7. STAY A LITTLE LONGER
STAY A LITTLE LONGER
Turns out a little bit turned into hours.
Two hours now, to be exact. We’re also on our third mug of hot chocolate, the warmth of it making me more relaxed than I’ve ever been.
It’s probably the reason I haven’t been able to shut up, and it doesn’t help that he’s giving me his undivided attention.
As if what I’m saying is actually interesting to him.
As if he actually gives a shit about all of it.
I wonder if he does, or if he’s just being polite, but then decide he must care since the conversation isn’t one-sided.
Kenneth raises his mug to his lips, sipping, making a slurping sound that has his cheeks turning red and my head falling back as I let out a loud laugh.
He rolls his eyes playfully and lowers the mug, then proceeds to lick away his chocolate mustache, missing some of it.
I trace my thumb over the corner of his mouth, wiping it, and then bring it to my lips, sucking it.
His breathing quickens a bit, and his lips part in a way that has me wanting to push him back onto the couch to devour him.
Sink into him. Fucking ruin him. He knows exactly what he’s doing to me, if the way his lips tilt into a smirk is any indication.
We’re sitting on his couch facing each other, legs tangled in a way that feels new and familiar at the same time.
He seems comfortable, and I, well, I feel at peace.
Like I’m finally exactly where I need to be.
It feels like I’m right where I belong. If home were a person and not a place, I’m sure he’d be it.
I’ve never experienced this before. This sense of déjà vu, as if I’ve lived it once or a hundred times before.
There’s a thoughtful expression on his face as the conversation dies down and we stare at each other, and he shifts slightly, untangling his legs from mine and then placing them on my lap.
I look down at where he’s now on me, then lower my hand to his strong calf and squeeze lightly, watching his face.
His nostrils flare, eyes dilating, black swallowing that very bright blue gaze of his.
I smile and tilt my head, ready to get back to talking, if only so I don’t do the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do.
Fuck him to within an inch of his life. Make him forget anyone who came before me. Show him there will be no one after me.
Kenneth grabs my mug from my hand and sets mine and his on the floor next to the couch. “You know…” he starts, and I look at him intently. “I told you about my mom earlier, and I figured… tit for tat.”
“You want to know about my dad?” I frown, and he nods.
“Won’t it ruin the mood?” I ask him seriously. What we have going here is peaceful and easy, and I’m not sure if bringing something heavy into it is the right move. But he narrows his eyes at me.
“Are you saying I’m the only one who’ll be opening up tonight?”
“No.” I shake my head vehemently. “I can… I can tell you.”
A blinding smile lights up his face, and he gestures with his hand for me to proceed.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, remembering the way my dad taught me to skate.
Then play hockey. The way he was there for every occasion—games, school plays, birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and graduations.
There was not one damn thing he missed in my life, even though his job should’ve prevented him from being there.
It makes the hole he carved out of my chest feel deeper, and the chasm takes my breath away.
My eyes sting now, and I open them, blinking back tears.
Kenneth’s concerned expression turns blurry, and I look away.
“I’m sorry.” Kenneth actually sounds regretful, and the weight of his legs disappears from my lap.
I miss him immediately, a sharp pain that takes my breath away, but before I can process what’s happening, he climbs onto my lap and pushes my head against the back of the couch. “I wasn’t thinking. I—”
“It’s alright,” I croak, then clear my throat. “Don’t worry about it.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine. A tear trails down my cheek, and he looks as if I’ve wounded him. Then he does something completely unexpected and brushes that tear away with his thumb.
“I want to,” I whisper back, my hands coming to rest on his hips.
He pulls back to look at me, a frown etched into his beautiful features.
I reach up and smooth out the crease between his blond eyebrows, pushing back his curly hair from his face so I can see him better.
His eyes widen slightly at my touch, but when I cup his face, he leans into it.
It makes my stomach flip, making me feel like I’m experiencing the dip of a very tall rollercoaster.
“He was everything to me; the best person I’ve ever known.
My dad was kind, caring, and the epitome of everything I want to become.
All I’ve ever wanted is to make him proud, and I’m not sure if I’m there yet. ”
“Conrad, I’m sure you’ve made him proud,” Kenneth says fiercely, gripping my face with one hand. “You’ve probably exceeded all his expectations. Look at you—you’re driven, successful, dedicated.”
“That’s not what I want to be known for,” I tell him, realizing it’s the absolute truth. “I want to be more like him.”
“What do you want to be known for?” he asks softly, and he’s looking at me like he’s hanging on to every word, then storing it to play back in his head again later.
“For loving hard.” I look away from him, then close my eyes.
I can’t bear to look at him when I say this.
I’m exposing every raw part of me, every bleeding and gaping wound.
“Fully. Absolutely. In a way that leaves no doubts. I want to show someone that I’ll be there through thick and thin, no matter what happens. I want to care.”
It’s surprising that just a few weeks ago, I was the king of casual, but ever since I decided that I want commitment, it feels natural to feel this way.
I’m not even weirded out about wanting these things.
I really do crave to give someone all my love.
To show someone they’re the most precious gift I’ve ever received.
I hope it’s Kenneth. I want it to be him.
“You already do care,” Kenneth says softly. “Look at you, Conrad. God, you care so much it’s fucking scary.”
I draw in a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down, trying not to break the fuck down in front of him.
Fuck, that would be so embarrassing. My hands tighten on his hips, then trail up his spine under his shirt.
His skin is smooth and warm, and I briefly wonder what it would look like arched back for me.
Does he have freckles on his shoulders? Is he more breathtaking naked than he is clothed?
Surely he is. There are not enough words in my vocabulary that describe his perfection, but if I had to choose one, I’d say: bewitching.
Utterly bewitching. In a scary way—one that feels absolute.
“Look at me,” he says softly but commandingly. “Open those beautiful green eyes and look at me.”
I open my eyes slowly, and the tears that were gathered in the corners fall like waterfalls.
He watches them trail down my face and down my neck with a stricken expression, but then his eyes snap back to mine.
There’s vulnerability there, and my heart begins to beat faster.
Faster. Irregularly. Until I feel dizzy and there’s a whooshing sound in my ears.
Blood, I realize. The things he does to me should be studied.
Kenneth leans in and his nose bumps mine, making my breath shudder.
He keeps eye contact with me the entire time, and when he tilts his head and brushes his lips against mine, I grow dizzier even though I’m sitting.
My head spins, and my hands change direction to come to the back of his head.
I hold the nape of his neck with one hand and tangle my other one in his golden locks.
He breathes heavily against my mouth, and I begin to tremble under him.
He has no idea of the power he wields over me.
Kenneth is the blade, and I am the soft flesh that yields to him.
“Kiss me,” I whisper, and he shivers. “Kiss me already. Put me out of my misery, please. I need—”
My words are silenced by the press of his lips against mine.
It stuns me momentarily, the way it feels as if there are fireworks going off inside of me.
My skin turns hot and tingly, my stomach filling with raging butterflies.
It feels as if they’re trying to crawl out of me, trying to escape the confines of my insides.
Maybe they will. Maybe he really is a blade, one that pierces me open to let every part of me out.
Kenneth’s lips shift, and he sucks on my lips, making me groan, and when he bites my bottom one, I tighten my fist in his hair.
He lets out a breathy little moan that goes straight to my cock, and I feel it stiffen against his ass.
I know he can feel it when he rocks against it once, and my breath catches in my throat.
He’s barely doing anything, and yet he’s already ruining me for anyone else.
I’ve never felt this way before over a simple kiss.
I tilt his head slightly and thrust my tongue into his warm mouth.
It’s wet and hot, and it threatens to consume me.
His own tongue tangles with mine, rolling and stroking, and when he cups my cheeks with his hands and deepens the kiss even more, it feels like I’m on the edge of a cliff, ready to throw myself off.
Willingly. Readily. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’d do it if he asked.