23. SARAH
“That looks like a monkey’s butt!”
Natalie and Vanessa bicker and tease each other like two best friends because that’s exactly what they are.
I’ve never had an easy time making friends, seeing that I bounced around from house to house as a child, grew up used to doing things independently, and learned that I could only rely on myself.
But meeting Natalie was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I not only gained a friendship with her but with Vanessa as well, which is why I was so glad they invited me to go out with them to this Wine and Paint Night, even if that meant I would, unfortunately, need to skip the wine portion of the evening.
Let’s just say I was in desperate need of a distraction, and I was thankful that these two could provide me with one.
My paintbrush strokes across the canvas as I mirror the sunset image the instructor created, intending for us to duplicate. Scenic images are my favorite to make, so I find myself getting lost in the colors and textures until I arrive at a point where I feel pleased with my work.
“Done!” I announce.
It’s not one of the best pieces I’ve ever created, and I will blame the extra stress in my life for that. But as I tilt my head to the side, gazing at the image before me, I feel…happy. For at least a few seconds, which is more than I’ve felt since Paul left my apartment in a fury, never once looking back at me.
Immense shame washes over me.
“Sarah, that’s beautiful!” Natalie gets up from her seat to stand before my canvas, her wide eyes moving over the image. “Where did you learn to paint like this?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “My mom taught me.”
The mention of her causes a tiny ache in the center of my chest as a memory of her in a bright yellow paint-stained smock with the most beautiful smile on her face floats across my eyes.
“I’m surprised you don’t do this professionally,” Vanessa offers as she stands beside Natalie. “People would pay a lot of money for a beautiful painting like that.”
I scoff, suddenly embarrassed by the attention. “Oh, I’m not that good.”
My mom was a good artist.
No, my mom was the best artist I ever knew.
Natalie and Vanessa give each other a knowing look before Vanessa says, “You’re wrong. You’re very talented, and you should be proud of yourself.”
I feel tears on the brink of spilling out, but I do everything I can to hold them inside. “Thanks, Vanessa.” Glancing between Natalie and Vanessa’s painting, I bite my bottom lip, stifling a laugh.
“Go ahead. Let it out,” Vanessa suggests, throwing her hands in the air.
“I was just going to say I wish I could return the compliment.” A bubble of laughter escapes me, causing my whole body to shake. Vanessa and Natalie’s laughter joins mine, and pretty soon, that’s the only noise heard in the place.
And fuck, it feels so unbelievably good to laugh.
“Refills, anyone?” A waitress approaches our table with a bottle of wine in her hands.
Vanessa and Natalie don’t hesitate to say, “Yes, please.”
I wipe the laughing tears from my eyes and lift my glass of sparkling water. “I’m all set.”
“Sarah, the place is called Wine and Paint Night, not Water and Paint Night,” Natalie teases.
“I know. Trust me, I wish I could join you guys, but it’s just…” It’s just that I’m pregnant and haven’t been able to enjoy a glass of wine in months. It’s straight-up torture, if you ask me. “I have to be up early again for work.”
“Hey, don’t worry,” Vanessa remarks. “Natalie and I will drink enough for the three of us.”
I force a small smile, averting eye contact, fearing they’ll see right through my lie.
“Everything going okay at work?” Natalie asks, tilting her head. When my eyes meet hers, I’m suddenly afraid she can read my thoughts.
But she can’t, right?
“Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everything is fine.” I widen my smile, but who am I kidding? It’s not fooling anyone.
“And you still like working for a bank?” Natalie asks.
“It’s…umm…” My throat tightens at this question. Because no, I don’t like working for a fucking bank. I don’t like staring at a computer screen all day, advising people with a shit ton of money on how to invest it. And I most certainly don’t enjoy being threatened and blackmailed by the boss’s son. But I have no choice and need to remain working here, especially after Paul made his feelings clear on where he stands with me.
And with our baby.
He left.
“I opened up to you because I trusted you with everything, including my heart.”
Oh fuck. My eyes begin watering, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to stop them as both girls watch me, appearing concerned. “It pays the bills,” I softly say, clearing my throat.
“Oh, Sarah.” Vanessa wraps her arms around me. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” I answer, trying to brush off the subject. Without realizing it, my arms tighten around Vanessa. Clearly, my body is begging to be comforted even if my head isn’t strong enough to admit it’s what I need.
To not feel alone in all of this bullshit for just one day.
That’s what I really need.
Vanessa pulls away just the slightest bit to look at me.
Taking a deep breath, I admit, “It’s just some asshole at my office.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks, hating that I appear weak in front of them. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Is there anyone in your office you can talk to about this?” she asks.
“It’s a company filled with rich, old, powerful men. It’s also the boss’s son. They wouldn’t care or do anything about it. I would quit, but…I really need the money right now.”
And it’s true. I would quit in a heartbeat if I didn’t desperately rely on every paycheck to survive.
Vanessa hesitates, looking between me and Natalie. “I know you don’t know him very well, but if you ever need help, I know Paul would take care of things for you. He’s a really great guy. He’d give you the coat off his back on the coldest day of the year.”
Sucker punched right in the gut.
That’s the only way to describe how I feel at this very moment.
Clearing my throat, I shake my head. “No. I got this. Really. Please don’t say anything to him.” I reveal a smile, trying my hardest to appear okay. The last thing I need is for them to mention this moment to Paul.
“I won’t,” Vanessa confirms. “But if there is anything Natalie and I can do to help, you’ll let us know, right?”
Oh, how I wish they could help me.
I nod as more tears begin to run down my face.
Damn hormones.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so emotional,” I lie.
Vanessa wipes the tears from my face, throwing her arm around my shoulder. “It’s Natalie’s painting. It’s so ugly it just makes you want to cry.”
“Hey! At least mine doesn’t look like a monkey’s ass!”
“Touché,” Vanessa replies.
Natalie’s slender arms wrap around me. “We girls have to stick together.”
“I’m seriously so glad I met you guys.” My voice comes out small as I try to rein in my sobs. God, how pathetic am I? “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Natalie squeezes my hand as the three of us share a moment I’ll never forget.
* * *
Feeling completely worn out, I lean against the elevator wall, my whole body ready to soak in a warm bubble bath.
Spending a girls’ night with Natalie and Vanessa after a long day at work was exactly what I needed, but it was also draining. And I have sore feet and an aching back to prove it.
Rubbing my temple as a headache forms, I close my eyes, picturing the one person I wish I could see.
Paul.
It’s been days since I’ve seen or heard from him. And the thought of never seeing him again is scaring the fuck out of me.
But it wouldn’t surprise me if he left for good.
Everyone always leaves.
Not to mention, I deserve it this time.
I kept one of the biggest secrets of my life from him—one that will impact his life significantly. That is if he decides to be a part of our baby’s life.
But I’m guessing from how he left and hasn’t returned that that was his answer.
And it’s okay. I’ll figure everything out, just like I have been doing since I was nine.
One damn day at a time.
Alone.
The metal doors slide open, and I head down the hall directly toward my apartment door, searching my bag for my key.
Emotions grip me at the thought of opening this door and having to stare at the disassembled baby furniture for another night.
All I want to do is cry, but I think I’m even too tired to do that.
I pop the door open, stepping inside, just as my stomach rumbles.
I know, pretty baby. My hand rubs my stomach. As soon as I take a bath, I’ll make us something to eat, and then—
My bag drops to the floor.
Where is all the half-assed assembled baby furniture?
My eyes fly to the lock on my door, but it doesn’t appear damaged, as though someone broke in.
Glancing around, I notice everything else appears where it belongs—nothing except the baby furniture is missing.
Did some asshole come in here just to steal my baby’s furniture? What the actual fu—
“Ow!”
A loud groan comes from the spare room, aka the baby’s future nursery, causing my eyes to widen in alarm as my heart rate accelerates. My hand reaches into my purse on the floor for my bottle of pepper spray. I slowly flick the cap and quietly walk toward the room, tiptoeing one step at a time. I hear shuffling and movement coming from the other side of the door, and my heart pounds so loud beneath my chest that I can barely hear anything else.
Maybe I should call the police…
“Fuck yeah! I did it!”
I freeze in front of the door. Did what?
The door is cracked open only an inch, hiding the man from my view. My shaking palm lightly pushes the door open as I take a deep breath.
One… Two… Three!
“You messed with the wrong crazy bitch motherfucker!” I scream, jumping inside the room, holding the pepper spray in front of me with my thumb hovering over the switch as I aim at…
Paul?
“Holy shit, Sarah!” Paul presses his hand to his chest, startled.
“Paul?” I blink a few times. “What are you…” My throat goes parched as my eyes take in the room. Every piece of baby furniture is assembled. Every screw is fastened. Every bolt is tightened. And every damn knob is precisely where it belongs. Confusion fills me as I take in the completed nursery, my mouth agape. “Why did you do this?”
My eyes drift to Paul, meeting his. And I notice hurt flash across his chocolate brown eyes.
“Well…” He tugs on the silver chain around his neck. “I guess I can understand why you would ask me that, seeing how I left things with you the last time I was here.”
I tuck the pepper spray in my back pocket. “Yeah. I, umm, didn’t think I was going to be seeing you again,” I voice steadily, trying to appear strong when I’m ready to crumble inside.
He shakes his head. “You know I’m not that kind of person. I just needed to think about things. I needed to cool down.” His eyes narrow the slightest bit. “It’s not like I was given a heads-up about this.”
I look down at the floor, guilt eating away at me.
“I know.” I wrap my arms around myself.
“Do you think we can talk?” Paul asks quietly.
I nod, staring at the plush beige carpet.
“Sarah?”
I shake my head.
“Look at me.”
A tear escapes, cascading down my cheek.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
He takes a couple of steps until he’s standing directly in front of me, his shoes coming into my line of sight. Two of his fingers slide under my chin, lifting my face so I have no choice but to meet his eyes with my own.
“Talk to me.”
I swallow hard, closing my eyes. “I thought you left,” I admit in a whisper. “Like everyone else.”
“Sarah…” His thumb caresses my skin. “I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry that I made you think that I was. But I’m here and I’m always going to be here.”
I nod, opening my eyes, feeling tears spill down my face.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I watched you leave, and I didn’t think I’d ever see you—”
His lips press against my temple. “I’ll spend every day proving to you that I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, Sarah. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”
I let out a shaky sigh. “Being stuck with you sounds pretty nice.”
“Yeah?” He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his body. My eyes close as my head rests against his chest, and I melt into him, cherishing his embrace.
And it feels…perfect.
“I can’t believe you put everything together.” My eyelids flutter open as I turn my head to the side, focusing on the baby crib, perfectly standing against the side of the room. The changing table appears assembled beside the far wall, and the matching rocking chair sits in the corner of the room with…
I step away, tilting my head to the side. “Is that Teddy?”
Paul strides toward the chair, picking up the unrecognizable teddy bear. “I took Teddy to the dry cleaners. They cleaned his fur, sewed his eye back on, and gave him a new pink bow.” He hands him over to me. “What do you think?”
I clutch the bear to my chest, sobbing like a baby. “He…looks…perfect.”
He took my ratty old teddy bear to the dry cleaners.
He did that for me.
“Don’t cry, baby girl.” His fingers slide against my cheek, his knuckles running against my jawline. “I’m here.”
“I can’t help it. Everything makes me cry now because my hormones are all over the place, and I hate it so much,” I confess. “I saw one of those ASPCA commercials the other day. The one with the Sarah McLachlan song, and I cried for almost two hours straight.”
Paul rolls in his bottom lip, stifling a laugh.
I swat at his chest. “It’s not funny!”
He clears his throat, shaking his head, trying to appear serious. “Definitely not funny.”
I purse my lips, considering, and take a step away to place Teddy on the changing table. “I guess it’s a little funny.”
His lips curve up the tiniest bit as he bundles his arm around my waist and pulls me into him.
I clasp my arms around him, gripping his shirt in my fingers. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you everything. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I was just so scared. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to—”
“Breathe, Sarah.” He rubs my back. “Just breathe. Everything will be okay.”
No, it won’t. Not until I tell him about Greyson.
“Paul, I…I want…no, I need to tell you everything.”
His hand runs over the back of my head and down my spine in a soothing, gentle motion. “Have you eaten tonight?”
I shake my head.
“Why don’t we order some delivery, and then you can tell me everything?” His cheek rests on the top of my head as his arms wrap tighter around me, making me feel safe, protected, and…loved.
“Okay.” I let out a deep breath. “But can we stand like this for one more minute?”
He kisses the top of my head. “Of course.”
After a few minutes, I slowly unwrap myself from around him and look up into his eyes. “I’m ready.”
He takes my hand and leads me to the living room, but as we walk out the door, I take one last look over my shoulder at the room that, thanks to Paul, now looks like an actual nursery.
Seeing everything put together makes this all feel more real.
“What are you in the mood for?” Paul plops down on the sofa, pulling me down beside him. He pulls up his phone, scrolling through his food delivery app. “There’s Chinese, pizza, Mexican—”
“Mexican!” I exclaim.
“Mexican it is, then.” He presses a few buttons and then places his phone beside him. “It’ll be here soon.”
“How did you even know what I wanted?”
He smirks. “I didn’t, so I ordered a bit of everything.”
“A man who buys his woman food is a good man,” I tease.
“His woman, huh?”
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate—”
He presses his lips to mine, instantly shutting me up as his hand cups the back of my neck, pushing me into him.
God, this man can kiss.
He pulls away, resting his forehead on mine. “You’re mine, Sarah Fleur. Don’t ever forget that.”
I smile at his words. No one’s ever claimed me before. I’m all for feminism, but damn, hearing those words come out of his mouth just ignited a spark in the center of my core.
“Tell me I’m yours,” he whispers against my lips.
I playfully brush my lips against his. “You’re mine, Paul Weston.”
Thirty minutes later, Paul greets the delivery guy at the door while I change into an oversized T-shirt. When I come out of my room, I see bags and bags of food.
“Paul, what did you do?” I laugh, holding my hand over my mouth.
He shrugs. “I just wanted to make sure you and our baby have a good meal.”
Our baby.
My eyes water, but I blink a few times to stop them.
He brings all the food to the coffee table, and I get comfortable on the couch, gliding a blanket over my legs. I reach for a piece of a quesadilla and take an unladylike bite.
“Mmm. This is so good,” I mumble through a mouthful of food.
He smiles. “You might want to wash that down with something.” He spins around, walking into the kitchen.
Shit. I never went grocery shopping today. Not that I would be able to afford much…
“I’m sorry.” I quickly get up, following him. “I never went grocery shopping. I’m afraid there’s nothing in the fridge. I can only offer you tap water.”
“I went grocery shopping,” he says casually.
I pause mid-step. “You did?”
“Yeah. I noticed you had nothing in your fridge or cabinets, so I went to the store and got some essentials.”
I open the fridge to look inside, and my mouth falls open. “You stocked my fridge.”
“Well, I wasn’t sure—”
My arms enclose around him tightly. “Thank you.”
His arms wrap around me. “You’re welcome.”
I peek into the open fridge beside us and spot a bottle of whipped cream. “Paul?”
“Mm-hmm?”
“Does whipped cream count as an essential item?”
“When it comes to you and me, yes, it absolutely does.”
We both laugh as he grabs me a sparkling water from the fridge and then clutches my hand to lead me back into the living room, but I stop when I notice my Mt. Everest pile of bills on the center of the island is missing.
“Paul, did you move my bills?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I took care of them and then threw them out.”
My mouth opens wide. “Come again?”
“I took care of your bills.” He shrugs and then sits on the couch.
“You…you can’t just go around paying people’s bills. Those were my bills. I was going to…eventually pay them. Someday,” I add, trying to sound pissed about this when really, all I feel is relief as an invisible weight lifts from my shoulders.
“And now you don’t have to.”
“I don’t understand.” I shake my head, taking a few steps until I stand between his legs. “Why?”
His hand gently grips my wrist, pulling me onto his lap. “Why would I take care of bills pertaining to you and our baby? It seems kind of obvious to me.”
I shake my head. “I’m just not used to this.”
“Used to what?”
“Being taken care of,” I whisper. “It’s a lot to wrap my head around.”
He ghosts his lips over my ear, sending a chill down my spine. “I’m always going to take care of you and our baby, whether financially, mentally, or physically, so I suggest you get used to it.”
“I’ll try,” I murmur, picking up another piece of a quesadilla.
After eating all the food I can fit in my stomach, I curl up against the couch, facing Paul.
He leans back, placing his arm on the back of the couch, and, with his other hand, pats the top of his thighs. “Let me see your feet.”
I cock my brow. “You got some weird foot fetish I don’t know about?”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Give me your damn feet, woman.”
I stretch my legs out, placing my feet on his lap as he reaches for one of them. The moment his thumbs dig into the sole of my foot, I can’t help but moan out in pleasure.
“Oh my God.” I tilt my head back. “This is amazing. Can you do this every night?” I ask, completely teasing.
“How about I let you choose every night how I’ll make you moan? Deal?” He grins with a wink, sending a blush over my cheeks.
“Deal,” I breathe.
We sit like this for a few minutes in silence as he continues massaging my feet. It feels very domestic and natural. But above all, it feels right.
When he finishes, I pull my feet back, tucking my knees against my chest.
Paul’s fingers reach out, tenderly brushing against the hem of my shirt. “So, are you ready to tell me why you kept your pregnancy a secret from me?”
I swallow the lump in my throat, anxiety trying to strangle me from the inside out.
“You promise you won’t be mad?” I ask timidly.
“I won’t be mad.”
“And…you won’t leave?” I whisper.
His hand stills. “I’m not leaving, baby girl. Not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.”
I nod, glancing down at my hands on my lap. “Greyson Black.”
Paul’s body tenses. “What about Greyson Black?”
“He’s the reason I couldn’t tell you,” I breathe, pinching my eyes shut for only a moment.
“I don’t understand…”
I clear my throat, my eyes watering. “Growing up in foster care, moving from house to house, made it difficult for me to make friends. Actually…it was impossible for me to make friends.” I rest my cheek against the back of the couch. “So, when I started my freshman year at Linrey University, I thought it was my chance to try. And I did that by going to parties.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hating how much I remember every part of the night that has haunted me for years. “One party in particular was at the Kappa Alpha house. A couple of girls who I recognized from classes were there, and they called me over to sit with them. We were laughing and drinking, and it just felt so good.”
I’m still too nervous to make eye contact with Paul, so I tell my story to the side of his shirt, where my fingers clutch onto the fabric.
“A group of guys came over. And one of them was Greyson. He had his eyes on me the whole night, making me feel so…special.” I internally cringe. “When he asked me to go upstairs with him…” I shake my head, so ashamed of myself. “I was drunk, and I didn’t say no when I should have because I didn’t want those girls to think less of me. To think I was some pathetic loser. And I thought I would impress them if I went upstairs with him, so I did. I took his hand and let him lead me up the stairs to his room.”
Paul’s fingers swipe across my cheek, wiping away a single tear. He places his hand on top of mine, squeezing it for encouragement.
Reminding me he’s here and he’s not going anywhere.
“Nothing about that night felt right. I should have turned around. I should have run. But when we entered his room, he shut the door behind us, and I felt trapped. I was na?ve thinking that maybe we would just talk or…do other things, but he didn’t waste any time getting what he wanted.” Paul’s body turns into me as he pulls my body against him. “When I woke up the next morning alone in his bed, I didn’t remember much of what happened. I was naked with bruises all over my body. I couldn’t think straight, so I just grabbed my clothes and got out of that house as fast as I could, feeling so stupid and used. I told myself I would forget that night like it had never happened. But later that day, I got a text from an unknown number. It was…a video…of me and Greyson.”
This time, I can’t fight the sob that overtakes me. I press my face into Paul’s side, hiding it. His hand finds my back, rubbing slowly in a gentle circular motion.
“He sent a text that said, ‘I own you.’ I was so scared, but there was nothing I could do. No one I could go to for help. So, I spent the next couple of years trying everything I could to stay out of his sight. And as evident from the panic attack I had while running out of your room, I never stayed over at any man’s house for fear the same thing would happen again. I…never slept with anyone after Greyson until you.”
Suddenly, a thick blanket wraps around my shoulders, cocooning me in warmth. A shiver wracks through me as I continue.
“That night at the bar, on my twenty-first birthday, I think everything just hit me really hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about my parents or Greyson; all I wanted was a distraction. Just one night where I felt in control of my life again,” I say softly. “Four weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. But I had no idea who you were, and I know that was my fault.”
“Sarah—”
“No, it’s okay. I was the one insistent on not exchanging names.” I shake my head. “I met you at Natalie and Vanessa’s a week later when you tried acting all smooth.” My lips curve up at the memory, and Paul’s arm tightens around me. “Anyway, when I started my internship at LH United, I found out that Greyson is my boss’s son. And well, he…” My voice cracks when I say, “He made it perfectly clear that he’s still holding the video over my head to do with whatever he chooses.” My hand reaches for my neck, absently running my fingers along my skin.
Paul tenses. “Did he hurt you?”
I subtly nod, closing my eyes, tears dropping from my lashes.
“I’m going to kill him,” Paul grits out, his chest heaving. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
I swallow hard, sniffling, trying to calm my racing heart. “I had planned on telling you everything. I swear I did. After you invited me to that game, I thought I would tell you over dinner. I hoped we would figure everything out together. And I optimistically thought that maybe I wouldn’t have to go through all this alone anymore. But while I was waiting for you outside the locker room, Greyson found me. And he told me that I needed to stay away from you or…he was going to release the video, and he was going to make it look like it was you who released it. He said it would ruin your career in the NBA. It would ruin your life.” I bite my bottom, trembling lip. “He told me that you took something from him, so he was taking something from you. I have no idea what he was referring to, but he was so mad, Paul. There was nothing but fury in his eyes, which scared me so much.”
Finally, I look up into Paul’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Paul. I didn’t know what to do. And I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk him destroying your career because of me. And I tried so hard to stay away from you in fear of what Greyson would do, but eventually, I couldn’t fight it anymore, and I was trying to figure out how to fix everything. I was working on a plan, and I thought I could finally tell you I was pregnant once I got the video erased, but I never planned on you finding out the way you did. Everything just became too much for me and…”
A violent sob escapes me, overwhelmed at the feeling of finally telling him everything.
Absolutely everything.
Paul’s hand rubs up and down my back, but he doesn’t say anything until…