Chapter Nineteen
CHAPTER NINETEEN
BONNIE
As we walk down the steps to the apartment, the only thought running through my mind is the fantasy of Gemma pushing me against the wall and kissing me before we go back in. I’m thinking about it so hard that I almost miss the bottom step before the landing, and I have to grab onto the railing to keep from falling flat on my face.
“You good, rockstar?” she asks.
I purse my lips at her over my shoulder, finding her smirking widely.
Great .
“Now, you’re just going to fuck with me, aren’t you?” I ask.
She snickers and reaches for the door handle before I can get to it. She looks through the small glass window, obviously checking to make sure nothing dangerous is in the elevator foyer before finally opening the door for me.
“Definitely fucking with you about this,” she tells me. “Let me go get a mask and watch you sleep—Wait, what kind of mask does she wear, by the way?”
“Ha ha,” I say sarcastically. “It’s just all black.”
“So original,” she taunts. “I’ll never be able to pick her out in a crowd.”
“Shut up.”
Gemma presses her hand on the lip of the door and peeks her head inside. Noise hits my ears that I’d forgotten about. Things had been so quiet on that roof.
Just when I think she’s going to open the door wider, I watch as she closes it back.
My brows narrow, heart skipping a beat. “I thought we were—”
“We are,” she says, her voice sticking. “I just…” Gemma turns into me, and as her eyes pour over my face, I’m taken aback by the emotion resting within them.
“I need a few more seconds before we go back into that.”
I can do a few more minutes with you.
I glance at her lips. “We could go back upstairs,” I say, leaning in. “Pretend we never heard the text.”
“A bad idea,” she says.
“I’m full of those.”
She huffs, mirth rising in her eyes. My heart is fleeing as much as it had outside. I should make the first move. I should kiss her right here, to hell with my own fears and hers.
Even still, I know she’s right.
She isn’t just another prey.
For whatever reason, I think she might be the prey.
“You’re a dangerous creature, Bonnie Miller.”
“Something tells me you’re just as much of a threat to me, Gemma Thomas.”
“I guess that means we should just be friends.”
Though the way she’s staring at my lips says the complete opposite.
I reach for the hem of her shirt and bring her closer, so close that I can feel her breasts rising against mine with every breath. My knuckles graze her stomach, and she sucks in a sharp breath, abs constricting.
“I thought we were supposed to conquer our fears,” I argue.
She reaches for my face and slips her finger beneath my chin. “I don’t think either of us is ready for that,” she whispers, our lips grazing.
Fuck.
My eyes close when her nose brushes mine. I don’t know what the hell is happening, but whatever it is, I’m drunk on it. I stick my tongue out and run it over her bottom lip, eliciting the smallest little noise from her.
I shift my fingers to the waistband of her leggings. “Is this the kind of friendship you want, babygirl?” I ask, gaze meeting hers.
Gemma swallows, and when she doesn’t respond, my hand drifts down the front of her leggings.
I’m waiting for her to push me away.
I’m waiting for her to grab my wrist and tell me to stop.
I can feel her holding her breath as I continue, as my fingers slide between her thighs, and I finally cup her heated center. She sucks air through her teeth, her eyes closing.
Fuck, I wish I was touching her without these clothes.
“Bonnie…”
Her voice is heavy and thick, and the desperate sound goes straight to my own throbbing cunt.
“Shh…” I shift us, pressing her back against the door. Gemma’s head sinks as if she doesn’t know what else to do with herself. Shit . I can feel how wet she is through these thin fucking leggings, and all I want is to get on my knees so I can taste her.
However, in the realm of dangerous things, that’s at the top of the list.
She grips the lip of the table nearby like she thinks if she touches me, she’ll die.
“Keep your hands on the wall or behind your back,” I tell her as I begin stroking her. “It doesn’t count if you don’t touch me.”
I lick the side of her throat, hesitating to bite or suck on her skin simply so that there’s no evidence when we go back inside. She begins to grind on my hand, and I grin against her.
God, this is glorious.
“You’re so fucking wet,” I breathe on her neck. “Is this all just from our chat? Or have you been thinking about this as much as I have?”
Her response is a breathy, “ Always you ,” that makes chills run down my spine.
She sucks in another sharp breath, and her head hits the wall when I press my leg between hers, intending to make the pressure unbearable for her. Her wetness seeps entirely through her leggings to the point that if they weren’t black, I’d be celebrating the most beautiful wet spot on them.
“Oh my god, Bonnie,” she whimpers.
“That’s right, babygirl.”
I kiss her throat, my teeth dragging over her pulse point as I toy with her, quickly finding the exact little bundle of nerves that makes her let loose a quiet, mind-numbing moan.
She bites her lip so hard that she looks like she’s in pain. I lean up to kiss her jaw, knowing full well that if I go anywhere near her mouth, it’s over.
“Come for me, Gemma,” I whisper against the shell of her ear, focusing on teasing her swollen clit. “Show me what I’ll be missing when we go back to being just friends. ”
The hair on her arms rises. She begins to flinch, begins to rock erratically on my thigh, my hastening fingers. I press my entire body into her, pinning her between me and the wall, and go all in. Her mouth drops once more, chin jutting to the ceiling. I nibble her earlobe to remind her to be quiet; however, as I feel her tense, another moan sounds from her that weakens my knees.
It changes my brain chemistry, reverberates in my muscles, and buries itself beneath my skin. That little sound… It alters me entirely.
And when she comes, her entire body rolls and flinches. She grabs my shoulders and hangs her head. I brace my free hand on her cheek, letting her forehead rest against mine in an attempt to steady her when she tries to collapse.
“Fuck, that’s it,” I whisper on her skin. “That’s… shit , Gemma.”
Because even with the fabric between us, my fingers are beyond damp.
As her breaths steady, I stare at her open mouth, and I realize just how dangerous this is.
Shit .
Gemma eventually lets her head hit the wall again, her breaths still calming down. I take my hand from between her thighs and bring the wet digits to my lips. She watches me hungrily as I lick one of my fingers, almost as if I’m sampling the taste of her.
What a fucking taste.
A muscle feathers in her jaw like she’s unsure of what to do with herself.
I hardly know what to do with myself either.
“That… that can’t happen again,” she manages after a few seconds.
I lean in and press my lips to her collar. “I know,” I say, and I halfway mean it.
Because that little moan has the end of my sobriety written all over it, and I’m suddenly scared fucking shitless. It’s all I’m going to be able to think about from now on. All I’ll be able to hear. All I’ll be able to see when I close my eyes.
The voice inside is screaming at me and telling me to run. It’s telling me I don’t deserve to hear that sound again. I’ll just hurt her, and she doesn’t deserve that.
And in the same beat, I want to sabotage everything just for a taste of her.
I force my feet to move backward. Gemma pushes off the wall when we’re apart, though neither of us goes for the door yet.
Her gaze finally meets mine, and the blush darkening her cheeks makes me smile.
“You know you had fun,” I say jokingly.
She purses her lips before bringing her bottom lip behind her teeth, obviously fighting her own amusement. “Not a word,” she says. “Not to anyone.”
It’s my turn to chuckle. I step up to her again and kiss the center of her throat. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m good at keeping secrets,” I say as I reach for the door.
Gemma’s watch goes off with another text message, and she curses under her breath.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Do you know what the cost of that orgasm was?” she asks.
“The obsession you now have with me?” I taunt.
She huffs. “Missing Zeb getting into a fight with Rad online.”
“Oh shit—”
I push through the door before she has a chance to open it for me. Noise invades my ears, and I sprint toward the theater room. I glimpse Kade hunched over the two laptops on the coffee table. He didn’t even flinch when we came in, but I know by the elevated voices in the next room that he isn’t paying attention to me because he’s in full damage control mode.
“—have to excuse the asshat in the chat right now,” Zeb is saying as he reads off the messages. “Some of us didn’t learn etiquette when we were younger.”
Reed is still standing as he plays, Mads slumped into the couch with his mask up, controller locked in his stiff hands. He didn’t have his mask on at the beginning of the stream, and I can only assume he has it on now to hide the rage on his face.
“Hey, Zeb, isn’t it time for me to chat with everyone?” I ask, though my eyes are wide as I try to read some of the message board.
xLittlexRock01: the album sounds sick.
916wbird: Reed, you suck at this game.
User198023598: Hi from Portugal!
TheRealDrummer85: the new shit sounds wack. You guys used to be good.
Zeb pops up from his seat, his eyes wide when he looks at me. “Oh, fuck yeah,” he says, handing the tablet off to me. “Everyone say hi to Bedlam.”
He doesn’t say anything about my absence, but I know he’s heading off to the balcony to smoke or even just the next room to cool down.
Mads sits up and peers at me. “Good to handle this?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah,” I say, settling in. “I got this—Hey, cult, what’s going on? Damn, it’s late as hell. Why the hell are you fuckers awake right now?”
A slew of answers come back, mostly saying hi to me, glad I’m back on. I scroll up and answer a few questions and comments, some making me laugh.
youngdecayfandom: OMG! Reed and I are wearing the same shirt! #mancrush
User928734: BEDDIE BEDLAM!
Sucker4you2004: I love you Bonnie!!!!
TheRealDrummer85: Great. Here we go.
843musicizlyfe: I love you!
YDfan4life: Bonnieeeeeee!!!!
916wbird: Hey, Bon
A few more hello’s have me grinning. “Oh my god, did you all miss me?” I ask, chuckling. “I was on the roof for ten minutes—Hey, birdie!” I add upon seeing Wren’s username.
“You were gone for like forty-five minutes,” Reed informs me.
He winks at me over his shoulder, grinning wide, and I flip him off.
“Big man has jokes,” I say. “We’ll see how you feel when I kick your ass next game.” I glance down at the tablet again, trying not to think about exactly why I was gone for forty-five minutes.
Yet I can still feel her wetness on my fingers.
“Alright, do you all have any questions for me? Upcoming festivals? Tour? Album?” I ask.
boats.and.hoes: screaming, crying, throwing up. Can I please come play with yall?
TheRealDrummer85: Yeah, I have a question.
gothgirlie1234: hey Bonnie!!! I want a drumstick next show. I already have my outfit ready
YDfan4life: I can’t wait to see you at RagnaRock!
User1018975: I’m loving the sneak peeks Mads put up this week.
TheRealDrummer85: how are you still in this band?
AppleMeetTree3015: Did I hear you say horror sounds earlier?
I’m assuming TheRealDrummer85 is Rad, and my eyes roll at his question.
Asshole.
“Hell yeah. The horror sounds are big on this one,” I answer them. “We want you to feel like you’re living in one of the movies— you’re fighting the killer. You’re running from them, even getting your revenge.”
“Oh shit—Dude, you’re fucking toast—” Reed says to Mads.
“So you think,” Mads says.
Someone leans down behind me—Liam, I realize when he speaks.
“Gemma says ignore Rad. He’s the RealDrummer one. Kade is kicking him off,” he says low enough that only I can hear.
I nod. “Thanks Liam—Hey, everyone say hello to Liam! He’s part of our new security team,” I say, and he laughs.
TheRealDrummer85: this album sounds dumb
lil.st@lkerbuddy: Kick his ass, Mads!
User10398572103: Hi, Liam!
YDfan4life: Welcome to the family, Liam!
youngdecayfandom: Hello Liam!
boats.and.hoes: Liam!!
TheRealDrummer85: security team? Wow. You think you’re really important, don’t you?
I glance behind me toward the kitchen and living room, glimpsing Gemma with her arms around her chest, pacing.
YDfan4life: hey realdrummer, you sound dumb
User34520340: Hi from Spain!
lol235metalhead: kick rocks @TheRealDrummer85
TheRealDrummer85: none of you know what real music sounds like
User20359098: if you don’t like them, get off the stream
I chuckle at the fans going after Rad.
No one fucks with the Young Decay fandom.
“Is anyone going to Radio Eleven next week?” I ask them.
A slew of messages come in—so quickly that I can hardly keep up. “Whoa! Okay. A lot of you. Holy shit, dudes. We’ve only done Radio Eleven once so I can’t wait to be there again.”
“We were on the smaller stage last year,” Mads chimes in.
“Yeah, that, too,” I agree, glancing at the racing game they’re playing. “Shittt, Mads. He’s killing you!”
Rad’s username disappears for a few minutes, and in that time, my skin suddenly doesn’t feel like it’s crawling.
Still, when he seems to come back less than a half-hour later, I feel my jaw tighten.
YDsuxabigbag: you can’t kick me out that easily
lol235metalhead: dude, you need to touch some grass
YDfan4life: omg get a fucking life
YDsuxabigbig: all of you clingy bitches just want to suck someone’s dick
“Whoa, easy, dude,” I say. “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you can’t talk to our fans like that.”
“We don’t tolerate that shit,” Reed says when he glimpses the chat. “You can leave, man. Positive vibes only.”
boats.and.hoes: it’s the small dick energy for me.
YDsuxabigbag: You were always on that positive bullshit train.
YDsuxabigbag: when are you going to learn that you’re better than this shit.
Reed looks at me, then rolls his eyes as he focuses on the next game.
“Hey, when’s Zeb coming back?” Mads asks. “He’s been gone a bit.”
I wonder if Mads is itching to get in there to talk to Gemma and Kade.
YDfan4life: you’re a tool. Get off the chat.
lol235metalhead: reported
User109235: reported
YDsuxabigbag: surprised Bonnie isn’t sucking his nuts. That’s how you got in the band, right?
bed.lam.luvr: BACK UP
gothgirlie1234: holy shit
YDfan4life: hell no
lil.st@lkerbuddy: we will find you
YDsuxabigbag: im not scared of any of you
A slew of comments come into my defense, and I’m deciding whether to go off or keep my cool when I see Zeb coming into the room from the corner of my eye.
“Ready to bow out yet?” he asks Mads.
“Hell yes, man. It’s all yours,” Mads says as he slips Zeb the controller without bothering to wait for the end of the game.
Because I know Mads is eager to check in on our security team.
The door opens wide when Mads exits, and I peer back to try and listen in to the tense conversation.
“That’s the third username,” I hear Mads say.
“He’s just going to keep creating new ones,” Kade replies.
“There’s no way to completely block him?” Mads asks.
“He could easily watch it logged out,” Kade says. “At this point, he’s trolling. He could just post a video tomorrow about it. I have no way to entirely block him.”
“Fuck,” I hear Gemma curse. “Where is he? Where is he logging on at? His home?”
“Gem,” Kade says sternly, and I squint at the way he’s looking at her.
However, as I try to listen in on their argument, Liam leans back in his chair and knocks the door closed. I can’t tell if it’s on purpose or if he just bumped into it as he keeps his head down and buried in the book in his hands.
I slump in the recliner and bring the tablet up to my face again, smiling at the reactions to Zeb being back in the room.
User203957: Hey, Zeb!
Youpickedupthepieces813: Zebbbbbbbbbbb
YDsuxabigbag: the biggest tool of all
Styx.Heathen: Zeb makes any game he plays sooooo hawt! ;D
young.decay.fandom: how was your break, Zeb?!
“Zeb, you have some very excited fans,” I say, teasing him as I move to sit on the arm of the sofa so I can see into the living room. “They want to know how your little break was.”
Zeb smirks. “Productive,” he replies.
User2039509: the pictures you did for that guitar company looked sick
wtafamidoinghere101: what can we expect at the next festival? Any new music?
YDsuxabigbag: hey, Zeb. Remember that girl I wanted you to pull a train on with me back in Philly?
“You’ve got to be fucking joking,” I say under my breath.
YDfan4life: are you kidding me right now?
bed.lam.luvr: read the room asshole
YDfan4life: that’s private group chat shit. Not public forum.
lol235metalhead: get out of here already
User203957: reported again
boats.and.hoes: reported
gothgirlie1234: reported
“Ah… I’m not sure if we’re playing anything new,” I say. “We’re working really hard on the album. Something might be ready by RagnaRock—
“Whoa, what’s happening?” Reed abruptly asks.
I look up just in time to see the screen flicker, and Reed backs up almost into Zeb’s lap as if he thinks it’s going to electrocute him.
It flickers again, and I peer over my shoulder at the door as Liam opens it wider and sticks his head out to check in on them. Gemma’s cheeks are sucked in like she’s chewing on the inside of her mouth. There’s a rage in her eyes that reminds me of her face earlier at the gym, and I blow out a breath when I realize all of that was just today.
Damn.
No wonder I’m fucking exhausted.
The screens flicker again as Gemma pauses behind the couch. Mads looks up from beside Kade and drags his hand over his throat, signaling that they’re about to cut the feed, and I nod.
“Dudes, I think we’ve overheated it,” I say, playing it off.
“Shit, is that what’s happening?” Reed asks.
“Yeah, I’m fucking beat. Probably a good time to call it anyway,” Zeb says, and I swear there’s relief in his voice.
It goes again.
“Everyone say a quick bye!” I say as Mads enters the room again.
We huddle around each other and thank every person on the stream—apart from Rad—just in time. The screen eventually goes dark, and I think we all collectively sigh.
“Fuck…” Reed says, looking between us with wide eyes. “That was epic and horrifying all at once.”
“Horrifying is one way to put it,” Mads says as he leads us out of the room and into the living area.
Gemma’s gaze meets mine as we enter, and I swear I see her chest fall as it did earlier when I walked into the kitchen.
There’s something about that little motion that twists my stomach.
“You guys okay?” Kade asks. “Sorry, I didn’t cut it sooner. Kicking him out wasn’t the hard part. He was just going to create more names. I was trying to find a way to ban him completely.”
“That’s cool. We were getting beat anyway,” Zeb says.
“Yeah,” I agree. “I feel like it definitely could have been worse.”
“I’m checking out any personal DMs in case he decided to try and chat with any fans that were in there,” Kade says, scratching his head.
“Oh shit,” Reed says, sinking onto the couch. “He can do that?”
“Potentially,” Kade replies. “Part of our job is also to protect your fans when it involves this shit. We’ll figure it out.”
All of us look at Gemma then for anything she might have to add, and my body tenses at the rage in her eyes. She’s chewing her bottom lip and staring at the floor by my feet. We’re still waiting for her to speak when her phone rings, and she finally moves.
“No one goes near him without me,” she says sternly, raising her phone to her ear. “No one.”