Chapter 22 #2
Ellie was a ball of nerves as she stood in front of Loyal’s door.
She hated that Cairo had cast this confusion over her life.
If there was only one heart on the table, she would choose her wants every time, but her daughters held first consideration over her life.
Their needs would always trump her wants.
Cairo’s revelation had blown her mind. She had wished for this so many times that now that it had come true, it felt like a curse.
Ellie was walking around, opening presents, and exchanging pleasantries with loved ones, when deep down, there was a war going on in her soul.
She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what the right decision was.
She knew what to expect from Cairo. Staying would be comfortable.
It would be familiar. If she moved on with Loyal, she would be in unchartered territory.
Taking that risk was petrifying. She was intimidated by the unknown.
Loyal opened the door, and she was stunned to find a little boy in his arms. It was such a conviction of love.
“Merry Christmas, E. I want you to meet my son, Zion,” Loyal said as he looked down lovingly at the toddler in his arms.
Her heart was storming. This was good faith.
This was effort. This introduction was him including her in the most important role he served in his life.
She had wondered when she would meet his son.
He had met her children. He had bonded with her father and was in business with her brother.
Meeting his son made her feel special, like he was adding some meat and potatoes to their emotional bond.
“Hi, Zion, Merry Christmas,” she sang, smiling half-heartedly because she was aching inside.
“Come on in,” he invited.
“Is Tisa here?” she asked.
“Nah, she left after we opened presents with him. We agreed that she gets him Christmas Eve. I get Christmas Day,” he informed.
“Oh,” was all she had to offer.
“Can you say hi to Ellie, man?” Loyal asked.
He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her lips.
He felt so carefree. Daddy mode was extremely attractive on Loyal.
He was typically assertive and calculating, but just the presence of Zion softened him.
“Where are the girls? I got gifts for them.”
“They stayed home. I had to do the Friendsmas exchange with the girls, so I went there first,” Ellie informed.
Zion reached for her, and she beamed as she took him from Loyal’s arms.
“You want to play with my toys?” Zion’s little voice tap danced on her ovaries. It was the sweetest sound.
She looked at Loyal in shock. “Wow, he’s a big boy. He speaks so well.”
Loyal grinned like the proud papa he was.
“Yeah, I never talked to him like he was a baby. Tisa and I agreed on that. We read to him from the time he was born, we don’t fuck with the screen time, lots of interaction.
He’s so smart, and I enjoy teaching him.
My mom said I was non-verbal until I was three, so I wanted to make sure my son could speak.
I caught up eventually, but it was a fear of mine when Tisa had him. ”
“Well, I am too in love to speak to him like a grown man. He’s just too cute not to get a little baby talk,” Ellie cooed as she tickled Zion’s tummy.
The little brown baby was the spitting image of his father, and he giggled endlessly as Ellie played with him.
His little chubby cheeks, and bright, inquisitive eyes were so adorable, and the curly hair on his head was tamed by two braids.
“He likes you,” Loyal said.
“I like him too,” Ellie replied. She was a bit emotional because love was supposed to feel just like this.
Loyal had mastered it. It was so easy that she sometimes had to stop herself from waiting for catastrophe.
She was on pins and needles with him, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she was slowly realizing that he simply was who he said he was.
Zion wiggled out of her arms, and she freed him, placing him on his feet.
“Come over here!” Zion yelled. She followed him to the tree where he sat.
Open wrapping paper was strewn everywhere, and more toys than one child could play with were all over the place.
She sat and played with Loyal’s son while he watched them from the couch.
“Confirmation like a mu’fucka,” Loyal mumbled, barely audible, as he shook his head.
“What are you talking about over there?” Ellie asked, without taking her focus from Zion.
She glanced up at him. “What?” she asked.
“Nothing, man,” he replied, still shaking his head with a ghost of a smile on his lips. “How long I got you for? Robert and Mom Dukes are hosting dinner. My family will be there. Is it too much, too fast, to ask you to join me?”
“Maybe that might be a little fast,” Ellie stammered.
“Can we start here? With Zion? I don’t want to keep you from your family.
You and Zion should go. Papa does Chinese food and Christmas movies on Christmas Day.
We sit around in pajamas and watch the classics.
Christmas Story, Home Alone… I really shouldn’t miss that.
I haven’t been home in four years, so I owe him a few movies,” Ellie chuckled.
“I didn’t want to not see you, though. I really needed to feel you. ”
Something in her tone made him take a deeper look, and he got down on the floor with her and his son. “I ain’t made you feel nothing yet, so it’s definitely not time to leave,” Loyal whispered in her ear, while kissing the side of her face discreetly. “What you need to feel, E?”
She was breathless. His emotional intelligence was magnificent, but their physical connection was like a pulse that filled every room they both occupied.
“I tried so hard to ration my feelings for you, Loyal,” she confessed. “This is damn dangerous. We’re doing 100 mph in a 35-mph zone, and I’m like, gripping the door handles from the passenger seat.”
“If I’m in the driver seat, you can rest easy, E,” Loyal said.
This power of a human being was so loving to her.
He knew the strength of his dominance enough to know when not to use it.
The intimacy of these sweet nothings in her ear, of the subtle nudges and kisses.
Ellie loved it here. “Zion, hand Daddy the red box under the tree,” Loyal said, pointing to its location.
Zion’s little body climbed under the branches and retrieved the box. “This one?” He asked.
“That’s the one. You want to give it to Ellie? That’s her gift from Santa,” Loyal said.
Zion’s little legs carried him over to her, and he handed her the box. “What is it? What is inside of there, Ellie?” The way he said her name was too cute not to laugh.
“We working on them Ls,” Loyal snickered.
Ellie laughed and reluctantly accepted the box. “I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts, Loyal. I’m not prepared for this.”
Loyal rubbed his lips. “I only want one thing; you ain’t even got to wrap it,” he flirted.
She blushed, and her body reacted to him.
The power of a man when a woman actually liked him was miraculous.
All it took was one word, a simple look, hell, sometimes just a thought, and her body turned on.
It was something she had struggled with in her relationship with Cairo.
He never took the time to heat her oven.
He just wanted to put the dish in with the touch of one button.
He was a lazy and unprepared cook. Loyal was a sous chef.
“Do you want to help me open it?” Ellie asked.
“Yes, please,” Zion answered. She pulled him into her lap and allowed Zion to snatch the intricately wrapped paper and bow off.
She opened the box and frowned at the key that sat on top of a QR code.
“What is this?” she asked.
“It’s a key, silly,” Zion answered. She rubbed the top of his head and then reached inside her purse to retrieve her cell phone. When she scanned the code, a home listing popped up, only it was marked: SOLD. Her eyes fluttered up at him in disbelief.
“It’s a five-bedroom. I got it in Bloomfield because I figured you’d want a suburban feel.
If I’m wrong, you can sell it, and you can choose a different area.
It should be enough space for you and the girls,” he said.
“Everything’s updated. It’s not a new build because I’m a contractor who loves the quality of homes built before the year 2000, but it’s been completely redone inside. Old bones, new guts.”
Ellie was washed in a sense of overwhelm. This was too much for her. He was too good for her. He was so sure, and she was everything but certain.
“There’s one more thing,” he informed. He stood and walked over to the mantle to retrieve a manila envelope. He handed it to her. Tears were imminent, but she was fighting them off tooth and nail.
“It’s ten percent of the partnership that Cass and I are starting. I’m gifting you ten of my shares,” he stated.
“I can’t accept this,” Ellie whispered, eyes brimming with disbelief, but most of all with sorrow. “Loyal!”
“E, we ain’t got to do this dance. Let me give you what you deserve,” Loyal said. “Ain’t no strings. Your name is on everything.”
Ellie shook her head, moving Zion from her lap gently, and then standing to her feet. “I can’t…” She felt wetness hit her cheeks and saw Loyal’s confusion all over his face.
“Elliot, talk to me,” Loyal said, following her to the kitchen, out of earshot from his son, but within eyesight.
He was calm. Every time she was a different version of her neurotic self, he was patient.
She appreciated his ability to stay levelheaded even when she was being insane.
Cairo had never done that. Their arguments would escalate every time because Cairo matched her energy instead of allaying it.
“Whatever you’re telling yourself we can’t have, I promise you, we can.
It don’t matter what I got to do to make it happen.
You don’t like the house? The location? What? ”
“The house is beautiful,” Ellie sighed. “It’s perfect. You’re…you showed up in my life too early, Loyal. I’m not ready for you. I’m damaged, and you aren’t the one who broke me. I’ve got to deal with the person who broke me before I can go into something like this with you. It’s not fair to you.”
“Fuck we talking about here, E?” Loyal asked, brow bent. “What you mean you got to deal with that nigga?” Loyal didn’t mince words. He wanted to be clear, and she couldn’t lie to him. He didn’t deserve anything less than the truth.
Ellie held onto the edge of the counter and bowed her head.
Her chin quivered. I just met this man. This can’t be this hard, she thought.
Only it was this hard. It was impossible.
She was about to throw her life off course.
She felt it. The possibility of what life could look like with Loyal was beautiful.
It sat just on the horizon; all she had to do was keep putting one foot in front of the other.
She had to grow. She had to move forward.
But her past was calling her. She had time invested with Cairo, and what if…
What if they could really repair and make things work?
It was too much invested to not try. Right?
“Cairo came by the house last night. He wants to work things out,” Ellie could barely choke out the words. She saw them land viciously, and his entire body stiffened. He went from caring to indifferent in seconds.
He looked down at his son and then up at her. This was hurting him. She could tell. He was too stubborn to show it, but his eyes gave him away.
“What do you want?” Loyal demanded. Patience gone. He was angry, and she couldn’t even blame him.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “But I do know that my girls need their father. They deserve parents who fight to make it work for them. If I can give that to them...” She couldn’t even finish the sentence because it hurt.
Loyal nodded. “I can’t have this conversation in front of my son,” Loyal stated.
He wanted to yell. He wanted to escalate the shit. Ellie wished he could feel her heart right now. This wasn’t easy for her. It was breaking her inside.
“I’m sorry.” If her sorrow was a measure of her regret, then it was infinite. Her heart shattered more and more as every second passed. His silence was punishment. She hated it. Finally, he said,
“Yeah, me too.” He turned his back to her and went back to Zion. “You should get back to your family.”
“Please don’t hate me,” she whispered.
He looked at her with the eyes of a stranger. It was like he was bumping into her at the mall. “How can I hate you? I don’t even fucking know you, Elliot.” Not E. Not even Ellie. Just Elliot. Damn.
She stifled the sob that tried to escape from her lips because she didn’t want to alarm his son.
She couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Ellie barely made it to the hallway before she broke down.
She knew that she was giving up something special with Loyal, but she also knew if she didn’t, her daughters would be giving up something greater.
They needed Cairo more than she needed Loyal.
If anyone had to sacrifice, it would be her.
She and Loyal had just crossed paths at the wrong time, but in the short time she had known him, he had completely transformed her expectation of love.
Now, she had a standard. She just wasn’t sure anyone else would be able to live up to it.