Chapter 17
Beckett
Don’t ask me why I was hanging around the bedroom door when I was. Don’t ask me why I grabbed the key I knew stayed over the doorframe to the bedroom and bathroom when I thought I heard her crying.
I am just glad I did.
Her cries made my heart constrict in ways I cannot explain in that moment; all I know is I would have busted down that door to get to her, to make sure she was okay if I had to.
I didn’t think twice when I realized what she was doing on the floor of the shower; grabbing a towel quickly, I covered her before lifting her into my arms.
I have learned through my own years of anxiety; physical touch is the best way to calm the mind. Pulling her close to me wasn’t even a second thought. I did it on instinct and I couldn’t get her close enough to me.
I have my own anxiety for the way I was raised; I imagine hers is woven with grief of losing her parents. While I lost mine, I never had them to begin with . . . she did.
Lacey and Carson had the childhood and parents I always dreamed of having. I cannot imagine the war going on in her head without them here now. How it must feel to wake up every day knowing you won’t see their faces, hear their voice, or have them to face the darkness with.
Mine brought the darkness to me; hers were the light leading the way out.
It wasn’t until she was running in the bathroom again to get away from me that I realized I had a very naked and very wet Lacey Taylor in my arms.
My right hand holds me up against the shower wall while the water hits me in the face. I can still feel her curled up in my arms, the way she just melted into me when she felt safe, the way I wanted to protect her.
The way I couldn’t get her close enough to me.
I have never had a woman make me feel the way Lacey does, and I can’t even explain what the feeling is.
My dick throbs and I fight the urge to stroke it.
This is Lacey. I cannot do that to the thought of her.
You already have.
I huff, fighting an internal battle. That was before I knew it was her.
She is Carson’s little sister. Holden and Jane’s daughter.
Basically, my own little sister without the blood part.
I cannot do this.
My brain and dick must be disconnected because he just keeps getting harder—and it is painful at this point. A little bit of precum leaks out the top.
I am going to hell for this.
Grabbing my shaft, I think about her, the way she moved around in the round pen with the filly, her tight jeans making her curves pop in the best way. The way the water soaked her and showed her cleavage through her wet tank top.
I think about how that bratty mouth of hers would look choking on my cock while she kneels in front of me.
“What a good girl you are,” I tell the imaginary Lacey in front of me before my warmth shoots down her throat and my euphoria takes over. She swallows me down with a wide grin.
Catching my balance with my hand on the wall, I should feel like sin for what I just did but all I truly want is the real thing. I want her gagging and choking her way to her own orgasm.
Something I will never be able to have, no matter the circumstances, but especially now.
Grabbing the towel I laid on the bathroom counter, I dry off in a hurry, changing into a fresh pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt before making it back to the kitchen. I notice the envelope from the lawyer’s office on the counter with a note lying under it.
Found this on your nightstand when I first went in the bedroom. Please read it.
-Lacey
I stare at the letter, a lump forming in my throat. I know I need to read it, but I don’t want to. I know what it will say, they felt sorry for me and wanted me to have a place to call home.
I know I need to read her words, but I can’t bring myself to do so right now. My heart is still fragile from leaving them all those years ago, and now the very people who raised me are giving me a part of their legacy. I don’t deserve it because of the way I treated them when I left.
Now I feel my own panic attack creeping in. The blurring of my vison, the racing of my heart, and the wobbling of my legs.
I fight the tears; a real man doesn’t cry.
But damn it, I need to. I wish someone would hold me the way I held Lacey.
* * *
Graduation Night
The cottage is full of our graduating class, from the front porch to the kitchen table turned into beer pong, and the bonfire casting an orange glow on the back side of the building.
Lawn chairs sit around, some of us dancing to the music coming from inside, some standing around talking, and some even making out.
“We did it!!” Nick yells, walking out onto the porch, staggering a little. I am sure the beer in his hand is his fifth or sixth one.
“Did what?” Carson asks chuckling, Amber Paige under his arm.
A pretty brunette who will be heading off to college after this summer.
Carson only has a few more months with her before she is gone for good; I don’t know how long high school sweethearts will last when they are across the country from each other, but I am not about to bring that up to him.
“We fucking graduated!” Nick yells again and trips coming off the porch, landing face-first in the grass. “I’m okay!” he spits out and we all bust out laughing.
* * *
I left graduation and went out to eat with Carson and his family to celebrate. The Taylors took us over to the town of Cedarville, about thirty minutes or more outside the town limits, where we had a fancy meal that they paid for.
Jane Taylor got teary eyed when she took out two gift bags from the truck when we got back home and gave one to each of us. “I am proud of you two,” she said. “I hope you always stay brothers.”
Reaching into my bag, I forced the lump forming in my throat back down when I pulled out a gold ring, engraved with a bull rider, and my name on the side of the band. It must have cost a fortune to get this made and she had one made for each of us.
My eyes met hers, and she reached out, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tight. “You’ll always be mine. I am sorry your parents didn’t come today.”
I squeeze her hand back. “Yes, they did. And they held a sign with our names on it.”
A single tear slid down her cheek and she grinned. “Well, I wasn’t too embarrassing, was I?”
“Absolutely, mom,” Lacey groans.
Holden chuckles. “Good. Then we are doing our job.”
Jane and Lacey turn, walking inside the house, once the front door shuts, Holden turns to us. “Okay, you two. I know you’ve got a party planned tonight. No breaking anything out there, and if someone drinks, they don’t drive. Do you understand me?”
We both nod. “Yes sir.”
* * *
Nick’s yelling pulls me out of the memory of tonight with the Taylors. I twist my new ring on my finger, falling more in love with it the more I look at it.
“Twins!” Carson holds his hand up to show his off.
I laugh. “These are incredible.”
‘Right!” Carson hums admiring his. “Is this how you’ll act one day with a ring on your finger?” He asks Amber who is still clinging to him with the most lovesick smile on her face.
“If it’s from you I will.” She bats her eyes.
“Yo! Taylor! A car’s coming!” Nick yells and everyone stands, suspiciously.
“It’s my dad. Let me go see what’s wrong.” He leaves Amber standing beside me while he walks up to the driver’s door, Holden gets out slowly and says something to Carson.
I knew the moment my best friend’s eyes look at me, something is terribly wrong.
“Parties over!” Carson yells. “If you’ve been drinking, give me your keys and you sleep here!” he walks by me but stops and puts a hand to my shoulder. “I love you, brother.”
I raise an eyebrow, but he doesn’t give me time to respond before he goes off, yelling at everyone to clean up. The noise behind me silences when Holden reaches me, his hands in his front pockets. “Beckett.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask him.
“No, son. It’s not.” He takes off his cowboy hat. “I just got a call from Officer Jenkins. I need you to come with me.”
“Okay? Where?”
“It’s your parents Beckett. They need you to come to the trailer park now.”
I take a step back. “What? Why?”
Holden reaches towards me, his hand landing on my shoulder. “Son, come with me.”
I can’t make myself put one foot in front of the other. I can’t make words come out of my mouth.
My heart thumps against the cage it’s in, I can hear it in my head.
“Beckett.” Carson is standing beside me now. “Come on, I’ll go with you.”
He pushes me softly toward the truck, while Holden walks into the cottage to make sure everyone heeds his warning about being on their best behavior while we are gone.
The ride to the trailer park is a short trip. but it feels like an eternity. Carson jumped in the back seat and allowed me up front with Holden.
Flashing lights of police cars and an ambulance sit out front. “I don’t understand.” I finally say, turning to face Holden, my mind running a thousand miles an hour.
“Come on, son. Officer Jenkins needs to speak to you.” He opens his driver’s door, and Carson and I follow him.
“Beckett.” Officer Jenkins meets me in front of the trailer I’ve lived in since arriving in this town. The single-wide before me holds memories that will forever give me nightmares.
“What happened?” I ask, looking around.
Jenkins wasn’t an old man, but he wasn’t a spring chicken, either.
He had watched me grow up in this town since my arrival and, although there was grey starting to grow in his beard now, I respected the man.
He helped me on more than one occasion when it came to paying our bills or getting me food without spreading it all over town.
He sighs, handing me a letter that was in the mailbox.
Unfolding it, my mother’s chicken scratch looked back at me.
What kind of mother chooses to kill herself on her son’s graduation day?
I do.
Because my son is a worthless piece of shit and doesn’t deserve to have this day as a memorable one.
Bye, Beckett.
Have fun figuring out life now.
Maybe I will see you in hell in a few years.
I look up at Jenkins, his figure becoming blurry, my body shaking with anger.
I hand the note to Holden standing beside me.
“Are they inside?” I ask.
All Mr. Jenkins can do is nod. “Yes. Overdosed,” he tells me.
Of course they did. “And you needed me here, why? You have this note as proof it wasn’t accidental.”
“It’s protocol son. I don’t like it either. You’re legally an adult now, I have to notify next of kin.”
My eighteenth birthday was a month ago. Perfect timing, I assume.
“Show me,” I tell him but before I could move, Holden grabs my forearm. “Beckett, you don’t have to do this, let me.”
“No, I need to. I need to see their pathetic, and worthless faces one last time. They don’t deserve to go out without me seeing who I don’t want to become.”
“I’m going inside with you,” he tells me.
“We both are,” Carson chimes in and stands on the other side of me.
I follow behind Mr. Jenkins as he makes his way up the small steps that lead to the front door. I hadn’t been home in about two days; in fact, most of my days and nights are at the Taylors’ residence now. I even have my own room with my own clothes.
Trash lines the dirt-filled carpet floors, where it looks like piss and drinks have been spilled all over. You cannot see the kitchen counters for all the trash covering them, and a few mice run across my feet before we reach their bedroom door.
Sure enough, there they lay on their mattress on the floor of their bedroom, in nothing but their underwear, a few needles lying beside them; both of my parents are now dead.
“What happens to me now?” I ask officer Jenkins. “Am I legally an adult and free to go as I please?”
“I’ll have a social worker come out in the morning.”
“No sense. He already lives with us most of the days, I will pay whatever is needed for him to stay with us.” Holden’s words tighten in my chest.
“Very well, Taylor. That makes my job a little easier,” Jenkins nods.
I walk toward the mattress and conjure enough spit in my mouth before I allow it to land on the mattress. “Rot in hell.” I tell both bodies lying in front of me, before turning and making it outside where I can breathe again.
They were never my parents, because what fucking parents do this to their own child on purpose.