Chapter 4. Blake – Patience is a virtue
It was a week since I’d argued with Haz about Rose.
What was so wrong with having a drink with a neighbor?
We often caught up with Leo and Jacqui for a drink.
Pregnancy was doing strange things to Haz’s mind, and I was trying to be patient, but her implications about me and Rose were hurtful and completely wrong.
Sure, Rose was attractive, but I was married to Haz, and I loved her.
I sighed, leaning on my shovel. “Come on dickhead, the trench won’t dig itself,” a sweaty Mick grunted out.
“Sorry, this shit with Haz and Rose is doing my head in.”
“So, stop helping her so much. Happy wife, happy life,” Mick shrugged. “Don’t let some woman you barely know cause issues. It’s not like she’s family or even a good friend.”
“I’m just trying to help. You’re as bad as Haz. You agree with her?”
“No, not at all. I’m just saying why let there be tension if you can just cut Rose out? She has plenty of assistance with Colin. She doesn’t need you. And by the amount of times she texts you a day, I can tell she’s becoming dependent. Or wants something else.” His tone lowered at the end.
“Fuck off. She doesn’t. She’s just a bit lost. She finally has a relationship with her father and he’s not able to really enjoy it bond with her. She’s moved towns, knows barely anyone here. She’s feeling shitty emotionally, so I help her physically to take some of the burden away.”
Mick stared at me, raising an eyebrow. “Having deep and meaningfuls are you? If she wants emotional support, that’s what her girlfriends are for.”
“Come back and talk to me when you’re married, Mick. We’re not 15 years old and I’m not flirting with another girl by my locker.”
“Okay. Who are you trying to convince? Just dig the fucking trench,” he said.
Conversation over. I dug angrily. This wasn’t fair.
If Rose was a man, I’d be helping her. Just because she’s a woman, I all of a sudden have to stop being a good guy?
An uncomfortable thought crossed my mind.
Would I help her if she was a man? Probably a bit, but I guess I wouldn’t be doing all the physical work for a man.
I’d help him emotionally though. Have a few beers and chat about his concern for Colin.
Everything was too much at the moment. Haz was hounding me to begin on the nursery, but we had plenty of time.
We’d planned for the baby, but she’d fallen pregnant almost straight away, and I realized that I’d wanted, or needed, a bit more time.
I definitely wanted kids, but my business was relatively new.
Haz planned to take at least a year off, leaving me as sole provider.
The thought was nauseating sometimes. What if work dropped?
It’s not like I had a set wage and paid leave entitlements.
I was self-employed. The responsibility was huge, and I was feeling it push down on me heavier every day.
We had decent savings, but if everything fell apart, how long would that last?
Haz would be forced back into the workplace, and we’d have childcare costs.
It was all beginning to feel like it was too much.
Ping.
Rose: Hey Bear. Just wanted to see how you were doing. You seemed upset last night. You still worried about work dropping? You’ll be fine. Everyone has these nerves when they’re heading toward parenthood.
Me: I’m cool. Busy for at least the next month, so no need to stress. Thanks for listening last night. Sorry I took up so much of your night!
Rose: Always have time for a friend xxx
She was so kind. I wish Haz would give her more of a chance. Having a friend across the road from her would be good for her when the baby came. Rose worked reduced hours to care for Colin, so she’d be more available to help than I would during the day.
We usually ate lunch on site, but Mick and I decided to head to a bar for lunch.
He was craving a steak sandwich, and I was eager to get out of the cold.
A busty waitress brought over our lunch.
Behind her, I could see a couple arguing.
The woman had thrown a glass of Coke in the man’s face.
I craned my neck to watch the drama unfold.
After the waitress left, I returned to my lunch.
“Perving on waitresses now?” Mick asked dryly.
“What? No, there was a couple arguing. The guy is just leaving now with Coke on his face and shirt,” I laughed. Mick looked over at the soggy, sorry man and laughed as well.
“Well, good. Because you know what they say,” Mick began.
“Tell me, oh wise one, what do they say?”
“When you’re looking at another woman, three men are looking at yours.” He stared at me for a few seconds before taking a huge bit of his sandwich.
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
_____________
It was a usual Tuesday night. Dinner, clean up, television for me and nursery planning for Haz.
“I’m dying for a tea with 900 sugars,” Haz groaned, rubbing her belly.
I laughed. “Anything for you, my love. The carrier of my spawn.”
I headed into the kitchen and pulled out two mugs. I was stirring in milk when Haz stormed into the kitchen.
“What the fuck is this?” she demanded, holding up my phone.
“My phone?” I said patronizingly, lifting my tone at the end of my words to make the answer a question.
“Yes, it’s your phone. Why is Rose messaging you about your ‘work concerns’? Why haven’t you spoken to me about it?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just worried about being a sole provider. It came up in conversation. She was raised by a single parent so she understands how tricky it can be,” I explained. This was ridiculous. I didn’t care when she spoke to Mick about something.
“It’s not nothing. And neither of us are single parents,” she snapped. “If you’re worried about something pertaining to us, you speak to me. The person it actually involves. The person you’re supposed to confide in.”
Pertaining to us? Great, she was in work mode. Professional, sharp work mode.
“Chill out Haz. Do I care when you speak to Mick about something?” She couldn’t argue with that. She spoke to Mick all the time.
“Name one time I’ve spoken to Mick about something you knew nothing about. And your birthday surprise doesn’t count.”
I froze. I couldn’t think of a damn thing. But that didn’t mean anything. She spoke to him way more than I spoke to Rose. I’d been quiet for too long. She stared at me, waiting for a response.
“Okay, fine. But it doesn’t mean anything. You can speak to Mick if you like. The point is, I wouldn’t care,” I said reasonably.
“The point is,” she snapped, “that I wouldn’t do that to you. And the other point is, Mick is your best friend and I’ve known him for years. You barely know Rose and are having involved conversations with her about your life. About our finances. It’s completely inappropriate.”
This was exhausting. There was nothing between me and Rose. I was tired of placating Haz on this, but happy wife, happy life, right?
“Okay, I’m sorry,” I offered. “I’ll stop talking about personal things with her. But you have to stop accusing me every second day. Read through the whole text chain if you want. Nothing is going on. Nothing is inappropriate.”
She put the phone down on the counter. “I already read through it. Whether intimate conversations about your life, our life , count as inappropriate is apparently debatable, seeing as you seem to be able to debate it. But the frequency of your communication is definitely inappropriate. I’m going to bed. Throw my tea down the sink.”
On her way out, she turned and looked over her shoulder.
“Just be careful, Blake,” she said softly, a sad expression on her face.
Be careful of what? Pregnant women with raging hormones? I picked up my phone and responded to Rose. I wouldn’t’ ghost her. None of this was her fault. But I would pull back a bit. If it was upsetting Haz, it wasn’t worth it.