3. SARAH
Ispin on my black cushioned leather office chair in front of my new espresso brown desk, feeling so damn proud of myself.
I did it.
I freaking did it!
After spending a mundane year doing my time as the coffee girl at a bank close to school, making minimum wage, I scored myself a paid internship at a corporate office for one of the biggest banks in the world, LH United. Not only is it just a quick car ride from my apartment to its location in the financial district, but it’s also a position that allows flexibility with my schedule while attending school. It’s perfect.
My end goal of becoming a financial analyst is becoming closer and closer with each day.
I can feel it.
And no, my dream out of life was never to be a financial analyst. In fact, the thought of working in a corporate office for the rest of my life makes me want to gouge my eyes out and eat oysters.
Yeah, I really don’t like oysters.
But it’s a good, stable job. A job that will bring in a decent salary and allow me to continue taking care of myself like I always have. Money is tight enough as it is in this economy. Never mind adding a baby to the mix.
Even if I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do about that yet…
Anyway, the point is that everything depends on me doing well in this internship, especially when I no longer have the option of failing.
“Hi, Sarah.” A beautiful, tall brunette approaches my desk, extending her slender hand. “I’m Gianna. It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you.” I smile as I stand, extending my arm toward her, currently covered in my black cardigan. I didn’t think my floral arm tattoos would fit in a place like this and would most definitely guarantee a judgmental look from each stuck-up person here, so I opted for a boring cardigan to be safe.
I’ll say it. Banking people aren’t my cup of tea. But again, I’m here to bring home a steady paycheck. And it helps that I’m pretty good with numbers.
Scratch that. I’m really damn good with numbers.
“I’m the financial service administrator and sit just down the hall over there.” She points her French-manicured finger toward her desk, and I suddenly wonder if it’s acceptable that mine are black. Shit, I didn’t think about that. “It’s so nice having another woman in the office, so if you ever want to grab a coffee or lunch and save me from all the boredom, just let me know.”
“I will definitely take you up on that.”
She smiles and then walks away, leaving me to turn on my computer and start my day. After a few hours, my stomach rumbles, so I reach inside my purse for one of my protein bars to hold me over, and just as I take a rather large bite of the bar, my phone rings.
I pick it up without looking at it like an idiot. “Hello,” I murmur through a mouthful of food.
“Hi, Sarah, this is Sabrina, Mr. Black’s secretary. He asked for you to see him now.”
I gulp down my bar. Mr. Black. The big boss. The head of this corporate office wants me to see him. “Of course! I’m on my way.” I jump out of my seat, straighten my dress, ensure my cardigan is buttoned, and smooth out my hair before letting out a deep breath. My heels click on the glossy floor with each step I take, getting closer and closer to his office.
As I approach, I see who I assume is Sabrina sitting at a desk outside his office. She looks at me, smiling, and tells me to go inside.
My fingers tremble as I carefully open the frosted glass door.
“Mr. Black. You wanted to see me, sir?” I ask, cautiously making my way inside.
“Ah, yes. Sarah. I’m so sorry.” He stands from his seat and walks toward me, extending his hand. “I hoped to meet you this morning, but the day has been quite hectic.”
The man looks like Santa Claus in a black suit, which makes me smile. There’s something so warm and welcoming about him. Although his eyes hold a familiar deep blue hue that I can’t quite place.
“No worries, sir. Everyone here has been very welcoming,” I assure him, clasping my hand around his in a handshake. Not too firm. And not weak. But just right. I might have practiced a few times this morning with myself. I internally cringe at how pathetic I sound.
“Good. Good. I’m glad to hear that.” He motions for me to sit on the chair closest to me, putting my back to the door as he takes the seat opposite me.
“I have to say we were quite impressed with your resume—a perfect 4.0 GPA. You’re clearly a very diligent worker, and we’re excited to help you become a financial analyst,” he says.
“It would be a dream, sir,” I lie. Maybe someone else’s dream. Not mine, though. But this probably isn’t the best time to mention my dream, which entails me sitting in a private art studio that overlooks water and wildlife. Painting until I can’t feel my fingers.
We’ll save that conversation for another time.
“Well, we’re delighted to hear that.” He smiles. “Unfortunately, I won’t be here for the next few months to help mentor you, but my son—”
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Ah, perfect timing.” His smile grows as he stands, motioning for the person to enter. I hear the door open behind me, followed by a shuffle of feet. “Son, this is our newest intern and someone I see having real potential with our company.”
I stand and turn with a friendly smile until, suddenly, the air in my lungs all at once leaves me. My eyes widen, and my smile falters as a familiar pair of deep blue eyes narrow in on me, sending an instant wave of nausea throughout my entire body.
No. No. No. No.
“Greyson, this is Sarah.” Mr. Black looks between me and his son. “Sarah, this is my son. He will be here to assist you with your transition.”
Greyson smirks, extending his hand for me to take. “It’s nice to meet you, Sarah. I’m looking forward to working closely with you,” the smug bastard says, knowing damn well who I am.
I do everything I can to show no ounce of fear as my hand briefly touches his in an uncomfortable shake. “Likewise.”
“Someday,” Mr. Black starts, “Greyson will be taking over for me, making his old man proud.” Greyson subtly nods, but my eyes catch on his fist, tightening close to his side. “If I’m correct, you both attend the same school, Linrey University.” Mr. Black squeezes his son’s shoulder.
“That’s correct, sir,” I add, my pulse beating rapidly beneath my chest.
“My son here is the captain—” Greyson gives him a slight scowl, cutting off his words. “Or I mean, he’s one of the captains of the basketball team.” He smiles proudly, and I instantly feel bad for this man who has no idea how evil his son is. “So he is quite busy, but in his downtime, he’ll be here watching over the office while I’m away for business. He’ll also be here to help you with whatever you need.”
I nod, displaying a fake smile as I fight the urge to vomit in the middle of his office. I’m quite sure that would warrant me getting fired on my first day.
“Well, I didn’t mean to keep you, Sarah, but again, we’re thrilled to have you here, and we hope you feel the same,” Mr. Black notes.
“I am. Thank you,” I confirm, shaking his hand again before I walk past him, avoiding the beady eyes drilling holes in the side of my head from his son.
The second I’m out of his office, I book it to the bathroom, no longer able to keep down the protein bar in my stomach. I push the bathroom door open, relieved to find no one else inside and enter one of the stalls to empty my stomach.
I wipe my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and flush, leaning against the wall as I stare at the ceiling, fighting back tears that want to escape.
This can’t be happening.
I hear the door open and straighten my spine while smoothing my hair. I unlock the stall and walk toward the sink to wash my hands, keeping my gaze straight ahead. The freezing water on my skin is comforting as my heart continues racing erratically.
Calm down. Just breathe. Everything is fine.
“Not happy to see me, Sarah?”
Every muscle in my body tenses, fear crescendoing throughout me.
The cruelty in his voice sends a shiver down my spine, and I grip the edge of the sink so I don’t fall straight to the floor. Glaring in the mirror, I find Greyson leaning against the door with his arms crossed, watching me maliciously.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demand, relieved my voice doesn’t give away to the panic inside me.
He makes a tsk sound of disapproval before standing straight, locking the door, and walking toward me. “Now, that’s no way to talk to the boss’s son. Is it?”
I remain silent as he approaches, feeling every part of my body ready to turn on flight mode. But as he stands directly behind me, looking in the mirror at me, I calmly say, “What do you want?”
He looks me over, making me feel like a cheap used car up for auction. “I haven’t decided yet. But when I do, you’ll be the first to know.” His eyes catch mine in the mirror.
“I won’t do anything for you.”
“Oh, but you will.” He leans down, brushing his lips over my ear. “You see, I can be quite convincing when necessary.”
“You don’t own me,” I grit out.
His smile grows, his eyes glinting with cruel intent. “I think you’ll find that I do.” His hand grips a piece of my hair, twirling it around his finger. He brings it up to his nose, deeply inhaling. “Apple and honey?”
“Don’t touch me.” I step to the side, pushing away from him, but in mere seconds, he has me pinned to the wall with his hands wrapped around my neck.
“Don’t piss me off, Sarah, when you know what I have on you.” His fingers dig into my neck as I fight for breath under his hold. My hands claw at his, digging my nails into his skin, but it’s futile.
“You’re disgusting,” I manage to spit out.
“I just know how to get what I want. It’s not personal. Just business.” He releases me, and I clutch my neck, gasping in as much air as I can.
“See you around, Sarah. Oh, and don’t be late. The boss is a real stickler for that.” He chuckles and then taps my nose before he walks out the door as though he didn’t just try to strangle me in the bathroom.
I slide down against the cold wall, letting tears run fervently down my cheeks.
What am I going to do?
I worked so hard to be here, and I need this money. It’s too late in the year to try to find a new internship, and even if I do, it won’t be comparable to this.
He’s going to destroy me.
I could see it in his cold eyes.
Even though I never did anything to him to make him feel this way toward me. He’s just hated me since the night he chose me as his personal pawn.
The night I’ll never be able to escape.
After finishing my work for the day, acting as though the boss’s son didn’t attack me in the bathroom, I stop at the grocery store on the way home, starving for food but feeling too emotionally exhausted to make anything. Not to mention, I only have twenty dollars in my wallet. So I leave with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, a tub of peanut butter, and a jar of dill pickles.
Opening the door to my apartment, I’ve never been so relieved to be home. As I lock up behind me, I rest my forehead against the smooth surface and let out a long, deep breath that has been waiting for this moment to make an appearance.
I’m home.
I’m safe.
I kick off my heels, toss my cardigan to the floor, and unzip my dress, leaving me in nothing but my black panties and bra. I place the bag on the coffee table, go to my room, take off my bra, and throw on an oversized T-shirt. Grabbing the brochures on my nightstand, the ones I have refused to look at for the past week that the doctor left me with, I walk out to the living room and set everything up.
The pickles, ice cream, and peanut butter line the edge of the table as I sit back on the sofa and start glancing through each pamphlet with a blanket wrapped around me.
Reaching for the pen and paper nearby, I’m ready to start creating a pros and cons list, but after only a few minutes of looking at each brochure, I toss the papers to the floor and lie back, fisting my hands at my side, frustration seeping out of me.
How am I supposed to make a decision when I still don’t even know who the father is?
I even went to the bar a few days ago, hoping that, by some miracle, I would run into him. The bartender was clearly annoyed with me as I sat there ordering water. And maybe me repeatedly asking him if he knew of anyone matching my mystery man’s description was his final straw and why he finally stopped coming to my side of the bar, but whatever.
I rub my throbbing temple, closing my eyes. I’ll never be able to find him. And the only person to blame for that is myself.
He could be a married businessman living in another state for all I know, who just happened to stop in that damn bar the same night as me, looking for the same thing.
A distraction.
And because I made the stupid decision of not exchanging names, I’m never going to know who the father of my baby is.
My baby.
I sit up, eyes widening.
My baby.
This is the first time I’ve thought of those two words together.
And as if a light bulb turned on above me, I know what I’m going to do. I stand up and pick up the brochures, throwing out all but one.
I’m Ready to Be a Momstares back at me. A woman on the cover is smiling, holding her stomach proudly, and I wonder if I’ll ever feel like that.
Maybe this isn’t the typical pregnancy per se, but I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.
So maybe there’s a reason I can’t find this man.
Maybe I’m meant to do this myself.
And that’s okay.
I’ve managed to take care of myself perfectly well for this long, so how hard could it be to add a baby to the equation?
* * *
After waking up at the crack of dawn with a stiff neck, immediately regretting falling asleep on the couch, I throw back my prenatal vitamins while turning on my computer to look at the Excel document I spent the whole night creating, preparing to be a mom.
There’s tab after tab of everything I need to know in order to take care of a baby. One tab consists of different baby foods organized by the overall consumer rating. There’s a tab with everything I should be taking now, like vitamins and supplements to keep me and the baby healthy. A tab of everything I need for a nursery.
That’s the tab that has me stressed out the most because of the cost of each item.
Financially, it’s going to be tight. Very tight. I reviewed the numbers three times, and even with my salary from my internship, the cost of caring for a baby will eat over half of my income, which doesn’t leave a lot left over for rent, bills, and essential items like food. A baby crib alone averages around five hundred dollars that I haven’t saved up. And when I researched the cost of diapers, it stated to add one hundred dollars a month to my expenses—one hundred dollars just for something that gets shit on and thrown away.
Baffling.
But I suppose this would qualify as a time I am justified to use my emergency credit card, which I got when I first came to school and haven’t touched since it arrived.
I’ll spend the afternoon trying to find as many items as possible and make the best of the last weekend before my classes start. Guess I never really imagined myself shopping for baby supplies while still in college, but here we are.
Life throws things at us when we least expect them, or maybe it’s when we need something thrown into our lives the most that it happens.
Change.
I’ve never been a fan of it, but as someone who has experienced enough change to last a lifetime, I can handle one more curveball thrown my way.
As I lock my door behind me, my ears perk up to recognizable voices down the hall. I walk toward the apartment with the door left wide open and see my neighbor, Natalie Spencer, standing inside, causing a sudden burst of warmth to fill me. I haven’t seen her since the beginning of the summer, but I’m sure glad to see her familiar face, especially with everything new going on in my life.
Although, I’m going to hold off on telling anyone I’m pregnant for as long as I can. I don’t need people’s pity as I explain to them that I have no idea who the father is.
I internally shake my head, putting that thought to the back of my mind for the moment.
Everything happens for a reason.
I knock on the side of the doorframe and smile, looking over at Natalie as she turns to face me, beaming. I’m assuming this is her new apartment because she told me that her best friend, Vanessa, was going to be rooming with her, and they needed a bigger space, so they took the vacant unit in the same hall, and her brother, Jason, took her old one.
“Sarah!” Natalie’s beautiful grey eyes widen. “Perfect timing. We were just about to have some pizza. Did you want some?” Her long, blonde hair falls over her slender shoulders as she wraps her arms around me.
Being hugged, even just for a quick moment, suddenly makes me feel emotional. And I don’t get emotional in front of people.
Ever.
“Oh, that’s so nice of you! But I was just on my way out and wanted to say hi.” I smile, holding in tears, and wave at everyone in the room before my eyes falter over a very tall guy standing in the kitchen with his back to everybody, placing food on the counter, appearing oblivious to me being here as Natalie continues the introductions.
But as my eyes scan over his body from head to toe, my gut clenches.
No…it can’t be. Can it?
“Let me introduce you to the gang.” Natalie takes a step away, and I turn my head to see her pull on a girl’s arm, standing near her. From the beautiful chestnut strands and big brown eyes I’ve seen in pictures on Natalie’s phone, there’s only one person this could be. “This is my best friend, Vanessa.”
Vanessa gives a slight wave, and I walk over to her, squeezing her in an embrace.
“I am so glad to finally meet you!” I exclaim.
“You are?” Vanessa breathes out.
I unwrap my arms from around her. “Yes! I knew the moment I met Natalie that something was missing from her life. And”—I peek over at Nate—“no offense, Nate”—my eyes move back to Vanessa—“but it was you.”
“None taken,” Nate responds, reaching into the fridge to pull out a cold beer.
Vanessa’s cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink.
“And you know Nate, of course,” Natalie continues. “And you met Jason last time he was here.”
“Hey,” Jason adds with a quick nod. I smile, but knowing there’s only one person left for Natalie to introduce me to causes my heart to thump wildly.
Stay calm, Sarah. Maybe it’s not him. It’s just some random guy who looks exactly like the father of your baby from behind.
But as he turns toward me, locking his dark chocolate brown eyes onto mine, everything around me blurs.
It’s him.
Natalie looks over her shoulder at the man who is now raking his eyes over my body, seeming like maybe he’s been thinking about that night as much as I have.
“And Sarah, this is—”
“Paul,” Paul says, walking over to me, reaching his hand out for me to take, acting as though we didn’t fuck each other’s brains out five weeks ago. But maybe to him, that’s a typical Saturday night. His large hand wraps around mine, sending a swoosh of tingles to my core, bringing me right back to that night we spent together.
My heart gallops in my chest, and I pray he doesn’t notice the effect he has on me.
“Paul,” I repeat back to him, playing along with the whole “not knowing each other” act as I process the turn of events today.
Five minutes ago, I didn’t have a name for this man, and now I have the whole delicious package standing in front of me.
I realize we’ve been holding each other’s hands for too long and pull back, taking a step away. “Well, it was really nice to finally meet the rest of you, but I better be going.” I turn to leave and can’t help but take one last glance over my shoulder at Paul, who hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of me.
Walking down the hall toward the elevator, I realize, with a bit of hope in my heart, that I may not have to do this alone anymore.