re alone, we can pretend.”
“Pyetar,” she drew out, voice strained. “What are you saying?”
He lifted his head, leveling eyes swirling with agony on her. “I miss you. Terribly. Every day. And I can’t bear it.”
She sucked in a breath, her face crumpling. Why was he doing this? If she bared her heart to him and then had to walk away, those wounds would never heal.
“What do you want me to say, Pyetar?” she pleaded. “What would pretending change? We belong to two different sides of the wall.”
“I want to hear you say it. That you feel the same.”
“Why?” she demanded. “What good would it do?”
“Because eventually things will be different. And I am tired of waiting to live the life I want. We may have to hide it from your family and my soldiers, but in private I want to fight for this. For us. But I just need to know whether you want me to.”
Everything in Iryana crashed to a standstill.
Her heart was pounding, every breath heavy.
She burned. She wanted him to fight for her, to give her a reason to give in, to figure it out.
But part of her still argued that it would never work out, that they’d just end up hurting each other more than before.
Those two sides of her felt like they were ripping each other apart.
“I’m scared,” she admitted in a whisper that crept across the room. “I never truly had you, and losing you still torments me.”
Pyetar’s lips parted, his brow tugged up in a look of hope.
Iryana clenched her hands tightly. “Now, everything is stacked against us, and if we try this and I lose you again, I will know exactly what I’m missing. What if we’re found out and we ruin the alliance?”
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
“What? Why not?”
Pyetar shook his head at her, pale blue eyes dripping with desperation.
“You never gave up on your family. Every time things grew impossible, you figured it out. You are far too stubborn to not give something your all. If you decide I’m yours, even just in this room, I don’t believe any force in the world could stop you. ”
“And you’d be satisfied with that?” she asked weakly. “Not seeing me for weeks, maybe months at a time? Having to pretend in front of your soldiers? Who’s saying we’ll be able to find time alone very often?
Pyetar stood. “Iryana, I wasn’t able to fight for what I wanted for years. I stopped trying. It wasn’t until you that I realized I couldn’t keep living like that. If you tell me to fight for you, I will never stop.”
Iryana shuddered as her fears dimmed under the strength of his words.
It was such a terrible idea, would probably only hurt worse. Only cause trouble. But he didn’t want the brigade, didn’t want to be general. He only wanted her. And though she’d likely regret it, she wanted him, no matter how little she could have.
“Fight for me then, Pyetar.”
A breath shot out of him, his eyes fluttering shut in relief. Fight for me then; it was like those words released something in him.
With long strides, Pyetar was in front of her, pulling her against him. Leaning down to press his mouth to hers.
Her fingers trailed over his strong jaw and into his soft brown hair, holding him tighter to her. She could feel the strength in his muscles around her—warm and safe and hers.
She moved her mouth against his urgently. Her whole body nearly trembled as all the want she’d locked away poured out at once. She had never kissed him like this, without some part of her begging her to stop. It was intoxicating.
Pyetar lifted her up easily, and she wrapped her legs around him, groaning as she felt him pressed against her.
“I’ve missed you,” he said against her neck, dragging fervent kisses along her skin. “Oh gods, how I’ve dreamed about this.”
Iryana tilted her head to the side so he could continue his path under her jaw.
“I’ve been trying really hard not to think about you,” she admitted.
“How has that been going for you?” he teased, nipping her ear.
“Very. Very. Bad.”
“Good.” Pyetar sat down on the couch, Iryana in his lap, and chuckled. She felt free.
She pulled his mouth back to hers, smiling against his lips. Feeling lighter than she could ever remember feeling.
Pyetar pulled back enough to look at her, his hands cupping her head.
“The entire time my brother held us captive, I knew you would come for us. I was so scared you were going to get yourself killed. I had nightmares about it, ones that didn’t stop when I was awake.
Your desire to save your family had made you reckless before, and I—I was terrified. ”
Iryana smiled, cupping his hands with her own.
“Even if it were only you, I would have done anything to get you out.” She tugged his shirt over his head and ran her hands down his muscled chest. “I didn’t think he would hurt my family. Use them as bait or to negotiate, maybe. But you?” She shuddered at the memory of that fear.
“When I was dragged into that square and I saw you standing there, challenging him, I thought I was going to watch him kill you. And there was nothing I could do.” His whole body was tensing, and she could see the remnants of that horror slipping onto his face.
“It’s over now, and I’m okay,” she reminded him softly, pulling him in for another kiss.
His mouth moved slowly at first, crushing her against him, but it wasn’t long before his fingers were digging into her thighs and Iryana was rolling her hips against his.
Things would be different with him. Things had always been different with him. Now that they had given into this, she needed to give into all the things she had denied herself.
Pyetar’s hands were just as urgent, pulling her clothes off until he was holding her naked against him.
The feeling was bliss. His chest was hot against her skin, and she tucked her legs against him so that as much of their skin was touching as possible.
It was like slipping into a hot spring on a cold winter day.
His lips left her mouth, trailing along her jaw and down her neck. Her body was tense, her thighs tightening around his hips, as each touch of his mouth sent her closer to the edge.
She never wanted the feeling to end, the rest of the world melting away.
“Pyetar,” she groaned, her body trembling. “Please.”
“What do you need?” His voice was strained and breathless, hot against her breast.
“You. Now.”
Pyetar’s body jerked against hers, and he moaned her name. His hands skimmed down her sides and slipped between their bodies.
His lips left hers, just long enough to pull her body down onto him. As he slid inside her, her muscles clenched and her head rocked back from the overwhelming surge of pleasure that shot through her.
She claimed his mouth, her body adjusting to the feel of him. She was too sensitive, every nerve in her body on edge, but the feel of him, the warmth of him, it wasn’t just good.
Her eyes burned, and for a moment she thought she was going to cry. The sensations and the emotions were surging in her so high that she had no chance of isolating and understanding them. All she could do was ride it out.
The urgency was gone, and now she just wanted to feel him, let her pleasure slowly build while she savored every moment. Pyetar waited patiently, running his hands over her back until she started to move, slowly rising and falling. Every movement was slow and sensual.
She could tell Pyetar was struggling to stay at her pace while he watched her, his muscles tense. Pyetar pulled her braid over her shoulder and tugged off the tie.
“I’ve wanted to take your braid out for months,” he sighed. Despite the quickness of his breathing, Pyetar was gentle as he slowly undid her braid, her light brown hair slowly fanning out across her stomach. The entire time, Iryana continued her slow rise and fall, watching his fingers move.
Finished, Pyetar pushed her unbound hair behind her, his fingers trailing along her collarbone and shoulder. She jerked from the sensation of her hair sliding against her back, and her hips halted as it took her by surprise.
His warm hands slid down her stomach to hold her hips in place, tightly pressing against him. Pyetar took his time looking at her. His eyes trailed over every inch of her body, and it was like her skin warmed with his gaze.
She liked the way he looked at her, with his parted lips and burning eyes, but her patience had run out.
When she tried rising again, his hands pulled her even firmer against him, the corner of his mouth twitching.
She raised a brow and then tilted her hips, pressing into him as deeply as she could, and started circling her hips.
Pyetar’s head fell back, and he groaned, his entire chest rumbling. As if an instinct he couldn’t control, Pyetar moved his hips with hers, grinding their bodies together. The sound of his pleasure combined with the sensations made her cry out, her body tensing.
“Shh,” he reminded her.
No longer holding her hips down, Pyetar finally gave in and let her move, his hands urging her faster and faster. She quickly lost control of herself, moaning and trembling as she erupted. All she could focus on was that feeling trailing through her limbs, her muscles trembling.
When she started coming back down, Pyetar pressed her down onto the couch, laying between her legs. She had always been independent, but she loved the sight of him above her, his muscular arms caging her in.
He kissed her neck and set a relentless pace.
She tilted her head so she could watch him, watch the muscles along his stomach.
Iryana wrapped her legs around him, arms flying over her head to grasp the couch to brace herself.
With one last kiss to her neck, Pyetar sat up, lifting her hips to drive even deeper inside of her.
She choked down a scream as he hit a spot even more sensitive.
With every thrust, Iryana moaned. She was so close, but she focused on drawing it out.
Pyetar’s movements grew jerky, and he started groaning with her, face twisting.
Every muscle in his body was pulled tight, bulging, and then Iryana couldn’t wait any longer.
“Pyetar,” she whimpered, her back arching as her body shook.
That sent him over the edge, groaning her name. He fell onto his elbows, breathing deeply, pressing slow, breathy kisses onto her shoulder.
“Pyetar,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him.
He chuckled, turning her and pulling her on top of him. She nestled against him.
“That was a long time coming,” he teased her, running his hands through her hair.
They were sweaty and breathless, and she was happy. She listened to his heartbeat slow, his breaths even out, as trailed his fingers along her skin lazily.
“Would it scare you if I said I loved you?”
“Yes.” Even though he’d said it a few times already. Her heart already sped up substantially. “But I am pretty sure I love you, too.”
Pyetar smiled. “Perhaps another time, then.”
Iryana couldn’t stop herself; she burst out laughing.