18. Sawyer
SAWYER
“ W here did you get this?” I ask, blowing on a spoonful of chowder as Hallie eyes me innocently across the island.
She insisted that she would bring me home. I’d sent Walker a couple of one-handed texts, cussing him out for bailing on me at the hospital.
The bastard hadn’t replied, and I’d been forced to leave with the woman now sitting nervously across from me.
“I made it.” She scoffs and I snort because I know where it’s from.
“Well, make sure you thank everyone at The Big Chowder for the food next time you see them.”
“You’re seriously no fun.” She rolls her eyes. “Also, you should just say thank you . I could have gone and raided the frozen food section… but I didn’t. ”
“Lucky me.”
Her face falls but I don’t have it in me to mince words. I’m hurt and I don’t want to do this right now.
Actually…
“What do you think about goin’ to the winery?” I ask, knowing that if she didn’t invite me to go to dinner she’d definitely never agree to a date, and I just want to really hammer home the finality of this situation.
Make sure there’s no chance for me to wonder about what might have been after she’s gone.
“Grape Expectations?” she squeaks and I nod.
“Yes.”
She blinks in surprise and sets her spoon gently in her bowl. “Like a date or…”
“A date.”
“Are you sure? I mean, is that what you want?” she asks, her tone unreadable and I scoff.
Not anymore.
“Nah, like I said, this was all my mistake.” My Tennessee accent is out in full swing, frustration creeping in as I watch her do the mental acrobatics required to piece this all together.
“Sawyer—”
“Forget it,” I tell her, pushing back on my stool and standing.
“Thanks for dinner. I’m gonna go lie down.
” I hold up my injured hand for reference.
“I need rest, right? Doctor’s orders. And don’t worry, I told Walker I’ll be taking some time off—maybe go see my sister so you’ll have the place to yourself.
” Setting my bowl in the sink, I say, “Thanks for the ride home. And dinner.”
I turn and head for the stairs, acutely aware that she doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t try to stop me.
Well, I guess that answers that.
HALLIE
Dammit.
I run my hand back over the top of my hair and tug on my ponytail, the bite emphasizing that I screwed up letting Sawyer leave.
I screwed up with a lot of things—that’s just at the top.
But I hadn’t been expecting him to ask me out on a date.
An actual date.
Not after he’d been so upset at the hospital.
I’d been tongue-tied, and I only realized after that he wasn’t really asking me out. He was making a point.
And it hurt.
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I brush the tears from my cheeks because I do not have time for this.
Because all I want is to go on a date with him, hold his hand, maybe buy a new dress just for him because I haven’t updated my wardrobe in years since I practically live in scrubs.
But… a date.
If he’d asked me to a romantic picnic on the beach, I would have jumped on the opportunity and him in a heartbeat.
But the offer hadn’t been real.
He wanted to dangle it in front of me only to rip it away because I hurt him and now he’s trying to hurt me.
And it’s working.
“I just want you to understand what a big deal this is for him, to even just be comfortable and open with someone.”
Walker’s words are a kick in the ass, but does it matter? Does Sawyer even want to hear what I have to say?
The fact that I don’t have a Walker to talk to hits me in a way it normally doesn’t. I love people, and meeting new friends is my favorite. I never needed long-lasting forevers; I’ve always preferred the now .
It’s a problem for another day.
Which leaves me one choice.
HALLIE: I fell for Sawyer
BETH: Is this news?
HALLIE: I screwed it up
BETH: You didn’t take my advice about dinner with Mom and Dad did you?
HALLIE: You don’t get to be that smug
BETH: (gif of woman rolling her eyes)
BETH: Oh my God! This is such a surprise!
HALLIE: Unhelpful
BETH: I already gave you my blessing to make babies with my ex-boyfriend and really great advice which you ignored, so what else do you need?
HALLIE: First of all—that’s not how that conversation went
HALLIE: Second… just… I need you to focus.
BETH: So you want to have his babies—we’re coming back to that.
HALLIE: BETH!
BETH: Okay so love him, Hallie! Make the apology big because he deserves it.
HALLIE: What if he doesn’t want it?
BETH: Then you love him harder and show him what words can’t
HALLIE: He was so mad
BETH: Wouldn’t you be?
BETH: He gives you butterflies and you want to climb him like a tree, so why aren’t you doing that?
HALLIE: Because I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be traveling—that part of my life is going to end
BETH: Well, that’s all up to you, but I find it hard to believe that after all the miles you’ve traveled and all the places you’ve seen, you’d rather go sleep in a strange bed in two months instead of waking up with the man you’re falling for
I swallow hard, reading and rereading the message…because she’s right.
But I’m not just falling for him. I’m in love with Sawyer Kade.
And I don’t want to start this next chapter of my life without him.
My sister traveled to get away—to find herself when she didn’t know who she was or what she wanted. Maybe I’m not so different. But instead of trying to find myself, I’ve been trying to find my way back home.
And not just to a place.
But to a person.
I just hope I can fix this, for both of us.