34. When In Rome
THIRTY-FOUR
WHEN IN ROME
? Hold My Girl - George Ezra
CLIO
Hayden called his parents and told them he would be spending the night with a friend; he just left out the part where the friend is Lexi. I couldn’t tell them no when I know better than most just how much they need each other right now.
They talked for a long time and decided it would be best to wait to tell his parents until after the first doctor’s appointment.
I could’ve played the overbearing mom and insisted they tell them immediately, but they have a lot of decisions ahead of them, and I can’t be the one to make them.
They have to learn to stand on their own feet.
“Are you sure about this?” Noah asks as Lexi and Hayden head off to her bedroom with an extra pillow and blankets from the hall closet.
“It’s not like he’s going to get her pregnant,” I quip.
Noah lets out a half-hearted laugh. “True.”
I grab my favorite blanket off the back of the couch and drape it over my arm. “Come sit outside with me?”
“Still stealing my quiet place, princess?”
“It’s our quiet place now.”
Noah follows me out to the fire escape, and we sit side by side again the same way we did that first time.
So much has changed since then.
It’s unseasonably cold for early spring in Willow Valley, a chill seeping through my thin T-shirt. Noah takes the blanket from my hands and drapes it around my shoulders, then he rests his hand on my hip, holding me close.
Neither of us speaks, giving my mind ample opportunity to run away with me.
Lexi’s having a baby.
My baby is having a baby.
She’s still just a kid.
I was just a kid.
I could say this is my worst nightmare come to life, but it’s not. There are far worse things in this world, and in my dreams that surpass teen pregnancy, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified for her.
I did everything I could to prepare her for adulthood, but I couldn’t stop her from following in my footsteps.
“I failed her.” The words burn like acid on my tongue as tears gather behind my eyes.
Noah grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to look at him. “Listen to me. You did not fail her. You’re the reason she’s going to be ok. You are her anchor in the storm.”
My chest constricts as I stare into his blue eyes.
“Let me be your anchor now. You’ve been so strong all day, baby. Give me your burdens.”
It’s almost like my soul was waiting for permission to fall apart. And I do, but Noah’s right there to catch me as the tears come tumbling down.
“She’s so young. She has her whole life ahead of her. Now she’s going to be bogged down with diapers and formula and so much worry. God. All I did that first year was worry. All the time. Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping enough? Am I loving her enough to make up for not having a father?”
His palm runs up my back and back down in soothing strokes. “If you could talk to sixteen-year-old Clio, what would you tell her?”
“Oh god.” I let out a watery laugh. “I’d tell her to stop worrying so much, then I’d look her in the eyes and tell her what Aunt Penny told me. All you have to do is love her. Everything else will work itself out.”
“Aunt Penny was your blueprint, wasn’t she?”
“She was incredible. I wish you could’ve met her.” Fragments of the past snap into place like a complex puzzle, piecing together an image of a full, beautiful life that ended far too soon. “I miss her.”
“She would be so proud of you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” His warm breath ruffles my hair. “Because I am. You are the strongest person I’ve ever met, Clio. You’ll get through this, and we’ll help Lexi every step of the way.”
I tip my head up and steal his mouth for a lazy kiss, the salty taste of my tears dancing on my tongue.
His thumb glides over my cheekbone, and he pulls back, resting his forehead against mine.
Three words slip into my consciousness, but I don’t dare say them out loud.
Not now. I need him, and if I say it, there’s a chance he’ll vanish into thin air.
Everything is temporary, after all. So, I’ll lie to myself and hold onto these moments while I have them, because my heart is already gone, but I can’t let Noah walk away with it.
It took some convincing to get Lexi out of the house for the first time in a week. I spoke to her teachers, and we took a short leave of absence, but it’s time to get back to reality. The world isn’t going to stop turning just because we hit the pause button on our lives.
Prom is right around the corner, and we’ve procrastinated ourselves into a bit of a pickle. As my sister would say, pickles are great until you’re in one. Now we’re strolling down Second Avenue toward Wisteria Bridal in search of a prom dress at the eleventh hour.
When we arrive, my sister is already browsing the racks with both her sisters-in-law. I figured Lexi could use a hype squad, and nobody does that better than the Hayes women.
The shop is divided into sections for bridal styles, bridesmaid dresses, and formalwear.
It has an airy, almost coastal feel, with pale pink walls and driftwood accents.
Beside a row of changing rooms with curtains, there’s an alcove of mirrors with a pedestal in the center and a bank of seating facing it.
Callie instantly envelopes Lexi in a tight hug, giving me a sympathetic smile over her shoulder. She pulls back and palms Lexi’s shoulders. “I brought reinforcements.”
Angelina saunters over with a mass of flouncy fabrics draped over her arm, her baby bump leading the way.
She’s eight months into her second pregnancy and still annoyingly beautiful.
“Pastels will be perfect with your coloring.” She holds up a yellow floral dress and zhuzhes Lexi’s blonde hair. “See? Stunning.”
Lexi musters a smile and rubs the fabric between her fingers. Her gaze flicks to Angie’s bump, and she swallows. “It’s pretty, but I was kind of thinking purple.”
“Say less,” Angelina says. “Consider us your fairy godmothers for the day.”
Across the room, Olivia holds up a beautiful, sparkly lavender number. “What do we think of this one?”
Lexi scrunches her nose.
Olivia laughs and places it back onto the rack. “This is why Angelina’s here. She’s the fashionable one.”
A slender blonde woman in black slacks and a white button-down approaches with her best customer service smile in place. “Welcome to Wisteria Bridal. Is there anything I can help you with today?”
Angelina steps forward and takes charge. “Would you mind starting a changing room for my niece?”
The casual statement tugs at my heartstrings.
For the longest time, it was just Aunt Penny and us.
Now Lexi has a whole family at her side.
Knowing they’ll be there to support us through the pregnancy makes the weight of it easier to bear.
Callie already knows, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave Olivia and Angelina a heads up, too. I don’t mind—I trust them implicitly.
The employee takes one of the purple satin gowns from Angelina’s pile and strides to the back of the store.
“Lex! What about this one?” Olivia holds up another purple dress; this time it’s a lavender floral fit and flare.
Lexi’s face lights up with a genuine smile—the first one I’ve seen all day.
We sift through the racks and come up with six or seven dresses in various shades of purple. Angelina carries them to the changing room and gestures for Lexi to head inside.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.
“No, I’m good.”
Callie, Angelina, and Olivia take a seat on a nearby settee, but I’m too hyper to sit still. It’s like a thousand tiny sparks are firing under my skin, so I pace back and forth in front of the curtains, wringing my hands.
“Sit down,” Callie hisses. “You’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”
I blow out a harsh breath, puffing out my cheeks.
“Mom.” Lexi’s head pokes out of the curtain. “Can you help me with the zipper?”
Oh, thank god.
I slip inside and draw the curtain closed behind me, stopping dead in my tracks when I see Lexi in the first dress. It’s stunning, don’t get me wrong, but there’s something about seeing my baby girl looking all grown up that has me all choked up.
“Do not cry.” She narrows her eyes at me. “I’ll kick you out and call Kiki in here instead.”
“I can’t help it. You look beautiful, Lex.” I motion for her to turn around and tug the zipper up. “Let’s not keep your aunties waiting.”
There’s a collective gasp as Lexi strides into the showroom, the gossamer fabric swishing around her as she steps onto the pedestal. She does a half turn one way, then the other. Her expression gives nothing away.
Never one to hold back her opinion, Angelina rubs her hand over her belly and says, “I think we can do better. It’s pretty, but it’s not my favorite.”
Lexi agrees and disappears behind the curtain. She rejects the second dress outright, and the third joins the first on the maybe pile.
By the fourth dress, I’ve managed to settle my nerves and join them on one of the settees.
Callie’s showing me pictures of the twins in their matching cowboy boots when sobs drift through the curtain.
My heart lurches, and I slip inside the changing room where Lexi’s curled up in the corner with a satin dress pooling around her.
I kneel in front of her, placing my palms on her knees. “What’s wrong?”
“The d-dress doesn’t fit. I c-can’t get the zipper up.”
“Oh, sweetheart. We can get a bigger size.”
“It’s my belly. Everybody’s gonna see, and then they’ll know I’m p-pregnant.”
I roll my lips together to stifle a laugh. “Lex, honey. You’re not even showing yet. I can assure you, nobody will know. It’s possible you’re a little bloated, but sometimes clothes are just made small.”
“This was my favorite one,” she murmurs, wiping away her tears.
“Then we’ll get you a bigger size.”
I help her stand and take off the dress, then peek out the curtain and call for Callie. “Can you get this one in a size eighteen instead?”
She takes the dress from my outstretched hand. “Of course. Is she ok?”
“She will be.”