28. Twenty-Eight #2
“I’m sorry.” He closes the distance and lays a tentative hand on my shoulder.
When I don’t immediately shrug him off, he pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me.
I go willingly, needing his compassion more than my pride.
“Fuck,” he croaks, tightening his hold. “I’m so sorry.
I know you’re nothing like your old man.
I don’t even know why I said that. I’m just worried about you, alright?
” He pulls back, his familiar eyes glassy and sympathetic.
“You’re right. You deserve to have all the fun in the world, and who am I to fucking judge?
But there’s gotta be a way to do that in a safe and healthy way without alienating everyone who ever cared about you.
This all-or-nothing approach you’ve been taking lately is not doing you any favors.
I only want what’s best for you, man. And because of that, I feel compelled to tell you when I think you’re making a mistake.
" Giving my shoulder a squeeze, he dips his head to make sure I'm paying attention. "Tessa is leaving soon. Trust me when I say you want her to be secure in the knowledge that this long-distance relationship is going to work before she heads out to start her new life. You need to reassure her that she is and will continue to be your number one priority. That you’re worth coming back to because if you keep this up, you’ll lose her. She’s scared, Jake, and frankly, I don’t blame her.
I watched her desperately trying to get your attention the last time she decided to join you, and honestly, she may as well not have been there at all. You barely even noticed her.”
“Oh, I noticed her. How could I not, with that perpetual cloud of disappointment surrounding her, whenever I’m having too much fun? If I wanted someone to make me feel like garbage, I’d stay home with Dad. I don’t need that shit from my girlfriend.”
“You know she doesn’t think you’re a disappointment.
That’s your old man talking. You just told me you’re not an idiot, so stop acting like one.
Quit getting defensive whenever she says something you don’t want to hear, and be grateful you have people in your corner who keep showing up for you.
Once she stops trying, that’s when you have a real problem on your hands.
That girl loves you. She’s worried about you, and, honestly, after the scare you gave us the other week, I’d say she has every reason to be. ”
I huff out a breath, dropping heavily into the couch cushions before staring at the ceiling like it holds all the answers.
“You really think she’s doubting my feelings for her?” Carter’s answering shrug tells me everything I need to know.
“Just telling you what I’ve been picking up on, man.”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I briefly turn my thoughts inward before reluctantly admitting, “I mean, it’s possible I may have gotten a little carried away since Dad stepped up to the plate, but I didn’t realize she feels neglected.
You know how I feel about that girl. She’s everything to me, and all the booze and drugs in the world won’t ever change that. ”
“Maybe you need to tell her that ’cause it seems like she could use the reminder.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I flash him a sheepish half-smile, letting him know I appreciate him for once again setting me straight.
When my lips begin to twitch with barely restrained laughter, Carter’s head tips to the side, brows knitted together in an effort to figure out what could possibly have brought on my sudden change in attitude.
“What?”
“You’re gonna be alright, you know?” I chuckle at the confused look on his face. “You. Your baby situation. You’re gonna be just fine. That tiny peanut is already the luckiest kid in the world, and you’re going to be an amazing daddy.”
“You really think so?” The raw vulnerability in his voice makes my heart squeeze.
“I know so,” I tag on, no longer able to hold back the shit-eating grin begging to break free. “After all, you’ve been babysitting me for years, and look how well I turned out.” I watch as my best friend’s face drains of color before a barely audible, “God help us all,” echoes through the room.
Carter’s words ring in my ears for days following our conversation, and after much consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right.
I hate to admit it, even to myself, but chances are I’ve gone a little overboard in my attempt to catch up on two years’ worth of missed opportunities.
Ever since my dad started drinking, I felt like I was drowning in quicksand, desperately kicking my legs to keep my head above ground but only sinking deeper into the abyss.
So, when he cleaned up his act, my entire focus shifted, and I was hellbent on having as much fun as possible while his sobriety lasted.
I’m not one to lie to myself. I know he’ll be back to his old ways sooner or later.
It’s just a matter of time before the call of the bottle becomes too loud to be ignored.
Have I been taking full advantage of his coherent moments?
Damn right, I have, because before I know it, it’ll be back to Mr. Responsible for me.
What I failed to consider, though, was how Tessa might feel about the drastic changes, and that’s on me.
Carter had a point when he said she deserved better for having stuck by my side through the good and the bad.
As far as I’m concerned, that girl hangs the fucking moon, and I need to make sure things are solid between us before she rides off into the sunset to experience everything college life has to offer.
So, with a plan in mind, I text her and let her know I’m coming over tonight.
Hopefully, a quiet weekend in will give me enough time to apologize and squash any lingering doubts she might have about the state of our relationship.
I’m in the process of loading up my tools, having just finished a grueling day at work, when my cell phone goes off in my pocket .
“Hey man,” I greet with a smile when I see Chase’s name light up the screen.
“What’s up, my dude? I’m just calling to remind you about Ted’s birthday bash tonight. We’re all heading down to the river later, and I’m about to become your new favorite person because I managed to score us some premium powder to celebrate.”
Fuck. I remember Chase mentioning that Ted’s birthday was coming up, but I thought it was weeks away. This couldn’t have come at a worse time.
“Shit, man. I kind of promised Tessa I was taking it easy this weekend. Spend some one-on-one time with her since I haven’t exactly been the most attentive boyfriend lately.”
Chase produces a juvenile farting sound and mumbles something to Ted, whose sole contribution to the conversation is an ear-splitting boo.
“Come on, Jake. You can hang out with your girl any day. Tonight’s going to be epic. Have her tag along if you don’t feel right about bailing on her. She needs to let loose more often, anyway. It’ll be good practice for those wild college days.”
Yeah, I needed that reminder like a hole in the head.
Slamming the tailgate shut with more force than necessary, I round my truck and heave myself into the driver’s seat.
Fuck it. One more night isn’t going to make a difference.
I’ll invite Tessa, pray she won’t be too pissed about the last-minute change of plans, and make up for being a selfish prick tomorrow.
“Alright. Count me in.” I have to pull the phone away from my ear when their combined whoops and whistles threaten to penetrate my eardrums, but I bring it close again just in time to catch Chase say, “Trust me, dude. You made the right choice.”
Yeah? Then why do I have a hard time ignoring the twin sensations of guilt and foreboding that sit in my gut like a boulder the entire drive home?