41. Bonus Chapter
BONUS CHAPTER
Carson
The door shuts, leaving Marcus and me alone in the conference room.
I know I am being a dick, but damn it, it is my job to protect my family now that my father is gone. I am the head of this house and ranch now.
“You’re a Goddamn idiot.” My long time friend for most of my life glares at me. “And let me guess, the letter your mother left you is still in that envelope?”
I groan. “I don’t need you parenting me, Marcus.”
He shakes his head. “No, but you do need a swift kick in the ass.”
“Both of my parents are gone! It is my job to protect my home and my sister.”
“Your sister is a grown woman who has more of a mature head on her shoulder than you do.” He sighs, before taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. “Carson, man, It was be in your best interest to read your mothers letter.”
“Why? So I can get more pissed off? She knew I wouldn’t like this and yet she did it anyways!”
“You know, out of the three of you, she was worried about you the most.” His eyes hold mine. “Because she knew you had so much anger towards Beckett.”
“He left! He left and he didn’t come back!” I yell standing quickly and walking to the door. “And the worst part was dad was just trying to tell him goodbye and he loved him. He broke his heart, Marcus.”
“Sounds like he broke yours too.”
I didn’t wait around to argue with him, instead, I yanked the door open and slammed it behind me as I took two steps at a time down the staircase and out the front door onto Honeysuckle’s busy street. Lacey’s truck was already gone. I needed some space between me and home right now.
Storming down the street, I neglect to see the long brown hair and yellow sundress that walks out from one of the stores on the strip and run right into her, my hand catching her forearm, stopping her fall.
When she looks up at me, my knees wobble.
“Amber?” My voice is hoarse.
“Carson?” She smiles. “I never dreamed I would run into you on a beautiful day like today. Why are you not at the ranch?”
I ease her back on her feet, and remind my hands to stand at my side. “Had some things to take care of with my mother’s will at the lawyers office. What are you doing in town?”
“Oh, Carson, I am so sorry I didn’t come for the funeral. I hope you got our flowers mom and I sent.”
I notice she was ignoring my other question. “I did, and they were beautiful. Thank you. Ya’ll didn’t have to do that.”
“What? Nonsense. Your mama was so nice to me. She was always so kind. Broke my heart to learn of her passing.” She fights back unshed tears.
“She thought the world of you too.” I smile. “But what are you doing here? I thought you were off living in North Carolina now?”
My question was answered the moment a man walks out of the same store, wrapping his arms around her tightly when he notices me.
“Who’s your friend?” He glares at me.
I already don’t like him. My arms used to be the ones around her.
Amber smiles, the same smile that use to make my heart skip beats - still does. “Honey,” she starts and I have to fight back a growl from my throat, “This is Carson Taylor, an old friend.”
He pushes his hand out to shake mine. When our palms connect he tries his best to have the better firm shake - too bad his perfectly non callous hands couldn’t hold a candle to mine.
“Nice to meet you.” I grin, “I will leave you two to it.”
“It was good seeing you, Car.” Amber smiles at me. “We are getting married in a few months. I would love it if you and Lacey could come. It’s going to be here on my parents land.
I nod. “I will see what we can do.”
“June 19th!” She smiles at me before turning around with the guy who throws me another set of stares and pulls her away with him.
Fuck.
Losing my father and my mother, my sister to my ex best friend, and now my ex girlfriend showing up and announcing she is getting married to someone else other than me - I need a drink, or two.
* * *
Someone kicking my boot jolts me awake. The outline of broad shoulders and the glistening of a metal badge on his shirt from the sunlight makes me jump.
“Shit.” I groan when I try to sit up from the bench I am laying on, and apparently have been laying on all night long, makes my muscles ache.
“Sleep good, princess?” The guy chuckles. I remember that voice. The same officer that pulled me off of Beckett in my house.
“Fuck.” I grab my head when the sun hits me in the eyes. “Shoot me. Shoot me now and put me out of my misery.”
“Thought about arresting you for sleeping out here all night with beer bottles, but this seems like a much better punishment for you.” He smirks.
“I don’t remember getting here.” I cough, my voice feeling hoarse.
“My names Cade.” He tells me. “And yours?”
“Carson.”
“Your sister is the one that gave you a chewing after I pulled you off that other guy?”
I nod. “Yep, that’s the one.”
“She’s friends with a friend of mine it seems.” He sighs. “Lexie Waddell.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “You know Lexie?”
He nods. “Yeah, would you know where I could find her?”
“You’re a cop, you can figure it out.”
“Touché.” He hands me my cowboy hat that must have fallen off during the night. “Go home, Carson. There’s nothing worth doing this to yourself.”
“Wanna bet?”
“I promise you, man. Nothing is worth it. Whatever has caused you to pull this,” he gestures to the beer bottles everywhere. “You need to go face it head on and figure it out before you regret everything you do.”
“Sounds like you have experience with this.”
“Something like that.” He points to the bottles. “Clean up your mess before you leave.”
* * *
When I pull up at the house, I notice Lacey in the round pen with the filly.
She looks up at me allowing me time to wave at her, and she half heartedly waves back. I turn up onto the porch and into the farmhouse, smiling when I see she’s made coffee this morning and left it on for me - just in case.
When the first sip hips my lips, I feel my muscles relax and my soul awaken.
My mind goes back to Amber, how beautiful she looked. I throw my cup in the sink thinking about another man touching her, in all the ways I used to.
Taking the stairs two at a time, an ice cold shower may not be enough to cool me off.
* * *
After my shower, I changed clothes again and made my way out to the barn to see what I could help with this morning.
Cattlemen work around various places, the filly is out in the round pen still but Lacey is no where to be found.
Entering the barn, I find her in the tack room. “What are you doing?” I ask her.
“I am about to see how the filly does with a saddle on her back.”
“Oh, that’s good. Do you need my help?”
“No, Carson. I don’t. I need you to read your letter from mom.”
“Lace. I am not ready.” I sigh.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t think mom and I will agree on this.”
“I know you won’t. But you know Mom, she has a way with her words.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Can you try to act your age?”
All I can do is nod before she releases my hand and walks out of the barn, leaving me to my emotions brewing up a storm.
I settle in with Briggs, throwing hay into the hay loft when a blood curdling scream grabs our attention.
Without using the ladder, I jump out of the opening of the loft, Briggs right behind me, and we rush out of the barn.
My eyes widen seeing Lacey laying on the ground, screaming out in pain.
The filly running around the opposite end, clearly flustered.
Beckett gets to her first, sliding in on his knees, me and Briggs closely behind.
“What the fuck happened?” I yell.
“Filly freaked out with the saddle, she pinned her down with her front leg and then broke the halter when the saddle fell,” Beckett answers.
“Jesus.” I roll on her back. “Lacey, talk to us. Please.”
“I shouldn’t have done that. I was pushing her too hard.”
“Shhh. It’s okay. Accidents happen.” Beckett tells her. “Can you move your arm?”
She tries but screams out in pain.
“Fuck. I think its broken.” Beckett bends to pick her up but I snarl, “I’ll do it.”
I bend down to pick her up but Lacey shakes her head, no. “Beckett, can take me to the doctor. You need to read your letter from mom.”
“Lace.” I sigh.
“I mean it, Carson. You have done enough.”
Beckett bends, grabbing her around the legs and waist, being careful not to touch her hurt arm. “Let’s get you to the doctor.”
He holds her close to him, while I try my hardest to fight back my emotions. “Take care of her,” I order him.
He nods. “Always.”
“Come on, I’ll open the passenger door to her truck,” Briggs says, running ahead of them and leaving me to fight back whatever this emotion is in my chest.
I rush inside the house, slamming the door behind me, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Im spiraling, losing control. Control I have had to focus on since dad’s passing, because if I didn’t, I knew I would lose my shit.
The events over the last twenty four hours have done a number on me emotionally. I don’t know how much more I can take, how much more I can fight this.
My eyes land on the envelope I had left on the coffee table in the living room for days now. I didn’t want to open it, but I want this hurt in my chest to stop. If anyone can stop it, my mother can.
With tears flowing down my cheeks, I rip it open, her hand writing in blue ink makes my knees wobble.
Her words, only she could write, making me fall to my knees and scream out as I release all the emotions I have been holding.
My mother is right…and maybe that is why I haven’t read this letter until now. I didn’t want someone to take away the control I have had over my emotions since my father passed. I didn’t want to believe that losing people I loved could affect me the way they did.
When I sit up again and make my way to the front porch, her letter in my hand, I know what I have to do to make things right again.