26. Twenty-Six #2
The thing is, none of us can argue with his logic.
It’s hard to begrudge him his newfound freedom after everything he’s been through.
But I just can’t help but worry about the changes in him.
For reasons he doesn’t disclose, he stopped seeing his math tutor and recruited my help instead.
Although we end up having sex more often than not during our tutoring sessions—because Jake is insatiable and I seem to have no willpower where he is concerned—he managed to improve his grades enough to get Mrs. Wood and his father off his back.
He goes to work every other afternoon and on the occasional Saturday but is otherwise free to do as he pleases as long as he keeps up with his commitments.
At first, he only partied on weekends, and we were all willing to look the other way when he hit the bottle a little too hard or lit up his third joint of the day.
But then the occasional weekend slowly turned into a daily habit, and soon enough, he wasn’t only doing it in social settings anymore but seemed to become quite reliant on it.
When Ted broke his clavicle and was prescribed oxycodone to help manage his pain, we caught them snorting the pills under the bleachers during football practice.
Noticing Jake’s vacant gaze and listening to him make excuses made us realize we couldn’t ignore the severity of the situation any longer.
But the more we try to reason with him, the more defensive he gets.
He’s slowly but surely pushing me and even Carter away, telling us he’s tired of people trying to control his every move.
That he’s done trying to make everyone else happy, and it’s past time he lives his life how he sees fit.
As much as I want Jake to have fun for a change, I have to admit I barely recognize the boy I fell in love with anymore.
This selfish, reckless version of him doesn’t care about anything but getting his rocks off.
He refuses to listen to my concerns and seems to have no regard for his own safety, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m losing my best friend.
I was accepted to the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication in Phoenix, Arizona, which means I’ll be leaving in a matter of months.
I want to spend as much quality time with my boyfriend as I possibly can, but he seems to have different ideas.
Eventually, Carter gave up trying to talk sense into his best friend and simply resigned himself to chaperoning Jake wherever he goes to keep him out of trouble.
These days, he only seems to hang out with me when he’s in need of a break from his exhausting lifestyle.
Fool that I am, I greedily eat up every morsel he throws my way, reveling in these rare and special moments.
But soon enough, the next weekend comes around, marking the beginning of yet another vicious cycle we just can’t seem to break free of.
I accompany him as often as I can, but each time I catch his jumpy gaze or notice his dilated pupils, my heart breaks a little more.
The physical abuse may have stopped, but it’s obvious Jake is still struggling and choosing to deal with his demons in unhealthy ways.
Another recurring problem that is putting a severe strain on our relationship is Jessica Cartwright.
Whenever I turn my back, there she is—chatting him up, touching him, and shoving her melon-sized boobs in his face.
The drunker or higher Jake gets, the more he seems to entertain her flirtations, and every time I see them laughing together, I want to stomp my feet and scream.
When Jake is sober, he doesn’t give her the time of day. But when he’s under the influence of whatever drug is making the rounds that night, he seems to forget about his blatant dislike for her or my feelings on the matter.
I’ve tried explaining how much it hurts when he indulges her.
It feels like a betrayal, given the way she’s treated me.
I mean, we both know what her intentions are.
But Jake just shrugs it off, dismissing my concerns and reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about.
It’s like somewhere along the way, my wants and needs ceased to matter.
Watching the distance grow between us and being unable to do anything about it scares the hell out of me.
My boyfriend is on a path of self-destruction, and I’m afraid my love for him isn’t enough to pull him back from the brink.
On a positive note, Carter and Megan seem happier than ever.
Their relationship is rock-solid, and things are going well for the two of them, both on a personal as well as on an academic level.
It warms my heart to see my two best friends so in love.
They are living proof that life doesn’t have to be this hard.
That relationships can, in fact, be effortless and fun.
Watching them together gives me hope that Jake and I can find our way back to a better place ourselves.
Until then, I’ll just have to content myself with the knowledge that at least some of us get to enjoy a problem-free existence.