Chapter 2
TWO
CIARA
The problem with being bottom of the pecking order at work was that I drew the short straw by default. Not that being the official errand runner was a bad thing, and, God knew, I was ecstatic to have been hired on full-time as a staff member at Ardinmuir Event Planning. Being able to quit my second job as a server at my brother’s pub had been a fine day indeed. But the last thing I wanted to do today was make this trip to the neighboring village of Braemore to pick up lamb chops from the butcher there for our event tomorrow.
Really, it was my own damned fault. If I’d told my bosses—one of whom was also my cousin, Kyla—why I didn’t want to go to Braemore, they’d have made other arrangements. But telling them would inevitably involve the news leaking to their significant others, who were all bonus protective big brothers on top of the one I already had. No doubt they’d get it into their fool heads to give my ex, Brodie Drummond, some kind of threat or ultimatum if they knew he wasn’t leaving me alone. He was harmless, really. It was just that he was having a hard time accepting that I really meant it when I’d broken off our relationship.
It would’ve been easier if he’d been a jerk. I’d have told him off without compunction. But it had been a classic case of “It’s not you, it’s me.” I just… didn’t love him the way I needed to love him. Instead of acknowledging that sucked and moving on, Brodie had begun a campaign to win me back. Sending me gifts and assaulting me with puppy dog eyes on the regular were hardly crimes. But three months on from our breakup, I was moving past sympathetic and into exasperated.
The anxiety I felt at simply turning onto the high street in Braemore annoyed me. As a rule, I didn’t mind confrontation. But I hated hurting people’s feelings, and it seemed like that’s all I’d been doing lately, whenever I’d seen my ex. I’d started changing my habits to avoid the possibility of seeing him, and that was ridiculous. While he didn’t live in Glenlaig, this area of the Highlands was one big community. Our paths would inevitably cross. Unfortunately.
But I was a grownup, and this was my job, so I’d pull on my big girl pants and do the thing. It was the middle of the workday, anyway, so the chances of running into him were lower, right?
Parking was at a premium, with the weather being what it was. Not that rain was remotely unusual in Scotland. I tugged up the hood of my red rain slicker and slipped out of the car. By the time I made it the two blocks down to the butcher shop, I was wishing I’d put on my Wellies this morning. My feet squished inside my sodden socks, and my toes were already starting to cramp from the cold. As soon as I got back to the castle, I was hunting up Angus and begging a cuppa and whatever sweet he’d baked today.
Behind the counter, Ross McFarlane looked up with a smile. “Och, good day to you, Ciara. Here for the chops?”
“Aye. You’re saving our event, you are. I can’t believe they wanted to change the menu the day before.”
“It’s no trouble. These just came in this morning, and they’re gorgeous. I’ll just get them all packaged up for Afton, aye?”
“Perfect. Thanks, Ross.”
He disappeared through the door to the back, and I moved to the refrigerated cases to browse his other offerings. Cooking wasn’t my best skill. With the wide variety of food offerings in Edinburgh, where I’d gone to university, there’d been little impetus to cook for myself. Since I’d moved home, my saint of a mum was prone to popping by to stock my wee freezer with my favorites because she knew I often worked long hours. But I wasn’t entirely useless in the kitchen, and Afton Colquhoun, our chef at Ardinmuir Event Planning, had been teaching me a thing or two. Maybe I’d pick up a roast or pork loin to put in the slow cooker this week.
When the shop bell jangled, it was instinct to turn toward it. The moment I caught sight of the newcomer, I wished I’d done anything else because, of course, it was Brodie.
His face brightened at the sight of me. “Ciara! It’s so good to see you.”
Politeness was too deeply ingrained for me to say nothing and ignore him. Especially as the shop wasn’t large enough to hide. “Brodie.”
“How have you been?”
“Good. Busy.” It was the truth, if not the detailed version.
“Business is clearly good. There have been cars up by the castle every time I’ve been by.”
A prickle of unease trailed down my spine. You couldn’t just see cars at the castle from passing by on the road. You had to actually drive up to the castle to see that. How often had he “been by” since we’d broken up?
“Wedding season is slowing down now, I’d guess, what with autumn arriving.”
That unease shifted to a full-on knot in the pit of my stomach because I knew where he was going with this. The busyness of work had been part of my reasons for breaking up with him. He’d begun resenting the fact that I simply wasn’t available most weekends and quite a few evenings because of events we were running. If he believed that was going to change, it would just add fuel to the fire for his win-back campaign.
“It’s not really slowing down that much. We’re booked out solid almost all the way to Christmas.” It wasn’t a lie. We were booked up that far, just not entirely with weddings.
A flash of… something darkened his expression. Frustration maybe. “I know you love your job, but it’s important for you to have a life. To take time for yourself.”
I struggled to hang on to my patience. This was just more evidence that we truly didn’t suit. “Brodie, I have a life. I do take time for myself. And I’m sorry that doesn’t include you. But I already explained I just dinna think we’re a good fit.”
For just a moment, his lips flattened. Then he was back to the hang-dog expression that had become his norm around me. “How can you just up and decide that after more than a year?”
In truth, I’d known it pretty early on, and I’d deluded myself into thinking that it would be okay. That I’d grow to feel what I needed to feel for him. But there was another part of me that knew that was horse shite. If I was going to feel it, I’d have felt it straight out of the gate. I knew from previous experience that was how I worked. And that wasn’t what I’d had with Brodie. I’d let our relationship go on way too long because I’d been lonely. It felt like everyone around me was falling in love, getting married, having kids. Not that I was ready for all those things, but I wanted someone to share a life with, and I’d thought Brodie could grow to become that person.
Instead, I’d hurt him by not acknowledging the truth, even to myself.
“Brodie, I am sorry. I should’ve made the call a lot sooner than I did. I didn’t set out to lead you on. But let me be as transparent and clear as I possibly can to save you from further grief: we are not getting back together.”
“But if you’ll just give us another chance, I?—”
In that moment, Ross stepped back out front. God love him. “I’ve got your order here.”
Desperate, I turned back toward him. “Thank you so much. These will be perfect.”
I felt Brodie’s gaze on me as I finished paying for the food, but he said nothing. Feeling ten kinds of awkward, I grabbed the bag and dared to meet his eyes. “I have to get back to work. Take care, Brodie.”
Without waiting for a reply, I rushed back outside into the rain.
He didn’t follow me this time, and I counted that as a win. Maybe this would be the end of it. Maybe he’d finally listen. I hoped so, because I was so over having to tiptoe around male feelings.
As I slid behind the wheel of my car, I wondered briefly about what might have been if things had actually worked out with the man I’d felt that instant flash of connection with all those years ago. Where would I be now?
Before my mind could even conjure his face, I shook my head. What use was it wondering? My instincts couldn’t be trusted because what I’d believed was a mutual connection had turned out to be nothing more than a one-night stand with a man who’d made promises, then ghosted me.
With him and Brodie in my past, it was fair to say my personal radar was broken, and I ought to resign myself to staying single for a while.