18. To Be Known
EIGHTEEN
TO BE KNOWN
? I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys
CLIO
For the first time since the day we met, Noah says the exact right thing at the exact right time.
There’s this thing that happens when someone dies.
People want to console you and offer words of sympathy, but nobody truly knows what to say, so it’s always “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “at least she’s in a better place.
” They avoid talking about the person on a deeper level because they think it’ll hurt more to bring them up.
Nobody talks about Penny anymore, but I do. Any chance I get.
“She was incredible. Kind and vibrant. Weird in the most whimsical way. God, she had the biggest heart.”
Noah’s thumb draws lazy patterns against my palm. “Sounds like you’re describing yourself.”
“Wow. Did you give me a compliment?”
He’s just saying that. There’s no way he believes it.
“Don’t get used to it, princess.”
I expel a breath as my eyes begin to sting. “She’s the only person who ever really knew me, you know? It was just… nice to be known. If I could be half the person she was…”
Neither of us says anything for a while, but he doesn’t let me go, and I don’t try to pull away. I think I needed this. Maybe he did, too.
“So, the pennies…”
“That was all Aunt P. In the last days when she was fading away, she told me to find the lucky pennies, and that would be her sign that she’s watching over us.”
“There’s an awful lot of pennies in that jar. Seems to me she never really left you.”
And just like that, he steals my breath.
I want him. The thought is so powerful and sudden it shocks me to my very core. I want to be known by him. Intimately.
What would Aunt Penny do?
I can almost hear her now. “Sweet Clio. Why are you wastin’ time thinkin’ bout little ol’ me when you could climb that man like a tree?”
She has a point.
With my hands firmly planted on Noah’s shoulders, I push him back against the cushions and swing one leg over his lap until I’m straddling him, running my hands down his chest and staring into his ocean eyes, which are now black as coal.
“What are you doing?”
“Fuck the contract, Noah. I want you.”
I lean forward and kiss him, but he stops me before I can gain momentum. “Wait.”
“This was your idea.”
His massive palms skate up my thighs, squeezing.
“It was, and fuck, I want this, but I need to know you’re doing this for the right reasons.
We can’t fake this part, but it won’t come with strings.
No grand romantic gestures, no titles, no riding off into the sunset.
Everything that happens when we’re alone is purely for sexual gratification. ”
“Got it. We’ll just fuck it out of our systems. Just this once. No feelings.”
He threads his fingers through the hair at the base of my skull and tugs. “Make no mistake, baby. You will definitely feel things.”
“Noah?”
“Mm?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
“I like you bossy.”
His eyes dart between mine, and the air crackles for one tense moment before we collide somewhere in the middle. His mouth is hot and demanding, giving no quarter. His hands are all over me, his scent surrounding me, and I want him inside of me.
I rock forward and back, rubbing against his hard length straining beneath his sweatpants.
With steady hands, he grips my hips, guiding my motions. His mouth finds my nipple through the thin cotton of my shirt, swirling and sucking the sensitive bud. I bite down on my bottom lip, stifling a moan that comes out more like a whimper.
Noah quirks a brow at me. “So, she does know how to be quiet.”
“I hate you,” I whisper airily. My body is ready to detonate any second.
His hand travels inward, sliding beneath my leggings to find me wet and aching for him. I gasp as he slips one finger inside of me.
“Liar,” he murmurs. “You’re fucking dripping for me.”
I clench around him as he adds a second finger and crooks both digits inside of me, still guiding me with his other hand. His palm presses against my clit as I roll my hips forward and back, each movement driving me closer and closer to the peak.
“That’s my girl. Take what you need, baby. Use me up.”
His mouth descends on my neck and jaw, laying a sensuous pattern of kisses until he finds my thundering pulse and rakes his teeth over it, causing me to fall apart.
I arch my back. The orgasm tears through me like a lightning strike, sending shockwaves throughout my body. He continues to work me through it until my body shudders, and I collapse into his chest, struggling to catch my breath.
His lips press against my sweaty temple.
“Don’t. I’m gross.”
“You’re fucking perfect.”
As if to punctuate the statement, he brings his fingers to his lips and sucks my release from each one slowly, deliberately, not breaking eye contact the entire time as a low sound vibrates out of his chest.
My face flames, but I can’t look away; it’s a feat that I’m still able to breathe beneath the weight of his stare.
I’m still reeling from the intensity of the moment, and my hands take on a life of their own, drifting to the waistband of Noah’s sweats and the erection trapped between us.
“You don’t need to do that,” Noah says.
I give him my best attempt at a flirty smirk. “I want to.”
“Then you’re gonna need to give me at least five to ten minutes to recover.”
“But—”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Watching you come apart on my fingers was the single hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen. That’s all I needed.”
“You mean you...” My voice is still muffled, but he seems to get the gist.
“Yeah. I did.”
“Is it weird that I find that incredibly sexy?”
“I hope not.” He smiles. “It’d be embarrassing as fuck if you didn’t.”
My feeble heart skips a beat, and that’s when I realize I’ve just made a near-fatal mistake.
It’s my fault—he warned me this would happen and I didn’t listen. No grand romantic gestures, no titles, no riding off into the sunset.
Not only did I not fuck him out of my system, but I might’ve actually fucked him deeper. The jokes write themselves.
But it’s not too late—I’m not so far gone that I can’t still save myself.
Noah’s smile slowly fades, and his throat bobs on a swallow.
Like a rollercoaster creeping into the station at the end of the ride, I carefully climb off his lap and put some distance between us.
“Noah, I don’t think…”
He grabs a throw pillow and places it over his lap. “Yeah. I know.”
“Ok. Good. I should go.”
He nods.
“Good night then.”
“Night.”
At least it’s a short walk of shame.