9 Lana’s Party #3
“Now that I’ve told you my tragic life story, let’s go get drunk till sunup!”
I did drink with her, but not enough to get drunk.
It’s just not a feeling I like. Two beers were good for me.
After that, I went out with her onto the dance floor and hopped and spun and turned like an idiot.
But there were so many people there that nobody cared.
Naya’s friends joined us. They were cool, and it was a perfect night until I started getting overheated.
I left Naya dancing with Will and walked off toward an open window, where I took a couple of deep breaths and let the wind blow on my face and down my neckline.
“Are you hot?” Lana asked. She’d come over without my noticing.
“I’ve been out there for almost two hours,” I said, pointing at the crowd. “That’s a lot for anyone.”
“I try to never go out there. I’m so short, I’m worried people won’t see me and I’ll get trampled.”
I doubted she ever went unnoticed anywhere, but whatever.
“You like the party?” she asked.
“It’s great. It must be an amazing feeling, knowing this whole thing is for you.”
“It’s not, though. Not really. It’s just an excuse for people to drink. I don’t even know half these people.”
“Did you lose Ross?” I said.
“He’s off smoking with Will.” She rolled her eyes. I was out of things to say, and I stared down at my boots, and then she confessed in the same bubbly tone as always, “You know, I was actually nervous to meet you.”
“ You were nervous to meet me ?”
That made me feel better. Maybe she was nice. Maybe I had been a little bit of a bitch to her.
“Yeah! I mean, Naya had told me Ross had brought this girl home and everyone was crazy about her. If I’m totally honest with you, whenever something has to do with Ross, I get a little worked up.
I remember thinking, ‘What will I do if I come over and I find out he’s sleeping with a chick that’s hotter than me?
’ But then I met you and…well, I’m not worried about that anymore. ”
Wait… Did she just insult me? I was almost unsure because her tone of voice hadn’t changed one bit.
But then she continued. “Like, really, I don’t even know what you’re doing here.
I invited you to be nice or whatever. I didn’t actually think you’d show up.
I definitely didn’t think you’d try to act like you were my friend.
But whatever. You’re here now. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it. ”
She took a sip of her cocktail with her innocent little smile.
“What the hell?” I asked. “You were nice to me before.”
“Yeah, I was . It’s not like I had a choice. Ross is crazy about you. If I’d been nasty to you, he wouldn’t let me in the door. So I keep up the nice girl act when he’s around. It’s easy, like I said. I’ve met you; you’re nothing to get worked up over.”
“To think that I was just beating myself up for not giving you a chance,” I said.
“You do whatever you want, but stay away from my boyfriend.”
“He’s not your boyfriend,” I said, starting to get pissed off. “You made that evident when you slept with his brother.”
She pursed her lips, then grinned. “Look, I didn’t want to be mean, but take a look at yourself. Then take a look at me. If you try to take what’s mine, you’re only going to humiliate yourself. You don’t know anything about Ross. I can promise you that. I mean it. Not a damn thing.”
That had hurt. She reminded me of Nelle. I felt a knot in my throat and stepped back, bumping into someone who hugged me from behind. I knew that scent. I didn’t even need to turn around.
“Look who it is,” Ross said. “What were y’all talking about?”
Even with his lips close to my ear, I couldn’t cool down. Lana glared at me before telling him, “I was just letting Jenna know how pretty I thought her dress was.”
“I sure like looking at it,” he replied.
How could a person be so fake? I wondered. I hated her. I couldn’t be in the same room with her. I peeled Ross’s arms off of me and he looked at me, surprised.
“I’ve got to go,” I said. “But don’t worry, I’ll get an Uber.”
He turned to Lana for a second and then followed me. I tried to ignore him as I threw open the nearest door and emerged into a hallway. The building was so big that I didn’t know where to go. I turned left and walked as quickly as I could, but soon Ross caught up with me.
“Where are you going?” he asked, turning around and walking backward so he could face me.
“Away,” I said, on the verge of tears. “I don’t even know why the hell I came.”
“Jen, wait. Weren’t you having fun with Naya? I saw you earlier and you looked fine. What happened? What did she say to you? What did she do?”
I couldn’t bring myself to say, so I kept walking until I got frustrated and said, “How the hell do you get out of here?”
“I know the way,” Ross said, “but I’m not going to tell you until you’re honest with me.” I opened a door that led to a balcony, and I gave up, throwing myself down on one of the big white deck chairs. Ross shut the door behind us and joined me.
“Ross,” I told him, weeping, “I don’t want to sabotage your relationship.”
“Are you talking about Lana?” he asked. “Because if so, there is no relationship.”
“Oh yeah? Did you tell her that?”
“What did she say to you?”
“Why did you even invite me here, Ross? You must know how she is. Is it fun for you, throwing me to the wolves like that? Because you had to know how she’d treat me.”
Great. Now I was crying like a child. How pathetic.
I wiped my face. I’ve always hated crying in public.
And doing it in front of Ross was just shameful.
Worst of all, it wasn’t just him, or just Lana.
It was Nelle, and Monty, and just the whole way people treated me. Why did I always have to be number two?
“I don’t know, Jen. I thought… I guess I thought she’d changed. She seemed like she had.”
“She thinks I’m just a shitty substitute for her. And that’s what I feel like. You just missed her. That’s why you were so ready to take me in.”
“Did she say that to you?”
“She didn’t need to. It’s obvious. I may not be as hot as her, but I’m not stupid.”
He looked almost disappointed as he said, “If you think you’re a substitute for her, that’s your own issue, something that’s in your head.
I’m not lying to you, Jen. Maybe you think so, but you’re wrong.
I invited you in because I knew right away something was special about you.
And if you think I missed her after she slept with my brother to get my attention, I’m sorry, but I just don’t know what to tell you. ”
I was shocked. I thought he’d never bring that up. And certainly not that directly.
“I know you know,” he continued, “so you don’t have to act otherwise.
Everybody knows. I’m used to it.” He shook his head.
“I don’t like Lana, OK? I never did like her.
She was fine in high school, she was cool she was someone to have fun with.
But going out with her was a mistake. It was one of those things I did just because.
You know what’s funny? I wasn’t even upset when she slept with Mike!
I mean I was, but I wasn’t jealous. I didn’t really feel like I’d lost anything. ”
I looked down into my hands and between my knees, then tried to joke, “If you told her that, maybe you’d knock her off her pedestal a bit.”
“Just ignore her,” he said.
“It’s hard to after what she said to me.”
“Then listen to me instead.”
I bit my lower lip. What was I doing? I didn’t even have the right to ask him for anything. He was just my friend. And there I was acting like a jealous girlfriend.
“You know she still has feelings for you,” I remarked. “It’s obvious.”
“Lana’s never had feelings for me. She’s just used to everyone fawning over her and she can’t stand it if they stop even for five seconds.”
“And I take it that’s not what you’re into.”
“Not with her, anyway,” he responded. “With you it might be a different story.”
I gave him a friendly nudge on the shoulder. “Do you really think Lana is being so nasty just to get what she wants?” I asked. “That it’s not about her being in love with you or whatever?”
“I don’t think it. I know it.”
“How could you go out with someone like that?”
“Jen, it was just something that… It’s like I was supposed to be with her.
To tell the truth, a lot of it’s Naya’s fault.
She’s the one who first got on this kick about how Lana was into me and she was so hot and so cool and I needed to strike while the iron was hot.
I ended up convincing myself I liked her in that way.
But it was never anything more than a sort of weird friendship.
It actually soured me on the idea of having a girlfriend.
I’ve never even gone out with another girl seriously since. ”
“You’re kidding,” I said, stupefied.
“Why are you so surprised? You’re not suggesting that I’m handsome, are you?”
“You’re…nice,” I said, laughing.
“Nice? You’ve just crushed my heart. I don’t want to be just nice for you, Jen.”
I felt something. The same thing I had felt earlier in the car.
Impulsively, I reached up and rubbed his hair.
His eyes were looking at me warmly, as always…
except for that week after we’d argued. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed that expression until now.
I pulled my hand away, and I’m pretty sure he lowered his neck to follow me, to keep touching me a second more.
“There’s no way you honestly don’t know,” he said.
“What?”