Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
TOBIAS BARRETT
I spend Friday working on the mainland, but even though I had to get up at an ungodly hour, I’m still in a good mood. I find myself humming as I drive home, and that’s so unlike me. I can’t wait to get back and spend more time with Kiki.
I’m ready to jump all in with her, but she’s holding back from me, and it’s niggling at me. I don’t want to scare her off, but I want to tell her what I’m feeling. I want her to know I’m serious about us.
Would she pull away from me if she knew I was falling in love with her? I ponder what I’m going to say to her as I drive over the bridge to Willow Shade Island.
When I get home, the lights are out and the house is still, and I hope I haven’t missed my chance to see Kiki. As I make my way through the house, the backdoor creaks and Kiki turns on the kitchen light.
“You’re home.” A smile forms on her lips. “I was just on the back porch, watching the ships pass by.”
“I’d love to join you, if you don’t mind.” I loosen my tie.
“Of course.” She opens the cupboard and grabs a glass. “I was coming inside for some water. Do you want some?”
“Sure.”
She fills the glasses with ice water and hands one to me. We go outside and sit on the swing. I take a sip. The cold liquid feels good on my throat. I set it down on the table beside the swing. “Thanks.”
She tucks her legs under her, and I slide my arm around her. She snuggles into my side. I love how she feels next to me. I gently rock the swing as the night breeze blows over us. “Tell me something about yourself that I don’t know.”
I know I’m prying, but I don’t care. I want her to talk to me. The closer we get, the more I crave to know everything about her.
She laces her fingers through mine. “Kiera and I once put on a fashion show. The audience was all our stuffed animals.” She giggles, and I love the sound.
“That’s precious. How old were you?”
“Kiera was probably five, and I was thirteen. We dug a bunch of dresses out of Mama’s closet and put on her jewelry.”
“Was she upset?”
“I don’t think she ever knew. I made sure to put everything back. She always came home from work after we went to bed, so I guess I don’t know.” Her voice takes on a sad tone.
I rub my thumb over the skin on her hand. “Do you have any happy memories of your mother?”
She lifts her glass to her lips and takes a sip. “Yes.”
“Will you tell me one?”
“My mother loved flowers. She would often take me to the botanical garden when I was little. We got a free pass because we were a low-income family. I think that was the happiest I saw her, in that garden. Once we went there and I found a butterfly. I followed it around the garden until it landed on my shoulder. Mom laughed and told me it was good luck. I went home thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world.”
“That’s sweet.” The waves crash against the shore below us, the moonlight reflecting in the water.
“When I was little, she would make homemade play dough. She would let me pick the color, and I could put in a few drops of food coloring. That was my favorite part. She would put these latex gloves on me so I could knead the coloring into the dough. One time I got too excited and started kneading the dough without the gloves. My hands were blue for about a week.” Kiki laughs, and I chuckle along with her.
“That’s funny.”
Kiki sighs. “If I could do things over, I would have made better choices. I regret so much. I don’t blame her for disowning me.”
I freeze, not wanting to even breathe, for fear I will make Kiki clam up. This feels like progress. Is she going to tell me what happened? She doesn’t continue, though, so I gently graze my thumb along her skin. “What would you do over?”
She takes a long drink of her water. I pick mine up as well. It’s a warm evening and the cool water feels good. Finally, she says, “Everything.”
Disappointment washes over me, like the ocean water below. I know she feels terrible about her past, but I have no clue what she did that she regrets so much. We’ve become close. Can’t she trust me now? Why is she still holding back?
“It’s okay,” I whisper, swallowing back my hurt feelings. I know she’ll tell me when she’s ready. I kiss the top of her head.
She looks up at me. “If you’re going to kiss me, do it properly.”
I take our glasses and set them on the table next to the swing. “I’d be happy to,” I say as I cup her face.
She slides close and puts her arms around my neck, making the swing move erratically. My lips capture hers before she can say anything else, and I feel dizzy with the kiss and the movement of the swing. I explore her lips, our breaths intermingling. I don’t know where I end and where she begins.
I need her in my life. I don’t know if she’s still planning on leaving, but I need to change her mind. I’m in love with her. If she left now, it would shatter me.
I pull back from her, breathless. As I look into the depths of her blue eyes, my desire to know her—all of her—deepens. “What happened in your past?” I blurt out.
Kiki pulls back from me, her gaze darting away. Her features harden, and she stiffens. The air is sucked out of my lungs as she emotionally pulls away from me. She wants to run from me, I can tell. She has a wound, and I took a stick and poked at it.
I instantly feel terrible for bringing it up. “Never mind,” I quickly say. “You don’t have to tell me right now.”
That was the wrong thing to say. I can see it all over her face. She doesn’t want to tell me—ever.
Kiki jumps up from the swing. “I should probably get to bed.”
She disappears into the house, and I exhale and run a hand through my hair. I feel bad for bringing it up, yet a part of me knows if she can’t ever fully open up to me, our relationship won’t work. You can’t build a relationship on mistrust. For some reason, Kiki can’t bring herself to fully trust me, and that’s a major problem.
But I’m in love with her and I can’t let her go. Not right now. I need her too much. I’m going to have to find a way to get her to trust me enough to let me in.