Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
KIKI EMMERSON
T obias stares at me as I try to reign in my emotions. “I mean, I didn’t kill anyone if that’s what you’re thinking,” I blurt out, then force a laugh.
“That’s not what I’m thinking,” he says softly.
I pull back my arm, covering my tattoo with my hand. “Anyway, speaking of death, I said if I told you I’d have to kill you. So, how do you want to die?”
He raises one eyebrow at me. “I get to choose?”
“Of course. I’m very fair. So, pick.” I look at him as I make the swing rock back and forth again.
He puts a finger on his chin and makes a show out of trying to decide. “I’ll take tickling to death.”
I bite my lips so I don’t laugh at him. “Wow, that’s such a terrible way to die.”
“Terrible? I thought it would be much less painful than being shot or stabbed.”
“Right, but tickling would take forever. It would be like torture. You’d probably die of starvation before the tickling would do any damage.”
“Ah, I see.”
I look out at the dark skyline, the moon reflecting off the water. “How did you get me to tell you about my tattoo? I wasn’t going to talk about it.”
He smiles. “I’m highly trained in the art of prying.”
“That’s not good,” I say under my breath.
Tobias turns serious. “I know you said you did things in the past you’re not proud of. But I don’t care about your past.”
I stare at him. I want to believe him with all my heart, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He would care if he found out the truth. I drop my gaze. “You don’t understand.”
He searches my face. “Do you trust me?”
“Trust should go both ways,” I say, mostly to myself. I’m not a trustworthy person.
“Are you saying I should trust you?” Tobias moves to put his hand on my knee but hesitates and then changes his mind. I feel the loss of his touch down to my toes.
“Heavens, no. Don’t do that. You’ll only be disappointed in the end.” I jump up, clutching my herbal tea, unable to stand the way he’s looking at me. I’m not a good person.
I take a step toward the back door, but Tobias stands and grabs my arm. “Wait.”
I turn to look at him. “What?”
He lets go of my arm, sighs, and runs his hand over his hair. “You seem to be really great at beating yourself up for your past mistakes. But I wonder if you’ve ever stopped to consider the value of forgiveness.”
Hot tears prick my eyes and my vision blurs. “The world doesn’t forgive, Tobias. Some mistakes haunt you. Some will always be there, reminding you forever of what you did.”
I don’t want to say too much, so I turn away from him and go into the house. I run up the stairs to my room and fling myself onto the bed, letting the tears come. My heart breaks for what I had to give up. My baby girl. As the memories flood through me, I close my eyes, wishing for the millionth time I’d made different choices in the past.
SIX YEARS AGO
I turn the wheel, pulling into the small grocery store parking lot. It’s a hot day for May, and we’ve got the windows down because the AC doesn’t work in my car. I turn to look at Randy, sitting in the passenger seat. He’s got a foot up on the dash, and he looks so cute with his long hair and retro Iron Maiden T-shirt.
We’ve been driving for two weeks now, since my parents disowned me and kicked me out. I pat my stomach. I don’t have a baby bump yet, but it’s coming. Even though it wasn’t planned, I’m still thrilled to be having a baby. And Randy said he’d take care of us. I’m pretty sure he’s going to propose soon. He’s been hinting at it. We can settle down and start a family.
Randy looks out the window. “What are we doing here?”
“I’m going to get us some peanut butter and bread. We can make sandwiches. We only have a thousand left in my account, and we need to make it last. You coming in?”
“You don’t need to do that, babe. I said I’d take care of things. And I did.” He grins at me. “I got us some cash.”
I squint at him. “How did you do that? You rob a bank?” I laugh at my joke.
His grin widens. “Not a bank. They’re too secure.”
He doesn’t say anything else, and that worries me, but it’s insane to think he’s stolen money, so I laugh at him and go inside the grocery store. I come out ten minutes later with the groceries and shove them in the back seat, along with all our worldly possessions. There’s not much back there, just our clothes and our dreams of the future.
I get back behind the wheel. “Where to?” We’d been driving wherever the wind took us, sleeping in the car, stopping where we wanted. But I know that has to end soon. We need to get jobs. Start a life together. Randy’s been promising we’d find a place to settle.
“Let’s go north. It’s too hot here.” Randy tugs a baseball cap onto his head. “I’m done with this southern humidity.”
“All right. But I want us to tour some apartments soon, while we still have a down payment.”
“We have more than enough, babe.” Randy leans back like he’s going to sleep.
I do like his upbeat attitude, but I wish he’d be practical as well. I had to quit school when my parents kicked me out. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I was working at McDonald’s, so I know I can get another fast-food job, but I don’t want to work when the baby comes. I want to be a full-time mother. Randy’s had a hard time finding work, which makes me a little worried. Now with the baby coming, I know he’ll try harder.
I pull out onto the street, but a cop car turns on his lights behind me, so I slow down. Randy jerks awake, his eyes wide. “What are you doing? Keep going.”
“What? No. The police are pulling me over.”
“Don’t pull over!”
I trust Randy, so I go forward, not wanting to disobey him. “Why?”
“They’ll arrest me. Go!” He waves frantically at me.
Panic courses through me as I press on the gas. “Why will they arrest you?”
“Go, go, go!” Randy yells.
I can’t think, so I just do as Randy says. I go. But the police follow right behind me, turning on their sirens.
“That way!” Randy shouts, pointing toward the highway.
My heart pounds loud in my ears as I turn the corner. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m running from the police. Why am I doing that? “What did you do?” I scream at Randy.
“I told you. I got us some cash!”
I turn on the highway and speed up, sweat dripping down my back. The police car is right behind me. There’s no way I can outrun them. “You stole it?”
“Go faster!” He hits the dashboard and swears at me, and I’m stunned. I’ve never seen this side of Randy before.
“I’m not doing this,” I say, slowing down.
Randy reaches down under his seat and pulls out a gun. He points it at me and swears again. “You’d better do what I say, or you’ll never see our kid!”
Terror rips through me and I punch the gas. “All right, all right. I’m going.”
My arms shake so bad I have a hard time staying on the road. My stomach lurches and I’m going to throw up. Randy nudges me with the gun. “Faster.”
I can’t believe he’s doing this. I start to see everything he’s done for me in a new light. That expensive necklace he gave me. Did he steal that, too? I had wondered at the time how he’d been able to pay for it. The thought makes me sick. His parents are thugs, but I didn’t think he was, too.
The car sputters and I look down at the gage. “We’re out of gas.”
Randy swears again and hits the dashboard, a crazy look in his eye. “All right. Pull over. I have an idea.”
My legs shake as I press the brake to stop the car. The police stop behind us. Randy points the gun out the back window and fires. The window shatters, along with my ear drums.
“What are you doing?” I scream.
Suddenly we’re surrounded by police cars, sirens, and a loud voice shouts for Randy to put the gun down. Everything after that happens so fast. Randy opens his door and tries to run, but the police shoot. He falls to the ground. The police shout at me to raise my hands and get out of the car.
I’m shaking so violently I can barely obey, but I manage to get myself out of the car, my hands in the air. They shove me to the pavement, my cheek scraping on the gravel. They yank my hands behind me, handcuff me, and put me in the back of a police car.
I sit up in bed, my tears spent. I was the one who stepped on the gas when the police tried to pull us over, so I went to prison. Randy didn’t die. He lied about what happened, swearing he didn’t pull a gun on me. He went to prison as well, but with a much longer sentence. When I had my baby, I told them I didn’t know who the father was. I didn’t want my baby girl to have anything to do with Randy or his family. I gave my baby up for adoption, and had the records sealed.
If only I hadn’t gotten involved with Randy to begin with, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, my parents wouldn’t have kicked me out of their home, and I could have finished high school. I never would have gone to prison. Now I have a criminal record and someone else is raising my daughter.
I fall asleep with a headache, my heart torn into pieces.