25. SARAH
My trembling hands rub the denim covering my thighs over and over again as my legs bounce in anticipation, my eyes glued to the frosted-glass door at the front of the room.
The second we woke up this morning, Paul sent his brother, Ray, a text message asking for his help. It only took thirty seconds for Paul’s phone to ring and for Ray to tell us where to meet him.
So, that’s where we find ourselves now.
Waiting in a secluded café in the Seaport district, overlooking the ocean.
My eyes wander to the large window, where I see big fluffy snowflakes falling gracefully outside. It’s a picturesque view that would make for a lovely painting. One that would surely put anyone’s anxious mind at ease.
But my mind isn’t just anxious.
It’s a riddled mess that I can’t shut off.
It’s racing with worries and dread, overthinking everything that could go wrong with asking Ray for help.
Like what if Paul’s wrong, and Ray does have to watch the video?
What will he think of me?
Will I ever be able to face him again?
What if there’s nothing Ray can do to completely destroy the video?
What if—
Paul’s hand rests on my bouncing knee, his thumb brushing the inside of my leg.
“Everything is going to be okay,” he notes reassuringly, placing a muffin and tea in front of me.
I nod, restlessly running my fingers through my hair before shoving them into my coat pockets. “You’re right. I know you are. It’s just, what if—”
Ding.
The bell above the frosted-glass door chimes, and my eyes shoot over to find Ray walking inside. He spots us quickly in the back of the café and advances toward us, brushing snow off his jacket and removing his knitted beanie.
“Hey, Ray.” Paul stands to greet his older brother, gripping his shoulder in a manly half hug.
“Have you grown since I last saw you a few weeks ago?” Ray jokes. They both laugh and as they part, Ray’s eyes meet mine. “Sarah.” He holds his arms out wide, and without thinking about it, I stand and walk into him, hugging him back.
“Thank you for meeting us here,” I murmur.
“Of course.”
We part and take our seats. Ray immediately pulls out a laptop from his bag and sets it up. He wipes the lenses of his glasses with his shirt, looking between the both of us.
“Okay. So who’s going to tell me what’s going on?”
I glance up at Paul, who looks down at me.
Paul only gave Ray vague details over the phone, letting him know there was something he needed immediately erased from someone’s devices.
He failed to mention that it was a sex tape.
And that the sex tape is mine.
Paul’s hand finds mine on the table and squeezes it lightly in encouragement.
“I will,” I say in a slight whisper. Clearing my throat, I look at Ray and tell him everything. Everything except the part about me currently being pregnant with Paul’s baby, since we decided this morning that Paul’s mom should be the first one we give the news to. But throughout the whole story, Ray remains neutral and attentive, only once letting his feelings show by clenching his jaw and closing his eyes after I admit to being blackmailed for the past few months. “Well.” I study the table before me, wrapping my arms around myself. “I think that was everything.”
Paul’s arm skates around the back of my chair, scooting me closer to his side.
“Sarah.” I glance up to find Ray staring directly at me with…pity? No, not pity. More like a deep sympathy in his golden brown eyes. “As Paul probably told you, I can’t talk about the specifics of my job. But I can say that I work in a special part of the government that, unfortunately, deals with things like this all of the time, and it’s my job to make things disappear. I’ve seen things that, well…” He hesitates before saying, “What I’m trying to say is, I want to make sure you know that what happened to you is not your fault.”
His words sucker punch me right in my gut.
I didn’t admit this to Paul, but ever since that night with Greyson, I’ve believed it was my fault.
That I should have known better.
Been more careful about who I slept with and where.
“It’s just sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I didn’t—”
“No.” Ray shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”
I nod, unable to speak, because I can feel my throat beginning to burn and tighten as I hold back the sting of tears forcing themselves upon me. These are words I’ve needed to hear for so long. I’ve blamed myself for that night when Greyson was the only person to blame.
He filmed me.
He blackmailed me.
He threatened Paul and me.
He controlled me.
But when I look at Paul, studying me cautiously, all those realizations come crashing down, and I break.
Silently, I begin to sob into my hands as Paul pulls me against his side, running his hand up and down my back, soothing me. His lips kiss the top of my head.
“Let it out,” he whispers.
I nuzzle my face into his shirt. “He t-taped me w-without me knowing,” I stutter.
Paul’s grip on me tightens. “I know. And he will pay for doing that to you. But right now, we are going to take care of the video so he can’t cause any more harm to you, okay?”
I take a deep breath, staring into Paul’s eyes.
I should have told this man everything from day one.
But I didn’t know… I didn’t know what it meant to be with someone who would turn the world upside down to take care of you.
“If this is too much, I can bring you home so Ray and I can sort the rest of everything else out,” he offers.
I shake my head. “No.” I push my hair back behind my ear. “I’m okay. I am. Really. It just hit me all of a sudden. Holding this in for so long and telling two people in less than twenty-four hours is just taking a toll on me. But in a good way, if that makes sense.”
Paul kisses my temple. “It does.”
I turn to Ray, who has been quietly watching us. “I’m sorry, Ray. I swear I’m not usually emotional.”
Ray displays a gentle smile. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.” And then, he starts typing into his computer. “I would suggest we keep the video and turn it into the authorities—”
“No,” I cut him off, adamantly shaking my head before focusing on Paul. There’s a reason I never went to the authorities about this in the first place. And I won’t be doing that now. “Please don’t make me go through that. If that’s the only evidence we have against him, then so many more eyes will watch that video. They’ll see me at my most vulnerable… I can’t go through that…I…just want the video erased. It’s his word against mine. I won’t win. It’s what so many girls have to go through all the time, fighting for control over their own lives. And I’m not…” I lower my head. “I’m not strong enough to endure that process.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “Please don’t make me.”
“Baby girl, we won’t make you do anything.” Paul’s eyes meet Ray’s, having a silent conversation before they go back to mine. “It’s your choice. Whatever you want to do, we support you and will make it happen. Letting the law punish Greyson for what he did is good in theory, but we all know how that might go. He comes from a wealthy family with plenty of connections. He’ll get off and face a community service sentence at most while you’ll have to relive that nightmare.” He shakes his head, anger in his darkening eyes. But the second they land on me, they soften. “If you don’t want the authorities to handle things, I’ll take care of him myself.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t want him to hurt you.”
His lips curve upward. “Don’t you have any faith in your man?”
I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you. And what Greyson has been doing to you…” He shakes his head as his jaw clenches. “He will suffer. I promise you that.”
I let out a shaky sigh, knowing I won’t win this one. As much as I don’t want Paul to risk getting hurt on my behalf, I know he won’t. And I know he’ll keep his promise. “Thank you.”
Ray clears his throat, bringing our attention back to him. “Okay, so his name is Greyson Black, age twenty-two, Caucasian male, who attends Linrey University. Is all of that correct?”
“Yes,” Paul answers.
I lean into Paul, feeling completely drained. But looking between these two, I’ve never felt safer.
I’ve never had people in my life who would fight my demons for me. Not since my parents died. And it feels really fucking good.
Ray continues typing until suddenly, his fingers lift from the keys. “Found him.”
“That quickly?” Paul asks.
Ray furrows his brows. “Why do you think the government pays me the big bucks? I’m the best of the best.”
“And I was starting to wonder if it was just you in the family with the big ego,” I mutter to Paul, making him smirk.
“Now,” Ray starts. “Because of the firewalls and security surrounding his system, I’m going to need to, unfortunately, take this one step further. But it should work if you’re willing to try, Paul.”
“Whatever you need me to do,” Paul responds.
“Good. Because I need you to put this chip”—he reaches into his pocket, revealing a tiny black chip—“into his computer. Do you think you can do that?”
“I thought you could access his devices from your computer? Like right now?” Paul asks, concern laced in his voice.
“Deleting things from the internet and completely erasing files from a person’s computer are two entirely different things.” Ray tilts his head. “It’s not impossible for me to eradicate everything from his computer without using this chip, but if you can insert it into his computer, it will make things much easier and smoother and save us a lot of time.”
Paul taps the table with his index finger. “Okay. We have an away game in a couple of days that we leave tomorrow for. I can try to get his computer when he’s not in his room. But then what?”
“Well, once you insert the chip, I’ll have access to everything on Greyson’s hard drive and cloud, including his phone. Any piece of technology he’s ever used will be at my fingertips.”
“But how will you know when you’ve found the right…video?” I ask fearfully, dread filling me.
Ray regards me and immediately understands my concern. “I won’t watch the video, Sarah.” His eyes move between me and Paul. “Although I will need someone to confirm it’s the right video. Would you be comfortable if it was Paul who confirmed for me?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Y-yes.”
“Think you can do that, Paul?”
Paul hesitantly nods, letting out a deep breath. “Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.”
I can feel his body tense beside me, so I reach for his face, turning his chin toward me. “You’re the only person I trust to help me with this.”
He sighs, mixed emotions filling his eyes.
“It’s just…” He runs his hand over the top of his head, appearing so overwhelmed. “It’s going to kill me to watch it. To have to watch what that asshole did to you.” He looks off to the side, appearing lost in his thoughts.
“I only need you to watch for a second or two,” Ray states. “Once Sarah is in the picture, you can shut it off and confirm with me that it’s the right file. And then, once you do, I’ll trace it to every location it’s stored in and completely erase it from existence. Greyson will never be able to get his hands on that video again.” His fingers start typing away as his eyes narrow in on his screen.
Paul nods. “I can do it.” His lips brush against my ear, and he whispers only loud enough for me to hear, “For the mother of my child, I will do anything.”
I look up, tears forming in my eyes for an entirely different reason than five minutes ago.
The mother of my child.
“All right.” Ray closes his laptop and shoves it in his bag. “It’s settled.” He focuses on Paul. “Call me when you get his computer, and I’ll walk you through the process. It should only take a matter of minutes.”
Paul nods. “Okay.”
Ray’s attention slides to me. “We will take care of this, Sarah. I promise.” He reaches across the table, squeezing my hand.
“I know you will. Thank you.”
Ray stands, adjusting his coat. “Guess the next time I’ll see you guys will be in a few weeks on Christmas.”
I open my mouth, not sure how to respond to that. I don’t want to intrude on their family Christmas, and Paul hasn’t mentioned anything to me. “I’m—”
“We’ll be there,” Paul affirms, sending warmth through my chest.
Ray smiles as he turns around and walks out of the café and into the snow that appears to be falling harder since we arrived here.
My shoulders slump as I relax into my chair, picking a piece from the muffin. It’s been a rough few days, and I’m mentally hitting a wall. “What should we do now?”
Paul tosses his head to the side, contemplating. “What would you like to do? I don’t have basketball, and I already finished my assignments for the week, so I’m free all day.”
“Hmm…” I mull a few ideas over but say, “Nothing. I want to do absolutely nothing with you.”
Paul’s lips curve up. “And what does nothing entail?”
“Blankets. Lots and lots of blankets on the couch with movies and food. Yes, definitely food. And maybe ice cream. Possibly sex.” I purse my lips, deep in thought, tapping my chin. “Definitely sex. And naps. That’s what a day of nothing means to me.”
He laughs. “That sounds like my kind of day.” He rotates his shoulders, stretching his arms. “And what movies should we watch?”
I know I will regret these words the second they leave my mouth, but after everything Paul has done for me, it’s the least I can do for him.
“I was thinking we could have a…HarryPottermarathon,” I mumble the ending, hoping he missed it.
“I’m sorry…” He positions his hand around his ear as a shit-eating grin appears on his face. “What was that?”
I sigh, closing my eyes as I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I said we could have a Harry Potter marathon.”
I open my eyes, finding Paul suppressing a smile.
“Unless, of course, you don’t want to—”
“Oh, there’s no way I’m passing this up.” He rubs his hands together gleefully.
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I figured.”
He stands up, buttoning his coat. “Please tell me you’ve at least seen the first one.”
I shrug, standing beside him. “I think I’ve seen it. It’s the one with the hobbits and the special ring, right?”
His mouth parts in horrified shock.
I nudge him with my shoulder. “Kidding. I’ve seen the first two.”
“Well, I guess that’s better than nothing.” He pulls my hat down over my ears. “You know, if we have a boy, we could—”
“Nope. No. Definitely not. We are not naming our baby Harry,” I state matter-of-factly. “It’s not happening.”
“Fine.” His glove-covered fingers intertwine with mine, leading me to the door. “What about—”
“If you say a character’s name from Star Wars, then we’re skipping the sex part of today’s activities.”
Paul quickly pretends to zip his mouth shut and throw away the key, making me laugh.
He looks down at me, his eyes gleaming. “You know me too well, baby girl.”
I shrug nonchalantly, pretending I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach from how he looks at me. “I think we just get each other.”
He opens the door for me, and I walk out into a winter wonderland. Big fluffy snowflakes fall all around us, sticking to the ends of my hair. I look up to the sky, spinning in a circle as I stick my tongue out, catching a few flakes. And when I become still, breathless from all the spinning and laughing, with the biggest smile I’ve ever worn, I glimpse at Paul, and the indescribable feeling hits me like a ton of bricks.
This is happiness.
And I know it’s all because of him—that ten-foot-tall, amazingly kind, and gentle man who would do anything to keep me safe. To make me feel cared for. To make me happy.
My arms move on their own accord, wrapping around his waist as I burrow my head into his chest.
Paul rests his chin on my head, his hands securing me to his body. “I think we do, too.”