Chapter 20
Dmitri
We’re fortunate to get a seat at a table overlooking the canal.
Our waiter brings us waters and menus and tells us the specials of the day, leaving us with selections to make.
I gaze at the gorgeous man sitting across from me instead of the view, and as cliché as it sounds, I keep pinching myself because I can’t believe this is real.
Ever looks up from his menu, his mouth turning up and his Caribbean blue eyes glimmering in the sunlight. “What are you smiling about?”
My grin grows and I place my hand, palm up, on the table in offering. He takes it; and his palm fits as if it were made for mine. “Just happy you’re here.”
“Me too.” His expression softens, and with it, he takes more of my heart.
If someone had told me I’d feel like this, I would have snorted in disbelief. Yet here I am.
“What are we doing?” The words tumble from his mouth and his eyes go wide like he’d like to scoop them back up. Like his mouth was spilling them out before his brain could catch up.
My heart leaps, thumping in my throat. I take a breath, tipping my head to the side and keeping my gaze on him as I try to get my reaction under control. Is he having second thoughts? We discussed this in Maplewood. We agreed to give this thing between us a go. “Having lunch?”
“I mean this.” He waves his finger from me to him to me again.
Shit. He means us. Perspiration dots my upper lip and my pulse speeds up, my heart fluttering in my chest like a flock of pterodactyls. I release his grasp and wipe my lip with the back of my hand. “I thought we agreed that we both want to see where this goes.”
“But now we’re here.” He lifts his arm, gesturing to our surroundings. “What will it look like when you’re here and I’m in Vermont? How do we make that work?” With each question, his voice gets tighter.
“I haven’t gotten the position yet,” I say, because I’m not sure how else to respond when I basically told him Maplewood is where I want to be.
I get it may be hard for some people to fathom, but I thought Ever would be one of the few who would understand.
There are many people who would think he’s nuts for leaving music to become a beekeeper.
He sits straighter in the wrought-iron chair and says with more certainty than my parents, “You will.”
“Thank you.” I lace my fingers with his atop the intricately designed metal table. “But even if I get it, I’m still not sure if I’ll take it.”
“I don’t want you to regret turning down an opportunity like this.
” He scoots closer, his chair scraping the ground until our knees touch.
“If you stay in Maplewood, I don’t want you to end up resenting me.
” The vulnerability shows in his eyes, and I know that whatever I decide, I will never resent this man.
This man who found the switch for my passion—for violin, for music, for life—and turned it back on.
This man who believes in me and wants to see me succeed.
This man who wants to see me happy and flourishing, even if he can’t be by my side for it.
I gently inspect his hand, touching each of his fingers.
These fingers, steady enough to welcome a bee to rest for a moment and skilled enough to create compositions that captivate and stir something deep within.
Fingers that have mapped every inch of my body with such tenderness, my eyes sting thinking about it.
“I was serious about staying in Maplewood. Will that look different from what I originally thought if I get this job and accept it? Of course.” He opens his mouth, but I’m too afraid of what he’s going to say, so I keep talking, keeping my focus on his fingers.
“Can we figure it out together? I hope so.”
“You’re sure?” He grabs my hand, stopping my exploration of the smoothness of his thumbnail. My gaze darts to meet his bright, shining—and hopeful?—eyes.
My throat thickens with emotion clogging it, making swallowing near impossible. “More than anything.”
“And you don’t think we’re nuts?” he asks.
I lean in so I can make out the navy specks in the blue of his irises. The peace embracing me is the same as performing in a field for Ever’s bees. “We’re not kids. We’ve both had full lives, relationships, careers. I think we both know what we have is real.”
He tips his head closer, brushing his nose against mine. “Maplewoodians have already shipped us.”
I chuckle, the same sense of rightness that has been present since meeting Ever fills my chest. “How did I not know this?”
“Dever.” A grin takes over his face, and he wiggles his eyebrows. “Apparently, there was talk of Evmitri, but it was shot down.” I throw my head back, laughing harder. “You’re sure you can handle the busybodies and gossip mill of Maplewood?”
I kiss his cheek. “As long as I have you, I’m good.”
“Good,” he says.
“Good,” I agree.
We return to the hotel and I toe off my shoes.
My feet relieved to be free, I wiggle my toes, then flop backwards onto the bed.
Eyes heavy from the time difference and the long day, they close as I sink into the fluffy duvet and plush mattress.
My feet ache from miles and miles of walking, but exploring London with Ever was worth it.
Now that we’re back in our room, moving is the last thing I want to do.
“How would you feel about room service and seeing what the BBC has to offer?”
“Throw in a bubble bath and I’m sold.” He tumbles down onto his stomach next to me, ghosting his thumb between my eyebrows, and I can feel my forehead relax. “I know what it’s like when you’re in the midst of a big life change.” His tone is soothing, understanding, knowing.
I open my eyes, and for the first time, I feel like someone sees me.
Really sees me. He sees my exhaustion, from not just jetlag, but the depletion that comes from the stress and worry I’ve been carrying for longer than the last year.
When I was with Sebastian, there was the worry of being unable to be fully out with him.
When Elora left and Joska took the position of musical director and conductor, there was the stress of never being good enough for his demands.
As a child, there was the weight of living up to my parents’ talent and accomplishments.
At Curtis, there was always the pressure to do better than my classmates, to be the best. Always. There was no room for an off day.
As Ever smooths his fingertips over each brow, along my forehead, and down to my temples, I realize that in my entire life, no one has seen me.
The real me. The imperfect, uncertain, mess inside, me.
Somewhere along the way, he has become my soft landing place.
How it happened or how it could happen so quickly is a mystery, but he’s it.
I cup his jaw, stroking it, then dip my thumb into the divot in his chin, of which I can’t get enough.
“I want to live right here,” I say, wiggling my thumb in his cleft.
With a soft smile that warms me to my soul, he dips his chin and catches my thumb in his mouth, giving it a gentle suck before he kisses the pad.
“Come on.” He sits up and hops off the bed, offering me his hand.
“We’ll fill that enormous bathtub and I’ll massage your shoulders while I regale you with all my wisdom. ”
A low chuckle vibrates from my chest as he takes my hand and pulls me up. “Lead on, oh wise one.”
“I might need you to start calling me that.” He tugs my arm and I stumble, falling into his chest. Our mouths find each other and what I expect to be a quick peck turns into a deep, toe-curling kiss that leaves us both breathless.
Lips tingling, I’m this close to blurting out the three words that are too intimate to be spoken out loud, but the feeling in my chest is almost too big to suppress.
Leaning back, he smooths my hair away from my forehead. “If you keep distracting me like that, you’re never going to get your bubble bath.”
“You kissed me.” I follow behind him, giving his ass a pinch.
With a squeak, he jumps. “Keep it up buddy…”
“Or what?” I crowd him, pushing him against the sink and grinding my hard length against his ass. “I love your ass,” I growl into his ear, then take the lobe between my teeth and tug.
In the mirror, I see the bulge of his straining cock. He presses his delectable ass into me as I suck my way down his neck. “It’s yours whenever you want it.”
“I always want it.” I slide my hands under his shirt, the heat of his skin searing my palms on their journey to his nipples.
He groans when I pinch one, then the other.
I sink my teeth into the fabric of his shirt on his shoulder.
His needy whine curls around me, unleashing a flurry of tingles.
“The only time I don’t want this ass is when your cock is fucking mine,” I growl into his ear.
“Fuck.” He spins around and wraps his arms around my neck, slamming his mouth against mine.
Our tongues intertwine and it’s like coming home.
A home I didn’t know existed until I met Ever and everyone in Maplewood.
I swallow his moans and he drinks my mewls down.
Hands on the marble sink, I cage him, but it’s me who’s ensnared.
And I’d be content to be captured by him forever.