Chapter 44
CIARA
My head hurt. I was really tired of this whole recovering from concussion thing. As the doctor hadn’t wanted me left alone and everywhere I turned in my flat reminded me of Alex, I’d ended up convalescing at Ewan and Isobel’s in their guest room. The pain was slightly less than it had been, and I’d slept a lot once we’d passed the window when someone had to wake me up every hour. But the frequent crying jags had done nothing to help get past the headache portion of this process. Probably the only reason it wasn’t worse were the endless cups of tea my sweet sister-in-law-to-be kept foisting on me at every opportunity.
She was who I expected when a soft knock sounded on the guest room door.
“Come in.”
But it was my brother with a mug in his big hands. “More tea.”
I resisted the urge to wipe at the tracks of recent tears. It wasn’t as if Ewan didn’t know I’d been crying my eyes out. “Thanks.” I accepted the cup and clutched it between my palms, soaking in the warmth.
Instead of leaving, Ewan dropped into the chair in the corner, bracing his forearms on his knees. “You want me to break his face?”
The casual delivery might have made me smile if I hadn’t understood he was a thousand percent serious. “No.”
“He hurt you.”
“Aye, he did. Because he thinks this whole situation was all his fault, and it’s the right thing to do. Idiot. He’s blaming himself. He thinks if he stays away from everybody he cares about that they’ll all be safe. That is not how the world works.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I would have if he’d given me the chance. My brain wasn’t exactly in full working order when he walked out.” I scowled and regretted it as the bruising on my head twinged. “He ran away, Ewan.”
“You love him?”
“Yes. We have a connection.” I glanced at him with a wry twist of lips. “That may squick you out.”
He lifted a hand. “I’m no’ thinking about any kind of ‘connection.’ We’ll just stick with the fact that you love him.” Ewan laced his fingers together. “I believe he loves you, too. I think he has for a long time.”
That got my attention.
“I didn’t know it was you he met three years ago. I’m no’ sure what I’d have done if I had.”
“Broken his face?”
“I’d have considered it, sure. But the way he looked when he talked about you… He was ready to change everything, and he’s no’ a man who does things on a whim. I can’t speak to why he didn’t follow through back then.”
“Because he believed he was righting a bigger wrong. And he believed doing so would put me in danger. Not an entirely untrue assumption, as it turned out. But there are a million and one everyday dangers that could happen to any of us all the time. I could get struck by a car when crossing the street in the village. And the self-sacrificing ass would probably find some way to blame himself for that, too.”
Ewan’s lips twitched. “You do know him.”
“If he’d said he didn’t want me, didn’t care for me, that would still break my heart, but I’d move on. But he didn’t do that. At no point did he say, ‘I don’t love you.’” That was really the sticking point for me. The thing that had been circling in my brain over and over for the past three days. So, in a sense, I was right back where I was three years ago, with no closure.
“Has anybody heard from him?”
“No. As far as I’m aware, he hasn’t contacted Callum or Finn, either.”
So he’d bailed on them, too. Probably not forever, but I wasn’t the only one being impacted by this crisis of conscience Alex was going through.
Abruptly fed up, I swung my feet out of bed and rose. “Okay, that’s it. I’m done with this shite. Give me his address. Somebody needs to go shake some sense into him, and it might as well be me.”
Ewan arched a brow.
“Don’t act like you don’t have it. I know you know where he lives.”
“There’s no guarantee he went home.”
“He was recovering from a gunshot wound. He either went to his brother's or his mother’s. I’m guessing his brother, because his mum would smother him. He and I have that in common.”
Smothering a laugh, he nodded. “Aye, you’re probably right.” Then he sobered. “What are you going to say?”
“I don’t know, but I expect I have at least two or three hours of a drive to figure it out. I’m not done with him yet, Ewan. This is twice he’s walked away from me without giving me a say, and maybe he had good reasons, but I deserve the chance to be heard.”
“Aye, you do. But are you good to drive? That head’s still aching, aye?”
Like a sore tooth. But I wouldn’t let that stop me. “If I feel worse, I’ll pull over.”
“Okay.” He gave me the address. “And for what it’s worth, you were right in what you said.”
“Which thing?”
“Alex is one of the best men I know—his current idiocy withstanding. I hope the two of you can work it out. I think you’re good for each other.”
“Thanks, Ewan.” I gave him a big hug. “Now get out. I need to get dressed.”
I did that, then registered I looked like exactly what I was—a woman who’d recently been in a fight. So I took the time to detour to my flat. I showered and changed and carefully applied my makeup, so I looked like less of a reminder of exactly what Alex feared. Then I packed an overnight bag. The drive might only be a couple of hours, but in my current state, I didn’t think I could do the round trip today. If things went sideways, I’d grab a hotel room somewhere before coming home tomorrow.
Deciding I was as ready as I was going to be, I shouldered my overnight bag and marched to the door. Out of habit, I set the alarm to away, then opened the door to leave and found Alex standing on the other side.
I took a half-step back out of shock. “Alex.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course.” I stepped back and dropped the bag, punching in the alarm code before the countdown had finished.
His gaze fell to the bag. “Going somewhere?”
I lifted my chin in defiance. “I was coming after you.”
“You were?”
The temper that had settled down to a simmer during my shower rose to a full boil again. “Of course I was, Alex. Three years ago, you disappeared from my life, and I had no recourse but to let you. But things are different now. We’re different. Because this wasn’t just one night. We have been through shite together. Traumatic shite. And you don’t get to just walk away because you think it’s best. Not without giving me a chance to say my piece.”
He angled his head as if in permission and somehow that just made me angrier.
“Life is hard, and the world is dangerous. There are a million and one ways something could happen to any one of us at any time. That doesn’t mean any of us are walking around with targets on our backs. And even if it did, we have something together, you and I. Something that doesn’t come along every day.”
Mindful of avoiding his injured shoulder, I poked him in the chest, emphasizing every point. “I love you. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you sacrifice both our happiness because you’re afraid.”
“You’re right.”
I frowned at him. “I’m right?”
“I am afraid. I’m fucking terrified of anything happening to you. I went home and my brother read me the riot act about the whole thing. He also gave me a gift.”
“What kind of gift?”
“He found our father’s car. It wasn’t sabotaged.”
I pressed a hand to my head. “Oh, my God. That was the other thing I needed to tell you. I got confirmation from Klein while she had me. I asked if she had anything to do with your father’s death, and she said no, but that your guilt over it was obvious and that was where she got the idea. I meant to tell you, but then concussion. But it’s not your fault. None of this was your fault.”
His lips curved. “I’m working my way around to believing that. I might need reminders.”
“Does that mean you’ll be around for me to remind?”
“That depends. Are you willing to forgive me for being a fool and let me back into your life, Hellcat? Because the one thing that has remained constant through all of this, all these years, is that I love you.”
My throat went thick. “Do you actually want that future we talked about?”
His arms slid around me. “More than anything in the world.”
“Then maybe you could kiss me and prove it.”
I caught the flash of his smile as he bent his head to mine and my world righted itself again.