Chapter Thirty-Four Ingrid
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ingrid
The prick of a needle makes me hiss, snatching my finger back.
“Shattered—” I stop myself from uttering the demonic curse, bringing my finger to my lips instead to prevent getting any blood on Ella’s wedding dress. “Can’t seem to keep my hands steady,” I murmur, hoping Ella doesn’t notice the tremor in my voice.
It’s not pricking my finger that makes my words wobble. It’s not even seeing Ella being fitted for her wedding dress when I would be doing the same had I stayed in the demon realm.
It’s the realization of how accustomed I grew to their way of life. To their exotic foods and foreign curses, how quickly it all became a part of my life, too.
It was only ever meant to last through winter, I had all the time I needed to prepare myself. I’m not sure a lifetime would be long enough.
“Excuse me,” I say, slipping away from my brother’s blushing fiancee for some fresh air.
It does little good. Without the canopy of Crownwood and the network of sprawling roots spreading out before me, the land feels empty. Without the distant snow-capped peaks of Lumen Reach on the horizon, my eyes keep searching.
“Ingrid?” Phillip calls.
I’ve been standing in the same spot, looking out at nothing in particular for I don’t even know how long. The sun’s moved across the sky, the shadows growing longer. Time for supper, then?
My stomach flips at the thought of food.
“What’s going on?” Phillip asks, a furrow between his brow. His wounds have healed, only the faintest trace of yellowish green left from his black eye. He’s back to his usual, smiling self–or would be, if he wasn’t talking to me right now. These days, that always produces a frown.
“Just…looking,” I say unconvincingly.
Phillip steps around so that he’s directly in front of me, blocking my view.
“Ella’s worried she’s done something to upset you. I told her it’s not that, but…what is it? What happened with the Judge? Anytime I bring him up, people think I’m joking. No one’s seen him—no one seems to remember him, Ingrid, and I feel like I’m going mad. Tell me I’m not.”
My throat tightens, eyes misting with tears I won’t release.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I don’t know how Phillip’s the only one to remember the true events that led to me summoning the Dealmaker, and I don’t know how to convince him of his sanity without disabusing him of mine.
“You’re not,” I sigh. “Your mind is as fit as ever.”
“So you remember him? Did he do something to you? Touch you? Harm you?”
“The Judge is gone, Phil.” At this point, I don’t know if he’s dead or simply removed from existence. It’s the same to me either way. “I can explain, but then you’ll be convinced I’m the one who needs the asylum.”
Phillip’s brow furrows more, his frown deepening to make him look much older than the boy I always imagine him as.
He’s not a boy anymore. He hasn’t been for a long time.
“You’re my sister. Anything you have to say, I will listen to. I owe you far more than that.”
My chest squeezes, and I look down at my hands, fingers twisted together.
“You don’t owe me anything. But if it’s an explanation you want…perhaps we should find a place to sit.”
My tea’s grown cold by the time I finish explaining everything to Phillip. Even the tea is wrong here, my soul yearning for duskthorn. What was once the cure for my homesickness is now a cause for it.
I leave nothing out—the misleading deal with a demon, the magical world on the brink, the self-sacrificing king who showed me a hidden, tender side of himself, even Morwen and Brightstar get a mention.
My tears have long since stopped, and as the silence stretches between us, I’m more certain than ever that Phillip is going to think me mad.
Phillip hasn’t touched his tea either, and now he just stares at me, his face inscrutable. He sighs, then shakes his head.
“You can’t keep doing things like this, Ingrid,” he says.
“I— What?” When have I ever done anything even remotely similar to disappearing to another world?
“I have always appreciated the way you step in to save me from problems of my own making, and maybe I’ve taken that for granted for too long. This is the last time.”
“The last…? I don’t understand.”
Phillip sighs again, then reaches across the table to take my hand in his.
“You are the best sister anyone could ever ask for. You’ve been there for me more times than I can count—more times than you should’ve been, if we’re honest—”
“Phil—”
“I’m getting married, Ingrid. I’ll no doubt have a family of my own before long. I cannot keep relying on my big sister to save me.”
“But—”
He squeezes my hand and the lump of emotion that rises in my throat cuts off the rest of my argument.
“Whatever you’re trying to make up for, whatever amends you think have to be made on our parents’ behalf, you’ve done enough. More than enough, in fact.”
Tears spill over again, splashing on the tabletop, keeping me from having any response.
“It’s past time for me to be the selfless one,” Phillip says.
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
Phillip takes a deep breath. “Well, it’s clear to me that you have feelings for this demon king, and if he’s half the man you’ve described, it’s no wonder why.”
What good does admitting that do me now ?
What good is it when I’ll never be able to tell Xandril to his face?
“Go back,” Phillip says, leaning back in his chair.
“What? I can’t… I—”
“Why not?”
“For one thing, it’s another world. How would I even get there?”
He shrugs, completely unbothered. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.
That didn’t stand in your way when it came to diving into the unknown for my sake, did it?
You’re always so willing to throw yourself into the fire for others, but when’s the last time you went after something you wanted?
Hells, when’s the last time you wanted something? ”
“I—” I hate when he’s right. But one good point does not an argument make.
“We’d never see each other again,” I argue, protests growing weaker.
Phillip smiles, dimples showing, and pushes his chair back. “C’mere,” he says, holding out his hand. The moment I place mine in his, he pulls me into a hug, arms so tight and strong. When did he get so much taller than me?
“After the wedding, we’ll be moving to Ella’s family’s holdings.
With a sea between us, we’ll be just as likely to see each other as we will in different worlds.
But if you go back, then we’ll both have our happiness.
I’ll know you have a life you deserve rather than staying here an old spinster, growing bitter toward the world. ”
The fear of being a spinster is a real one, but the thought of me ever becoming bitter is enough to get a watery chuckle out of me.
“Besides, would you really rather be here tending the sheep when you could be queen in another realm?”
That gets more than a chuckle, and I swipe at the straggling tears.
“Well, when you put it that way, it does sound rather silly, doesn’t it?”
Phil laughs, hugging me tight again. “Of course it does. Because any sane person knows which to choose. If you decide to stay, I truly will think you’re fit for the asylum.”
More laughter. More tears. Lots more hugging. My baby brother is far from a baby now. He’s a man. Strong and capable. Even without me.
I couldn’t be prouder of him.
“I hope you and Ella have all the happiness and good fortune that life can bring,” I say, taking one last deep breath of his scent before releasing the hug.
“And you with your demon king, as well, dear sister,” he says, smiling.
For the first time in weeks, I feel lighter. Like I can breathe normally again. Making the decision to go back to the demon realm has lifted more from me than I realized I was carrying. Knowing I’m going back to Xandril gives me something to hope for again.
Now I just have to figure out how to get to him.